


Until I Met You

by lemon_amethyst



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Chaptered, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:50:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 98,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_amethyst/pseuds/lemon_amethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark didn't like people too much, especially his co-workers in the publishing company where he worked at.<br/>One day, when his boss hired a new employee, he couldn't help but change his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This story sit in my head for a long time now and I was afraid I won't write it anytime soon because I'm so lazy recently... But I have to write it!
> 
> English is not my first language! Sorry in advance for any mistakes! ;;  
> I hope you'll like it!
> 
>  
> 
> *crossposted from my aff account*

     Mark knew something was up when he came into the office of the rather small advertisement department on Tuesday morning in the publishing company where he worked at. The atmosphere was strange and everyone was whispering eagerly, making Mark a bit curious, but also uncomfortable at the same time. _He wasn't a subject of their gossiping, right?_

    "Did you hear that a new coworker was hired in our department? He'll be here today!" Mark heard a conversation of his female coworkers, when he was sitting by the desk, pulling out his cell phone from the bag and turning on his laptop. The women were whispering among each other, but Mark heard them anyway. "He's a nephew of our manager! I heard he's really handsome!" They squealed excitedly, before one of them gasped with surprise or _even horror_ , making Mark raise his head to see what made them so scared. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest when he did so, as his eyes met with another man's brown orbs, who was stooping to the level of Mark's head slightly, a charming smile on his face. Mark immediately stood up from his armchair, causing it to drive away into the middle of the office, with a loud rattle of its plastic wheels, as the stranger chuckled, bringing his palm to his mouth and covering his smile.

    "I'm sorry, are you Mark Tuan?" The stranger's smooth voice resounded and Mark looked around, startled, _is he really talking to me?_

    "Y-yes, why?" He answered with his usual quiet voice, as he rubbed his arm nervously. He didn't like to talk with people, it made him anxious.

    "I'm Park Jinyoung," He bowed slightly, before continuing, "My uncle- I mean my new boss told me to find you to show me my desk and all" He said with a hint of shyness in his voice, as he blinked at him, waiting for a response or for any reaction. But all Mark did was stare at the man, unable to do or say anything. His new coworker was dressed elegantly; he was wearing a white fitted shirt with a black tie and the dark denim jeans. Mark's eyes were just travelling around his face, admiring it silently, when his manager came up to them, placing a hand on his and Jinyoung's shoulder, smiling.

    "Mark-ssi, I see you met my nephew already." He smiled, "He will be working with us now and, please, show him around the office a bit," Mark nodded, avoiding eye contact with them, as the man turned to Jinyoung, "You'll take the desk just beside Mark-ssi, since it's free now. Now come with me, you must sign the documents." The manager announced, dragging his new subordinate to his office hurriedly and explaining some things to him, making Jinyoung nod from time to time. Mark stood frozen in front of his desk, as his coworkers stared at him with interest, a soft murmur resounded when the doors of the manager's office closed behind them. Mark was too stunned to notice; he was busy trying to comprehend the situation he found himself in. He couldn't help but feel his stomach churned with nervousness at the new duty assigned to him by his boss. It was the worst he could imagine; He would prefer to work overtime throughout the month than show round the new employee at the office. Mark swallowed, as he sat on the armchair, his palms sweating like crazy. It was supposed to be another boring day at work, but he was sure that from now on nothing will be like before.

 

    Mark hated to meet new people. He had some troubles with talking with new people and he doesn't show any interest in changing this habit. His behavior wasn't always like this, but because of one incident in his high school, which caused him to change schools, made his faith in people almost nonexistent. Mark prefers to be self-sufficient now, keeping himself away from the ( _fake_ ) people. He doesn't feel the need to make friends, especially at work. _Sure_ , he had some friends along his 27 years of life; they came and go over the years, but one true friend remained - Jaebum is his best friend since Mark was seven years old.

 

    When Jinyoung took care of all his matters with manager and returned to the office, Mark immediately got up, seeing him approaching from the end of the hallway. Mark's heart started to beat quickly, as he threw an awkward smile in the direction of his new coworker and gestured to follow him, to which Jinyoung quickened his pace and caught up with him obediently.

    Mark was almost running while he showed Jinyoung the most important places in the company as they were walking through the hallways, Jinyoung a few steps behind him. His guts were tightened and limbs were trembling from nerves, but from the outside he looked grumpy. He felt like he haven't talked so much in years (excluding a few people he knew; his parents, Jaebum and his boss), even though he didn't compose full sentences and responded in monosyllables to Jinyoung's potential questions. Mark knew he didn't make a good impression on his new coworker; his cold and stand-offish aura radiated from him for at least a dozen meters, but Mark didn't try to pretend. He didn't trust people and didn't like them at all - and he wasn't going to make an exception for Jinyoung.

 

    He hated the awkward first meetings and getting acquainted with people he didn't know. The main reason was that he hated talking about himself, because he genuinely thought that he wasn't an interesting person. He hadn't a exciting life, nor a hobby which he would talk with a passion. He was aware of the people who asked him all those questions didn't even care for the answer or what he'll say, because they were asking out of politeness. _Just like Jinyoung_. Since nodding and shaking a head were Mark's two favorite and most used movements to all of his coworkers, Jinyoung seemed to not be bothered by his behavior. 

 

    It's been three days since Jinyoung started to work in the company. To Mark's relief, Jinyoung wasn't talkative person. Even though they were sitting next to each other for 8 hours a day, cubicle by cubicle, he wasn't pestering him with too much questions about his life, but they still exchanged a few words between each other about work or a software with which Jinyoung had troubles in managing. Sometimes Jinyoung talked a bit about himself; Mark learned a few things about his new coworker if he wanted or not. Jinyoung was fired from his previous job and he had problems with catching another one. His uncle found out about this and offered him a job in a publishing company, a small advertisement department, where about a 15 people worked at. He agreed. As simple as that.

    "How long do you work here?" Jinyoung asked one day, when they were eating lunch at their desks. The majority of their coworkers left to the company's cafeteria and a couple of them stayed to finish their work or to take a nap, leaning on their desks, on closed laptops.

    "It will be three years now" Mark answered, his eyes fixed on his sandwich, trying hard to ignore Jinyoung's presence, but on the inside, he was still nervous and felt a bit uncomfortable sitting beside him. He always ate his lunch alone here or on the rooftop so he had to get used to another change in his schedule, spending his lunch with another person who was a complete stranger to him. 

    "Ah, I see" Jinyoung said with a smile, as his eyes closed in the process, a subtle crow's feet appearing around them, "Do you always eat here?" he asked and Mark couldn't help but admit that his voice was quite nice. The smooth and gentle tone that he spoke with made him calm, that he almost missed the question.

    "Yeah, why?" Mark answered, trying to sound casual about the matter, and he hoped that Jinyoung won't ask about it further. It wasn't a secret to Jinyoung that he had no friends in this company. _Everyone could see that._

    "Um, no, nothing," The younger replied with a hint of uneasiness in his voice, touching the back of his neck. He looked troubled, just like he asked something he shouldn't. Mark smiled bitterly, and just wanted to say that he _doesn't have to spend his lunches with him, that he can go and eat with the others-,_  when Jinyoung continued, interrupting his train of thought. "I heard a lot about you from my uncle, Mark-ssi." _Well, that was something new._

    "You did?" Mark asked, tilting his head in confusion, as his eyes narrowed, because he was suspicious of what he would talk about him.

    "My uncle said that I should stick with you, because you're the most qualified to explain me everything, besides you're a nice and hard working man." 

    "I-it's nice to hear that, but I'm, actually, s-surprised?" Mark stuttered a bit, the embarrassment showed on his cheeks suddenly, as he lowered his head again to look at his messy desk. Jinyoung smiled at him warmly and tilted his head on the side with confusion.

    "Why, though? I heard you even stay longer at work sometimes and help with commissions," He leaned in slightly and Mark suddenly felt the scent of Jinyoung's cologne. 

    "Ah, t-that's because I like to have my work finished..." He answered, trying to get away from the younger as fast as possible, because he started to like his scent and it _terrified him_. "And it's better to stay here, than at home sometimes."

    "Oh?" Jinyoung frowned slightly hearing Mark's quiet voice, then he straightened his back on the chair, as his eyes gazed into Mark's with curiosity, "Um, I guess asking why would be too rude?" He brought his hand on his neck again, rubbing it slightly. 

    "No, no," Mark waved his hands, "It's just- my friend's girlfriend stays over a lot lately... so, yeah." He said with a slight smile, before he reached out to pick up a cup of coffee from his desk and taking a sip of it. His eyes were avoiding Jinyoung's piercing ones, because suddenly the younger's presence made him feel weird.

    "Ah! I understand," Jinyoung chuckled, moving a bit away from his personal space, making Mark breathe a sigh of relief inaudibly. "I actually moved out of an apartment because of the same reason, I live with my girlfriend now. Do you have a girlfriend?" _Oh, how Mark hated those questions._ His mood drastically dropped.

    "No," Mark answered curtly, as his fist clenched on his knees. He knows too well what question will appear next.

    "Why?" 

    "I don't know," Mark shrugged, taking another sip of his coffee, while his guts tightened with nervousness. Even though Mark knew exactly why he doesn't have a girlfriend, he had no intentions of confiding his secrets to Jinyoung. Mark won't commit the same mistake he committed in the past again. _The secrets will remain secrets._ Jinyoung seemed to be surprised at Mark's response, his eyes widened and his eyebrows raised to his forehead, before he nodded indulgently a warm smile spreading on his features again.

    "Okay, the lunch break is almost over," he suddenly changed the topic, "Would you help me with this program real quick? I think I forgot how to operate it, my brain relaxed too much." He laughed, as Mark raised his head at the nice sound of the younger's laugh. He nodded, feeling a weird sensation spreading in his chest, as his eyes gazed at Jinyoung's handsome face. Hearing the sound of his laugh and seeing the happy face of his coworker made his anxiety evaporating from his system immediately.

 

* * *

 

    When Jinyoung saw Mark for the first time in the morning on his first day at work a few days ago, he would admit to himself that the elder was intimidating. His aura was cold and mysterious; instead of a smile, a straight line was showing on his handsome face. Although Jinyoung had no problems in meeting new people, it would be a challenge to him to approach Mark judging by his indifferent attitude. _It would be_ , if he hadn't learned a thing or two about Mark from his uncle beforehand. 

    Jinyoung's uncle - _his new boss_ \- praised Mark a lot before Jinyoung started to work in the company. In his opinion, Mark is a highly efficient and competent employee, but as a person he is too introverted for his own good. Even though he's a nice man, he doesn't get along with the rest of the employees in their advertisement department. He eats his lunch alone every day and works alone; he interacts with others only when it's the only way to get his errands done successfully.

    Jinyoung honestly thought that Mark Tuan must be an exceptionally asocial man, _or his uncle is just exaggerating everything again._ _How is it possible for a grown, 27 year old man to be this shy?_

 

    After spending a few days with Mark, he realized that his uncle was right after all. Mark Tuan had every trait his uncle listed, but Jinyoung mentally attached to him other features - clumsy, helpful, honest and even witty. In fact, he wasn't a person with heart on his sleeve, Jinyoung was perceptive. _Well_ , maybe he shouldn't stare at the elder too much (it would be pretty embarrassing if someone noticed it), but he found himself being exceptionally intrigued by Mark. There was something about him what make Jinyoung want to take care of him, even though Mark was older than him.

 

    Jinyoung felt a bit awkward around his new coworkers; their reactions when he said that he's blood related to their manager were rather hilarious. At first they were stiff and didn't know how to make a decent conversation with him, trying hard not to complain about the job or the employer. But after exchanging a few words, they relaxed and were able to joke with him. 

    When Jinyoung had a moment to spare, a few of his coworkers surrounded him, making him feel uncomfortable. He was afraid they will bully him or something, because of that he got the job because of the connections, not because of his qualifications, but his fear was baseless. Four of them (Jackson, Youngjae, Yugyeom and Bambam - Jinyoung was good at remembering the names) turned out to be very nice and funny guys. Jinyoung thought that he would be able to make friends with them without a problem.

     _He couldn't feel at ease just yet_ , because the one he worried about the most now was Mark and what their coworkers thought of him. 

 

    "I feel sorry for you! It must be hard working beside Mark Tuan all day!" Bambam cried, as he approached Jinyoung, who was standing by the water dispenser in the hallway a few days after his first day. The younger was with Jackson and Yugyeom, their mocking laugh resounded in the place. They seemed to be a polite guys when Jinyoung met them, but now their behavior made him slightly angry, his tight-lipped smile appeared on his face as he tried to calm himself by drinking water from the plastic cup.

    "It's not, why do you think so?" He asked, being genuinely interested in that matter. Mark doesn't bother anyone sitting at his desk and doing his job, w _hy others would laugh at him?_ Jinyoung unknowingly turned his eyes across the office on Mark, who was now collecting some documents in the folder carefully, his fingerprints grazing on the pages, like he was pointing to the line he was currently reading.

    "He's weird! He doesn't talk with anyone! I have goosebumps just thinking what is going on in his head!" Jackson answered before Bambam, wrapping his arms around himself and shrugging in a joking gesture. He laughed after a second, but Jinyoung's anger grew and his fist clenched. _How can they be that ignorant and talking shit about people they doesn't even want to learn about?_ He sighed, trying to ease his anger a bit.

    "No, he's really nice, you're exaggerating. He's just not talkative."

    "I talked with him once and it was like talking to a wall, really," Jackson stubbornly tried to prove his point, causing Jinyoung to shake his head with displeasure in his direction, what made him continue, this time in more soft and pleasant tone, "But, he's not that bad, I guess."

    "Of course he isn't bad, hyung," Youngjae approached the group from behind, walking up to the water dispenser and pouring himself a cup of cold water, making Jinyoung gasp softly at his quiet entry in their gossip bubble. "Remember when he helped you with this important commission last year? That was a sacrifice of his precious time-"

    "I remember, but still, he has a weird aura around himself!" Jackson exclaimed, his face flushed with embarrassment and Jinyoung couldn't help, but smile. _Mark was a really incredible person._

    Initially, Jinyoung started to work in the company because of moral reasons ( _he couldn't sit at his apartment and be dependent on his girlfriend, right?_ ) and to make some money, but he realized, quite by accident, he found himself a mission - _to befriend Mark and protect him._ He wanted everyone to notice what a great guy Mark is. Jinyoung wasn't entirely sure why he felt like this towards the elder, but it was the only way to make his heart feel at ease. 


	2. Two

    A week passed since Jinyoung started to work in their company. It's been a week since Jinyoung is messing Mark's life by talking to him a lot and eating lunch with him every day. Mark would be lying if he said he didn't like the younger's company.  
      
    To his surprise, he actually started to like Jinyoung. Not like, _very much_ , but Jinyoung wasn't as annoying as the rest of his coworkers and was kind of likeable. Mark noted that he feels relaxed in Jinyoung's company and it was a rare feeling when it comes to relationships with newly met people. He was a person who doesn't make friends quickly, but with Jinyoung he found a common language very fast. Jinyoung seemed to be a nice person, he doesn't discourage himself when Mark doesn't answer his question with full sentences and most importantly he is very patient with him. Mark's heart is going crazy every time when the younger gaze at him, waiting for whatever Mark has to say, making him even more flustered and nervous. But the feeling wasn't irritating to him at all. The warmness was spreading in Mark's chest every time he felt Jinyoung's eyes on him and the smell of his wood scented perfume invading his nose suddenly started to become like an air to him. The gentle touch of Jinyoung's fingerprints when he wanted to draw attention to himself and detach Mark from work, asking for help with computer software left a burning sensation on his skin, the touch lingered on it for far too long.

    But Mark didn't like Jinyoung too much. _Only a tiny bit_.

    Mark noticed Jinyoung talking with a group of his new colleagues on the other side of the office when he went to the copy machine to copy some documents for his monthly report. Pretending to be busy standing in front of the photocopier and watching how the paper sheets coming out of it and arrange themselves, he heard Jinyoung's melodious laugh and his heart sank immediately. It wasn't like he was jealous that the younger left Mark in the corner of the room and found himself new friends ( _because it wasn't the case at all_ \- he told himself), it was just that he wanted to make Jinyoung laugh like this too. He sighed with disappointment, as his shoulders fell in defeat. 

    "What are you doing?" Jinyoung suddenly was standing behind him, leaning his body on Mark's back and whispering in his ear, making him flinch as his warm breath tickled his earlobe. Mark swallowed, as the embarrassment found its way to his cheeks, reddening them furiously. Jinyoung chuckled at his reaction as he pulled back from him, giving him some space to breathe.

    "I'm finishing my monthly report..." The elder answered, still standing frozen in his spot. His heart was beating like crazy, the thought of their close proximity a second ago sends shiver down Mark's spine. Jinyoung nodded awkwardly, as his eyes darted from Mark's face to the copy machine in front of them, the two of them remained silent for a moment before Jinyoung asked:

    "The lunch time is near, would you go with us to the cafeteria?" His voice was hesitant and he rubbed the back of his neck, as Mark stared at him with a lifted eyebrows. The question surprised him, before he realized what it meant. He felt a pang in his heart, _of course he will eat together with his new friends from now on._  

    "No, I think I'm good." Mark answered with no hesitation, as his eyes dropped on the paper sheets he was currently holding. Jinyoung handed him an empty briefcase with a pout on his face.

    "Why? Make an exception for once!" The frown on his face grew, while Mark sighed, arranging documents in a briefcase diligently. Mark was an awfully stubborn person.

    "No, I don't want to, I'm busy anyway, I have to finish my work." He made an impromptu lie, but he knew Jinyoung didn't believe that. _Who would be such a crazy person and work through the lunch break?_ Certainly not Mark, who loved to eat, what wasn't visible by his lean silhouette though. And Jinyoung knew that by now.

    "Okay, then. I won't force you." Jinyoung sighed, sending a sad smile in his direction, before he left the room and leaving Mark alone. He didn't know why, but seeing his face just now, sad and disappointed made his guts tighten with remorse. _Should he feel sad for rejecting his proposition? Was he too rude? Did he make Jinyoung feel bad? What if Jinyoung won't talk to him again?_ Mark's mind flooded with questions and he felt even worse. 

 

    Entering the roof of the company's building with a cup of coffee in his right hand and a wrapped sandwich in the other, Mark sat on an old dilapidated bench, on which the paint had descended a long time ago. Being away from his coworkers or away from any human being, calmed him. He liked to spend his lunch breaks here, closing his eyes and feeling the wind ruffling his hair, while he could relax himself and feeling how all the troubles are pushed away in the dark corners of his brain. _Not this time, though._ The disappointed face expression of Jinyoung was still before his eyes, when his phone rang abruptly, suddenly dispelling it.

    He looked at the screen and answered without hesitation seeing the name on it, while his face contorted with worry.

    "Jaebum, something happened?" He asked, not letting his friend say anything. Jaebum never calls during working hours and him calling now made Mark a bit  worried.

    "No, why? Is there your new friend beside you? Did I interrupt something?" Jaebum chuckled, as Mark's cheeks flushed. Fortunately, Jaebum doesn't see his embarrassed face, because he would surely tease him about it. Mark mentioned Jinyoung a few times while talking with him, but his friend thinks that Mark has a crush on him or something, _which wasn't true_ , but Jaebum doesn't believe it.

    "No, Jaebum, I'm alone-"

    "Why? You had a fight?" Jaebum wasn't too talkative, but he loved to tease Mark about his love life, so he knew that he won't leave him alone anytime soon without knowing everything about the relationship between his best friend and his coworker. Mark sighed, touching the bridge of his nose.

    "Jaebum, please, give me a break, I'm tired-"

    "Oh, okay, but be careful of what you're saying, I know you can be mean to people. You need him." Jaebum said, his tone of voice suddenly serious. Mark's brows furrowed as he tilted his head to the side in confusion.

    "What do you mean?"

    "From what I learned about him from you, he's a nice person and obviously wants to be your friend, so go for it. You're too stubborn, let him in and don't think about past, hyung." Mark hated when Jaebum brought up his past. Even though it was a long time ago, it still haunted him to this day. He tried so hard to not show his anger through the phone, he knew it wasn't Jaebum's fault for his wrong life decisions. He took a deep breath and changed the subject.

    "Okay, so why are you calling, again?" He heard his best friend chuckle quietly, realizing that Mark doesn't want to talk about it, so he didn't pry the matter further.

    "Well, I'm going to the cinema with Jiyeon today, I wanted to ask if you'll go with us? You can bring your friend Jinyoung, too" Mark shook his head, hearing his best friend's question. _Why does he have to always mention him?_

    "You know the answer already" Mark said calmly, as he took a sip of his almost cold coffee. 

    "I hate you." Jaebum laughed in defeat and Mark smiled. He had no idea why Jaebum still put up with his shit. _He was glad he has Jaebum._

    "I know" Mark was grinning from ear to ear, before Jaebum hung up, leaving him alone once again.

 

* * *

 

    Jinyoung couldn't find Mark. After asking him to eat with their coworkers and him rejecting the offer, Jinyoung had no intentions of leaving Mark alone after all. They didn't see each other for a few hours, so Jinyoung had no idea where the elder went. So now, he was walking through the company's hallways and looking around for familiar light brown mop of hair. It must've looked like he was in a hurry, because when he meet his boss on the way, he grabbed his sleeve and stopped him, asking what is happening. 

    Of course, his uncle knew where Mark could be now - _on the roof of the company._  

    Jinyoung rushed there without any hesitation, but when he had to grab the handle of the repealed already metal door leading to the roof, he suddenly felt embarrassed. _Why would he care where he eats? Maybe Mark wants to be alone?_ It's not like Jinyoung is his guardian or anything. _Maybe Mark thinks he's annoying?_ He was not even sure if Mark likes him and thinks of him like a friend.

    His mind was overheating with pessimistic thoughts as he looked through the pretty big gap of the opened door, seeing the person he was searching for for the past fifteen minutes. Mark was sitting on a bench, talking though the phone with someone while sipping on his coffee unhurriedly. He had a smile on his face and Jinyoung found himself mesmerized by the sweetness of it. When Mark hung up the phone and tried to hide it in his jeans' pocket, he raised his head up, looking just right at Jinyoung standing at the doorway, his eyes widened and his mouth slightly opened in surprise. Jinyoung felt his heart skip a beat abruptly leaving him breathless as their eyes met. He held the urge to run away from the scene, because _he was the one who wanted to eat lunch with him, right?_ He couldn't back out now, unless he wants to look like a bigger fool than he already is. He swallowed hard and his palms started to sweat, when he made his way to approach the bench on which Mark was sitting. He couldn't understand the weird nervousness he felt, and the fact that his heart seemed to beat faster with every step he took in the direction of Mark, made him even more confused.

    "Why are you here?" Mark asked, the surprise on his face still evident. Jinyoung smiled, as he stood right in front of him, wiping his sweaty hands in his pants.

    "I couldn't let you eat alone. Why would you eat here, on the rooftop?" He asked lightly, taking a seat beside Mark, who fidgeted with an already empty plastic coffee cup.

    "It's... It's better here." Mark looked down at the cup in his hands as Jinyoung felt the realization flooded him, _did I just interrupt his comfort zone?_

    "Should I leave, then? If you want to be alone-"

    "No, it's okay" Mark cut his sentence, shaking his head, but his answer didn't really convinced Jinyoung from thinking otherwise. He narrowed his eyes at him doubtfully, slightly tilting his head to the side.

    "Honestly?"

    "Yes." Mark nodded, smiling gently and it was all Jinyoung needed to be convinced. Before the atmosphere would be more relaxed Jinyoung managed to make it more awkward by asking:

    "Why aren't you friends with nobody in the company?" the question was drilling a hole in the abdomen since their first meeting. It wasn't like he couldn't talk or was an asshole ( _because he certainly wasn't!_ ), so Jinyoung was really curious of what is sitting in Mark's head to make him so distant and unapproachable to other people. Jinyoung regretted asking the question right after he saw the elder's troubled expression. The question made Mark flustered, he swallowed and his eyes were fixed on the pavement, avoiding Jinyoung's gaze. 

    "T-that's because no one had the patience to actually make a conversation with me, without carring about my quietness." He answered in one breath, before looking at Jinyoung with a bittersweet smile. The pang in his heart was painful seeing his expression, he felt the urge to hug him. He realized that it wasn't really Mark's fault that he has no friends, what made him feel even sadder. 

    "So, I guess I was first?" Jinyoung tried to lighten up the atmosphere, smiling brightly at Mark who chuckled at his reaction.

    "Well, yeah, but that's because you sit beside me everyday and you're sentenced to my company if you want or not." Mark said, his eyes darting from Jinyoung's eyes to the floor, as he rubbed his neck shyly. 

    "It's not true, I think you're cool!" Jinyoung exclaimed a little too loud, but he _wanted him to know that he doesn't talk to him because he have to because of work!_

    "Why? I'm not really an interesting person" The elder's voice was also slightly louder, his eyes were fixed on Jinyoung, looking at him with curiosity as a blush crept on his cheeks. Jinyoung couldn't believe how adorable he was, how his every movement made his heart beat faster and the sound of his deep voice sends shivers down his spine. That's why knowing how low his self-esteem is, made him want to protect him even more and show him that not all people think about him like he thought about himself.  

    "You're mysterious and focused, just to be a giant dork in the next second!" Jinyoung teased, before Mark hit him lightly on his arm, with a pout on his face. 

    "I'm not!"

    "You can't deny it! I saw with my own eyes how clumsy you are!" Jinyoung shouted, standing up and run to the concrete balustrade, avoiding another hit on the shoulder from Mark. The elder stood up, threathen to run after him, but after a second he laughed, shaking his head, as he sat down on the bench again.

    Jinyoung walked up to him, breathing heavily and sat beside Mark again. The silence between them was interrupted by Mark's laugh again, making Jinyoung follow it as he realized what a dumbass he is. _Did he really wanted Mark to play and run after him?_ Maybe. _Did he think Mark would actually run after him?_ No way. He felt slightly embarrassed, but the fact that he made Mark laugh so heartily made him feel good - _too good_ in his opinion.


	3. Three

     

    Mark was late for work, because he overslept and he wasn't able to catch a bus, that's why he had to get to the work by foot. _As soon as possible_. When he arrived at the company it was already 7:14, he noticed the broken elevator and couldn't help but groan breathlessly at his misery - he had to take the stairs. He has never been a marathon runner, so this morning's run around the city tired him enough to be out of breath and feel like his legs are giving up. He ran up the stairs without a break, passing the confused people from other departments, as he was making up excuses of his lateness on the way in his head; he wanted to be prepared in case he'll meet his boss. When Mark arrived at the doorstep of his department's office, he noticed the empty chair by Jinyoung's desk, as the drop of sweat fell from his forehead. His heart immediately sank, as his shoulders fell in defeat, he took his way to his own cubicle and get to work, before his boss notice his late arriving. Absence of Jinyoung made him feel lonely and that's when he realized the younger started to be a significant part of his life by now, as much as he tried to lie to himself claiming that he doesn't care about other people, his mind was occupied with Jinyoung all the time.  
   
    The fact, that Jinyoung came into his heart so easily, that Mark's walls started to fall apart, brick by brick, made him terrified. His past taught him that he shouldn't trust people, even if they are calling themselves his best friends; he still remembers very well what the blind naivety and faith has lead him into. It makes him confused that when Jinyoung came into his life with his sincere smiles, caring and interest in Mark's feelings and well being, made him become attached to the younger unknowingly.  
  
    Although he knew him for two weeks, it feels like he knows him since forever. Mark would like to be Jinyoung's friend, but on the other hand, he's still afraid to be one.

 

    "Hello, Mark-ssi," Mark heard Youngjae's hesitant voice, when he was about to go out on the roof, to eat lunch. The younger was standing and fidgeting with his watch, making Mark tilt his head in confusion as he continued, "Um, do you know if Jinyoung-hyung will show up at work today?" _Why would he know?_

    "No, sorry, I don't know" Mark answered, standing up from his armchair, while Youngjae still stood in front of him with troubled face expression.

    "Oh? I thought you would know, since you two are friends," he sighed, making Mark's confusion grow, as his heart sped up his pace, _friends?_ "It would be nice if he would come, though I lost hope already... he offered to help me, oh gosh, I'm screwed." Youngjae laughed bitterly, while he ran a hand through his black hair, biting his lips nervously. Mark thought Jinyoung isn't a person who disregards others and he started to worry about Jinyoung. Something must have happened that Jinyoung didn't come to work, and it could be something serious.

    "Jinyoung offered to help you?" Mark asked, a frown covered his face, while his mind flooded him with a colorful range of images of terrible accidents which Jinyoung would get into, making himself even more worried than necessary.   
  
    "Yeah, since I work here only for a year I'm still not familiar with making offers and sales presentations...Last time I did it I got yelled at by boss" Youngjae rubbed the back his neck, the embarrassment showed on his face.

    "It's really hard to do it properly in the beginning," Mark tried to comfort his coworker somehow, because he remembers how hard it was for him when he started to work here. Mark had a pile of papers to fill out, but seeing his coworker's worried expression, he realized that _maybe he can help him, just a bit?_ "I can show you the base and the most important reference points in creating them if you want." 

    "Really?! I would really appreciate that!" Youngjae's eyes widened and a huge grin appeared on his face, the question made Mark nod, as he continued, "But don't you have, like, a lot of work? I heard the boss is giving you a lot of commissions to complete lately?"

    "It's okay, I'm not a busy person after work, so... yeah, I can do it."

    "Oh, I see..." Youngjae nodded, "So, I'll come again after lunch, is that okay?" he asked shyly, as his hand scratched his arm soothingly. Mark couldn't help but nod at his question, his slight smile confirmed his approval, making Youngjae pump his fist in the air. The younger sighed, as the relief washed over his face, before he ran out of the office, probably to the cafeteria where all his friends were just eating their meals.

    Mark realized that it was the first time he spoke to Youngjae since he works here. _And it was all because of Jinyoung._

 

    Mark sighed, as he looked at the pile of documents - the work which he hadn't had time to finish in working hours, now lying on his desk and waiting to be corrected. Mark's apartment was empty today (Jaebum went off to his girlfriend's place tonight), so he would come home and relax in his own personal space, lying on the bed and watching his favorite sitcoms, but now, he's stuck here alone, in the company, as the faint pinkish light of the sun setting shone into the office through the large windows. He didn't regret helping Youngjae, nevertheless; he had a chance to get to know him a bit and it turned out the younger was actually really nice and funny, though his voice was too loud sometimes.  
  
   Mark must finish his work before Mr. Kang (the security guard) will end his shift and the doors of the company will be closed till the next morning. Mark tried to focus, but since he worked under a slight pressure of a small amount of time, he was afraid he won't be able to finish his work today. He was also worried about Jinyoung, as he still hadn't heard from him, but on the other hand, _why would he inform Mark about anything?_ Mark is just his coworker, with whom he happens to eat his lunch every day, even though he could easily eat in the cafeteria with his friends... 

     _Here he was now_ , thinking about weird things instead of working to get his work done, that he almost missed the sound of doors cracking. The office was usually quiet (he was always alone at those hours), so now hearing someone's steps in the hallway made him frozen, as cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He pivoted on his armchair and suddenly felt relieved seeing Jinyoung in the doorway, waving to him casually with a gentle smile on his face. Mark's stomach exploded with butterflies suddenly and his hands started to shake slightly, when the younger approached him and sat on his own chair next to Mark. He was surprised and awfully happy to see him, but he tried to play it cool, gulping the excitement down, before he noticed his dejected face expression.

    "You're working overtime again?" he asked in a light tone, the voice Mark didn't know he missed till now. Mark watched as Jinyoung propped his chin on his hand, smiling at him, but he felt something was off. _This smile wasn't his usual smile._

    "Yeah, I didn't have time to finish all of my work, since I helped Youngjae with his presentation-"

    "Youngjae! I totally forgot!" Jinyoung gasped, straightening himself on the chair abruptly and slapping a hand over his mouth as his eyes bugged out, "Oh, gosh, I'm sorry you had to do this..."

    "I didn't have to, but since he needed my help..." Mark trailed off and lowered his gaze when he sensed Jinyoung's eyes on him, watching him intently, as his chair's wheels made a slight sound, coming closer to him.

    "Aw, who would have though you're such a softie" Jinyoung chuckled, browsing unfilled documents that Mark has to finish. Mark's cheeks blushed at his remark and although he knew the younger was teasing him again, his heart started to beat hurriedly against his chest. Mark was aware of their close proximity when he felt Jinyoung's cologne in his nostrils; they were sitting shoulder to shoulder now. He hoped that Jinyoung wasn't able to hear his heartbeat, because _it would be embarrassing._

    "Did- Did something happen?" Mark stuttered, changing the topic - Jinyoung's solemn face expression was bugging him to no end. And even though he seemed to be more relaxed now than when he came here a while ago, he was still worried.

    "I had a hideous day today" Jinyoung sighed tiredly, as his eyes fell to his hands, which were now fidgeting with a pen. Mark felt a pang in his heart seeing his unhappy expression.

    "That's why you were absent at work today? I mean, people asked me about you-"

    "They did?" The younger cut his sentence, looking at him genuinely surprised, as the corner of his lips turned upward a tiny bit.

    "Y-yeah" Mark nodded, before Jinyoung's head lowered again.

    "I broke up with my girlfriend today, she was cheating on me," The younger sighed and bit his lip, suppressing his emotions, "I was only a 15 minutes out of the apartment, heading to work and I had to go back because I forgot my phone... When I returned I saw her with some guy, fucking on the sofa in the living room." Jinyoung explained, before chuckling bitterly and rubbing his forehead. Mark felt terrible to ask him about this suddenly. He wanted to help him somehow, to make him forget about today's events. Mark wished Jinyoung could be happy and smile sincerely just like he always did. 

    "That... sucks." Mark was never good with words and he didn't feel comfortable with touching people, so in conclusion - as much he wanted to comfort Jinyoung in some way, he was useless in situations like these.

    "Tell me about it... I wanted to go out for a drink with you, but now… I don't really want to anymore." The younger said quietly, and Mark felt terrible when in his stomach the butterflies were flying excitedly, ignoring the seriousness of the situation. He shouldn't feel like this when Jinyoung is so depressed about the breakup with his girlfriend.

    "How did you know I was here?" Mark asked as his eyes met with Jinyoungs for a split second, before he turned his gaze on the documents, grabbing a pen, in attempts to work. _Focus, Mark, focus!_

    "I didn't know. I came here in hopes that you're here. I had to go somewhere because my ex is taking her stuff and I didn't want to see her anymore. And all my friends are living in Busan and I don't really have anyone here..." Jinyoung replied, and Mark remembered that Jinyoung mentioned in the past about living almost his whole life in Busan and coming to Seoul only to university.

    "I see..." Mark really wanted to make him feel better and also spend his time with Jinyoung after work, so it was the best occasion for it. Mark noticed the change in his personality already, or _was it just because it's Jinyoung?_ "We can go drink if you want, if it'll make you feel better-"

    "No, I don't need it. I'm already feeling better." He smiled at him warmly and it was a good thing that Mark was sitting on a chair, because otherwise he would be lyring on the floor by now - his legs turned to jelly, apparently.

    "Are you?" Mark asked hesitantly, looking at Jinyoung from under his eyelashes, trying to calm his rapid breathing by swallowing hard.

    "Yeah." The younger whispered, nodding his head slighlty, before he cleared his throat, "Do you need help with anything? The company will be closed for about an hour or so..." Jinyoung asked, looking at Mark expectantly, as the silence fell between them. Mark's eyes were fixed on Jinyoung's face for a moment, before he tore his gaze from him, (realizing that he should answer the question, _not stare at his handsome face!_ ) grabbing the pen drive from his desk drawer and handing it to Jinyoung clumsily, as his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

    "Um, you can print me this." 

    "This is everything you have to do? That's a lot," Jinyoung's brows furrowed, as he took the black pen drive from his hands, "You should know how to say no sometimes" He advised with a hint of worry in his voice, before he turned on his computer. Mark shrugged his shoulders, sending a charming smile in his direction, making Jinyoung smile at him too.

 

    The next day everything came back to normal - with a one _huge_ exception - Mark found himself agreeing to Jinyoung's proposition of eating their lunch in the cafeteria along with other coworkers. Mark was really surprising himself recently. In fact the things Jinyoung is doing to him and his closed off personality made him anxious and sometimes he felt like he shouldn't be too open for other people's critics and questions, because he was afraid of his past to come and haunt him. But on the other hand, the smile on Jinyoung's face when Mark agreed to eat with everyone was priceless. _And Mark suddenly noticed, he could do almost everything to see it again._

    To be honest, Mark didn't expect the cafeteria will be so crowded, even though he knew the majority of the employees from every department were eating here. The place was huge and everyone was engaged in their own conversations by their tables, but when Mark walked into the cafeteria along with Jinyoung, he felt as everyone's eyes were on him now. His heart pounded fast in his chest, he felt his hands sweat and his gaze dropped down, looking at the floor, as he tried to ignore the loud voices in his head which were telling him to _back off now, because they'll laugh at you_ over and over again. Jinyoung seemed to sense his anxiety (or maybe he just looked really out of place), as he touched his back gently, slightly pushing him towards the table where Jackson, Bambam, Youngjae and Yugyeom were sitting. Mark saw the warm expression on Jinyoung's face when he looked at him and he felt the tingles in his stomach, but he wasn't sure if it was because of his uneasiness or Jinyoung's attention.

    The surprise was evident on their coworker's faces at first, but overall the lunch wasn't too awkward. When they approached their table and sat on the chairs, Youngjae showered Mark with apologies instantly, but also thanking him sincerely for the help yesterday. Mark chuckled, seeing the younger's smug smile a second after, when he revealed that boss even praised him for his great work.

    Everyone was _surprisingly_ nice to Mark (it was something he wasn't expecting at all), except for one person. 

    Jackson seemed to be a little bit reluctant of accepting Mark in their circle, judging by his sour expression and crossed arms on his chest. He was talking only with Jinyoung, ignoring completely Mark's presence. Mark realized that Jackson was a fan of skinship, watching him as he touched Jinyoung's hands, shoulders or even attempted to feed him, but Jinyoung wasn't playing along with him and laughed it off. Mark couldn't lie to himself - _he wasn't happy about Jackson's behavior towards Jinyoung_ , but on the other hand it wasn't possible Jackson was gay. He saw him after work with his girlfriend a few times, so his fears were surely unfounded, but the jealousy he felt in his stomach was very real.

    Even though Jinyoung was talking with the others the entire lunch break, he peeked at Mark from time to time, sending him small smiles, just like he was checking if he's alright. Mark's heart skipped a beat every time their eyes met, making him short of breath, as he allowed himself to drown in Jinyoung's ones, the affection flows out of his eyes unconsciously.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk, but I feel like each chapter is getting shorter and shorter... sorry about that ;;
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> And I hope you'll give me a feedback of what do you think about this story so far! :)


	4. Four

 

 

  
    A few days later, Jinyoung was still broken hearted from his failed relationship with his - _now ex_ \- girlfriend Soojin. Seeing all the familiar things which she still didn't pick up from his apartment yet, make him remember the situation she was in when he came home the day he broke up with her. When Jinyoung's harsh and cold as ice words came out of his mouth, the girl cried and begged him not to do this, trying to convince him that all he saw was a misunderstanding. Jinyoung is snorting at that explanation till this day, how can he misunderstand when her supposed friend (Jinyoung haven't seen the guy even once) had his pants down, lying on the sofa, while she was also almost naked, sitting on his hips with her palms spread on his chest to maintain in her position? Jinyoung remembers all this too well for his liking, even though it all lasted for a few seconds, before her friend ran out of the apartment leaving her lover behind to be devoured by her enraged boyfriend.

    Jinyoung wasn't dumb. He actually had some premonitions about her cheating on him, but seeing her smiley adorable face when she was late at home from her supposed work in the coffee shop, made his heart melt. He didn't want to ruin the moment when she was hugging him tightly and whispered sweet words how much she missed him all day. She was sweet and adorable, a kind of a girl which you want to take care of, to close in the cage and not let outside to this bad world full of cruelty and hatred. He had a soft spot for her, he always let her get away with her tantrums and previous cheat. _Yes, she had cheated on him before._ But Soojin didn't know her boyfriend was aware of it. Jinyoung loved her and he knew people make mistakes. He was incredibly patient when it comes to her, trusting her with all his heart that she will eventually come to him in the end, despite the continuous advices from his older sister Jisun that he shouldn't trust people so much.  _Especially her_. His older sister didn't like Soojin at all, but his parents loved her and they will probably try to convince him to come back to her. But Jinyoung decided - it's not going to happen. _They're trough_.

    The day he broke up with Soojin, he decided to not go to work. He didn't want to spoil others good moods. He was mad, obviously, and he didn't want to explode at this one particular coworker - Mark. But in the evening he felt the urge to call him and go out with him somewhere to get drunk and forget about it all. He had some doubts if the elder would want to go out with him, he felt like he shouldn't disturb his personal space and let him rest after work. Besides, _they weren't friends, right?_ At least Jinyoung thought Mark didn't consider him as one, in contrary to Jinyoung.

    It was a good idea to check if he's in the office. He stayed after hours a lot and seeing him alone, as his light brown hair was illuminated by the pinkish light of the setting sun, his focused face and furrowed brows in concentration made him feel at ease immediately.

    Mark looked incredibly stunning and Jinyoung didn't even realize how much he missed him all day.

 

    Jinyoung was amazed hearing Mark's response the morning after, his eyes widened and his jaw lightly slacked, staring at the elder, who nodded his head, agreeing to eat the lunch with their coworkers for the first time. Mark was sitting silently for the first two lunches, listening and smiling from time to time at their coworker's jokes and Jinyoung was so proud of him when he started to open up a few lunches later, gently joining the conversations. Jinyoung felt gleeful that he's able to make their coworkers to understand what a nice guy Mark is and how his smile can brighten the darkest day. _At least Jinyoung's_.

    Jinyoung realized that in Mark's company he hadn't thought about Soojin even once. He wanted to have him close as much as possible to forget the pain of betrayal he felt, remembering his past relationship. But when he came home every day after work, the thoughts of Soojin came to his mind like a boomerang, making him drown in his misery and loneliness.

 

    Jinyoung noted that since when he and Mark began to eat lunch in the cafeteria, they are attracting more and more attention of others. When they were spending their lunch breaks almost alone on the rooftop of the company building or in the office by their desks, sitting shoulder by shoulder in their own space, no one paid attention to them at all. And although there weren't any awkward moments between them, _they understood each other perfectly,_ Jinyoung thought it would be better for them to go out to the people and make Mark open up a little to the other employees, _and maybe make some friends?_ In fact, Jinyoung doesn't have any in Seoul and he misses going out to parties on Friday nights with his friends.

    Jinyoung's plan went well, Mark seemed to find a common language with the two youngest of the group - Youngjae and Yugyeom - which Jinyoung didn't found weird at all, it exactly fits his personality. Even though Mark was technically the oldest of all of them sitting by the table, Jinyoung knew him well enough to say that sometimes the elder behaved painfully cute and youthful in comparison to himself. Mark, being the most handsome of the group in Jinyoung's opinion, gathered the attention of people from other departments, especially women. There were a group of girls sitting at a table in front of them every day, whose eyes were fixed on Mark, while they were whispering to each other and giggling coquettishly, toying with a locks of their long hair. Seeing this, Jinyoung immediately thought of Soojin, he saw the gesture far too many times, when his ex girlfriend was flirting with him and trying to placate him after their another fight. _He felt disgusted._

    "Naeun is so pretty! Like a model!" Bambam shrieked watching as the girl was approaching their table. They knew her a bit already, Naeun was working in the main department of sales, like the rest of her girl friends who were just watching the situation, sitting on their seats.

    "Yeah, she probably has a boyfriend, but if she doesn't I would gladly take that opportunity." Yugyeom interjected, causing all of them to snort, because they all knew that Yugyeom was only good with words, his acts were a whole different story. He got nervous too easily, his face turned red when the girl looked at him for a brief second. Jinyoung chuckled at the younger, realizing that he was obviously in love with her, but he felt bad for him, when the girl turned to Mark after she bowed to them politely, ignoring Yugyeom's presence completely. 

    "I'm sorry, Mark-ssi, could you help me with the water dispenser? It seems like it doesn't work properly..." Jinyoung saw the astonishment on Mark's face, when she spoke with her sweet voice, making Mark confused as he pointed a finger at himself, mouthing _"me?"_. Jinyoung found the gesture too cute to handle, as his stomach filled with weird tickling; he took a big gulp of coffee to suppress the feeling.

    Naeun nodded, as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear shyly, looking at Mark from under her long, black eyelashes. Mark didn't seem to be interested in her in any way, he shrugged his shoulders, before he stood up from his chair and walked to the water dispenser a few meters away from them, Jinyoung'e eyes watched his every movement, ignoring the feverish conversation of the group. He felt strange, the scenario of Mark making friends didn't seem to him that appealing anymore. He suddenly felt the wave of possessiveness washing over him, seeing as Naeun leaned into Mark closer, talking to him about something, as her hand touched his shoulder gently. Jinyoung wanted to stop her somehow, Mark doesn't feel comfortable in a situations like those, where his personal space is invaded. She probably didn't know that he wasn't a fan of skinship, especially with people he knew only a little. _Jinyoung knew all this_ \- he stared at them, as he got the urge to ran to them and peel her off from him, making him able to breath. His clenched fists lay on his knees, trying to hold himself down, feeling as his guts tightened. _Isn't it what he wanted, though? Maybe Mark will gain a friend or even a girlfriend..._ His train of thought was interrupted by Jackson's hand holding his upper arm, as he looked at him questioningly. The other three were still talking eagerly, but Jackson's entire attention was on him now, staring at Jinyoung, like he was thinking of something intensively. Jinyoung panicked, grabbed his sandwich and took a bite of it, ignoring his gaze. 

    The girl finally walked away from Mark, smiling at him flirtatiously, after she bowed and came back to her coworkers. Jinyoung breathed a sigh of relief, when Mark approached their table and sat beside him.

    "Wow, what was that?" Youngjae asked, as the four of them leaned across the table like he was an alien, circling around him and stared in complete awe.

    "She certainly wants you!" Bambam exclaimed, as the rest of them nodded. Mark shook his head, turning his gaze to Jinyoung, making the younger's heart skip a beat.  

    "No, she just needed help." He explained, before he grabbed his coffee and sipped on it; the embarrassment was evident on his face when he was trying to avoid their piercing stares. 

    "Man, are you blind or oblivious?" Jackson snorted, leaning back in his chair. His voice held a slight nagging tone, as he continued. "You have to ask her out!"

    "Um, I don't really care about it"

    "Why? She's so pretty! Everyone wants her!" Bambam gasped (Mark's answer apparently wasn't something he expected) and his eyes bugged out, as Mark still slowly sipped on his coffee. Jinyoung predicted that he would say that, but the thing he didn't know was _why Mark was so reserved in this matter? Was is because of his introvert nature or because he genuinely didn't find Naeun attractive?_ He stared at Mark for a while, before he cocked his head and asked.

    "Why? She isn't your type?"

    "I guess." The elder answered shortly, lifting his shoulder in a half shrug.

    "So what's your type exactly?" Jinyoung couldn't help but ask, realizing that he didn't really talk about that with Mark before. He was curious what type of girls Mark liked, but he regretted asking immediately, when he saw the troubled expression on the elders face, his eyes darting all over the place and his hand tugged at the cuff of his long sleeve white shirt. _Why did he wear long sleeved shirt in such a heat, anyway?_ Jinyoung suddenly thought, noticing he had never seen him in a shirt with short sleeves even though it was summer. 

    "I don't know-"

    "Wait, you're not gay, right?" Yugyeom suddenly asked, making everyone shocked at his question, but Jinyoung couldn't help, but it made sense to him in a way.

    "What- No, of course I'm not!" Mark said, as his cheeks blushed with a deep shade of red. Jinyoung felt his guts tighten with secondhand embarrassment for him, as he realized how uncomfortable he must feel right now. 

    "Sorry, I just thought that if you don't find her attractive-"

    "I'm not gay!" Mark stated loudly, "I mean, I'm not-"

    "What would be wrong with that?" Jinyoung interrupted, trying to ease the atmosphere a bit, "If I meet a guy in which I feel in love with, I would be with him." Mark relaxed straight away when Jinyoung turned everyone's attention away from him, as he shoved his hair back away from his face, sighing. The rest of the group looked at Jinyoung genuinely surprised, but he just chuckled.

    "You would?" Jackson asked, staring at him with unreadable expression. Jinyoung had never been in love with a guy, so, _honestly,_ he wasn't so sure of it. But he wasn't homophobic and whatever sexual orientation every one of them (especially Mark) have wasn't any of his business.

    "Yeah, but I didn't find a guy who would make my heart beat faster yet!" He joked, making the atmosphere less tense. He looked at Mark, who had his head lowered, his chest rose and fell with deep breaths and Jinyoung felt a strange pang in his heart seeing him like this. 

    "Then I guess we all could be gay, but we just didn't find the right guy yet" Jackson said, making all of them laugh; Bambam threw his head back in amusement, Yugyeom slapped his tights and Youngjae's loud laugh resounded in the cafeteria making all of people look in their direction. Jinyoung covered his grin with his palm, before he noticed that Mark wasn't laughing at their silly joke, his handsome face was lacking in any signs of amusement. Jinyoung touched the back of Mark's neck gently without thinking and stroked his skin soothingly, intending to make him relax a little, but Mark seemed to be even more tensed at the gesture, making his body frozen in his seat. Jinyoung's cheeks flushed and he cleared his throat, withdrawing his hand right away. _What was he thinking, touching him like that? He must be out of his mind._

 

* * *

 

    Mark had a lot of work. In less than two hours his working hours will come to an end and he still had a few things to do. His current task was to deliver all finished commissions and reports from previous month to the archive, located on the floor below. He gathered the folders with files in his arms and even if he could take them all, his movements were limited, the folders could fall out of his grip at any time. He had other things to do and couldn't afford to wander the halls of the company, that's why he wanted to do it as soon as possible - the option of going to the archive several times was excluded. Hot weather hampered positive thinking, not to mention the performance of any work. The summer was unusually hot this year and although the office was air-conditioned, his shirt with long sleeves, though thin, began to stick to his body. Mark wished he could be at home when he could spend all day in a tub of cold water to cool off. _Oh, how he would like to wear a normal t-shirt in any public place_ , he sighed to himself; he couldn't even roll up his sleeves, because of marks on his body, reminding him of his past. He especially didn't want to attract people's attention, he was sick of seeing their disgusted looks and answering their questions related to his marks.

    When he was about to walk to the front door of his department, busy people passed him with a wide berth, trying not to touch him, sensing that the tragedy would occur soon - a mess of scattered files and documents on the floor. _Nothing like this won't happen,_ he thought, _he can handle it completely fine._ When his phone rang, he cursed mentally to himself and regretted that he had only two hands, because answering the phone was quite a challenge for him. 

    "Honey, how are you? You don't call us at all recently!" He heard his mother's sweet and slightly worried voice through the phone, as he stopped in his tracks, looking at the clock on the white wall. Mark was worried that he won't be able to finish his work and he'll have to stay longer in the office. Usually, it wasn't a problem for him, but today's weather was unbearably hot (at least for him in his long sleeved shirt) that Mark wanted to escape from here as soon as possible and get into his desired tub with cool water.

    "I'm sorry mom, but I'm at work now, so if you could-"

    "I heard you made some friends at work! I'm so proud of you baby!" Mark snickered, shaking his head, as his mother interrupted in the middle of his sentence, ignoring him completely. 

    "Mom, did you call Jaebum again?" He asked, despite being 100% sure she did, because the only solution for her to find out what is going on with his son, was always calling to his best friend. Mark wasn't angry, he knew his parents were a lot more worried about him since his last year of high school, when a various events happened, which Mark would rather not to mention.

    "I called Jaebum-ah, because you didn't pick up my call yesterday!" She replied, her voice sounded reproachful and Mark could imagine how her brows furrow in displeasure.

    "I was busy, mom" He sighed, as he felt his arm slowly started to hurt, the weight of the files seemed overwhelming to him now. He decided to go to his destination, before his mother's worries vanish and she could hang up, full of content.

    "My son working so hard, I'm proud! Please, don't overwork yourself!" His mother responded, making Mark smile. He missed her and his father, taking a mental note to come to visit them soon. 

    "Don't worry, I'll call you later, okay? I don't have time for-" Mark wanted to open the door with his elbow, pushing it on the doorknob, when everything fell out of his hands, except for his phone which he still held next to his ear. "Oh, great." The sound of scattering cardboard folders and files resounded in the place, making the people look in the direction of the source of sound. He saw Jinyoung approaching him from the other end of the office and his heart started to beat faster and a blush crept onto his cheeks. _Great, he will tease me for a week for my clumsiness._

    "Oh, okay if you're busy. But promise to call me later! I haven't talked with you for a long time!" She seemed to finally understand what her son tried to tell her for the past two minutes, but it was too late now. The damage is done. Mark made an impractical and clumsy dumbass of himself again. In front of the whole department, _in front of Jinyoung._

    "Okay, mom, I'll call you later, I promise, okay? I have to go now, bye!" Mark crouched down quickly after he hung up his phone and started to gather the files into the folders awkwardly, his heart pounded frantically against his chest and the embarrassment of the situation was eating him alive. 

    "Hey, I'll help you." He heard Jinyoung's voice, before he crouched down beside him and started to pick up the files. 

    "Thanks" The elder whispered, but decided to avoid his gaze.

    "You could've asked me to help you, you know," Jinyoung chuckled, nudging him on his side playfully, "Was it your mom?" He asked and Mark had to clear his throat, because he suddenly became aware of their closeness, feeling like Jinyoung's soft voice falls directly into his ear, as if he was whispering to him. He felt goosebumps when he, in fact, sensed his warm breath on his face and neck.

    "Y-Yeah, she's worried because I haven't called her for some time now." Mark answered and when the two of them extended their hands to pick up the same piece of paper, Jinyoung's fingers brushed against Mark's in the process, sending a soft lighting of tingles to Mark's stomach. He jolted upright immediately, swaying on his feet clumsily, as he turned his face away from him. The younger was speaking, following Mark and standing up on his feet, but Mark couldn't hear anything. The burning sensation he felt on his skin from their touch, made him totally unfocused, as his heart was still beating fast and his breaths quickened. His mind was busy remembering the situation from a few days ago, when they ate lunch in the cafeteria with their coworkers and Jinyoung rubbed the back of Mark's neck without any reason. The feeling of his warm fingers against his skin was making him breathless, as blood buzzed in his ears - _just like today_. Mark tried to calm down, swallowing hard, _because it wasn't a big deal, right?_ It was a simple touch, people touch themselves a lot, especially people who are touchy and like skinship, just like Jinyoung. He tried so hard to convince himself that Jinyoung was treating him only as a friend and he was terrified to realize that he himself didn't treat him like that for some time already. Mark felt something more serious to Jinyoung, as much as he hated the feeling, he couldn't help but to admit that _he's in love with him._ The worst thing was that Jinyoung wasn't gay, he still remembers when all of their coworkers laughed at the supposed joke about liking men. It might not be very offensive, but Mark, having the struggles he has, couldn't laugh at this. 

    "Hello? Earth to Mark-hyung! Are you listening?" Jinyoung waved his hands in front of Mark's eyes, smiling at him softly, as the adorable whiskers appeared in the corners of his eyes.

    "Sorry, I didn't" Mark answered, scratching the side of his neck shyly, feeling the warmness on his cheeks again. Jinyoung swallowed, before he repeated what he was saying when Mark was lost in his thoughts.

    "I asked if you would like to share an apartment with me? You know, I'm in need of a flatmate since it's a bit expensive to live alone." Jinyoung explained, still holding the files he picked up from the ground in his hands. Mark was speechless, feeling the sudden outburst of butterflies in his stomach, while Jinyoung looked at him with hopeful eyes. Jinyoung seemed to panic a little bit seeing no reaction from Mark, as he gave out a short and a nervous laugh. "If you don't want to, it's perfectly fine! It's not like-"

    "But why me?" Mark asked, tilting his head slightly; it was the question which troubled him the most right now. The offer was unexpected and although the option of being able to see Jinyoung at work and at home was tempting, he wasn't sure if he could manage to live with him now, when he came to terms with his feelings.  

    "Why not? We're friends and besides you said your friend brings home his girlfriend all the time, so I thought I could help you out" The younger smiled, looking directly into his eyes, as he handed him the papers. Mark took the files from his hands and fixed his eyes at the white sheets, murmuring: 

    "I did say it..."

    "If you're wondering, I have a spare room for you of course!" Jinyoung laughed and it wasn't like Mark though they would sleep together or anything, but it made him slightly shy. _What if Jinyoung was afraid he was hesitating because he thought about weird things?_ "So? What do you think about it?"

    "It's sudden, but-" Mark trailed off, the blush on his cheeks hadn't had a chance to fade away, because he was constantly drowning in embarrassment. He will regret his decision, he was sure of it. "But... I guess it's a pretty good idea." _What did you do, Mark?!_

    "Really?" Jinyoung asked with disbelief as his eyes widened comically at Mark's answer. The elder nodded and when he looked up at Jinyoung's face, he almost couldn't breathe. The younger's fair skin flushed, his eyes glistened with happiness and the corners of his mouth turned up in a sincere grin. Mark stared at him in awe and once again he reminded himself that he's in trouble. If he won't be able to control his feelings towards Jinyoung, his past will repeat itself, as he already set the pattern for it. _But will the fate mess with him again and make him follow it?_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p.s I know I wrote that Yugyeom and Youngjae were the youngest of the group, as you could see some of got7 member's ages are swapped here ^^ I thought I should explain this ^^
> 
> Feel free to comment what do you think about it so far! (please?)  
> Thank you for reading!


	5. Five

 

 

    The next day, when Mark came home after work, he threw a short and careless " _hello_ " to his flatmate Jaebum and went straight to his room hurriedly. He opened an old oak wardrobe in his room with a creak and began to pull out clothes and pack them into a bag, folding them neatly, even though his hands were trembling slightly. He didn't have many things, just a few favorite books, some CD's, laptop and a few sets of clothes, which he could easily fit in two backpacks. Jaebum, after he heard about his friend moving out a day before, was amazed that it is actually happening. Well, Mark himself couldn't believe that he agreed. He noticed that it was especially difficult for him to say _no_ to Jinyoung anyway. 

    "Are you seriously moving out?" Jaebum asked, appearing in the doorway of Mark's tiny room, watching the movements of his best friend with disbelief.

    "He broke up with his girlfriend and now he lives alone. He needs a person to share rent's expenses with." Mark said it like a matter of fact, without any visible emotion on his face, but on the inside he was freaking out. His movements were quite jerky too. 

    "I can't believe it. He asked and you agreed, just like that?" Jaebum crossed hands on his chest, leaning onto the doorframe, narrowing eyes on Mark, trying to understand the situation that was so badly _not fitting_ to the nature of his best friend. Mark turned his head and looked at him from behind his shoulder, trying to stay as calm as possible to avoid Jaebum's teasing.

    "Yeah, I thought that it would be a good idea since he lives closer to the office and all."

    "Wow, I'm speechless, hyung, you're just leaving me like it's not a big deal!" Jaebum threw his hands in the air at his friends' behavior, he knew how to pull out the real emotions out of him. "You must love him so much!" he said, making Mark immediately flustered, as he stood up on his feet, facing him.

    "Yah!" Mark shouted, as his face turned red at the younger's remark. It was true, but Mark hated to admit it loudly.

    "What? Don't tell me it's not true, because always we met you always talking about him, how funny he was today, how smart he is resolving the printer problem-"

    "I'm talking about other things too!" 

    "Yeah, but knowing how quiet you are, it's clear to me that you like him, when all you're talking about is this Jinyoung guy" He explained with a confident tone of voice, being sure of his thesis, as he raised chin up and an enigmatic smirk appeared on his face. Mark stood in the middle of his room among his scattered clothes and things, his shoulders slouched, as he sighed heavily, drawing the attention of the younger. "Hyung?"

    Mark fixed his gaze down, on the brown carpet in his room, as he thought about denying everything his friend was accusing him of, but Jaebum was his best friend. _He couldn't possibly lie to him forever, right?_ It's been a while since Mark was in love with someone and even though he had a bad memories about the experience, he couldn't manage to suppress his feelings to Jinyoung. Even if he tried to defend himself in front of his best friend, his red face would've gave him away, anyway.

    "You're right" 

    "What?" Jaebum asked, slightly shocked, "It was too easy! I can't even tease you anymore!"

    "I won't tell him about it, though." Mark whispered, ignoring his friend's reaction, as he sat down on his unmade bed, pulling the sleeves of his gray jumper on his hands. Seeing Mark's disheartened posture, Jaebum sat beside him, putting his hand on his shoulder, patting it gently, offering him a tight-lipped smile.

    "I know, hyung. But why did you agree to live with him? You know it won't be easy for you, right? Especially when he's not gay." Jaebum's voice suddenly softer, as his hand was stroking Mark's shoulder comfortingly, although his questions went straight to Mark's head like a bullet with realization, awakening him from the daze, that it won't be easy at all. _Maybe he should withdraw from this decision as fast as possible? But what he will say to explain the change of mind to Jinyoung? That he couldn't live with him, because he's in love with him and he won't be able to live with his unrequited love under the same roof?_ "Yah, yah, don't be so discouraged! I'm not going to sugar coat it all, but watch him. From what you were saying, the guy is surprisingly nice to you, so... maybe there's a chance?" Jaebum tried to comfort him and Mark was grateful for it, but he had no intention of confessing to Jinyoung anytime soon. 

    "I'm not going to find out." Mark sighed, rising up to his feet from his bed, then he crouched among his clothes again, continuing to pack his things up. Even though he knew it won't be easy for him; even though he knew that Jinyoung doesn't like him the way Mark does, the fact that Mark trusted someone outside his bubble so much to live with that person made him feel vaguely calm. _Maybe he could be a normal human being again and stop worrying about every glance of a stranger in his direction? Maybe it was the first step to leave his nest and start to function in society as a normal young adult?_ Living in a place that wasn't his parent's home, Jaebum's apartment or hospital, was a huge step forward for his asocial lifestyle.

    "Okay, but say, isn't it nice to have a new friend?" Jaebum chuckled slightly, still sitting on Mark's bed, straightening his legs and poke Mark's side with his toe playfully. 

    "It is, to be honest." Mark said, his face expression brightened slightly, as images of Jinyoung appeared before his eyes. He couldn't believe how much he liked him.

    "Will you visit me sometimes? Won't you forget me? I already miss you!" His best friend whined, making Mark grab his foot and tickle the insides of it mercilessly, as he smirked, showing his canine teeth. Jaebum gasped in horror, trying to release his foot from his friend's grasp, wiggling his legs like a horse, before Mark let it go.

    "Okay, come on, we can go now." He said, zipping his backpack up and staring at his heavily breathing friend expectantly.

    "Eyy, all you think about is that Jinyoung guy!" Jaebum teased and Mark just smiled, even though he loved his best friend to the end of the world, he knew that it was true - _Jinyoung appeared in his mind quite a lot._

 

 

    It was already after 7 p.m when Mark and Jaebum arrived in the hallway of apartment complex where Jinyoung lived, which was located in a beautiful neighborhood, surrounded by greneery, near the Han river. It was known that the apartments were quite expensive here, so Mark wasn't surprised that it's, in fact, quite pricey to live alone in an apartment in this location, having the job in a publishing company, without taking any special position there. Their income wasn't that huge.

    They were walking through the hallway with bags with Mark's belongings, as their eyes were darting from door to door, searching for one specific number - 46, while Jaebum commented on how elegant and modern the place looked. Mark's heart started to beat faster when they finally reached their destination - a white door's of his crush' apartment with the said number nicely engraved on a gold metal plate on them. They stood for a moment in front of them, when Jaebum raised his hand to press the doorbell just to be stopped by Mark before he could press it, grabbing his forearm with his trembling hand. Jaebum turned to look at his friend, alarmed, a worried expression showed on his face. Mark swallowed, he wasn't sure if he was ready. But yet, _when will he be?_ Jaebum smiled at him comfortingly, feeling his shaking hand clutching his forearm, he mouthed a quiet " _It'll be okay_ " to him, before Mark took a deep breath and nodded.

    "Okay, but don't embarrass me." he said quietly, making Jaebum laugh heartily, patting Mark's head and ruffling his nicely styled hair, which he tried to do for the whole afternoon.

    "I feel like a parent leaving his kid in a daycare!" his friend whispered exaggeratedly and chuckled as Mark narrowed his eyes at him. His nerves didn't allow him to laugh. Mark couldn't do or say anything, because the second after he pressed the doorbell, the door opened, revealing a familiar man, whose bright smile made Mark's heart skip a beat, his breath hitched when their eyes met in a soundless greeting.

 

    While Mark introduced Jaebum to Jinyoung, he placed the bags in the corridor just right beside his feet, as his face turned red when he looked straight into Jinyoung's eyes accidentally. Strangely, he felt weird in Jinyoung's company in this new surroundings. It made him feel that _Jinyoung is real, that he's really his friend if they meet anywhere besides work, right?_ Before he could look at Jinyoung's apartment, he couldn't tear his gaze from the younger. He liked Jinyoung's casual style of clothing - he was wearing a denim jeans with a simple white T-shirt. He always saw the professional side of him in a more elegant clothes, so it was a nice change of view in Mark's opinion. His hair was slightly dishevelled, some unruly strands were standing at attention, as if Jinyoung was in a hurry and had no time to flatten them to make them return to their normal place. Mark wondered how his hair would feel under his fingerprints.

    When Jaebum and Jinyoung were having a short chat about the weather, Mark looked around the place without moving his feet. 

    The apartment seemed to be small, but it was emitting a warm feel to it, especially when all Mark was feeling was Jinyoung's scent all over the place.  
Standing by the front doors, Mark noticed that on his left side was the kitchen and on the right - living room. The apartment had an annex, only a kitchen island divided the small kitchen from the living room. The corridor was also very small and open, beside the front door hung a metal hanger for jackets and a small closet for shoes was standing under it.

    The kitchen walls were painted white, giving out the cold feeling, but the wooden floor and modern furniture in rustical oak's color were successfully warming up the atmosphere of the place in a cozy, yet elegant design.

    On the right side from the entrance, in the living room, Mark noticed a wooden bookcase beside the wall, the shelves were so packed with books, that there wasn't any empty spot left for another one. A gray sofa with two matching armchairs stood in the middle of the room, in front of which was a large TV screen. But what caught his eye the most was the view from behind the large window which reached from the floor to the ceiling, what was located just behind the TV. Mark couldn't help but to walk to the window, unveiling the brown cotton curtains slightly, staring at the view of the city. The view was magical from up there, his mouth slightly opened in awe of it, as his muscled relaxed. It was already dark outside, the city lights shone and the cars driving on the streets looked like fireflies, chasing one after another. Mark was mesmerized by the view and when he heard Jinyoung's exuberant laugh, he suddenly woke up from his daze, turning his eyes in the direction of Jinyoung and Jaebum talking. Mark felt the warmness spread in his chest, seeing them talking, as the smile crept up his face unknowingly. They seemed to get along quickly, _maybe because the two of them were the same age?_

    After a while Jinyoung lead them through the short hall, passing by the doors to the bathroom, befrore opening another doors beside it, showing Mark his own bedroom, which was located vis-a-vis of Jinyoung's bedroom. The walls in the room was painted dark beige and on the dark wooden floor lied a small, gray shaggy carpet. The pine furniture was modern and the wooden bed had a few blankets and several colorful pillows on it. Mark liked the look of his new room, but what he liked the most was that every room in this apartment screamed Jinyoung's name, as the small details showed the pieces of his personality. Mark wondered _if it was him who designed every room's look? Or was it his ex girlfriend?_

 

    About an half hour later Jaebum had to go, leaving Mark in an unfamiliar place. He was with Jaebum more than a half of his life, so he subconsciously wanted him to stay longer, but he couldn't stop him. _They all have to move on with their lives, right?_ Mark wasn't a teenager anymore and neither was Jaebum. Mark knew that Jaebum planned to propose to his girlfriend soon and the both of them certainly would like to live alone, without the fifth wheel of the wagon, as it usually was. Mark had to move out of Jaebum's apartment, sooner or later, it was inevitable.  

 

    When his best friend left, an awkward silence invaded the air between the two of them. Mark stood in the kitchen next to Jinyoung, his eyes wandered around the place as he massaged the back of his neck, while Jinyoung smoothed down his t-shirt, before walking to the kitchen counter and clearing his throat, breaking the silence.

    "So, would you like something to drink? I'll show you where the kitchen utensils are." Jinyoung said, looking at Mark questioningly, as he opened the cupboard without waiting for his response. Mark took a seat on a high stool by the kitchen island, nodding his head, agreeing to the proposition. 

    "Okay, tea, maybe?"

    Jinyoung hummed, and while he was making the drink to the elder, he showed him around the kitchen, opening the cupboards, drawers and even the fridge, telling where the cutlery, pots, cups and plates are. Mark felt his stomach churn, as he rubbed his hands on his thighs, trying to control his nerves. _Maybe it wasn't a good idea? Maybe he should think about this some more before moving in with him?_ The doubt started to eat him alive as the nagging thoughts hit his head again.

    "Thanks for agreeing, by the way. I don't remember if I told you this, but you're my savior, seriously." Jinyoung said suddenly, placing the cup of hot green tea on the kitchen island, in front of Mark. He took a seat next to Mark, a glass of water in his hand. Mark wasn't sure how he'll survive this; the younger's close proximity still was making Mark's muscles weak without a fail.

    "Um, it's okay, the place don't look the cheapest-"

    "Yeah, I wanted to live as close to the work as possible, when I lived with my ex it was better, I didn't actually think that it can be so expensive living alone." Jinyoung laughed shyly, as his hand scratched the side of his neck with embarrassment. Mark swallowed nervously, hearing his laugh so close to his ear; he was in this swamp too deep already. "Want to watch something later?"

    "Something?" Mark stammered out, almost burning his tongue with his hot tea, _Jinyoung wants to spend time with him!_

    "I don't know, do you like dramas, sitcoms?" Jinyoung replied, making Mark think for a moment, before he answered:

    "I don't really watch TV, but when I do… this one TV station is broadcasting _Friends_ again-"

    "I watch it, too! I didn't think anyone watch this nowadays! This show is truly old-school, isn't it?" the younger gasped softly, as his eyes widened in shock,  "What about _How I Met Your Mother_?" Mark smiled at his question, because he actually likes it too, what made him more relaxed around Jinyoung again. Jinyoung, beside his passion for books, revealed to be an American sitcom's enthusiast. 

    "Seen all 9 seasons-"

    "No way! This is my favorite sitcom ever!" Jinyoung cut his sentence again, the excitement dazzled from his handsome features, making Mark feel the butterflies in his stomach, knowing that _he was the only one_ responsible of the beautiful smile on the younger's face. Mark mirrored his expression without knowing, before Jinyoung suggested to watch a few episodes of the show. Mark couldn't say no.

 

    They were sitting on the sofa in the living room, side by side, watching some random episodes of _How I Met Your Mother_ for a few hours, talking and laughing at the sitcom's eccentric humor. Mark felt as his stomach muscles relaxed completely in Jinyoung's company by now. Mark noticed that he hasn't seen Jinyoung laughing so much even once; he couldn't help but stare at his flushed face and teary eyes, reflecting the light of the TV in the dark room. He loved how the younger sometimes even forgot to cover his mouth with his hand, as he always did while laughing or smiling, allowing the sound of his melodious laughter wafted around the room. Mark was grateful that the room was poorly lit and Jinyoung couldn't possibly notice Mark admires him, rather than tracing the adventures of the characters of the show on the TV screen.

    They didn't pay the attention to the passage of time. Even if they have seen the show more than once already, they had a great time watching it together. It was past midnight when they fell out of the trance and decided to go to sleep. 

 

    After he took a shower, he went to bed, placing his head on the soft and colorful pillows, covering himself with the quilt up under his nose, sniffling the faint smell of laundry detergent. He tried to close his eyes and drift off to sleep, but he couldn't relax, as he fidgeted in the sheets, trying to find the most comfortable position. It was even worse, when he heard the sound of water pouring from the shower turned on, as his imagination started to run at high speed, not allowing him to sleep at all. Mark suddenly started to wonder about a really unnecessary things like _what does Jinyoung look like after a shower, standing only in his boxers, a water dripping from the strands of his black hair, the drops falling along his bare neck, chest, stomach..._ Mark slapped his forehead with his hand, refraining himself from imagining anything more. It was only the first night in Jinyoung's apartment and it was already hard for him to keep his feelings under control.

    Mark didn't sleep a wink through the night.

 

 

    Mark was sitting in the kitchen the next morning, resting his chin on his hand, a cup of strong black coffee in front of him. The place was quiet, Jinyoung was probably still sleeping; in fact, it was still too early to wake up for work anyway. Mark was tired after a sleepless night, he realized that the change of the environment was the reason for not sleep a wink for the entire night. The fatigue showed on his face, as he kept on rubbing off the tiredness from his eyes. He was sipping on his coffee, a large dose of caffeine in his blood will supposedly give him some energy, to make him survive the whole day at work. He was quirking his facial features as the soft yawn escaped his mouth, when he heard a voice behind his back, making him straighten himself on the seat abruptly.

    "You're up already? Why so early?" Jinyoung asked, as he turned on the electric kettle, before leaning his lower back against a kitchen counter.

    "I couldn't sleep." Mark answered, as the warmth spread in his chest, looking at Jinyoung's adorable looks; the younger was wearing a black rumpled t-shirt and shorts and his hair was dishevelled from wriggling among the bedclothes.

    "Me too. If I knew that you also can't sleep, we could watch another season." Jinyoung chuckled, his voice still a bit raspy, sending the shivers down Mark's spine. His voice sounded far too sexy, or _was it just Mark's overactive imagination?_

    "Then we wouldn't be able to function at work at all." Mark answered, taking a sip of his coffee, before the sound of the electric kettle went off.

    "We won't be able anyway." The younger said, making himself a cup of coffee and took a seat next to Mark - his senses started to work above its strength, as the fatigue seemed to vanish immediately.

 

 

    It was clear, Jinyoung will drive Mark to work by his car every day and Mark couldn't be more excited. Even if he tried to hide it, he loved the fact that from now on he would spend more time with him than ever before. Mark knew that he shouldn't dream of anything more than a friendship with him, but the fact that Jinyoung was his friend already made his heart skip a beat. He must cherish it.

    When the two of them arrived at the office, walking shoulder to shoulder through the hallway of the company, the group of his coworkers (Jinyoung calling them _"friends_ ") made a big fuss about it. They knew that Mark was planning to move in with Jinyoung and now they were making fun of the two of them, making Mark flustered hearing their whistles and laughs. Jinyoung seemed to not care about their jokes, but Mark, _being very sensitive on this topic_ , lowered his head, hiding the redness of his cheeks. 

    "Oh, there you are! Our married couple! How was your first night?" Bambam broke between the two of them, hooking his arms around their shoulders, as his eyes jumped from one to the other.

    "You two look tired, was it that bad? Or that good?" Yugyeom asked, as he waggled his eyebrows, nudging Jinyoung on his side playfully, making the rest of the group laughed. Mark's embarrassment grew, as the annoying feeling of being exposed filled his stomach; he suddenly felt like the group know about his feelings for Jinyoung and was teasing him about it - the situation seemed irritatingly similar to what he once experienced. _Maybe it was just his imagination?_ He heard Jinyoung dramatic sigh, seeing as he wriggled out of Bambam's embrace. 

    "Yah, that's not funny." He said with a pout on his face, before Jackson grabbed his forearm and took him a few steps forward, making Mark follow them with his eyes, trying to ignore the jealous feeling growing with every second in his chest, making him short of breath. He watched as Jackson's hand touched Jinyoung's forearm, then tracing down on the back of his palm, brushing their palms together and making their fingers almost intertwined. Jinyoung seemed oblivious of his touch as he was attentively listening to what he has to say. Mark hated the feeling, he promised himself that he wouldn't get jealous _of anything or anyone_ , because he knew that Jinyoung will never reciprocate his feelings. But now, seeing Jackson and Jinyoung standing so close to each other, their skin touching, Mark couldn't help but bite the insides of his cheeks, as his hands tightened into fists, holding himself from any uncontrolled explosion of his jealousy. 

    Before the group moved to the conference room for the daily meeting with the manager, Mark still had a sour expression on his face looking at the pair (especially at Jackson - if it could've been possible, his eyes would have seared holes through him), without noticing Youngjae who was walking beside him, if he didn't speak.

    "I hope everything's okay, you don't look too good, hyung." He sends him a worried glance, but Mark just smiled and nodded shortly at the younger. He wasn't feeling good at all, and even though the fatigue from a sleepless night went off for a while, his guts were tightened with a totally different emotion.

    Mark's lips were drawn in a straight line, as Jackson suddenly turned around to look at Mark, his eyes narrowing, sending him a death glare, before hooking his arm around Jinyoung's shoulders, entering the conference room.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the comments and kudos are making me so happy, you have no idea! Thank you for reading and see you in the next chapter!


	6. Six

 

 

  
    Jinyoung was glad that Mark agreed to share an apartment with him. 

    After a few days of living together with Mark, Jinyoung noticed a small change in the elder's personality. _Or wasn't it a change at all, maybe Mark was always so hyper at times?_ He knew Mark for a while already, but _you can truly learn about a person being with them 24/h, right?_ Mark was clumsy and adorable, he sometimes couldn't carry a full glass of juice without spilling its contents onto the floor, even if it was a few drops. Mark revealed to not be the best at housekeeping too; his room was messy, an unmade bed on which laid pile of rumpled clothes were giving Jinyoung a strong headache, although he himself wasn't a cleaning-freak. Sometimes it was hard for Mark to put the dishes into the sink, not to mention washing them and he tended to eat up everything what was left in the refrigerator (Jinyoung always was making sure to fill it out especially for him). Mark loved to eat (Jinyoung couldn't believe _how it's possible to be so skinny with such a big appetite?_ ), but the poor culinary skills were a thing what they both shared - they were eating a takeout everyday. Jinyoung was consulting with Mark at work what kind of food will they order on dinner everyday, sitting by their desks and immersing themselves in a heated debate, arguing between aromatic seasoned fried chicken or stir fried noodles, completely ignoring the amused glances of their coworkers. Yugyeom often joked that the two of them behave like an old married couple at times like this. Jinyoung was always shrugging it off, but recently he realized that his relationship with Mark is getting a lot more... friendly. Jinyoung found himself enjoying Mark's company a bit too much. He became aware of that fact when he felt disappointed to say goodbye to him on every evening, standing in front of each others bedroom's door, trying to find an excuse to spend some more time with the elder. Mark lived in his apartment, so basically if he wanted to spend time with him even more, _he had to sleep with him in his room, on his bed, under his blanket._ It would be too much, but Jinyoung didn't remove that idea out of his head. He was just wondering what sleeping habits Mark had, that's all. 

    Even if Jinyoung loved to sleep, now it didn't matter to him if he could get up early and spend his time eating breakfast with Mark, talking about their plans for a day. Jinyoung loved to wake up earlier more now, feeling a weird fluttering feeling in his stomach, as he would greet with Mark every morning, passing him at the bathroom door, the smell of Mark's forest fruit's scented shampoo immediately dashing into his nostrils, giving him the energy for the whole day, drinking the strongest coffee suddenly not needed. Mark's clean and moist skin after the morning shower seemed to be so soft and smooth, that Jinyoung caught himself thinking about touching his flushed cheeks tenderly. 

     _Jinyoung liked Mark._  

    He liked when the elder was laughing at his not-funny jokes, when the rest of their coworkers were looking at him awkwardly, snorting and shaking their heads without any amusement on their faces. He liked that he could be himself at home around Mark in comparison to the times when he lived with his ex-girlfriend, who was always sending him a disgusted look when he said or did something wrong or gross ( _well, he was only a human after all!_ ). Jinyoung felt comfortable around Mark and he trusted him. _Maybe he felt like this because Mark was also a man?_

    Mark easily climbed a rung higher on the ladder of Jinyoung's social relationships - he got promoted to the status of Jinyoung's best friend and the younger hoped that he also thinks of him like that.

    Another thing that came with Mark free of charge was his friend Jaebum and his girlfriend Jiyeon. During those few days where Mark lived with Jinyoung, they visited him a few times, trying to check if their friend's life is going smoothly. Jinyoung found a common language with the two of them; Jaebum was his age, so it was especially easy to befriend him. He had a sarcastic sense of humor, sometimes you wouldn't know if he's dissing you or just joking - but overall he was pretty nice. His girlfriend was a typical girl next door, she was always smiling while being painfully honest. Jinyoung heard her cursing a few times when she was excited and he couldn't help but chuckle at her behavior. Thinking that Soojin have never cursed in Jinyoung's presence made him thinking that _maybe his ex-girlfriend wasn't feeling that comfortable in his company anyway?_

    Ever since Jinyoung got close to Mark and finding out that he has only one best friend, he was wondering _how Jaebum befriended Mark if his personality was so introverted?_ He later found out the answer to his question, hearing Jaebum's voice explaining that they have known each other practically forever, when Mark was his old self - a completely different person than he is now. Jinyoung's eyes widened at that; the matter started to drill a hole in his stomach, desperately wanting to find out _what was the thing which changed Mark so much?_

 

  
    After a long day of work, Jinyoung was heading to the cafe where he was supposed to meet with his long time friend Taehyun from Busan. They haven't seen each other for some time already, that's why Jinyoung was smiling all the way driving in his car, listening to the radio and sometimes even singing along the lyrics. 

    Since he would always ride home with Mark, he wanted to drop him to the apartment before the meeting, but Mark rejected his proposal, despite the stubborn insistence of Jinyoung. _"It's not that far, it's okay. Go and have fun."_ Mark said to him, waving his hand dismissively, while his eyes were gazing at Jinyoung's, the corners of his mouth raised up a little in a shy, but sincere smile. Jinyoung suddenly found it really difficult to leave Mark's personal space, as he stood a bit longer in front of him, studying his face. His heart skipped a beat, making him short of breath, when Mark's smile widened, showing his canine teeth. The younger had to clear his throat to actually move on and go to the meeting, instead of admiring his friend's face.

    The cafe was packed when Jinyoung opened the door, a pleasant smell of coffee invading his nostrils, as the sounds of the people's conversation almost muffled the ring of a small bell, announcing the arrive of another customer. He looked around the place, searching for his friend, but he couldn't find the familiar mop of black hair in the sea of businessmen and businesswomen. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the first button of his white shirt, before reaching into his pocket for his phone, when he heard Taehyun's voice calling him. His eyes immediately followed the source of the voice, seeing his long time friend sitting in a corner of the cafe, waving at him with a mischievous smile on his face.

    "Hey man, long time no see!" Taehyun's cheerful voice resounded, when Jinyoung approached the table, passing through the crowd of waitresses and busy customers.

    "Hey, Taehyun! How are you?" Jinyoung asked, taking a seat in front of his friend, when a young waitress walked up to their table, asking for the order. "A black coffee with a bit of milk, please". He said politely, before his attention focused back at his friend.

    "I moved to Seoul, because I got a job here, in a bank" Taehyun explained with a smug smile, adjusting his tie.  

    "That's great! We can meet more frequently now" Jinyoung chuckled, his good mood was reaching the ceiling of the cafe, feeling like the good old times, when they were almost inseparable along with his two other friends Minwoo and Hyunseung a few years ago. He wanted to catch up with all of his friends so badly, but their busy schedules didn't allow them to meet. That's why Jinyoung was surprised, but delighted at the same time when Taehyun called him this morning, asking for a meeting.

    "Yeah, how about you? I heard you broke up with Soojin" Taehyun asked, slowly sipping on his coffee, making Jinyoung's mood drop in a matter of seconds after asking this question. 

    "You heard? From who exactly?" 

    "Soojin."

    "Right." Jinyoung snorted at his friend's answer, as the remnants of his good humor vanished from his system at the mention of his ex. It was a while since they broke up, but the girl still sometimes calls him; every call gets rejected. It was to be expected that Taehyun will ask about her sooner or later this afternoon, since he was Soojin's best friend - if not for him, Jinyoung wouldn't meet Soojin.

    "Why did you do that, man? You were together for ages, I thought you'll invite me to your wedding soon!" His friend's face was contorted with worry, when the waitress came up, giving Jinyoung his ordered coffee, breaking their conversation temporarily. Jinyoung bowed his head to the girl, before he sighed, as his shoulders slumped. _Does he really need to justify his decision?_

    "She cheated on me again, Taehyun. I've had enough." His voice was colder and a grim expression appeared on his face, his nose crinkled and his lips drew back in a snarl. He couldn't forgive her, this time because he _actually saw her cheating on him_ , unlike the last time when he only guessed and hear about it from his friends. He didn't know if he had any feelings left for her, the one particular boy, whose smile was brightening the gloomiest day, preoccupies his mind recently, making it difficult for thinking about anyone else.  

    "Okay, but she regrets it!" His friend remarked, as his eyebrows raised up on his forehead, reaching his black bangs. 

    "Do you expect me to forgive her another betrayal? Please." Jinyoung laughed with disbelief, as he shook his head disapprovingly. He came here to have a good time with his friend, but the topic of their conversation wasn't anything he expected; he suddenly wanted to come back home and spend the rest of the day with Mark.

    "But still, you know she loves you. I know it would be hard to forgive, but you forgave her in the past, right? You love her too-"

    "Yah, did you meet with me just to convince me to come back to her?" Jinyoung raised his voice slightly, as the burning feeling of anger grew in his stomach, his eyes squinted at his friend. _How could he ask him this?_

    "I just want my best friend to be happy." He answered, unfazed by Jinyoung's outburst of anger and his dangerous tone. Jinyoung, without thinking, straightened himself confidently in the chair, as his eyes were maintaining an strong eye contact without blinking even once, before he answered, the image of his flatmate appeared on his mind. 

    "I'm happy now" 

    "Why? Did you find-"

    "Oppa" Suddenly a voice interrupted Taehyun's sentence and Jinyoung felt a soft tap on his shoulder, he knew who it was without turning around. He could recognize this honeyed tone everywhere. Taehyun smiled brightly at the newcomer and Jinyoung now realized that everything was planned. _And he had enough_.

    "It was your plan, huh?" He asked, standing up from his chair and turning his gaze on the petite girl in front of him. He was mad, the vein in his neck throbbing, but he tried his best to not be consumed by the destructive emotion. It was really hard though, because the moment he saw his ex-girlfriend made him feel resentful and betrayed, as the images of their last meeting flooded into his mind abruptly.

    "I'm sorry, but it was the only way you'll talk with me! You don't pick up my calls-"

    "Are you surprised?!" He growled, making the people in the cafe glanced at them curiously. Soojin bowed her head in their direction, apologizing quietly for his sudden outburst, causing Jinyoung's anger grow even more, as he clenched his jaw along with his fists.

    "No, but I wanted to apologize. I love you and it was a mistake-"

    "I don't care, I don't love you" Jinyoung answered curtly, turning on his heel and heading for the exit of the place, when he felt a firm tug on his sleeve.

    "Oppa, please give me a chance..." She pleaded, as her eyes glistened with tears and the corners of her mouth turned downwards. Jinyoung looked at her hand, gripping on his arm, before he wriggled harshly from her hold. He pressed his lips together as his breath became uneven, the anger consuming him whole.

    "I gave you too many chances already." He stated and left the place, squeezing through the crowd of people.

 

 

  
     _Jinyoung was furious._  

    Before he came back to the apartment, he went to the store to buy a few bottles of soju. The sky was dusky, a cool breeze trying to cool his reddened and sweated face down, as his thoughts were clouded with images of the situation from over a dozen of minutes. He couldn't believe that one of his best friends made him look like an idiot. Jinyoung thought Taehyun wants to meet with him to catch up with him and to reminisce about old times, just to realize that this whole get-together meeting was organized by his ex-girlfriend. The thought made him feel a strong pressure in his chest and his strong grip on the plastic bag with soju tightened, his knuckles becoming white. 

 

 

    Jinyoung opened the door of the apartment to see Mark sprawled out on the sofa with his legs on the arms of it, watching some commercials on the tv, before the elder noticed him and jumped on the seat, sitting properly with his back straightened. Jinyoung chuckled slightly at his adorable behavior, but he couldn't smile fully just yet, Mark seemed to sense his tensed aura.

    "What happened?" He asked quietly, hesitating, as he stood from the sofa and made a step in Jinyoung's direction. The younger sighed, even though he considered Mark his best friend, the situation was still too fresh and Jinyoung didn't want to vent his rage at his precious hyung. 

    "We're drinking tonight, hyung" Jinyoung stated, placing the shopping bag on the kitchen counter, earning a worried glance from Mark.

    "Is there something to celebrate?" Mark tilted his head, as his lips formed a pout, Jinyoung found himself staring at them for too long.

    "Well, you can say so." _There was something to celebrate_ , the fact that he didn't surrender to his ex's pleading to come back to her was also a huge victory, considering that Jinyoung always forgave her. 

    "Okay then, I'll get the snacks." Mark said, but he looked unconvinced, as his eyed Jinyoung on the side, his mind occupied with something. Jinyoung loved that about him - he never tried to drill down the subject, knowing that it might be difficult for the other. Although, all Jinyoung needed was a hug, drowning in a comfortable silence, but he was too sober to initiate the gesture, he didn't want to make Mark uncomfortable, _he observed that the elder wasn't fan of skinship_. 

 

 

    They were sitting on the sofa in the dimly lit living room, watching some reality shows with a weird sense of humor, as the soju started to buzz in Jinyoung's head, what didn't persuade him to stop drinking, as he opened another bottle with his shaking hands. Surprisingly, his anger was replaced with a different emotion in his stomach, even his ex-girlfriend was replaced by a different person now in his mind. Jinyoung's eyes couldn't leave Mark's face even for a moment, Mark's head turning in his direction from time to time, making an one-second eye contact before fixing his gaze on the tv screen again, with a deep shade of red on his cheeks. Jinyoung liked to think that Mark's cheeks flushed because of him, not the alcohol he drank (though Jinyoung drank a lot more than him). 

    Jinyoung's stomach tingled nervously, as he watched Mark sipping at the bottle of soju slowly, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, as he swallowed each sip. He bit his lower lip as his eyes fixed on Mark's pink, plump and wet lips, when Mark licked the remains of the alcohol with his pink tongue, Jinyoung followed the suit unknowingly. His heart started to beat faster and he gulped when Mark caught Jinyoung's gaze again. This time their gazes were locked for a few long seconds, the reality show in the TV suddenly forgotten, as the intimate atmosphere leaned over them. When Mark stood up from the couch, Jinyoung suddenly stood up too, the alcohol made his feet stumble a bit, and grabbed Mark's arm, preventing him from walking away. Mark's slack-jawed face expression and his widened eyes didn't faze Jinyoung at all.

    "Hyung..." He whispered, his breath became heavy, as his stomach tightened with a weird feeling of anticipation. Mark's blush deepened, his body frozen in Jinyoung's grasp. The younger leaned more into Mark's personal space, his gaze dropping from the elder's eyes to his inevitable lips. Jinyoung felt the urge to capture them as fast as possible, the excited feeling in his lower stomach made his vision fuzzy, as he reached out his arms, grabbing Mark's cheeks and pressed his lips into his shiny ones clumsily, pushing his body forward against the wall with a bit of force.

    He heard Mark's soft gasp as he moved his lips against Mark's, the feeling of his soft lips suddenly wasn't enough, as he slipped his tongue between Mark's parted lips swiftly. Jinyoung felt Mark's hands on his chest, pushing him off abruptly, breaking the kiss, breathing heavily. Jinyoung's hands were still on his cheeks when he did so, his thumbs caressing his soft skin, as his eyes locked with Mark's for a split second, before he leaned in again, devouring Mark's mouth hungrily, the arousal and excitement he suddenly felt didn't let him to end the act he just started - _the burning passion he suddenly felt in his stomach couldn't get away._ He wanted more - before Mark could could move Jinyoung's hands fell on Mark's neck, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss, while he tilted his head to the side to get a better angle as their parted lips collided again, their tongues flicking against each other in a needy way. His lower region started to react, feeling as Mark's tongue swirled around his, responding to the kiss, as his hands touched Jinyoung's sides carefully. Jinyoung felt the heat consuming him from the inside, as his senses sharpened; Mark's man scent invaded his nostrils suddenly, his hesitant touches burned his skin trough the clothes. Jinyoung pressed his body into Mark's even more, the elder pressed into a wall behind him, as he inserted his leg between Mark's tights to remove any distance between them, making Mark whimper at the movement. Mark's moves became bolder, as his arms wrapped around his hips, his palms brushing Jinyoung's butt cheeks in the process. Jinyoung's head felt dizzy with arousal and alcohol, his hands traveled from Mark's face to his neck, his fingerprints touching his soft skin and when they reached the elder's chest... he suddenly froze. 

    Jinyoung's palms were pressed against Mark's _flat_ chest. He suddenly bacame aware of the bulge in Mark's pants, touching his thigh, as his face became hot and his heart thumbed against his chest firmly, even though the alcohol was still flowing in his veins, the reality of the situation finally hit him. 

   _Mark wasn't a girl, this wasn't right._

    Jinyoung wasn't gay. He had never been in love with a guy before, yet _why does it feel so good to kiss a man? Why Jinyoung got so aroused, noticing that Mark likes it too?_ It's been a while since he slept with anyone, so _maybe it was the reason of the excitement he felt when Mark respond to his kiss? Maybe he could sleep with anyone now, just to satisfy his lust? Maybe his sex-deprived hormones couldn't distinguish a man from a woman now?_

    Jinyoung's mind was running fast now, as he pushed himself from Mark, making a few steps back, almost tripping over the empty bottle on the carpet. His movements were clumsy, the alcohol was still clouding his mind, as his breath was heavy and uneven and the pressure in his pants seemed to be too much; his lower region was still heated up by their make out session. Jinyoung felt extremely embarrassed when he locked eyes with Mark's shocked ones for a split second, before he turned on his heel and left the apartment without a word. _He didn't miss the hurt expression on the elder's face._

 

    He leaned against the wall of the apartment complex's hallway, hiding his face in his hands, realizing what he did. He suddenly felt like he isn't himself, he had a girlfriend for so many years and he had never felt this way to the other man. _What if he was gay? How could he live with it?_ It terrified him.

      _He had to be himself again._  He decided to go to Soojin.

 

 

* * *

 

  
    Mark stood frozen by the wall of the living room for a while, after Jinyoung hurriedly left the apartment. His heart was beating fast and a heated up make out session was enough for his erection to soak in precum. Mark stepped into the shower, releasing cold water on his heated body to wash off his arousal and the bitter feeling of betrayal. He was terrified, _he didn't want his past to come and haunt him the same way it did_ , but Mark was naive. He had never dreamt about the situation which occurred just now. Mark still feels Jinyoung's touch linger on his skin, his soft lips and tongue on his mouth and it made him choke a sob. _What was he thinking?!_ He felt awful, he didn't want Jinyoung to find out about his feelings and _the fact that Mark responded to his kisses was enough to prove his feelings to the younger, right?_ He was shocked it was Jinyoung who initiated it all, but Mark knew it was the alcohol; _it wasn't possible that Jinyoung liked him that way._ Mark's eyes watered and his chest tightened uncomfortably, when he remembered Jinyoung's face. The mix of disgust and embarrassment were the words Mark could use to describe Jinyoung's face expression before he left. The younger didn't even spare a glance at him before he left, nor he say anything.

    Mark's hair was soaking wet as the water hit them, washing over his whole body, making him feel even more miserable. His warm tears were falling on his cheeks; the cold water mixed with them, making them invisible.

    He looked at his forearms, leading a finger along one of the many long, pink scars, which he hated so much. Scars that reminded him what a failure he is. He chuckled bitterly eyeing them, water hitting the pink marks without any care in the world, as his mind flooded with images of Jinyoung, before he broke down, feeling the pressure on his neck and chest, as he hid his face in his hands, sobbing. 

     _Apparently he's not destined to be happy being who he is._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked today's chapter.  
> Now the things will complicate a bit more - anticipate another chapter! 
> 
> Thank you for your support :')


	7. Seven

 

 

     Mark woke up early in the morning, his eyes were puffy and red from crying himself to sleep last night. Although he seemed a bit calmer about the incident, his mind was still full of images of Jinyoung's face so close to his, the feeling of his soft lips moving against Mark's didn't fade and the touches of the younger's hands still lingered on his body. It wasn't something he was happy about; he wanted the feelings to go away as fast as possible. He knew that the younger didn't like him that way, he learned that Jinyoung gets overly touchy while drunk and Mark was just another victim of his drunken self. He was scared to encounter Jinyoung today. He was afraid that he'll isolate himself from Mark and stop being his friend. Mark wasn't sure if he could return to everything before the kiss, but the thing he was most scared about was rejection of a person who has become very important to him, reciprocating his feelings or not. His chest tightened at the thought of Jinyoung finding out about Mark's love to him, hidden in the heat and eagerness of their kisses.

    Mark crawled out from under the covers sluggishly, rubbing his eyes, feeling as if his body weighed ten times more after the previous evening. Mark felt a growing anxiety in the stomach, boiling and reflecting in the beating of his heart, which accelerated its run. He was thinking about taking a day off, but he could not show that Jinyoung's action yesterday concerned him to the point of staying at home. _Does Jinyoung remember anything, anyway?_ He wondered as he grabbed his phone from the nightstand - 4 messages and 6 missed calls from Jaebum. Mark went to sleep early yesterday, the tears rolling from his eyes uncontrollably made him tired and alcohol flowing in his veins lulled him to sleep pretty quickly. Mark sighed, sliding his finger on the phone screen, before he began to read the messages.

    8:26 pm From Jaebum

     _Remember to come to Jiyeon's birthday party next Sunday, don't give me any excuses!_

    8:29 pm From Jaebum

     _This time I won't let go. Bring Jinyoung with you if you want :P_

    8:43 pm From Jaebum

     _Yah, are you ignoring me?_

    9:06 pm From Jaebum

     _Hyung, what's wrong? Did something happen? Call me immediately!_

    Mark knew his friend was worried about him not replying, Mark's answers were always quick - unless he was at work, or something happened. And Jaebum probably realized that something wasn't right. 

    Mark wondered if he should tell his friend about Jinyoung, how he kissed him and Mark not resisting his gesture at all, drowning himself mindlessly in his lips and touches, exposing himself fully to the harm, despite the fact that the younger was completely drunk and probably doesn't remember breaking Mark's heart when he left with a weird expression on his face. In the past, when Mark was still in the stage of his life when everything was useless and empty, Mark's therapist kept saying that in order to be okay and not choke himself mentally with the overwhelming emotions, he has to pour out his sorrows somehow, writing his feelings down or talking about them with anyone. Jaebum was always the one who Mark confided in the most when the turning point in his life had taken its place - in high school where he was bullied by his supposed friends, when they found out about Mark's sexuality. His friends also accused him of something he didn't do, all the teachers didn't believe him either. Jaebum was the only one who believed in his innocence and liked him the way he was. He was the one who pulled him up off the ground when the young and happy boy turned into a walking corpse, who has lost hope and any desire to live. Jaebum was always ready to listen to his worries, _so maybe he should turn to him again?_ But they aren't teenagers anymore. Everyone have their own lives now. _Jaebum has his own problems, Mark hesitated whether he should bother him with his own?_ He has to send him a message to show him that he's okay. _On the outside, at least._

    6:02 am To Jaebum

     _I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?_

    Jaebum's reply came immediately, and Mark felt uneasy.

    6:03 am From Jaebum

     _I know you're not lying, but I'll visit you today anyway_

     _Who was he trying to fool?_ It was Jaebum we're talking about, the person who knew him better than he knows himself.

 

    When Mark left his room, lazily gliding his feet on the wooden floor, heading to the kitchen, he noticed that the apartment was oddly quiet. He stopped in his tracks, looking around the place, when he noticed the absence of Jinyoung's shoes by the front door. Mark's heart sank at the realization that Jinyoung didn't return home for the night, as his stomach growled; _his clenched throat won't let him swallow anything anyway_. 

    Mark would be lying if he said that he didn't care where Jinyoung was now, he had no idea why Jinyoung was so frustrated and even if he wanted to hide it, Mark noticed the change in his behavior the moment his foot stepped into the apartment last evening. All Mark knew was that he was supposed to meet with his long time friend, he was smiling from ear to ear all day and even though Mark felt a weak twinge of jealousy in his chest, seeing Jinyoung in such a joyful mood, he couldn't help but to smile at his friend's happiness. Therefore, Mark wondered _what happened at the meeting that Jinyoung came home tensed and with a strong determination to empty all the bottles of soju, which he brought with him._

    The worry seemed to vanish a little bit at the sight of Jinyoung's car in the parking lot when he was walking to the work, _at least Jinyoung didn't drive drunk._

 

 

 

    Mark's eyes caught Jinyoung right away as soon as he entered the office this morning. The younger seemed to be oblivious to the presence of the elder ( _or he pretended not to see him_ ), as he was talking with Jackson, with whom he apparently had a time of his life, laughing and hitting his shoulder with amusement as Jinyoung hid his smile behind his palm, like he always did. Seeing the two of them from across the room, Mark's chest tightened anxiously. _Were they talking about him? Was Jinyoung commenting about how he jokingly kissed him and Mark went all the way pushing his tongue in Jinyoung's mouth, scaring the younger? He knew he wasn't one who initiated it, but Jinyoung was drunk so maybe he doesn't remember it correctly? What if everyone in the office will find out about this? What if Jinyoung caught on about Mark's feelings to him somehow? What if Jinyoung will laugh at him with the rest, or bully him, or-_

    "Hi, hyung, you're early today" Youngjae's voice broke Mark's train of thoughts, startling him slightly, making a few steps back from him in the process. "Did you come alone today?" The younger asked, a hint of worry was evident in his silvery voice, as he followed Mark's gaze, finding the elder's flatmate at the back of the office.

    "Yeah, it just happened" He answered as casually as he could manage, trying to not seem bothered by it. Youngjae seemed to sense Mark's fake expression, his narrowed eyes travelled around his face, trying to find any answer to his doubts about the relationship of his hyungs. Mark was good at keeping his poker face, but when he noticed how Jinyoung's eyes flicked in their direction for a split second, Mark's breath hitched and his eyes widened. The moment their eyes met, before Mark's eyes appeared nothing but images of the two of them from last evening, the pressure in his chest grew, making him swallow the bitterness of the situation. Jinyoung couldn't look into Mark's eyes for too long, Jinyoung broke the contact after a second, when he lowered his head ashamedly, fiddling with cuff of his shirt. 

    "Hyung, hello!" Yugyeom walked up to them, as he hooked his arm around Mark's shoulders, "Did you see how beautiful Naeun looks today-"

    "Just ask her out already, dumbass!" Youngjae slapped his hand on Mark's shoulder, making the younger yelp in pain. Mark didn't actually follow their conversation, as his eyes couldn't leave Jinyoung even for a moment. "Hyung, the meeting will start soon, we should go-"

    "Okay, I- I must do something, go on, don't wait for me" He smiled awkwardly, while his heart started to pound frantically at the thought of approaching Jinyoung. All he could think of right now was to _escape_. He turned on his heel and walked to his cubicle, pretending to search for something in the drawer of his desk, waiting for everyone to disappear behind the conference room's door. When the last person opened the door, Mark tagged along, taking an only free seat beside his manager and Bambam. He didn't dare to look at Jinyoung even once, the younger was sitting at the end of the long glass table, listening to his uncle attentively.

 

 

  
    The lunch break was near. Mark was sitting by his desk, trying to immerse himself in his work, but his fingers didn't tap the keyboard of his laptop, the empty seat beside his cubicle made him feel lonely as never before. Jinyoung worked with Jackson today; the two of them were doing errands around the company, appearing in Mark's sight from time to time as the working hours were passing. Mark's chest tightened at the lack of Jinyoung's attention; the younger had his head lowered every time he passed Mark's cubicle. His shoulders sagged at the hopelessness of the situation. Mark should be angry with him, because _friends don't throw themselves at each other with sensual kisses and touches, right? Was Jinyoung not going to explain his yesterday's behavior?_ Jinyoung treated him terribly, kissing him and then leaving him without a word and now - ignoring his existence.

    This whole situation only scratched the wounds of Mark's past; last night was filled with tears and the strong desire to stigmatize his body with cuts which supposed to made him understand that once again he made a mistake with allocating his feelings in the wrong man, which only devastate him mentally. But he couldn't do that, he wasn't able to erase the images of his parents and Jaebum's disappointed face expressions, when a few years ago, he couldn't help but immerse sharp razor blade in the skin of his arms, allowing the view of flowing blood to give him some kind of solace. He remembers how it could have ended and Mark is a different man now - _a strong man_ , at least it's what Jaebum tells him every day.

    Mark felt the pressure on his neck and his stomach churned with anxiety, as he stared at his shaking hands on the laptop's keyboard, unable to write anything. His mind was tricking him again into thinking that it's only his fault that Jinyoung is avoiding him. _Mark wanted to hate Jinyoung_ ; it would be easier for him to move on with life, but he couldn't reject the thought that if he resisted the younger, _if he had pushed Jinyoung off him_ , once, twice - nothing would happen to their friendship. Mark was _the more sober one_ and _the hyung_ , he should just push him off and send him to bed to make the alcohol in the younger's veins wither through the night, _he should've reacted properly!_ He swallowed nervously, trying to gulp down the weird pressure in his neck, as the doubts started to eat him alive at the realization that if Jinyoung will stop talking to him, the awkwardness of the situation will make the two sick of each other and eventually Mark will have to move out of the apartment. His breath wavered as he sighed tiredly, he wanted the day to be over, he wanted to drown in his bed's quilt and sleep, avoiding everyone, everything - _life_.

    "Hyung," Jinyoung appeared suddenly on his right side, Mark's heart skipping a beat seeing the familiar face close to his own, the younger bent down a little to match their eye level, making Mark to drive off in his chair a few steps away from him, startled. "Can we- can you come to the rooftop? I want to, um, talk" Jinyoung stammered slightly, his smooth voice was barely a whisper, as he rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes refusing to look at Mark. The elder gulped, trying to calm himself somehow, but his heart couldn't slow down and his shaking hands started to sweat ruthlessly. He felt a surge of anxiety in his stomach, increasing with every passing moment, overwhelming him. _He didn't know what to expect_ , he was scared.

 

    The weather was beautiful, the warm breeze on the rooftop was ruffling Mark and Jinyoung's hair, as the two of them stood in front of each other, their gazes fixed on the gray pavement, a midday sun was casting a shadow for each of them. Mark heard the birds chirping over each other excitedly, but the atmosphere between the two of them was heavy and hardly bearable. 

    "We were pretty drunk yesterday, weren't we?" Jinyoung started quietly, breaking the awkward silence between them, his tone nervous and hesitant. He raised his eyes on the elder, and even though Mark didn't raise his own to meet his gaze, he felt how Jinyoung studied his face.

    "I guess..." He tried to sound casual, but his reply came out as an incoherent mumble. He had no idea what intentions the younger had by beginning this conversation. He didn't know how to react, _how he supposed to react to not ridicule himself in front of him?_ Mark massaged his sweated palm with his hand, his eyes still fixed on the floor. 

    "We shouldn't drink so much, I shouldn't ask about it in the first place" Jinyoung continued, shoving his black hair back away from his face uneasily, revealing his forehead. Mark was intimidated by the sight when he raised his eyes in the younger's direction, the blush covered his cheeks as his eyes fell on the younger's lips for a second, remembering the yesterday's kissing session. 

    "What are you implying?" Mark asked shyly, pretending not to know what Jinyoung is talking about, but it was clear to him now - _Jinyoung remembers everything and he wasn't too happy about what happened between them_ , judging by his behavior, his jerky movements and his broken eye contact. He was too ashamed to look at Mark's face. Mark wondered what will happen now. _Will he ask him to move out of his apartment? Will he ask him to stop talking to him, to cut any strings connecting the two of them?_

    "About yesterday... I hope it will stay between us- or we could completely forget about what happened," Jinyoung was fiddling with his watch, as his brows lowered with worry, before he continued, "I feel like shit and I'm sorry, I was just drunk and I couldn't think straight... I hope it won't destroy our friendship" He explained and his eyes met Mark's, trying to find reassurance of his words, to know that Mark thinks the same about the whole situation. 

    And Mark did, he thought that those kisses were a mistake, he knew that Jinyoung shouldn't initiate it in the first place, he knew that it's better to forget and move on... _he knew all that_. _But why does he feel like he's choking suddenly, as the tears threaten to come out of his eyes at any moment?_ Hearing those words coming out of Jinyoung's lips made his chest clenched and a sudden feeling of nausea filled his stomach. _The hope he had never admitted to hold onto, crashed into pieces_.

    "Oh, yeah, we should- we should definitely forget about it" Mark replied, before swallowing the lump in his throat, a tight lipped smile was all he managed to show to the younger. He felt a sharp pang in his heart seeing Jinyoung's relieved face expression, hearing his answer, an exaggerated sigh escaped his lips as he looked at Mark.

    "Right? I wasn't myself at all, I was angry and bitter about Soojin-"

    "Did you go to her yesterday?" Mark asked abruptly, and he cursed to himself at the bitter tone of his voice slipped through his lips uncontrollably.

    "Yeah... we're together again." _Mark should've known it'll end like that._ "She apologized and... yeah" The younger scratched his neck with a sheepish smile and Mark felt his limbs became weak and the rest of the strength left his body; the reality of the situation he was in finally hit him. Mark had no chances with Jinyoung. _He will never be his._ Jinyoung won't ever love a man - _he would never love Mark._ All that remained, was the memory of the taste of Jinyoung's lips and the warmth of his soft touches on his skin. 

    "Oh, that's... great" Mark commented, attempted to sound happy for his friend, as the volume of his voice raised a little, as he rubbed his arm in self-comfort. He felt relieved noticing that Jinyoung didn't find out about his feelings for him, though.

    "It is, right? I feel happy again." Jinyoung tugged at his earlobe, as his eyes darted from Mark to the pavement. Mark found Jinyoung's behavior strange, as the sentence didn't match his appearance, but he probably still feels kind of awkward with his girlfriend, she was the one who cheated on him anyway and it certainly made him quite uncomfortable in this relationship. _He must really love her if he forgave her another betrayal_ , Mark thought. "Okay, since we're good now and the lunch time is still on we can go to eat. Maybe we'll go outside to grab something? I'm paying!" He smiled widely at Mark, whose mood wasn't that upbeat as his flatmate, but he agreed nevertheless, nodding his head. 

    Jinyoung continued the conversation, when they were coming down the stairs of the company, intending to go somewhere to eat, Mark was following right behind him, as he was fighting back tears, swallowing and breathing heavily, from time to time answering in monosyllables. He felt awful, he knew that he shouldn't expect anything from Jinyoung; he had said that the friendship is all he need from him, but now, knowing the taste of Jinyoung's lips made him realize that friendship is not enough and _it'll never be_.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit short this time...
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos and such a nice comments, you're making me so happy!  
> Next chapter will be up sooner than usually! 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Eight

 

 

    Jinyoung came back to Soojin's apartment after work. He decided to give himself a break from living with Mark for a while because of what he did last evening. Seeing Mark at work today was enough to feel his guts tighten nervously, as the images of their encounter flashed before his eyes. Even when he came to Soojin last night, touching and kissing her, he couldn't help but think of Mark, his hesitant hands travelling on his back, his moist lips which Jinyoung couldn't resist. 

    Jinyoung shouldn't think about him that way. It was wrong and Mark could misinterpret his yesterday's action. _Mark is a precious friend of his_ , who intrigued Jinyoung, his mysterious aura has made him want to know about him more since their first meeting. Even though Mark's behavior was stand-offish to him like to any other coworker, Jinyoung felt a warmness spread in his chest, as a strange feeling of protectiveness towards the elder washed over him. When Mark began to open up to him more and more, Jinyoung felt proud, he realized that all their hard work getting to know each other wasn't in vain. Mark began to feel comfortable around him at some point and Jinyoung felt honored, _not everyone could befriend Mark._  

    The elder trusted him and Jinyoung had misused this trust last evening, making their relationship very awkward.

    He offered Jackson to do the errands with him (to what his friend agreed with an over-excited squeal and overdone skinship), because he tried to avoid Mark at work _initially_. He wasn't mad at him, nor he was disgusted; _it was all his fault anyway._ He was furious with himself, because _how could he let his drunken mind to let  him do whatever it wants, making him push Mark onto the wall and kiss him sensually?_ Even though Mark pushed him off at first, Jinyoung had the guts to actually continue the act, ignoring the elder's gesture. Jinyoung still felt embarrassed after all this in the morning; lying in bed with Soojin, her naked body pressed into his own under the covers. He wanted to cry, as his heart rate sped up at the thought of the last evening's event, Mark appeared in his mind again just before he opened his eyes, returning to the gray reality. He still wanted to be his friend, he couldn't imagine his life without Mark now, he was scared that Mark will hate him or at least distance himself from him because of the kiss.

    He approached Mark at the lunch break only, being unable to ignore the elder any more. He felt bad, but he had to fix the situation somehow. Even though Mark responded to his action, kissing him as eagerly as Jinyoung did, the two of them were still drunk and didn't know what they were doing. He knew that _the sober Mark_ wouldn't like that at all. He knew the elder enough to know that he wasn't fond of skinship; when Jinyoung accidentally touched him, brushing his hand with his own, as he tried to reach something from his desk for example, Mark was always tensed at the gesture and Jinyoung could imagine how uncomfortable he felt. Jinyoung, on the other hand, enjoyed himself too much last evening, before reality hit him hard in the guts and now he tries to convince himself that he, too, _didn't like that at all._

  
    Jinyoung sighed once more as he sat down on the sofa in Soojin's spacious living room, loosening his tie, remembering the events of the past hours in the work. _Mark agreed with him_ \- last night was a mistake and the two of them should definitely forget about what happened. It's for the best. Jinyoung should forget, the matter was clarified. But it wasn't that easy, when the strange sinking feeling in his stomach remained.

    "Oppa!" Soojin's voice resounded, as she threw herself at him, clinging to his arm and placing a quick kiss on his lips. "I made a dinner, especially for you!"  

    "Oh, that's nice, I haven't eaten a real dinner for a while" Jinyoung smiled politely, but he wasn't hungry at all, his guts tightened, as the images of his bickering with Mark over what they should order for dinner everyday invaded his mind. His face expression brightened suddenly at the memory.

    "Oh? Then it's a good thing that we're together again" Soojin smiled, as she traced her finger along the bridge of Jinyoung's nose. Honestly, Jinyoung didn't really forgive her yet, he still felt angry and betrayed at her for cheating on him, _but_ _apparently it didn't matter to him now._ He felt bad for agreeing to come back to her even though he didn't feel anything for her anymore. The last evening's encounter with Mark made him _think too much, feel too much_ _and he was deeply confused._ He couldn't allow himself to think that he feels much more than just friendship and protectiveness towards the older man.

    "Oppa, will you move in or should I move into your apartment?" The girl asked suddenly, her sweet honey- like voice resounded in the room, as she looked up through the lashes at his boyfriend. This question threw Jinyoung off guard, he didn't expect that she will mention it so fast. But still, _it was Soojin_ , the clingy girl which Jinyoung was in love with for the past few years. He didn't want to live with her, _the situation was different now_ , he wasn't even sure if he wanted to be with her as her boyfriend. He was aware of the fact that lying to her (or keeping her in unawareness of his true feelings) isn't a good way out of this situation. As selfish as it sounded, all he wanted for now, was to calm his feelings down and think about it again, away from Mark and his handsome face.

    "I think I'll sleep for a few days at yours... I don't want to move in too fast." Jinyoung answered, avoiding her gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck uneasily. 

    "Too fast?" The girl gasped slightly, before she continued, her tone light and amused, "Oppa, we're together almost 4 years, don't you think we should think about our wedding soon?"

    "Wedding?" Jinyoung asked with disbelief, turning his head in Soojin's direction, _it wasn't a month since she cheated on him and she still thinks he wants to marry her?_

    "Yeah, we are engaged remember?" She giggled, raising his left hand, showing him a silver ring with a small diamond on her ring finger. _Of course Jinyoung remembers_ , but he doesn't think it still counts after their break up.

    "We _were_ engaged. I don't think about it for now" He replied, standing up from the sofa and walking to the kitchen, Soojin following the suit.

    "But…" She whined, as her eyes shimmered with tears, not leaving Jinyoung for a moment. Jinyoung almost forgot how childish she sometimes was. She was always right, _even if she wasn't_ , Jinyoung had to put up with her to avoid her throwing a tantrum. Soojin always cried to get what she wanted and Jinyoung had to tolerate it and agreeing to everything to calm her and her flowing tears.

    "Give it time, okay?" Jinyoung answered, as he poured himself a cup of mineral water, before she pouted  and flew out to her bedroom, slamming the doors behind her back. Jinyoung sighed, massaging his temples, wondering how in the world he found himself in this situation. He wasn't sure if he'll be able to keep a cool head when she acts like that.

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

  
    "You two- what?!" Jaebum's eyes bugged out, as Mark told him about last evening's make out session with Jinyoung. Jaebum visited him after work as he promised, and they were sitting in the kitchen, sipping on the fresh orange juice and eating a Chinese take out which Jaebum bought him on the way here. "I can't believe it! And he just left without a word? What an asshole!" His friend yelled, the bewilderment evident in his facial expression, as his brows furrowed in anger. Mark sighed, as his shoulders sagged, he predicted his friend will react like that. Mark only waited for him to say _"I told you so"_ , because he was the one who was reluctant of him living with his _straight_ crush.

    "He was drunk and he apologized already-"

    "Don't try to justify him and don't deny that he's an asshole! Where are your trust issues when you need them the most, huh?" Jaebum stared at him intensely without blinking even once, waiting for an answer. "What did you say?"

    "Nothing, I just nodded-"

    "Hyung, you just let it slide?! What if that evolved into something more? You would still be obedient like a puppy?! Have some pride, hyung!" Jaebum ruffled his hair in frustration and Mark felt as the anger in his stomach grew, his hands started to shake.

    "What should I say then?! Should I scream in his face how much it confused me and disappointed me? Maybe should I just say that I love him and make myself miserable in front of him, to arouse his compassion or even disgust, because he can't reciprocate my feelings?!" Mark snarled, his tone of voice louder and confident, as he straightened his back on the chair. Jaebum's facial expression seemed to soften a bit at the explosion of his best friend's emotions.

    "That's because he doesn't know about your feelings, he thinks he can do everything-"

    "Jaebum, you're not serious, are you?!" Mark cut his sentence swiftly, squinting his eyes at him, feeling as the anger slowly evaporating from his system after the outbreak. Mark felt miserable, _does Jaebum thinks it's easy for him now?_

    "Okay, I'm sorry. I just want you to be okay, that's all. I'm worried about you. _Run away from toxic people_ , remember?" He quoted the words of Mark's therapist who would always tell him that he must clear his surroundings from people who make him feel bad and worthless. Mark squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, trying to calm his breathing as a wave of nausea washed over him.

    "I know. But how can I do this, how can I cut him off, when he was the only one who had the patience to put up with me, tried to know me, tried to be my friend even if I'm such a boring person? Shouldn't I be happy with what I have?"

     "Hyung!" Jaebum whined, "You'll feel worse in his company! If he got together with his ex, doesn't it mean that she'll move in with him again? Could you endure it?" His friend tried to convince him, that he should just forget about everything, _about Jinyoung_. Mark was sure it wasn't possible at this point. Even though his friendship wasn't enough, he should just accept his fate and follow it faithfully. "Where is he now, anyway?" 

    "He's at her place now," Mark answered, downcasting his eyes on the paper package of Chinese noodles, defeated.

    "And how do you feel about it? What if the two of them really move in together here?" Jaebum asked, his voice softer and a lot quieter than before. He pulled a piece of beef out of his portion of noodles with stainless steel chopsticks, placing it on top of Mark's untouched one. Mark felt the warmness spread in his chest at the younger's gesture; even though Mark was older than him, it was Jaebum who always acted like the oldest, taking care of him.

    "Then I'll move out. I actually thought about it… maybe he would like to live with her here, but he doesn't have the courage to throw me out?" Mark wondered, grabbing the chopsticks and digging them into his meal absentmindedly.

    "See? He's toxic. He makes you think too much, it brings you down and depress you." Jaebum remarked, leaning slightly towards Mark across the table, his eyes piercing into Mark's, as the elder shook his head.

    "But didn't you say that I was a lot better lately, that you can almost see the old, cheerful me more often after I met Jinyoung?"

    "That's true, but look where you're standing now. It will complicate more and more and I don't want you to feel worse than this, I don't want to see you in that state again, when you couldn't even get out of bed on your own, to see your glazed eyes, looking in one place, like the darkness swallowed you whole." Jaebum trailed off, giving him a worried glance, as sadness clouded his features at the memory of the past. Mark realized that his friend still cares about his well being and even though he was thankful, he couldn't erase Jinyoung from his life.

    "It's just-"

    "Hey" Jinyoung emerged from a small corridor and raised his hand in greeting, as Mark's heart quickened abruptly, making his eyes widen in shock, his body frozen. He didn't hear the crack of the doors opening, he was afraid Jinyoung heard them, as their conversation fell on the very uncomfortable and heavy topic. Jaebum shoot him a quick glance, his eyes glowered at the younger, as he raised his hand dismissively, greeting him. "I'm here only for a new set of clothes and a toothbrush" Jinyoung explained and, as much as Mark hated the fact that Jinyoung won't sleep in his apartment another night, he nodded, smiling at him politely. _He will probably move in with her soon_ , he thought, as his stomach sank at the realization that Jaebum's predictions could be true.

    "Well, okay, that's your apartment anyway. Make yourself at home." Jaebum said dryly with crossed arms on his chest, as a fake smile appeared on his features, making the atmosphere cold and unbearable. Mark observed the situation, when Jinyoung nodded, smiling awkwardly in his direction, before turning his gaze to Mark with an unreadable expression. And it was when Mark realized that the last evening was supposed to stay between them, but Mark blurted out everything to Jaebum; it was clear that Jaebum knows everything, judging by his displeasure showed on his face and harsh tone of voice towards Jinyoung.

    "I'll have to go now, " Jaebum said after a moment, an exasperated sigh escaping his lips, as he stood from the chair, making a few steps towards the front door. Mark followed him, seeing Jinyoung searching for something in the small closet in the apartment's corridor, while Jaebum was tying his shoes. Even though Mark never had anything against silence, _this time it was hard to endure it,_ the feeling of anxiety filled his stomach, before Jaebum broke the silence once again. "And, hyung, don't worry, your room is still available at my apartment, closed and prepared for your return" He declared, before his eyes flicked in Jinyoung's direction, making sure the younger hears him. Seeing Jaebum's behavior, Mark immediately felt embarrassed and he smacked Jaebum's arm with narrowed eyes, making the younger hiss in pain. _Jaebum went too far._ He hated the fact that Jinyoung could think that the last evening's incident affected Mark in some way, that he wants to run away, even after he told Jinyoung that it's okay, ensuring him that their relationship hasn't changed.

 

    After Jaebum left, the awkward silence didn't leave the apartment. Jinyoung was still packing some things into his bag, while Mark stood in the corridor for a while, rubbing his hands together uneasily. Jinyoung didn't say anything to him, and Mark suddenly had no courage to say anything either; even though the two of them _theoretically_ explained that the kisses didn't mean anything and that it won't affect their friendship in the future, _it didn't seem to be true in practice_.

    Mark passed by Jinyoung in the corridor, sending him a quick smile before he went to his room, closing the door behind him. He leaned on them for a while, hearing how Jinyoung bustled around the apartment, going from one room to another, opening closets and rustling with some clothes. _Mark missed him_ , even if he was fully aware that he shouldn't; he hated how their relationship worked now. Mark slouched to his bed, throwing himself on it tiredly, hiding his face in the colorful pillows, as his eyes closed slowly. When he heard a knock on his room's doors, he sprung up to his feet; _"I'm going, see you tomorrow"_ , Jinyoung's soft voice resounded, the cracking of the doors announcing that he left the apartment before Mark could open the door and say anything.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter is here, wow it was fast (I'm sorry it's even shorter than the previous one ;;)
> 
> Thank you for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! You're the best! ♥


	9. Nine

 

 

   A few days passed and Jinyoung and Mark's relationship hasn't changed. Even though they agreed that it was just a mistake powered by their (Jinyoung's) drunken minds, the two of them felt somewhat awkward around each other. Especially when they saw each other only at work, the absence of Jinyoung in his apartment didn't give any chance to improve their relations. Jinyoung actually was a bit afraid that what Jaebum said was true - _maybe Mark thought about moving out of his apartment?_ He felt like he has to do something to prevent their friendship from vanishing, making the two of them become strangers again. Jinyoung knew he should do something, their relationship was fragile enough to break at any time, even though the two of them played their roles well, acting like everything's fine.

    Jinyoung hated the situation they were in right now, he noticed how Mark doesn't look at him like he used to, the shine in his dark eyes was gone and his smile became less enthusiastic, Jinyoung have never thought that the elder's polite smile could make his stomach drop _._ He was the one who avoids Mark, so it's only in his power to fix it and make everything okay again. 

    The change of their behavior didn't go unnoticed by their coworkers at some point; Bambam spoke one day on the lunch break, his squinted eyes darted from Mark to Jinyoung suspiciously, noticing how quiet and reserved the two of them were with each other.

    "Is there something wrong guys? Are you two going through a dry spell from each other?"

    "The first real fight in the marriage, huh?" Yugyeom chuckled, but the two of them didn't react at their younger coworker's teasing. Jinyoung was used to them teasing them about their closeness; Jinyoung and Mark were inseparable at work, they were having fun with each other and, on the top of that, they were living with each other, _no wonder Yugyeom is always teasing them about being married._

    "Everything's okay, right?" Jinyoung said, turning his head slightly at Mark, who was now chewing his sandwich, his filled cheeks made Jinyoung smile warmly at the elder, who looked like a cute hamster. Mark swallowed quickly, before clearing his throat, nodding.

    "Of course" Mark smiled at Jinyoung and it was the first direct smile for him in days (Jinyoung didn't even realized since when he started to count the elder's smiles for him) and even though the smile wasn't anything special, _a smile who everyone received all of pure politeness_ , which Jinyoung grew to feel uncomfortable with at this point, he felt the weird tickling feeling in his stomach as their eyes meet. 

    "Yeah, they're totally not fighting" Bambam joked, shaking his head at his hyung's behavior, but Jinyoung only sighed, _was it obvious that something is off?_ Jackson wedged himself in the scene, placing his meal on the table and finally taking a seat beside Jinyoung, who began to feel a bit uncomfortable with him standing behind him for the past minute or so.

    "Okay, jokes aside, your girl is coming, Mark-hyung" Jackson announced with a smirk on his face, gesturing to the cafeteria's entrance with a quick motion of his head, making the gazes of the group fixing in the said direction. When Jinyoung saw Naeun approaching them from across the place, he glanced at Mark's who's face was unreadable, as he continued eating his meal. Jinyoung's body got tensed, as he fought with his thoughts, realizing that he's not okay with whatever the girl has to say to him, but knowing that it would be better for his friend if he got himself a girlfriend at the same time. _Isn't it what he wanted? To help Mark being more sociable and befriend as much people as he could?_  It was his first intention when he saw Mark for the first time, his shy and introverted nature awakened his maternal instincts, which he didn't know he had, making him care about the elder instantly. Then came an appreciation for his i _ntelligence, sense of humor, the tone of his voice, his laugh..._ Lately Jinyoung began to analyze his last escapade in more detail and tried to understand what drove him to kiss him. _Maybe the care he felt towards him wasn't driven by  pure feeling of friendship?_ His train of thoughts was interrupted by his phone, vibrating for the 100th time today, as the group was chit chatting with Naeun, who had pressed her hand to her cheeks, hiding her blush when her eyes meet with Mark's. Jinyoung didn't like this at all, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to busy himself with anything and try to ignore the burning feeling in his stomach, he looked at the screen of his device - _it's Soojin calling._ He decided to get the call, Soojin is calling him all day, _so maybe it's something important anyway?_ He glanced at Mark and Naeun once again, before he stood up from his chair and left the cafeteria to answer the call, the cool and quiet company's hallway didn't seem to calm the weird feeling growing in his stomach. 

    "Oppa! Why don't you answer my calls?" Soojin's pretentious voice made Jinyoung sigh tiredly, as he leaned against a wall with closed eyes. 

    "Soojin, did you forget I'm at work?" His remark came off colder than he intended it to be. Jinyoung has been absorbed in thoughts of Mark the entire lunch break, his hidden feelings began to uncover itself more and more, making him doubtful, but also intelligible as to what he could feel to the elder and it wasn't a good time for Soojin to call.

    "I know, but that doesn't mean you can't answer, right?" The girl answered, unfazed by Jinyoung's cold and dismissive tone of voice, while he touched the bridge of his nose.

    "Okay, so why are you calling?"

    "I went to your apartment before work and I'm upset that you didn't tell me that you have a roommate-"

    "Why did you go there!?" Jinyoung couldn't believe his ears. _Did Soojin still have the keys to his apartment all this time?_  

    "I just wanted to leave a couple of my things there-" That was the last straw of Jinyoung's patience breaking, realizing that Soojin interfere in his private life without his content. _It's true that they're going out,_ _but the things after their break up weren't the same!_ _Jinyoung told her already that he doesn't want to live with her, yet she brought her things to his apartment?_ She didn't change at all, she still is self-absorbed and doesn't listen to Jinyoung's opinion at all, ignoring everything what could bring an inconvenience in her life. _Well, maybe they're a bit similar in that matter._

    "I told you I don't want to live together for now! Are you listening to me at all?" Jinyoung's heart started to beat at fast pace, the anger he felt seemed to burn a hole in his stomach. 

    "Oppa, we're together and I don't understand why you're like this? Why won't you tell me who lives in your apartment-"

    "Oppa, why? I'm not pretty?" His ears perked at the familiar girly voice, when he looked from behind the wall nonchalantly and saw Naeun standing in front of Mark a few meters from Jinyoung, his breath hitched, as he couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene. His anger and phone conversation with his girlfriend suddenly forgotten.

    "You are, but... I'm sorry, I can't go out with you." He heard Mark say, his voice apologetic, as he scratched the back of his neck with a troubled expression. Jinyoung was glad that they didn't see him, as he peeked from behind the wall, feeling his guts tightening at the serious atmosphere around them.

    "Is there someone else you like?" Naeun asked, her eyes fixed on the floor, as she fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist shyly. Jinyoung's body tensed hearing Naeun's question, feeling as his heartbeat accelerates, anticipating Mark's answer. When the elder nodded, Jinyoung's eyes bugged out and he gasped quietly, before pressing his hand on the mouth, muffling any noises he would make. "If that's the case, I'm sorry for bothering you" She said and turned on her heel, walking towards the cafeteria hurriedly, leaving Mark alone in the spacious hallway, who ruffled his hair with a sigh, before following her to the cafeteria.

    Jinyoung mind was a mess. _Did Mark say that because he wanted to get rid of her? Or did he like someone for real?_  Mark had never mentioned to him that he likes someone, but maybe he didn't trust him that much to say that, anyway. Mark was always secretive if it comes to his own feelings and thoughts, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that the elder hide that fact from him. The two of them never talked about that matter (except one time when Yugyeom accused Mark of being gay), Jinyoung himself had never asked about it, at least.

    "Oppa!" Soojin yelled and Jinyoung suddenly remembered that he was on the phone with her. 

    "Sorry, I have some interference, what did you say?" Jinyoung lied, as he felt a bit disheartened about the situation with Mark. _What if he likes someone for real?_ Jinyoung didn't think of it before, that if he won't sort his feelings down sooner, he could miss the chance to do anything and lose a person who has become very important to him for the last few weeks.  

    "I asked who lives in your apartment! Is it a girl? Is that why I can't move in with you? Oppa, explain!" Soojin repeated her question, her tone loud and annoyed, making Jinyoung's mind lighten up, realizing that it's not what he wants. Being with Soojin, he felt uncomfortable, he felt like he had a heavy metal ball secured by a chain to his leg to prevent escape, not allowing him to relax, when Soojin controlled him without worrying about his feelings. Some time ago, Jinyoung would feel flattered about her caring about him so much, but now it just annoyed him. He noticed only now how the breakup changed him; he realized his worth and learned what he really wants instead of going with the flow and accept everything fate will throw at him. _He should begin to make his own decisions, which are consistent with his beliefs._

    The thoughts of Mark shot through his head, as his eyes gleamed with determination; even though he wasn't able to categorize his feelings for the elder yet, all he knew was that he couldn't let him go. He couldn't let his actions, fueled by his uncontrollable emotions, break their relationship down completely, causing Mark to move out of his apartment. Jinyoung has to fix their friendship as quickly as he can, before it's too late.

    "We'll talk at home okay? My lunch break is almost over" Jinyoung said and he hung up, hearing Soojin's understanding nod.

    He sighed, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, before he entered the cafeteria, causing the eyes of his group of  friends fell on him. Even Mark followed him with his gaze for a few seconds before he lowered his head to look at his hands on his laps. Jinyoung couldn't help but to feel a strange sensation of determination and maybe jealousy building up in his stomach at the thought that in those dark eyes there could be someone who makes them sparkle like glitter, bright and blinding, overshadowing the moonlight in a full moon's night. Someone Mark likes.

     _It was the first time Jinyoung admitted to himself, he would like to be that light in Mark's eyes_. 

 

 

  
    "I'm sorry, Soojin, but I don't want to be with you anymore." Jinyoung announced confidently after he came to Soojin's apartment after work, his shoes still on his feet as he stood in the doorway. He decided to break up with her, _what's the point of continuing, when Jinyoung didn't like her like he used to before?_ He wanted to be honest with her for once, he knew that she'll probably be hurt, but the honesty was more important than forcing himself and pretending to have some feelings towards her, even though they have faded long ago. Soojin was stunned by his sentence, her shocked face expression made Jinyoung feel sorry, but it was how it supposed to be, it was inevitable. _It's better to do it now, than later._

    "What- Oppa, I apologized for my last mistake, I didn't do anything now-"

    "Soojin, your last affair was a turning point in my life, I agree, but... It changed my point of view of things, you know? I can't think of you the same as before our breakup." Jinyoung tried to explain his decision as calmly as he could manage, _as honest as he could,_ "Besides… my mind is occupied by someone else lately, I don't know what I feel, but-"

    "Is it that girl you live with?" Soojin asked, her breath quickened and her eyes began to shine with unshed tears. Jinyoung's brows furrowed, _because he had no idea what is she talking about?_

    "Why do you think it's a girl?" He asked, tilting his head in confusion. He doesn't live with a girl, _Mark wasn't even close to that_ , especially when he's such a muddler. His clothes and things always lay at random places in the apartment, Jinyoung has to remind him to pick them up, what Mark just laughed off most of the time, waving his hand dismissively, saying that he'll do it later. If Soojin really was in his apartment, she surely felt the fragrance of Mark's cologne, that wasn't in Jinyoung's type at all; Jinyoung often wondered if the elder bathed in the perfume, because the smell was everywhere. _Jinyoung missed the scent_.

    "I don't know, it's just a feeling. You seemed always so distracted while being with me and…" Soojin trailed off, swallowing the lump in her throat, "I started thinking now, that maybe she broke up with you or something that's why you came to me so fast the first night... It makes sense to me now why we're you so tensed and somewhat miserable." The girl explained, wrapping her arms around herself and turned around that her back was facing Jinyoung. His heart sank at the realization that Soojin suspected that Jinyoung was kind of using her, treating her as a substitute of _the other girl_. He felt bad, even though she was the one who always hurt him and straining his trust, she was only a human. 

    "I'm sorry" He only said softly, without explaining anything, still hoping that his sincerity will reach her. 

    "If that's all, you can go." She said firmly, before she choked a sob, "Please." Jinyoung saw how her body trembled, as she started crying, hiding her face from Jinyoung. It was the first time she did that, she always flaunted with her tears around, trying to sting pity on other people to get what she wanted, but this time was different. She really felt rejected and ashamed in front of Jinyoung and it made him feel worse, but he knew that what he did was the only good way out of this situation.

    Ultimately, he left the apartment with a slightly lighter heart, as he got into the car, heading to his apartment, looking forward to see _his friend_.

 

 

  
    When Jinyoung entered the apartment, the familiar scent dashed into his nostrils as soon as he opened the doors, making him smile uncontrollably. He looked around the place; the apartment wasn't as messy as he predicted it to be, the scattered things of Mark here and there didn't annoy him, but made him realize how much he missed him all those few days. Even though they saw each other at work every day, _it was different_ \- it was only the two of them here. When he pulled his shoes down, he casually looked into the living room; the place where he felt so many emotions that day. He still remembers Mark's hesitant touch on his hips and their drunken kiss, but he decided to push this image aside for now, in the dark corner of his mind, before he'll be able to tell what to do with those feelings, when  he'll find out what they really are.

    "Jinyoung?" Mark asked, leaning out from behind the door of his room before stepping into the corridor, the sleeves of his beige jumper were stretched onto his entire hands, looking like an adorable sweater paws. Jinyoung smiled fondly at him, as the warmness spread in his chest at the sight. At work Mark had to wear a full professional clothing; white fitted shirts and ties, while at home he looked like a puppy, wearing oversized sweaters, jogger pants and having his messy hairstyle - a view which Jinyoung wouldn't experience if he hadn't lived with Mark. Jinyoung thought that Mark is either _a person who likes warmth_ or _a person who is constantly cold_ , judging by his choice of clothes in relation to the weather. Mark only laughed if off when Jinyoung asked him about it one day, and he decided to ignore it in the end.

    "It's me" Jinyoung answered sheepishly, his smile didn't fade from his mouth and his eyes didn't leave Mark even for a moment. The elder seemed a bit embarrassed, as the awkward smile appeared on his lips.

    "I'm sorry for this mess, I wanted to tidy it up before-"

    "Before what?" Jinyoung interrupted his sentence with panic in his voice; he suddenly remembered Jaebum's words the other day, _something about room in Jaebum's apartment being available._ Jinyoung's guts tightened at the thought of Mark leaving the apartment, _he can't do this, not yet, not before their relationship is fixed! Does Mark really want to move out-_

    "...Before I go to sleep" Mark answered hesitantly, cuting Jinyoung's overflowing thoughts, as Jinyoung laughed, the relief washed over his features like a warm tide, leaving him exhausted, but grinning nevertheless.

    "Ah! That's okay, I don't mind!"

    "You don't?" Mark tilted his head to the side, his brows furrowed, "You were the one who always followed me around to make me tidy up my things." he added, as he made his way to the kitchen slowly, the suspicion was showing even in his movements, slow and hesitant. 

    "It's okay, it's okay." Jinyoung waved his hands, as he followed him into the kitchen, taking a seat on the chair, observing Mark, who's now was searching for something in the fridge. Jinyoung felt weird, their relationship seems okay now, he feels comfortable around Mark again, the awkwardness which he felt just a few hours ago vanished, along with his relationship with Soojin. _Maybe the relationship with her was all what made him feel tensed and oversensitive?_  

    "You sleep here tonight?" Mark asked, pouring himself a glass of orange juice, before reluctantly sitting across from Jinyoung by the kitchen table. His eyes travelled around the kitchen, while he was sipping on his juice slowly. Jinyoung didn't know how to explain this, but he tried anyway. 

    "Yeah, you know, I'm not feeling comfortable with Soojin, compared to this place. I don't have to pretend I'm somebody else living with you…" He started, drawing Mark's attention to him instantly, whose eyes were widened and pupils dilated now, his lips slightly parted, an astonished flush appeared on his cheeks. Jinyoung swallowed, before continuing. "I broke up with Soojin. I realized that I can't give her all of my attention and care." He finished, biting his lip, he didn't know why, but the sudden intimate atmosphere between them made him feel hot, he had to unbutton the first button of his shirt. _It wasn't like he was going to confess or anything_ , but Mark's face expression looked so stunned and handsome, that he could've done that as well, _if he was just sure of his feelings, that is._ Jinyoung still wasn't sure  though, the thought of being in love with another man still made him feel uncomfortable, but _maybe it's okay if it's Mark we're talking about?_ Mark cleared his throat and stood from the chair, leaving his empty glass in the sink.

    "Why- why do you play with somebody else's feelings so freely... " Mark muttered, as he swayed on his feet for a second, before dashing out of the kitchen to his room. Jinyoung's eyes followed him, before he slouched in his chair and ran his hand through his hair frustratingly, _what was that?_  

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

  
    Mark closed the doors of his room behind him, smacking his hand on his forehead realizing what he just did. _I'm so dumb_ , he screamed internally, as he sighed heavily at his behavior.

    Mark felt a lot better knowing that Jinyoung is sleeping in the apartment tonight, _that's for sure_. But the thing that Jinyoung broke up with Soojin didn't make him happy, he was fighting with himself for the past few days, trying to suppress his feeling for the younger and even though it was difficult - it seemed like a right thing to do, knowing that he has a girlfriend anyway. _But now?_ He came home, he smiles, he laughs, he's saying that he's comfortable with Mark, even more than with his girlfriend ( _well, now ex-girlfriend again_ ); he makes Mark's life a living hell, the tightened guts in his stomach and the frantic beating of his heart almost made him faint right there in the kitchen, in front of his _straight_ crush. It would be marvelous, if the annoying tightening feeling in his stomach could change into twinkling butterflies _if he could only love Jinyoung openly and to be loved by him_ \- which he won't, because he's straight. _Mark can't have Jinyoung_ , simple as that. 

    Mark thought about that unforgettable evening as a reminder of his past - he's not allowed to be happy, even though the happiness seemed to be at his doorstep. Even though the girls had confessed to him often, he couldn't lie to himself, he just wasn't into girls. He always tried to be polite towards them, just like today, when Naeun came up to him, he told the truth, he likes someone else, but even though he can't be with that person, he can't pretend and accept her confession.

    Mark accepted his fate with a heavy heart and decided to cherish his friendship with Jinyoung as much as he could, _because it was a priority for him._ He hoped that if Jinyoung will live in his apartment with him under one roof again, their relationship will return to normal, as it was before. Even though Jaebum wanted him to move in with him again, Mark declined. He loved Jinyoung, but he also wanted his friendship, that's what was anchored him here. He wants to be close to Jinyoung, even if it meant that his depressive episodes would return again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flow of the story is quite slow - I hope you don't mind! ;;  
> And, sorry for any mistakes! I feel like there's a lot of them because I wrote it too fast lmao
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	10. Ten

 

 

 

    The next day, everything seemed to be back to normal; his relationship with Jinyoung was somewhat fixed, there wasn't any awkwardness between them anymore, even though Mark was trying hard to control his true feelings to the other at every step, calculating and analyzing his every movement towards Jinyoung. _Though it was really hard_ , Mark noticed, seeing Jinyoung's behavior towards him today. Mark was flustered while working with Jinyoung; the younger seemed to be strangely nice to him compared to the past days since early in the morning. 

    When Mark got up this morning, after leaving the bathroom, refreshed and awake, in the kitchen, he saw a view what he hadn't expected at all. There was Jinyoung bustling around the kitchen, dressed up and ready for work, _the usual_ , but what caught his eye the most was the kitchen table. Jinyoung prepared breakfast for him and Mark, a crispy cheese toast on a plate and a cup of coffee standing right next to it. When Jinyoung noticed Mark standing frozen on the spot, he chuckled, saying _"You shouldn't get used to it, tomorrow you're making a breakfast"_. But still, Mark stood speechless, unable to be found himself in this situation, while his heart beat got faster, thumping firmly against his chest at the younger's behavior. It was the first time Jinyoung prepared a breakfast like this. Jinyoung seemed happier now, than he was with Soojin and Mark couldn't complain. _Or should he? How Mark is supposed to stop his feelings, while Jinyoung is so nice to him? Impossible!_ They ate their toasts in silence, a short chat initiated only by Jinyoung from time to time. Somehow Jinyoung's gazes and accidental touches made Mark more nervous than usually, Jinyoung seemed to be more caring and warmer towards him suddenly, making Mark's guts tighten since early morning. He hated Jinyoung's actions, but also loved them; sometimes he dared to think that maybe he could have a chance with him, but he knew he shouldn't listen to what his his lovestruck heart was telling him.

    Their friends greeted them more enthusiastically than yesterday, seeing the two of them arrive together; the teasing seemed to not bother them like it usually did. Especially Mark, he got used to it pretty quickly ( _too quickly in his opinion_ ) and even though he would really like it to be true ( _he got a sample image of husband!Jinyoung this morning anyway_ ), he decided to not to think about it too seriously. 

    After the daily meeting in a conference room, the manager (Jinyoung's uncle, with who Jinyoung doesn't have that good relation as Mark thought at first) asked him to stay a while longer after the meeting, to which Mark had no choice but agree. He felt a bit anxious, it wasn't often when his boss calling him out to have a conversation with him. He grabbed his notebook from the table and approached his boss after the meeting, while all of his coworkers were leaving the conference room; only Jinyoung and Jackson were still talking about something eagerly in hushed voices, gathering their stuff.

    "Mark-ssi, there's something important I would like you to deliver, " the manager said as soon as Mark walked up to him. He handed him a white folder, "The thing is, the Edgard company responded to our proposal to advertise their products, even though they could choose any other advertising company instead of us, they offered us to advertise them in our newspapers" The manager was sitting on his chair, smiling smugly, his raised eyebrow made him look like he couldn't believe it himself that such a large company on the market offered us to advertise its products. Mark nodded, as the manager continued, "I've talked with them on the phone already and they almost agreed to our conditions, but we have to deliver the advertising requirements to them to finalize it and make it more professional." He said, as Mark nodded again, trying so hard to ignore Jackson and Jinyoung in the back of the room, still standing, whispering and smiling at each other. "We have the commission in hand if you only deliver the folder today. They have set a deadline for us until tomorrow, so it's best if  you could do it after work today." When the manager finished, the quiet and serious atmosphere was broken by the sound of Jackson's notebook falling from the table. He apologized quickly, before Jinyoung dragged him out of the conference room. The manager sighed, "I would deliver it myself, but today I have a meeting with the ceo so I won't make it on time."

    "What about sending them an email?" Mark asked, because he didn't like to do things like this. Even though his personality changed a bit since he met Jinyoung, he still didn't like to encounter people who he doesn't know, especially if it comes to a serious things like work.

    "I would like to do it more privately. Even though they're willing to work with us, the competition is too big and it's better to do it personally. If they will agree to it, they'll contact us." Manager smiled, but seeing Mark's uneasy face expression (it wasn't like he didn't know how shy and stand-offish Mark was), he stood up from his chair, as he tried to convince him, "I've talked with people in the Edgard company already and all you have to do is just leave it at the front desk there and everything will be fine. We'll know everything on Monday how it turned out, but I'm sure they'll agree because we accommodated to them a lot, they would be really senseless if they didn't agree. The company will be grateful to us for such a long time recipient." Mark nodded, looking at the folder in his hands, he didn't dare to look inside, _he wasn't even that interested in the documents to read them, anyway_. Mark wasn't that interested in the company's situation - on the contrary to what his manager thought of him. Mark worked diligently and he sometimes stayed longer at work to finish his commissions and stuff, but it didn't mean that Mark was concerned with the company's well being. _He came to work to get his work done_ \- that's all. Mark turned to leave, when suddenly Jackson's voice resounded.

    "I'm sorry, it's just me, I just forgot my phone" Jackson barged in again without knocking, while manager send him a narrowed look, before turning to Mark, who was standing in the doorway already.

    "Mark-ssi, I'm glad you decided to help the company, please, don't forget to deliver it today, this is important for our department's future."

    "Of course, I'll do it after work." Mark said, making the manager nod with satisfaction, as the smug smile appeared on his face.

 

 

  
    The time until the lunch break passed surprisingly fast. Jinyoung was working beside Mark again and although they didn't talk much with each other, their gazes met unusually often, making Mark's heart flutter nervously every time their eyes locked. Jinyoung acted strange today in Mark's opinion; the younger asked for Mark's help with various things, like how to recover lost file or help him to check if the fax is working properly ( _because he was pretty sure it wasn't working well_ ), even if Mark knew that Jinyoung could solve these problems perfectly fine, he helped him nevertheless, teasing him a bit about his silly requests later. Mark couldn't help but deep down, he felt a pleasant satisfaction of being able to help him. The thing that Jinyoung didn't ask for Jackson's help, for example (who visited him at his workplace quite often), made his heart swelled at the thought that _maybe Mark is higher than Jackson on Jinyoung's list of friends._ He liked to think that Jinyoung needs him in some way.

    Just before the lunch break, Mark's father called him. He suddenly remembered that he didn't call his parents for a few days again, so he hurriedly left the office to answer the phone in a more comfortable place, passing through the crowd of his coworkers aiming to the cafeteria for lunch. After he answered his phone, he saw Jinyoung who gestured to him that he's leaving with the rest, making Mark nod.

    "When will you visit us Mark? Your mom is going insane" He heard his father's calm voice through the phone, when the corridor was getting more deserted, making a phone conversation possible.

    "I wanted to visit you next weekend." He declared and it wasn't a lie. Truthfully, he began to miss his parents too, it's been a while since he last saw them.

    "Okay, but why not this weekend? I know you're probably having fun with your new friends, but don't forget we're worried."

    "I wanted to rest a bit, the whole week has been crazy so far" Mark didn't mean it about work, but about his personal life. Besides, Jaebum won't forgive him if he won't come to his girlfriend's birthday party on Sunday, he was always turning down offers like these, but this time he decided to try. _If at the party will be too many people and he will feel uncomfortable, he can always go home, right?_ _It's not like they will throw him into a cage there_ , Jaebum said to him one day and even though it doesn't really convinced Mark, he decided to try and come to the party this time. Jaebum mentioned that he could bring Jinyoung too, but... _he wasn't sure if he wanted to get drunk with him again._

    "Oh, I hope everything's okay." His father said, as Mark started to pace along the hallway, "You promised to call us often and lately you keep forgetting, are you really that busy, son?" There was a hint of doubt in his father's voice.

    "I know, I'm sorry, everything's okay!" He assured him, trying to sound more cheerful to make an impact of his words, before he continued "Besides, mom probably calls Jaebum anyway, right?" 

    "Sometimes she does, you know how she is." His father chuckled, the familiar sound he didn't know he missed, making it hard for Mark not to laugh along with him. They both knew how worried his mother was with him. Even though he was an adult, it doesn't mean she doesn't have to worry about his son and he understood that. He was thankful.

    "How are you anyway? Are you taking care of yourselves?" Mark suddenly asked, because it was important to him too. Mark isn't a person who speaks openly about his feelings, but he knows that sometimes he must overcome this trait when it comes to his parents. He loved them very much and he couldn't allow them to think that they were the only ones worried, he wanted them to know that despite the fact that he forgets to call them, he cares about their well-being too.

    "Yes, we're okay, safe and sound!" 

    "I'm glad then" Mark smiled, what was evident in his voice, his chest full with warmness and sudden longing for his parents, who worked so hard for him to make him come out of the darkness that consumed him a few years ago. He wasn't sure if he even thanked them for everything they did for him, all he knew was that he apologized plenty of times for the pain he caused to them, that no parent would want to experience. He continued to pace around the empty hallway, turning in the opposite direction of the cafeteria, when his father spoke:

    "Oops, okay, I'm hanging up now, I guess it's your lunchtime? Go, eat your lunch. And rest well, remember what you said about visiting us, got it?" His father attempted to sound intimidating, but all Mark did was chuckle, _his father was anything but intimidating_.

    "Okay, dad, take care, bye" 

    After hanging up, Mark had still some time left to eat his lunch, but before he could turn around and go to the cafeteria to Jinyoung and his other coworkers, he realized that his card identifier, which is always hanging on his neck, which he needed to order anything in the cafeteria, was now lying on his desk. He sighed, quickening his pace toward the office and when he touched the doorknob of the glass doors of the deserted place, the sight before him made his body froze instantly. Jackson was leaning forward Jinyoung, who's back was pressed against the wall, just a few centimeters of air between their faces.

    "I don't understand" Mark heard Jinyoung's quiet voice, the astonishment overtook his face, but Jackson only leaned into him a bit more, that Mark didn't see the younger's face anymore.

    "I remember when you said you wouldn't mind if you meet someone you fall in love… even if it would be a guy… I'm the same, Jinyoung-ah. I found you."

    He leaned in and kissed him. Mark watched with his eyes widened, as the color drained out of his face, he couldn't tear his eyes from the scene and he couldn't move, the shock made him rooted to the floor. Mark suddenly felt the urge to run to them and push Jackson off him as quickly as possible, _what if Jinyoung was harassed by him? What if he wants to hurt him?_ But all his worries were replaced after a second by horrifying disbelief, striking him like a thunder, when he noticed how Jinyoung tilted his head to the side, _responding to the kiss._

    Mark found the strength in his limbs suddenly, as he turned around, rushing to the bathroom, closing the toilet stall doors behind him. His breath was heavy and his heart beat quickly, as he pressed his hand to his forehead processing everything he saw.

    It's clear to him that Jackson likes Jinyoung. Mark knew this judging by his _accidental_ touches and the way he looks at the younger every time they were together. He hugs him without a reason and laugh at Jinyoung's every joke… but the scene shocked him nevertheless. _He had no idea that he'll actually confess to him! Jinyoung is a man, yet Jackson confessed to him so easily?_

    Mark stood there for only a few seconds, but it was enough for his heart to shatter into pieces. When their lips met, Mark noticed the shock in Jinyoung's eyes, but the shock  apparently wasn't that large, if Jinyoung moved his lips against Jackson's lips willingly.  Mark's guts tightened at the images of them together, as a wave of nausea filled his stomach. Weirdly, he felt betrayed, even though he knew he shouldn't, _there is nothing between Mark and Jinyoung besides friendship_. Jinyoung can kiss whoever he wants, wherever he wants - he's single now. Mark felt miserable, when the thought of his kiss with  Jinyoung some time ago crossed his head, it made his mind clear now, realizing that to Jinyoung that kiss was really nothing. Even though the younger asked him to forget about it all at that time, Mark still unknowingly held onto that precious memory with a sick hope, despite agreeing that it's better to forget. _Does Jinyoung kiss everyone when the opportunity arises?_ There's no excuses for his actions now, he was completely sober. _He was sure Jinyoung wasn't gay… but what if he was bisexual? What if he liked Jackson all the time?_ He was always laughing and joking with Jackson, the two of them seemed comfortable with each other. While Jinyoung was calm around Mark, Jackson always made him a giggling mess. Mark's breath was heavy and he was swallowing the lump in his throat, trying so hard to think about something else, but he couldn't help but remembering the scene in his head over and over again, while wondering _why Jinyoung didn't push him off like he did with Mark? What if he accepted his confession?_

    He didn't know for how long he stayed in the bathroom, when he heard a bell announcing the end of lunch break. Mark felt his guts twist at the thought of meeting Jinyoung now, he wasn't sure if he'll be able to wear his poker face and finish his work before he'll choke himself from the disappointment and shock.

 

 

    When he walked into the office, everyone was sitting by their desks already, while his eyes fell on Jackson, who stood at the other end of the office, talking with Youngjae about something what made the younger really upset, his hands squeezed into fists and his jaw was clenched tightly, as Jackson was explaining something to him, his eyes his eyes burned with irritation. Mark couldn't think of it too much, before he fixed his eyes on Jinyoung, sitting beside his cubicle; he waved to him like nothing happened, his smile bright and beautiful.

 

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

  
    "What do you want to talk about? Is there something wrong? You're acting strange" Jinyoung asked with a glimpse of worry in his voice, after Jackson caught him by his arm when he was walking to the cafeteria with the rest of the employees and dragged him to the empty office. Jackson hinted that he has something important to tell him, so Jinyoung agreed and stopped fidgeting, willing to hear him out. It was the first time Jinyoung saw Jackson's face so serious and he realized that it has to be something important.

    "What do you think about other men?" He asked, standing in front of him, his face expression unreadable. Jinyoung's heart skipped a beat hearing this question and his palms started to sweat; _it wasn't like Jackson knew about his insecurities about his sexuality, right?_

    "Wait- what do you mean?"

    "I see you with Mark... You two seem close. Is there anything between you two?" Jackson asked, taking a step towards him, making Jinyoung look around the place frantically if they're really alone in the place. Jinyoung wasn't exactly surprised that Jackson asked this, Jinyoung couldn't help but to be nice and caring towards Mark and even though he realized that he may overdo it, he couldn't control it after his feelings began to uncover themselves layer by layer, making his mind clearer by every look at Mark.

    "Why are you asking suddenly?" Jinyoung tried to sound casual and unaffected by the topic, but he thought that _maybe he should tell him about it?_ Jackson was a good friend of his, they have a really good relationship, Jackson was always there to entertain him. But his face expression was strange, his gaze was piercing through Jinyoung's eyes uncomfortably, his lips pursed.

    "Is there?" Jackson's tone of voice was lower than usual, making Jinyoung swallow the nervousness he felt in his chest. He felt intimidated by him and he decided to not to confide his secrets in him just now.

    "No, of course not." Jinyoung answered casually, but Jackson was unconvinced.

    "I don't know if should I be concerned or relieved…" He murmured, taking another step  towards him, Jinyoung felt his back touching the wall as he was unknowingly taking steps back when Jackson was approaching him closer. He felt strangely nervous, he didn't know what Jackson's intentions were, when he was approaching him like that. 

    "I don't understand" Jinyoung's voice volume lowered, the anxiety took over his face, as a blush crept up his face. He started to feel uncomfortable at their proximity. _He could just laugh it off, the situation was so odd that Jinyoung shouldn't treat it seriously._ Jackson looked jealous, but Jinyoung dismissed the thought, _this is definitely not it, he may have insecurities when it comes to his own sexual orientation, but that doesn't mean every guy around him is gay, right?_ But after a second he thought that he could actually be right, when Jackson's face suddenly appeared only a few centimeters away from his, Jinyoung felt his warm breath on his lips, as he spoke.

    "I remember when you said you wouldn't mind if you meet someone you fall in love… even if it would be a guy. I'm the same, Jinyoung-ah. I found you." 

    Jinyoung's eyes widened when Jackson closed the distance between them, kissing him confidently, as his hands touched the nape of his neck, pulling him closer. Jinyoung had no idea how to react, _sure, he didn't like Jackson like that,_ but he was too stunned to push him off him. The feeling of Jackson's lips on his own, made his mind clear. When he moved his lips against his, just to learn how it feels, the realization washed over him like a warm tide. The kiss didn't make him feel weak and excited at the same time, his heart didn't race at every movement of Jackson's lips against his and the feeling of his hands on his neck was cold and uncomfortable. _The kiss didn't give him the pleasure, his body didn't react the same way when he was kissing Mark_ ; kissing Jackson felt like nothing, like kissing the back of his hand, the spark wasn't there. As soon as Jinyoung realized that, he pushed him off, his mind a clear and comprehensible as never before. 

    "I'm sorry Jackson, I don't like you that way-"

    "Oh? Why did you just respond? I thought-" Jackson trailed off, observing Jinyoung's face expression, before he sighed, running a hand through his hair frustratingly.

    "I'm sorry, I just-"

    "It's Mark, isn't it?" He laughed bitterly, "I should've known. Even though I was sure you don't like guys… he still made you like this."

    "That's not like I like him, it's just…"Jinyoung felt the urge to disagree, _he wanted to tell him that he's not like that_ , but his stomach churned with excitement at the realization that, _yes, Mark made him like this_. Mark showed up in his life, messing with his feelings, making him fall in love with him. 

    "Yeah, right. Maybe you two are going out already?" Jackson raised his brow at Jinyoung, whose cheeks blushed instantly, as he swayed on his feet nervously, _what if Jinyoung's feelings will come to light?_ Jinyoung didn't confirm anything, but the rumors could do anything but good for him and Mark.

    "No, we're not, why-"

    "Relax, I'm not saying anything. I just wanted to remind you that he won't make you happy like I do. He might be handsome, but that's all what he is-"

    "You don't know him at all yet you're saying shit like that?" Jinyoung felt the sudden wave of indignation towards Jackson, _how can he say anything, if he doesn't know how amazing Mark is?!_ "You're right, he's handsome, but he's also smart and makes me smile like an idiot, he also listens to me like no one-"

    "Okay, that's enough, I just confessed to you, yet you still talk about the other guy like that." 

    "I just won't let you insult him." Jinyoung's eyes narrowed at Jackson, whose determination didn't vanish just yet, his jaw was clenched and he glared at him. Jinyoung huffed, trying to let go of the anger he felt in his stomach, when he moved forward, passing Jackson, who grabbed his wrist firmly, before Jinyoung could move away.

    "Are you sure you don't want to go out with me?" Jackson asked, his voice low and almost inaudible.

    "Sorry, but, no." Jinyoung wriggled out of his touch and walked out of the office, leaving Jackson alone.

  
    He couldn't believe what just happened. He would never have suspected that Jackson may like him that way. Jinyoung doesn't know whether he still thinks of him as a friend after all this, but one thing was sure to him was this newly discovered feeling. If not for Jackson, this feeling would still be in a fog, blurred and incomprehensible. If not for this kiss, he still wouldn't know what he really feels for Mark. _He wouldn't know, that all he feels to the older man isn't just friendship and trust, it's also love._

    Jinyoung walked along the hallway slowly in the direction of the cafeteria, looking through the large windows, the sun began to hide in the gray clouds, but Jinyoung's mind was clear like never before. He liked Mark and Jackson just helped him realize that. He's not sure how he'll encounter the elder after lunch break, knowing that the thumping heart beat against his chest and the weird tickling feeling in his stomach is caused by this _one particular feeling_ to the elder. He felt a few pounds lighter accepting himself, even though Mark is a man it doesn't make him less of a human. _Doesn't the love what matters the most, whether to a woman or to a man, isn't the true feeling that counts?_ After the first and last kiss with Mark, Jinyoung was the one who asked the elder to forget about everything, but, _frankly,_ he was the one who couldn't forget - _who didn't want to forget_. Mark was in love with someone _supposedly_ and, as much as Jinyoung was afraid of the rejection, he decided to confess to him today, _the excitement he felt in his stomach made him eager to spill everything to Mark, before it would be too late._

    He heard the bell announcing the end of a lunch break, before he made it to the cafeteria, but he wasn't hungry, his stomach was full with the newly recognized feeling, giving him the energy for the rest of the day.

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

  
    "Wait!" Jinyoung rushed after Mark at the time they finished their work, squeezing through a crowd of people leaving the company on Thursday afternoon. Mark didn't want to encounter Jinyoung, he tried to be composed in front of him, but it was visible as he wasn't in the mood, _he still couldn't manage his disappointment he felt after all he saw on the lunch break._ Honestly, Mark was afraid that Jinyoung will confide to him that he accepted Jackson's confession and that they're together now or something. Jackson was sending him a weird smirks and cold stares since the lunch break and even though he was already used to it, this time was different. _What if Jackson is going out with Jinyoung now?_ After their kiss, the relationship of the two of them didn't seem to worsen, Mark would say that it was even more excessive now.

    "Mark-hyung! Where are you running to?" Jinyoung caught up with him, grabbing his shoulder slightly, making Mark turn his head at him instantly. 

    "Um, I have to go and deliver this folder, it's important" Mark said without stopping his legs, Jinyoung followed him stubbornly, but Mark didn't want a company, _especially his_. He decided that he'll go to Jaebum after delivering the folder to The Edgard's company; he needed to talk with his friend and clean his system out of the today's events.

    "Ah, right, I heard, but I can drive you there-"

    "No, it's okay, I promised to meet with Jaebum on the way there." Mark lied, _he didn't even talk with Jaebum today at all yet_. He sped up his steps, trying to move away a little from Jinyoung, because he was disheartened that Jinyoung acted like nothing happened and that the younger didn't tell him about his encounter with Jackson for the half of the day, _even though Mark wasn't sure if he could survive this if he did._

    "Oh really? Um, when will you back? I want to talk with you about something..." Jinyoung said, while touching the side of his neck shyly, his gaze fell on the floor and Mark froze. _Was it about Jackson?_ Mark swallowed and replied.

    "Um, later, I guess... What do you want to talk about?" He asked, pretending not to know, _but he knew,_ at least he was convinced that he knows. Jinyoung tilted his head and pressed his lips together, like he was thinking if he should say what he wanted here.

    "The place is a bit... I'll tell you at home." He decided, the smile he send Mark was warm and affectionate, his eyes were shining mysteriously and Mark's body couldn't handle the view, as his heart skipped a beat and in his stomach the butterflies began to fly around without mercy. Mark nodded.

    "Okay, I'll leave first, then" Jinyoung said, passing him in the doorway and Mark nodded again, trying to ignore the younger's fingers brushing against the back of his palm, the touch of his skin, gentle like a feather made his skin burn. He cleared his throat, before whispering.

    "Bye"

 

 

 

    After he delivered the documents in reception desk at The Edgard's company and he left the building, it began to rain heavily, raindrops fell from the sky hitting the ground with great force, hard and fast. Mark, _obviously_ , had no idea he would have to do some errands after work, so he didn't bother to take an umbrella with him. Usually he would jump into Jinyoung's car and he would come home fine and dry, _who would have thought it will rain today?_  He had no time, he wanted to meet with Jaebum to cry out his sorrows and his doubts to him again, so he ran through the falling rain to the bus stop, to take him to his friend's house.

    When he arrived at the familiar building, he was soaking wet, his clothes were damp from the rain, and his hair was wet and flattened, Mark had to ruffle them a bit to look like a decent human being. When he stood in front of Jaebum's apartment, he was surprised that he's not here, he should be already at home from work. Mark pulled out his phone from his damp trousers, and without thinking much, he dialed his best friend's number.

    "Where are you? I'm standing in front of your doors" Mark asked, sitting on a step in the stairwell of the apartment complex. 

    "Oh, hyung, I'm not home… it's..." Jaebum said, his voice serious but also _kind of sad?_  

    "Something happened? You sound weird" Mark couldn't help but feel the worry growing in his stomach as he stood from the floor, his senses sharpening at Jaebum's answer.

    "It's… Jiyeon's grandma passed away today and… I'm with her at the hospital now…" Jaebum answered slowly and Mark gasped. He felt completely taken aback, he knew that her grandmother was like a real mother to her, while her parents were working and running after their careers.

    "Oh, that's..." _Mark was speechless in situations like these._

    "You know how much she loved her, right? She was like her real mother, she raised Jiyeon…" Jaebum's voice wavered, it was evident that he was trying to hold back his tears and Mark's problem suddenly became unimportant and weak in comparison to someone's death.

    "I know... This is terrible... Please send her my condolences."

    "I will, thanks… I'm sorry I can't talk right now, but did something happen that you went all the way to my apartment?" Jaebum asked, naturally concerned, but Mark waved it off, _he shouldn't bother his friend with anything today._

    "Ah, no, it's nothing, it's really nothing. You have to be with Jiyeon now, so go, we'll talk later." He replied and after he heard Jaebum's _bye_ , he hung up, looking through the window from the apartment complex's hallway. He sighed, noticing that the rain was still falling strongly, the black clouds didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. 

 

 

    It was getting dark and the wet clothes Mark was wearing started to feel really cold against his skin. He couldn't wait any longer, as the shivers were jolting through his body, _he had to go home._

    Ignoring the pouring rain, he ran to the bus stop, attempting to take a bus which would take him home soon, before he noticed that the bus left 4 minutes ago. He cursed under his breath, realizing that another will arrive after a 1 hour, so he could go by feet, it'll take him less time than waiting itself, _by this time he'll manage to reach the apartment as well._

    Again, he ran through the streets, passing people with umbrellas, who looked at him with disbelief, when he didn't even try to avoid large puddles anymore. It could've been summer, but the rain was really cold and the wind that started blowing didn't make the situation any better. 

 

 

    Mark arrived at home after a while, he stood in the corridor of the apartment out of breath, sniffing his nose, when the rain was dropping from the strands of his hair. The clothes were glued to his body in a really uncomfortable manner, as his body started to tremble mercilessly.

    It was past 9 pm already when Mark pulled his wet shoes off his feet, attempting to go to the bathroom to throw wet clothes into the washing machine and take a warm shower, he noticed that in the living room the TV was still on, and Jinyoung was lying on the sofa, fast asleep.  _He must've been really tired, if he fell asleep in such an uncomfortable position_ , he wondered, taking a few steps forward and staring at him - _the younger sleeping face became his another favorite thing suddenly._ Even though they live with each other, Mark had never seen him sleeping. His eyes travelled on the younger's face, his closed eyes, his long eyelashes, his slightly parted lips exhaling warm breaths, his chest raised and fell calmly with every breath. He wanted to touch his fair skin, _to trace his finger along his nose, his jaw..._ He sighed, as the images of him and Jackson invaded his mind again. Mark knew that Jinyoung waited for him to come home, because he wanted to talk about something, and Mark's mind was telling him that it was related to Jackson. He obviously doesn't like Mark, _what if Jackson will drag him on his side and Jinyoung will slowly hate him too? Were they together anyway? Was Jinyoung even bisexual?_ It doesn't matter if Jinyoung could love a man or not, Mark wouldn't find the courage to confess to him anyway. He learned from his past, that it's better to keep and cherish the friendship you have, than to confess, succumbing to the moment of excitement, just to regret the words the next day. 

    He left the living room, sparing a one last glance at the younger sleeping soundly, before the shivers began to shake his body, the annoying pressure started to pound in his head.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is the longest one I've ever written lmao
> 
> I'm not that satisfied with it tbh (I was thinking about Mark's tongue piercing and I couldn't focus, am I alive anyway?)
> 
> Thank you very much for your comments and leaving kudos!   
> Thanks for reading! See you soon :)


	11. Eleven

 

 

 

    Mark woke up to the sound of Jinyoung's gentle voice coming from behind the door of his room.

    "Hyung? Are you awake? You'll be late if you don't wake up now." Mark only opened his eyes at this; his throat felt dry and he couldn't utter a word. He tried to stand up from his bed, because _he will really be late if he'll stay here longer_ , but as soon as he raised his head from the pillow, an intense pain cut through his head, making him put his head down immediately. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and he touched his forehead with a silent hiss, as he felt a shiver jolting though his body. Even though he felt extremely cold, his whole body was burning, making his eyes wet from the fever. 

    He covered himself with the quilt up till his chin, but it was useless, _he still felt cold_. His breath was deep and heavy and his chapped lips were demanding water. He tried to stand up again, to unlock the doors of his room (he felt better when they were closed, because he was scared that Jinyoung will in while he's undressing - _he didn't want his secrets to go out_ ) but his body didn't listen to him, as his muscles felt weak and limp, he couldn't even sit on the bed without wincing in pain at his headache.  
   
    He remembered yesterday afternoon, _right, it wasn't a good idea to run around the city in the cold rain_ ; even though it was summer, he still got sick like this. Mark had never a fever that strong like this before, he couldn't even ask anyone for help - _closing his doors preventing from any uninvited guests was a really bad idea in situation like this._

    After a few minutes he heard a knock on the door and Jinyoung's voice again, this time louder and clearer than before.

    "Hyung, are you up?" He asked, before grabbing the doorknob, intending to come in, but to no avail. "You're mad at me or something? Hyung?" Mark attempted to say that _he's not mad and that he feels terrible_ , but his voice was only an incomprehensible whisper. "I'll call you later." 

    Mark sighed when he heard the front door closing and in this moment he decided he won't close his doors anymore. He felt like dying, the fever was consuming him and his body was trembling, while the sweat covered his whole body dampening his pajamas. 

    After about an hour of agony, he had to go to the bathroom, his whole body ached, but he managed to stand up on his feet, gliding them tiredly along the floor, while he was leaning against the walls, so he wouldn't fall. 

    His head was spinning and the sharp pain in the back of his head seemed to worsen when he came back to his room, throwing himself on the bed limply, covering himself quickly; the coldness he felt made his hair stand up, as the goosebumps appeared on his skin. Mark wanted to call Jinyoung or send him a message, but he ditched the thought after a second, remembering yesterday's day at work, the scene he saw on the lunch break. Jinyoung wanted to talk with him about something yesterday too, a _nd he didn't really wanted to know if it's about Jackson_. Well, he would want to know if they're together or something, but he wasn't sure he would survive the revelation. He decided to send a message to his boss only; the brightness of the screen, made his eyes stung even more and after writing a brief message, he threw the phone somewhere and closed them, the tiredness made him fall asleep instantly. 

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

    Jinyoung was worried sick at work. He noticed that Mark was acting strangely towards him yesterday, he seemed distant and Jinyoung didn't know _what was wrong with him? Did Jinyoung do something what could make him angry?_ _Mark ignored him this morning, or was he sleeping so deeply that he didn't hear Jinyoung's call?_ Jinyoung at some point, even grabbed the handle to his room, but for some reasons, the elder's room was always closed at night; he seemed to like to isolate himself, to have a little bit of privacy and Jinyoung understood that completely, _knowing Mark's personality_ , but he couldn't help and worry about him. _Mark could just answer that he's okay and if Jinyoung did something to make him angry, he could just say it, right?_ The part of him was screaming that he should break down the door like some heroes did when the people they care about are in danger, but he didn't want to violate his privacy, and, _above all_ , he didn't want to make a fool of himself. All he knew was that he was with Jaebum yesterday, _so maybe it's maybe this is somehow related?_  

    Jinyoung waited for Mark the entire afternoon, sitting impatiently and pacing around the room. He wanted to talk to him about Jackson and how much their kiss changed his point of view. He wanted to confess to him; the excitement of realizing his true feelings made him confident, without thinking about the outcome. But he fell asleep for some reason, cursing to himself when he woke up after midnight as his spine hurt from the askew position he slept in on the sofa. He realized that Mark was already home, his wet shoes were standing on the corridor's carpet like nothing happened. He sighed as his stomach sinked, _the eagerness of confessing his feelings to the elder vanished with the arrival of a new day._

 

 

    "Uncle, did Mark called?" Jinyoung approached his manager a few minutes before lunch, trying to get some information about _his coworker_. The man narrowed his eyes at him, because it wasn't the first time when he was asking about him today. His uncle was confused at first, _he was the one who actually asked Jinyoung why Mark hasn't arrived at work with him_ , knowing that the two of them were living together. His uncle was reluctant about this; after finding out he seems to be suspicious of their relationship, but Jinyoung didn't think about it too much. Jinyoung didn't care that with such behavior he's probably exposing his true feelings and care about Mark, but he couldn't stop, but to think about him all day at work, his efficiency at work close to zero.

    "Ah, right, he send me a message in the morning and I forgot to tell you." His uncle said dismissively without rising his eyes at his nephew, as he was looking through some papers and Jinyoung's eyes widened, _he was asking for a few times about it and he forgot? It's almost lunch time!_

    "What did he write?!" Jinyoung asked, his voice slightly louder, as his hands squeezed into fists at his sides.

    "That he needs a free day, he's sick." Jinyoung's brow raised up and his breath hitched, _I should've known!_ It made sense to him, it was raining heavily yesterday and Mark didn't have an umbrella (he never brings it with him), so he probably caught a cold or something. Jinyoung's heart started to beat faster at the realization, that he must get out of work earlier; _he must take care of Mark._

    "Uncle, I need a day off today." He said with a great difficulty staying still, as he shifted from one foot to the other nervously. His uncle finally looked at him; his eyes narrowed suspiciously and his lips formed a straight line. 

    "You too? Why?"

    "Just..." Jinyoung trailed off, he couldn't tell him that he must take care of his friend, who's sick. They were adults, it would surely sound strange. He bit his lip, "Do I need a justification?"

    "Well, yeah. I'm your superior." He said simply and when Jinyoung started to travel with his eyes around the room, trying to find any good excuse, his uncle broke the silence. "Okay, you're not doing anything productive today, but walking around and whining all day about him, go."

    "Thanks!" Jinyoung bowed and rushed out of the office, waving to his coworkers who send him a confused looks. 

 

 

 

  
    After Jinyoung arrived at the apartment, the worry made his guts twisting in a very uncomfortable way. His breath quickened, when he noticed the doors to Mark's room were ajar and he rushed towards them without hesitation, stopping just in front of them, trying to compose himself and his beating heart, before he knocked and went inside Mark's room. 

    "Hyung?" He looked around the room hesitantly, just when he noticed Mark was lying on his bed, wrapped in a quilt, his deep breaths made Jinyoung even more worried. Jinyoung didn't wait and went up to him to see his flushed cheeks, his half-closed teary eyes covered with damp bangs and his slightly parted chapped lips. "Oh, my god, are you okay? You're all hot!" He said after touching Mark's warm cheek with his cold hand instinctively. Mark's eyes widened slightly at the gesture, before he closed them again, his breath quickened. "I'll bring medications and wet towels, and I'm going to call the ambulance if-"

    "No, don't-" Mark whispered with hoarse voice and when he wanted to get up, seeing that Jinyoung is making his way out of the room, Jinyoung noticed it and pushed his shoulders gently onto the bed, his head falling gracefully on the pillow.

    "Don't move, hyung." He said seriously, before he went to the kitchen, leaving Mark alone for a while. When Jinyoung stepped into the kitchen, he saw the breakfast which he prepared to the elder before going to work was untouched. He decided that he'll have to make him something to eat later. He poured the glass with mineral water, grabbed the package of tablets for colds and fever from a small medicine cabinet, along with the thermometer.

    After coming back to his room, he gave him a thermometer and he went out again to prepare a bowl with water and a few fresh towels, which he dipped in water, squeezed out and placed on Mark's feverish forehead. Mark flinched at the coldness of it, gasping softly and opening his eyes abruptly.

    "Sorry, it will lower your fever." Jinyoung explained with a hint of guilt in his voice; _he didn't want to wake him up from his nap_. Mark looked at him with his shiny and red eyes, making Jinyoung stomach explode with butterflies, which were now flying around in it at the elder's dazed gaze. He couldn't control his feelings, even in such a serious situation.

    "Oh, gosh, the fever is high, hyung." He gasped after he saw the 39,5 degrees on the small thermometer's display. He helped him to take the medication, while holding the back of his head gently, dipping his fingers into his damp hair, unconsciously, when he was sipping on the cup of water slowly. "I don't care what you'll say, I'm taking you to hospital if your fever won't lower in the next hour." 

    After Mark took the medications and lay back on the bed, past his mouth escaped a tired sigh and his eyes seemed to close on its own, when Jinyoung noticed that his body was still shaking mercilessly. Jinyoung's chest tightened at the state the elder was in, he still couldn't stop worrying about him; it wasn't even anything serious, he won't die from it, but Jinyoung couldn't help but felt the urge to hug him to his chest and never let him go. Instead of a hug, which could've made Mark even more fatigued, he intended to cover him with another blanket, when he realized that Mark's pajama shirt is drenched in sweat. He automatically grabbed at the hem of it with his fingers.

    "I'll help you change your shirt, okay?" Jinyoung asked, without waiting for a response, but he was stopped by Mark's faint fingers wrapped around his wrist, preventing him from lifting the shirt up.

    "No, don't, I'm okay-" His eyes widened as he refused, his grip on Jinyoung's hands seemed a bit firmer, but still too weak for Jinyoung to stop. 

    "Hyung, don't be childish, it has to be uncomfortable-" He pulled his damp shirt over his head with a swift movement and before he could finish his sentence, he froze at the sight.

    Mark lowered his head, defeated, as Jinyoung's eyes travelled around Mark's moist chest and arms - _arms that he had never seen and now he understood why_. His pale skin on the inner side of his forearms was covered with numerous pink and oblong scars, looking like cut wounds. Jinyoung suddenly was speechless as he couldn't tear his gaze from them, he felt a sharp pang in his heart knowing very well where are these from. He had no idea Mark had such a dark side of himself, he realized how little he still knows about him. Jinyoung swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to hold back the tears which were threatening to fall from his eyes, the sight was painful for him, and the sinking feeling in his stomach grew even bigger. 

    After tearing his eyes from his pale skin, he realized that his own hands were shaking, as he attempted to meet Mark's gaze, but his eyes were still fixed on his legs under the covers, and his chest raised with heavy breaths. Jinyoung wanted the uncomfortable situation to end as soon as possible, so he grabbed another towel, wiping his sweaty body; his chest, neck, back and arms, gently rubbing his scarred skin, as if greater pressure could hurt him. Mark said nothing sitting absently on the bed, while Jinyoung helped him put on a dry shirt, before he covered him with a quilt. Jinyoung felt the tears forming in the back of his eyes and he held the urge to wrap his arms around the elder; he had a lot of questions, but he knew he shouldn't ask about it. It must be a terrifying memory of Mark. He broke the silence before he cleared his throat.

    "I'm going to make you something to eat since you probably didn't eat anything-"

    "Jinyoung, thanks, but go now." Mark's raspy voice resounded, as he turned around on his side, his back facing Jinyoung. Jinyoung's stomach fell at the movement, but he understood that Mark has to feel really uncomfortable now. 

    "Why? I want to help you-"

    "I'm not a kid, okay?" Mark's tone of voice seemed annoyed, but Jinyoung realized that it's his coping mechanism. If Jinyoung will leave him alone now,  he would think that something has changed after seeing the scars. Jinyoung wasn't going to give up. The younger didn't intend to make him like this, he might be a bit too persistent, but he wanted to show him that he could trust him. 

    "But you have to eat if you want to get better, hyung" He said categorically, realizing that his tone was slightly too cold, "Hyung, let me help you" His pleading voice resounded instead, as he touched his shoulder gently, rubbing his thumb over the shirt's fabric. He wanted Mark to see his sincerity, he wanted him to feel that he cares about him, _that he loves him_.

    "Jinyoung-"

    "No, don't say anything, because I won't listen. I'm going to the kitchen, I'll be right back." He said, sending him a reassuring smile, before he went to the kitchen to prepare him something to eat.

    When he came back to his room, he saw the elder fast asleep. Mark should've eaten something before going to sleep, he sighed. The elder was lying flat on his back again, the damp towel fell on the pillow and before he grabbed it to change his compress and place it on his forehead again, he noticed Mark's wet eyelashes and the streams of tears that haven't yet had time to dry out on his cheeks. Jinyoungs bite the insides of his cheek to muffle the growing sob in his throat, when he saw Mark's phone buzzing. He went to the kitchen to answer it, when he saw Jaebum's name on the screen.

 

      
    "Mark! What happened, why don't you-"

    "Jaebum, it's me Jinyoung." Jinyoung interrupted, before Jaebum could finish his sentence.

    "What? Why do you have his phone? What happened?!" Jinyoung heard through the phone, Jaebum's voice was demanding, a mix of worry and anger evident in it. Even though Jinyoung still remembers their last meeting (which was a day after his and Mark's kiss), he decided to inform him about his best friend state.

    "Mark has a fever and that's why he doesn't pick up his phone, I thought you should know-"

    "He's sick? And you're with him now?"

    "Yeah, I… I left work earlier and came when I found out" Jinyoung answered, pacing slowly around the kitchen.

    "Why?" Jaebum asked with disbelief and Jinyoung became aware that his answer _did_ sound like admitting his feelings for Mark to his best friend. _He left the work earlier just because he found out that his friend is sick? Who does that? Embarrassing._

    " _Why_ , what?" Jinyoung's face flushed, as his heartbeat quickened, _if Jaebum will find out he likes Mark, won't it mean that Mark will find out too?_ Jinyoung, in fact, wanted to confess to Mark yesterday, but he wanted to heard it from him, not from other people.

    "Why do you care so much?" Jaebum's voice was flat when he asked that simple question. Jinyoung swallowed hard.

    "Because… he- he's my best friend." He stuttered, the nervousness was eating him alive.

    "Oh, really?"

    "Well, yeah, why are you asking-"

    "How is he feeling?" Jinyoung leaned on the kitchen counter with relief. The other changed the topic suddenly and Jinyoung was grateful, because he would certainly tell him everything if those questions would occur for some time longer. 

    "Um, the fever is high, but I gave him medications and it should be okay soon."

    "I would like to visit him, but something important came up and I can't leave my girlfriend, will you take care of him?" Jaebum asked, his voice suddenly softer, with a hint of sadness in it. Jinyoung straightened his back, hearing the request, and he found himself agreeing without any hesitation. _He would take care of him even without Jaebum asking him that, though._

    "Yes, of course"

    "Then you better do, because if I'll find out you didn't-"

    "Calm down, really" Jinyoung chuckled slightly.

    "Thanks. Tell him to call me when he wakes up, okay?"

    "Okay, I will" 

    With that Jinyoung hung up and went to Mark's room again, putting the phone down on the small stand beside the bed. It was a good opportunity to ask Jaebum about Mark's past, an answer for any small, innocent question would make him a bit calmer. But Jinyoung banished the thought away before he could ask anything. It wouldn't be fair to satisfy his curiosity in such a disrespectful way. Besides Jaebum would chase him out to hell if he asked about something so private about Mark's past.

    Jinyoung's eyes fell on Mark's features again. It was a shock for him; _someone so nice, beautiful - angelic_ ; having marks of his past engraved on his arms, something painful and unknown to Jinyoung. He would like to know his past and pain with what it's bound, to share the burden of living with it, make him didn't have to deal with this alone. _Jinyoung would like to be a refuge for Mark._  

    The scars he saw- Jinyoung hoped that Mark doesn't do it anymore.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for your comments!
> 
> Again, I feel like the chapter is lacking, but I'm having really bad headaches lately and I still wanted to write it, because I'm too excited to write the next chapters ;;


	12. Twelve

 

 

   Mark woke up the next day at 7 am, the sunshine breaking through the half opened curtains dazzled him, blowing away the sleepness from his eyes. He couldn't believe how long he slept, the fever seemed to exhaust his body, its remains were still noticeable in his aching muscles. He opened his eyes slowly, the brightness of the room made him wince, when he realized that on a small bedside table stood a glass of water and aspirin, surely left by Jinyoung. _Right, Jinyoung_. He felt a lump forming in his throat when he remembered that Jinyoung found out about his secret. He saw the scars that made Mark feel helpless and disgusted; t _he scars which made him hate himself._ He saw how Jinyoung's eyes were fixed on them for a while, before he wiped his torso and changed his shirt and although he didn't comment on what he saw in any way, Mark knew he changed his opinion about Mark. _And certainly it wasn't a change for the better._

    Even though Mark was thankful for Jinyoung's help, he had a hard time understanding why Jinyoung came home earlier yesterday and took care of him so diligently, he felt the anger growing in his stomach at the younger's stubbornness. _Mark would sleep in his drenched in sweat pajamas if he wanted to! Just because he had no strength yesterday, Jinyoung was obstinate enough to ignore his verbal refuse._ Mark felt naked now, all of his secrets were exposed for the younger to see, he was sure that Jinyoung will ask about the scars sooner or later, the curiosity won't let him sleep peacefully. S _hould he tell the truth or pretend that he had an accident when he was a baby?_ The latter one wasn't believable; _what kind of accident could scarred his forearms only?_ It was clear from where he has them. He made them by himself.

    His stomach rumbled when he crawled out of the room, the strength in his limbs seemed to return, but his head was spinning, whether from hunger or from fever. Mark heard the stream of water flowing in the bathroom and he panicked, he suddenly had the urge to hide himself in his room again, as his guts tightened at the thought of encountering Jinyoung, _maybe his friendship will turn into pity?_ His restless thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell, Jinyoung probably didn't hear, as the water was still flowing in the bathroom's sink, so Mark turned around to get it. He felt a bit anxious about it, _who could visit them so early on Saturday morning?_

    "Who are you?" A woman standing in front of him asked, a confusion flashed on her features, after he opened the door. He noticed a little girl standing beside her, looking like a small version of the woman, her small hand clutching onto the woman's leg. Mark tilted his head.

    "I live here-"

    "Noona!" He heard Jinyoung's voice behind him suddenly, his body tensed instantly. "Why are you doing here so early?" He asked, genuinely surprised, as he squatted down, before the girl dashed into his arms, hugging him warmly and kissing him on the cheek. "Heejin-ah!" 

    "I'm sorry, it's just… I'll tell you later." The skinny woman said, her black, short haircut made her look intimidating, but when she smiled, Mark realized that in her face was something familiar-

    "Ah, noona, this is my friend Mark, we live with each other." Jinyoung said, as his hand touched Mark's shoulder, making Mark swallow, before he bowed politely.

    "Oh, hi, I'm Jisun, Jinyoung's older sister," _It figures why her smile looked familiar,_ Mark thought when the woman smiled, but she was still confused about something apparently, as her brows were furrowed, looking at Jinyoung. "Where's Soojin?" She asked, as the little girl was shyly looking at him, her cheeks were flushed and Mark couldn't help but to smile at her.

    "We broke up a while ago" He heard Jinyoung say.

    "Oh, again?" Jisun chuckled and before Jinyoung could say anything, she turned to Mark, "I'm sorry, I was a bit rude a while ago, this is my daughter, Heejin-ah, say hello." She leaned slightly over the little girl, her hand caressing her black hair. 

    "Hello, my name is Heejin!" The girl beamed at Mark after she bowed to him. The girl was adorable, her voice was a bit squeaky and her smile wide. He crouched in front of her, and despite the growing pain in his head, he smiled. 

    "Hi, I'm Mark. How old are you?"

    "I'm 5!" The girl answered, shoving her open hand in Mark's face, showing five fingers. 

    "You're a big girl!" Mark gasped playfully and after he heard Jinyoung's chuckle from above him, he stood tall on his feet again. He felt the blush creeping on his face, sensing the younger's eyes on him with this warm smile of his, before his stomach growled loudly. He touched it instinctively, trying to muffle the sound, but Jisun laughed and if Mark's face wasn't red before, _it was now crimson red._  

    "Oh! You two haven't had breakfast yet, right? I'll make you something!"

    Jinyoung's sister went to the kitchen, leaving the three of them on the corridor, Mark felt Jinyoung's presence close to him, making his stomach feel the weird tingling again, but he tried to compose himself, forcing himself to think how wrong it was, he tried to think realistically - _Jinyoung may dating Jackson now, Jinyoung saw his scars, Jinyoung may feel sorry for him-_

    "Jinyoung uncle, can I play with Mark uncle?" Heejin asked innocently, as if Mark wasn't here. 

    " _Mark uncle_?" Mark asked, flustered, all he could think about was that _yes, he could be her uncle if he was dating Jinyoung_ ; he shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. Jinyoung was too nice to him yesterday, that's why he was in a dreamland again. 

    "Heejin-ah, Mark isn't your uncle." Jinyoung chuckled seeing Mark's reaction. 

    "You can call me _oppa_." The elder said, as the little girl squeaked.

    "Mark oppa!" 

    "Yah, you're older than her by over twenty years, she should call you _ajusshi_!" Jinyoung teased, his voice light and amused, as he covered his smile with his hand, his bright eyes with wrinkles around them formed a crescents. Mark couldn't help but to stare at him for a moment, while the butterflies were flying around in his stomach, _he missed the sight of him laughing so much_. Jinyoung seemed to be his old self, _maybe Mark shouldn't worry that Jinyoung changed his opinion about Mark after seeing his secret? What was his opinion about Mark anyway?_

    "Heejin-ah, come here, mommy needs your help!" Jisun called her daughter and the girl walked away from them obediently, leaving them alone. Mark stood rooted in his place, as he rubbed his shoulder comfortingly, _will he ask about it now?_ Mark knew it was a great opportunity. A part of him wanted to tell him everything, _to make him push himself away from him, to make him feel disgusted_ \- it would be easier for Mark to forget about Jinyoung that way, even it would be painful. But on the other hand... _maybe Jinyoung, as his friend, could somehow understand him and help him overcome the pain of his past, make him love himself again?_

    "Hyung, how are you feeling? You're pale," Mark gasped with surprise, when he felt Jinyoung's hand on his forehead. 

    "I'm better, thanks- thanks for everything." Mark stuttered, as he felt his ears started to burn, remembering how he took care of him, the image of his troubled expression was still in Mark's mind. Jinyoung's eyes widened slightly at his sentence, his cheeks flushed, turning his gaze away from Mark. 

    "It's nothing…" He said softly, before he cleared his throat and changed the topic. "Ah, Jaebum called yesterday, he wanted you to call him when you wake up. I answered your phone, I'm sorry, it's just... He was worried." 

    "Ah, that's okay. He worries about me too much." Mark mumbled, just before Jisun called them for breakfast, he still didn't miss the sad smile Jinyoung send his way. 

 

 

    Mark sent a text message to Jaebum just before breakfast, declaring that everything is okay. He also asked how Jiyeon feels after the loss of her beloved grandmother. Jaebum didn't wait for with the answer; his girlfriend feels awful, her birthday party which was scheduled for tomorrow has been canceled. It was understandable, however, Mark felt that he had it off his chest now at the news, that he doesn't have to force himself to be there. Still, it were a horrible circumstances for Mark to feel relief, but as much as he felt bad for her loss, he truly hated to attend parties.

    When Jinyoung's sister learned that Mark had a terrible fever yesterday and he still doesn't feel entirely well today, her maternal instincts prevailed, manifested by stuffing him with vitamins and giving him a larger portion of scrambled eggs (apparently eggs were all they had in the fridge). Jinyoung was laughing at his troubled expression when she did so and Mark was thankful for their care, but felt a bit overwhelmed with the attention he was getting.

    Jinyoung's sister was nice, she reminded Mark a bit of Jinyoung, they both had the same sense of humor and the wrinkles around their eyes when they were smiling. Mark already managed to find out that what differed her from Jinyoung was _talkativeness_ \- and surely _inquisitiveness_ , as she was crushing him with questions for the whole breakfast time.

    "Why do you live with my brother? Don't you have a girlfriend?" Jisun asked, genuinely interested, as her gaze darted from him to Heejin, watching if her daughter is sitting nicely at the table, from time to time helping her eat. Mark shook his head, he hated those questions and Jinyoung seemed to sense it as he looked at him warily instantly.

    "No way!" She gasped "Ah! Maybe you're a type who doesn't look for a relationship? A player type?" Jisun smiled knowingly, nodding her head, "I should know, but your looks are so deceiving, you look like an angel-" 

    "Noona-" Jinyoung tried to stop her from saying all this nonsense, still looking at Mark with an unreadable expression, but the elder just sighed. It wasn't the first time someone thinks of him like that.

    "Or you're just too shy to approach a girl you like? I mean, you kind of emanate a shy puppy vibe, which makes me want to wrap you in a blanket-"

    "Noona, why are you so embarrassing?" Jinyoung whined, trying desperately to change the topic they were on and Mark was thankful, _once again_. 

    "Mommy, I want to play with Mark-oppa!" Heejin said, going down from the chair clumsily, after she ate her breakfast. Mark pointed out that the girl was no longer as shy as she was at the beginning, now she smiled at him often, and Mark couldn't help but to reciprocate smile. In other circumstances, _in another life_ , Mark would want to have kids, get married (preferably with a woman, since it's wrong to be with a man), live in a big house, have a dog - the kind of stereotypical happy family. But Mark knew that it wasn't going to happen to him; that happiness. Even though he can always earn the money to buy a house, adopting a dog wasn't a problem -  _he still didn't like girls_. Life is not that great and fun as they made it seem on TV; life is not that easy when you're in love with your friend, who's also a man.

    "Oh? But you see, Mark-oppa doesn't feel good, you know? He has to rest" Jinyoung answered instead of Jisun and all Mark heard was a soft _Mark-oppa_  coming out of his mouth. He had to lower his head to hide the blush on his face, _why is he acting like that?_ Since Jinyoung began to be exceptionally nice to Mark, the elder's mind was going crazy, noticing every little detail, even though it wasn't even directed at him.

    "You heard? You can play with Jinyoung uncle instead" Jisun said, when Heejin whined,

    "I don't want to!" Jinyoung pouted at her, as Mark stared, _his pink and soft lips were once on Mark's_ , he thought and stood up abruptly, drawing the attention to himself, by this sudden movement. He felt a painful pressure in his head when he did so and a wave of nausea washed over him, but he didn't care, he had to return to his room before his imagination will lead his mind into something more embarrassing. 

    "Thank you for breakfast, but I'll go rest now" He said, before Jinyoung grabbed his upper arm (Mark realized that _maybe he didn't want to touch his wrist or forearm because of the scars?_ ), stopping him in his track.

    "Are you okay? Did you take the medications?" He asked, before withdrawing his hand  after he got the attention he wanted. Mark felt his fever is making a comeback; he felt shivers on his whole body again and his headache started to grow and his heart skipped a few beats, but he nodded nevertheless, smiling at him, before he left to his room.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
    Some time after Mark left to his room and Jisun put his daughter to sleep in Jinyoung's room, after she was really whiny and tired from the car ride this morning, she explained to him the real reason behind showing up at his apartment - she argued with his husband Hyunsoo. Even though she didn't say it in detail what went wrong, Jinyoung felt upset for his sister and agreed instantly when she asked him if she could stay for a few days. She explained that it's nothing serious, they only need some time apart from each other to think and let the tension ease.

    Jisun, apart from her own problems, also was really concerned about Jinyoung's. 

    "So, you really broke up with her?" She asked suspiciously about Soojin, when the two of them were sitting over a coffee cup in the kitchen. 

    "Yeah, is it that weird?" Jinyoung chuckled, he was really over her at the time being. 

    "You broke up, like, ten times when you were together."

    "This time is really over. She cheated on me." Jinyoung answered casually, sipping on his cup of coffee, when he heard Jisun's chuckle. 

    "Was it the first time? I told you before."

    "Well, I guess I realized I deserve better" Jinyoung didn't really know if it was a good explanation as to why he broke up with Soojin and why he don't want to be with her anymore. He knew Mark was _the better_ he was talking about, but he wasn't sure if he really deserved him _if he could ever be with him, that is._

    "Finally!" Jisun gasped, reaching out her hand to ruffle Jinyoung's hair, making him glare at her. "But why did you realize that only now? After so many years?"

    "Because… I found someone better." He answered hesitantly, "I mean… someone who means a lot to me." he corrected, because Mark was important to him, which the feeling doesn't necessarily have to be reciprocated by the elder. Mark still can have someone he cares about more than anything, s _omeone he was in love with_ , Jinyoung is reminding himself that every moment the thoughts of Mark passed through his mind; _in conclusion - a lot_.

    "Aww, Jinyoungie! What's her name? What she's doing for a living? Did you confess? Are you together?" The questions spilled through his sister's lips like a water over a broken dam, making him frustrated, because _it wasn't a girl he was talking about_.

    "Noona, what's with the questions... it's complicated" He sighed, defeated, not really wanting to spill the beans to her right now, _he wasn't even sure why they were talking about his love life when they were just talking about hers!_

    "Why? You know, you were always over-thinking things and make it seem like they're complicated while they're not at all. Even though you were with Soojin for so many years, you shouldn't feel bad for liking another girl. I'm glad you broke up with her, you know I didn't like her too much. I only hope she's not like Soojin." His sister smiled at him reassuringly and Jinyoung shook his head, she didn't understand a thing. _Should he confess that he likes a boy and get from her a real advice or make it look like it's really about a girl?_ It wouldn't be a help, though.

    "I don't know how to explain this" He said, as he rubbed his forehead uneasily, feeling like his ears are getting red from the nerves. Jisun gasped.

    "Huh? Jinyoungie, are you nervous? Why? She isn't a stripper or anything, right? You know parents would kill you-"

    "Noona!"

    "I'm just saying, you know, they loved Soojin, so it will be hard for you to find a girl they'll like as much as her." She gave a half shrug, before leaning forward a bit. "Did you confess?"

    "I- I didn't, but I wanted actually, but-"

    "You chickened out?" Jinyoung heard her ask, and he wanted to explain, but she was going about her own conclusions, before he could say anything. "Aigoo, don't be afraid, you have to try, you're handsome, have a good job, a car, an apartment, which girl would turn you down? You have everything a perfect boyfriend should have!"

    "It's more complicated than you think, really" He couldn't possibly confess to Mark just with that; _an apartment, a car, a good job and all that wasn't important in this case_. Jinyoung loved a man, it made the whole situation much more complicated. Besides, even though he was so eager to confess to Mark the other day, now realizing that he doesn't know that much about the elder as he thought he was, would make his confession shallow. _Mark had a dark past_ , he was sure, and Jinyoung had a feeling that it could be the biggest obstacle for him to actually be accepted. He didn't know who Mark liked, if he was heterosexual, or homosexual or whatever, he had to learn about him more and gain his trust by showing his care.

    "You have nothing to lose, if she rejects you can always find another one, no big deal!" Jisun winked, trying to turn the situation into a joke, making Jinyoung shook his head, smiling, _it wasn't a good time to confessing such things_ , he thought, as he released the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Anyway, why Mark doesn't have a girlfriend? It really bothers me. He's so handsome!" She whispered before she looked in the direction of a corridor, to see if the object of their conversation doesn't stand there and listening to everything. 

    "What? Noona, did you fall in love?" Jinyoung snorted, wondering _why would she ask about it so many times?_  

    "Well, if I was single then why not?" She laughed, and Jinyoung send her a smirk. "He makes me feel like I have to take care of him, like, he looks so shy and fragile, such a cutie!" Jisun squealed.

    "Me too, Noona." Jinyoung murmured under his breath, his head lowered, a blush on his cheeks suddenly visible.

    "Hm?"

    "He also makes me feel like this" He whispered, feeling like his heart started to thump against his chest, he was terrified of what his sister will say about it. She just stared at him wordlessly, before she panicked slightly.

    "Oh, wait. Wait, wait!" She looked around the place, and leaned forward onto the table to her brother. "Are you two, by any chance-"

    "No! Noona, I just..." _Jinyoung couldn't take it back could he?_ She looked at him expectantly. "I'm not sure how it happened, but… I like him. More than a friend..."

    "Wow, that's... I didn't expect this... Well, you seemed to care about him a lot, I saw how you look at him, but…" She trailed off, tilting her head and pressing her lips together in thought. Jinyoung gulped.

    "What do you think?"

    "Well, it's not really my business who you like, you know" Jisun smiled, but Jinyoung wasn't really sure if she understood what he said. He liked Mark, _more than a friend_ and she's still so calm about it? _Shouldn't she throw a fit and say that it's wrong? That it's not normal?_ "How did it happen?"

    "I just realized it recently and- I'm scared. I don't know if I should tell him about it, because it was so hard for him to trust me for some reason and… he probably likes someone too." Jinyoung explained, as he felt the urge to tell someone about his feelings. He still felt scared and embarrassed, his guts were twisting in a very unpleasant way, but having someone to hear him out made him feel a bit at ease. _And when he began, he couldn't stop_.

    "Jinyoungie. I will say the same thing, all you can do is to be honest with yourself and try, you really have nothing to lose. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, either. But, is he gay?" Jisun asked the question, to what Jinyoung was afraid to know the answer. 

    "I- I don't know." Jinyoung shrugged his shoulders, because he had no idea. He had never said anything about guys or about girls, so it was really a mystery to Jinyoung. Jisun's gaze narrowed and she rubber her chin, thinking about something deeply for a few seconds, before she said:

    "You know, when I think about it now... He kind of has a gay vibe to himself. Besides, how could it be possible to be single if he's so handsome? Maybe he's worried about his sexuality? It would make sense-"

    "No, it's not like that. He's shy and he has a hard time trusting people, he was a loner at work, he didn't talk with anyone before I started to work with uncle… I still don't know why he's like that, beside knowing that he's an introvert" _But he knew more now_ , he thought, remembering the scars on his forearms and completely unknown to Jinyoung past. _He wondered if the standoffish personality was a result of the painful events from his past?_  

    "But he trusted you, didn't he?"

    "I kind of… imposed myself on him every day" Jinyoung answered shyly, rubbing the back of his neck, making Jisun grin widely.

    "And he didn't push you away? Don't you think it might mean something?"

    "I don't know, I don't want to get my hopes up, but…" He sighed, "I feel like I have to protect him from the world. I want him to be happy and smile and…"

    "Then confess to him, if you sincerely feel like this, this is the only way out of this situation." His sister said, her tone soft and warm; hearing that from her, it all seemed so easy, like the happiness is at his fingertips, he only need to take a step and reach for it. Mark had a scratch on his soul, it can't be so easy, _it just can't._

    "You think it's so easy? What if he'll hate me or something? I don't want to disappoint him" 

    "Jinyoungie, I can't believe it, you're in love, oh my gosh!" Jisun giggled, reaching for his hand to grip on it tightly, showing him that she supports him. Jinyoung saw the light in her eyes, but he blushed nevertheless at his sister embarrassing remark.

    "Don't tease me!" He pouted.

    "All I can say is that you should try. Go for it, because you might regret that in the future, when someone with will sweep him up from under your nose, you know?"

    "Noona, are you okay with this? With... me, liking a man? Aren't you going to laugh at me or  something?"

    "It's not a problem if it comes to me. But it'll be worse with our parents. If you want  them to know, you have to be prepared for anything" She said seriously and her solemn expression made Jinyoung realize, that he hadn't thought about it before, to be honest. He didn't think about his parents, what their reactions would be. He knew they loved him, _so maybe it wouldn't be a problem?_ But in the society they were living in, it couldn't be so easy. "Just remember, that whatever happens, I'll be by your side."

    "Thank you, it means a lot to me."

 

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

    After breakfast, Mark felt that his fever returned, so after he got into the bed, he fell asleep right away. The only thing he heard before drifting to the dreamland were Jinyoung and  Heejin's playful conversations and laughs from the living room.

    Mark had no problems communicating with children, unlike with adults. He thought that Heejin was adorable, she, _just like any other child her age_ , was playful and innocent,  everything was easy for her, the problems of real life they didn't concern her yet. The purity of  kids reminded him about himself when he was younger, before the accident, before the  mistake he did in the past.

    It was already past 6 pm, when Mark felt that his throat demands water again; his headache seemed to not decrease at all, so he was forced to take another painkiller to survive through the day until the end. _Maybe his headache was caused by too much sleep?_ He didn't remember when was the last time he slept so much.

    When he left the room, he noticed that the apartment was oddly quiet. _The apartment was always quiet with only the two of them_ , but now with Jinyoung's sister and her daughter, the silence seemed to be very out of place. When he entered the kitchen, he noticed Jisun washing dishes, whose face immediately lit up as soon as she saw Mark.

    "How are you feeling, Mark-ssi?" Jisun asked, turning off the water, before she grabbed a towel and wiping her hands on it. "Hungry?"

    "No, I wanted to drink some water" Mark replied, pulling the glass out of the kitchen cabinet, as Jisun handed him a bottle of mineral water which stood on her side on the kitchen counter, smiling at him warmly. Mark felt a bit awkward around her, he didn't know her that much and he started to panic, when he realized that Jinyoung wasn't home. "Where's Jinyoung?"

    "He went to the mall to do some shopping with Heejin. Your fridge is empty and I noticed that you two eat only take outs, empty packages are everywhere!" Jisun complained, "Where are the fruit and vegetables? How do you live?" She raised a brow and Mark shrugged at her question.

    "None of us can cook, so..." He trailed off as he took the painkiller, then he gulped it down with a sip of mineral water. 

    "Men!" She chuckled, shaking her head disapprovingly, as she leaned back on the kitchen counter, her eyes pierced into Mark, who began to feel intimidated, fixing his gaze on the floor. "Anyways... Is my brother nice to you? What do you think about him?" She asked suddenly, when Mark almost dropped the glass hearing the question, his heart skipping a beat.

    "W-what?" He swallowed nervously, putting down the glass into the sink, Jisun's gaze followed his every movement. 

    "He's annoying, right? Persistent, clingy and he's butting in everything like it's his business, right?" 

    "Well.. he's not that bad," Mark murmured hesitantly, not actually knowing what she's trying to say at all. _Jinyoung wasn't bad at all,_ even with his stubbornness. "He was quite annoying when I first meet him, though." Mark added, as the memories of their first encounter flashed before his eyes. If Jinyoung hadn't appeared in the office back then, if Mark wasn't forced to work with him, cubicle by cubicle, if Jinyoung hadn't been so persistent to talk to such a tight-lipped person Mark was, Mark would never be able to get to know him and _fall in love with him_. Even if they weren't destined for each other, Mark was grateful for all he did for him. Mark's personality changed a bit, he's more open to people and, above all, he can laugh again genuinely, spending time with him.

    "He's like that. But I guess you grew to like him? You seem shy." Jisun asked and Mark's stomach dropped, _was it so evident that he likes him?_ _No way,_ Mark could hide it well. _There's no way she knows, right?_ Mark's hands started to sweat suddenly and before he could say anything, Jisun continued. "Whatever he does, he's sincere. I noticed that he cares about you a lot, so you should keep him close. I mean, _stay with him_ , since it's his apartment." Mark stared at her in disbelief for a second, as she giggled, _he had no idea what she was talking about?_ And saying that Jinyoung cares about him a lot was something new to him, _well, he knew the younger was caring_ , but that was just Jinyoung's charm. He was like that to everyone, for Jaebum, Youngjae or Jackson. _Jackson,_ his heart dropped at the memory of them kissing again. He wanted to stop thinking about it, but he knew he couldn't, the jealousy isn't the emotion he could manage well.

    "What-? It sounds strange-"

    "It's not strange at all. Why? You don't like him?" She asked, her brows raised, as the enigmatic smile appeared on her face. Mark wanted to leave the kitchen as soon as he heard this question.

    "I- I do, he's my friend." He stammered nervously, as he started to fiddle with his sweaty fingers. Jisun looked suspicious, her narrowed gaze didn't leave Mark even for a second, as she walked up to him, making him even more flustered.

    "Well, that's good for starters, but-"

    "Frogs have those small pads on their feet to help them climbing on trees-" Mark suddenly heard Jinyoung's voice, as the front door opened.

    "Mark-oppa!" Heejin squealed, raising her two small hands in the air and waving to Mark excessively, as she entered the apartment, following by Jinyoung, who held a shopping bag, full of groceries.  

    "You're here at the worst time possible" Jisun whined, helping Jinyoung with unpacking the bags. Jinyoung looked at her and Mark alternately with a surprised expression, as Mark rubbed his neck shyly, trying to avoid his gaze. _It was actually the best timing they could ever enter into the scene_ , Mark was almost provoked to admit that he loves Jinyoung, it couldn't have come to light.

    "Why? Did you want to confess to Mark-hyung?" Jinyoung chuckled, as Mark observed Heejin pulling off her shoes clumsily, trying to distract himself from the awkward topic the two of them had.

    "What if I did? Would you be jealous?" She waggled her eyebrows playfully at Jinyoung, whose cheeks seemed to flush a bit, a soft gasp pass through his lips.

    "What are you talking about, noona-"

    "Mark-oppa, do you know frogs?" Heejin asked after she walked up to him suddenly, her big, bright eyes full of interest. Mark nodded at her adorable question, a smile appeared on his face, before she added, "Jinyoung uncle told me that some of them can even climb on trees!"

    "Yeah, some of them can do that" Mark answered, as he crouched to her eye level.

    "They're so cool! I would like to be a frog!" She shouted, jumping in front of Mark, who laughed at her adorable behavior. Mark noticed Jinyoung's eyes on him, as he peeled a tangerine and giving it to Heejin.

    "Why? All girls hate frogs!" The younger interjected, throwing the peel in the trash. 

    "No, I love them! They're cute and green and they make funny noises - _breedeet, breedeet_ , you know?" She imitated a croaking sound of a frog, as Jinyoung laughed and Mark along with him.

    " _Breedeet, breedeet_ , like this?" Mark joined, his playful side was slowly revealing itself, when he spared a glance incidentally at Jinyoung, who was looking at him with a weird fondness in his eyes. Mark stared at him a little bit, as he blushed, before he stood up on his feet and cleared his throat.

    "Yeah! Can we go and search for them?" Heejin asked, looking at Mark with hope in her big dark eyes, as she clapped her hands, after she eat a piece of tangerine. Mark tilted his head uneasily.

    "But now it's a little-"

    "My frog princess, you're going to sleep soon" Jisun said, stroking her daughter's black hair, as the girl pouted. 

    "I don't want to go to sleep!" Heejin whined, as she hid behind Mark, holding the fabric of his pajama trousers. He looked down at her and smiled reassuringly, before Jisun spoke again.

    "Do you remember what grandma said? Kids like you should go to sleep early to grow up well" She said, as Heejin crinkled her nose, going to the living room and sitting on a sofa with arms crossed on her chest. Mark heard Jinyoung chuckle beside him, and when he wanted to go to the bathroom, Jisun grabbed his arm with one hand and Jinyoung's with the other.

    "Wouldn't you two have anything against of you slept together tonight?" She asked, as Mark's heart skipped a beat suddenly making him out of breath, "I hope you don't mind? I want to sleep comfortably in Jinyoung's room, since the sofa looks very uncomfortable for me and Heejin." She said innocently, looking at Mark and Jinyoung alternately, waiting for a response. Mark gulped, trying to swallow the nervousness down, attempting to look cool about the request. He failed miserably though, when he noticed Jinyoung's flushed cheeks, _Jinyoung wouldn't feel comfortable with me_ , he thought, _that's why is he so nervous, right?_

    "I can sleep on the sofa-"

    "Huh? Is my little brother too shy to sleep with his hyung?"

    "I'm not shy! It's just.. Mark-hyung is sick and I don't want to bother him." Jinyoung explained, wriggling out of his sister's grip, his eyes downcast.

    "It's okay, I don't mind." Mark said, he couldn't say no even if he wanted. He should show them that it doesn't affect him in any way, Jisun behaved strangely, Mark thought that she might know his true feelings for her brother. _Only he had no idea how it happened that he became so transparent when it comes to his feelings?_

    "Really?" Jinyoung looked at Mark with bewilderment, and he nodded, trying to keep his cool, but on the inside his heart was thumping against his chest so firmly, that he started to worry _if they don't hear his heartbeat by any chance?_

    "See? Mark-ssi is okay with that. A true hyung" Jisun winked. "Thanks, Mark-ssi"

    Mark didn't know if he'll be able to sleep tonight; _he didn't even know if he'll survive the night, having his crush beside him all night_ , all he was sure of was that he felt excited, as the tingling in his stomach seemed to grow more and more as the night was approaching.

    Mark wondered if Jinyoung will ask about his scars, because _being alone in one room for so many hours seems like a good opportunity to ask, right?_ Jinyoung could also tell him the thing he wanted the day before yesterday, when the younger was waiting for him to come back home, falling asleep on the sofa in the living room.

_Mark had a feeling that it will be a long night._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> See you soon :)


	13. Thirteen

 

 

     After the nighttime came, they both lay on Mark's bed in his messy room and after bidding each other awkward _goodnight_ , Jinyoung turned off the light with the intention of falling asleep. However, none of them seemed to be sleepy, as the both of them lied beside each other, shoulders slightly touching, their opened eyes aimed at the ceiling. Besides the sound of their soft breaths, the wind striking the window with a slight whistling was heard.

    Jinyoung felt like he hadn't talked casually with Mark for some time. After all what happened, they seemed to drift from each other a bit and Jinyoung wanted to be able to talk with the elder comfortably as he used to before. He wanted Mark to feel at ease around him again and sensing that Mark was somewhat tensed lying beside him made him feel bad. _It was all his fault anyway_ , he was the one who was stupid enough to do what Mark wasn't comfortable with at all - starting with him arriving at the company on the first day of his work and forcing him to talk with him and open up; and ending with stripping Mark from his shell and be able to see his secret which he tried to hide so carefully.

    Jinyoung wanted to try and start a light conversation, because he was sure Mark wasn't sleeping, even though the room was dark, the moonlight streamed through the large window illuminated Mark's face - his opened eyes and parted lips, which he bite from time to time. Jinyoung knew the elder was nervous; he probably was scared that Jinyoung will ask about his scars, and _he really wanted to_ , but he didn't want to make their relationship even worse, he wanted Mark to tell him whenever he felt ready... _if he even wanted to confide his secrets in Jinyoung at all_. _Maybe Mark didn't want that? Maybe Jaebum was all he needed to confide his secrets in? Maybe the elder didn't trust him enough to tell him about his past?_ Jinyoung didn't know anything about him, he felt like he didn't know _anything at all._

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

    Mark would be lying if he said that he felt comfortable like this, lying beside his crush, hearing his soft breaths and feeling the warmth of his body next to his. It would be his dreams come true if he just could wrap himself around his warm body and fell asleep like that, _if only Jinyoung could like him back_.

    Mark felt tensed just because he knew that Jinyoung wasn't like him; _or was he?_ He still remembers how Jackson kissed him and Jinyoung responded to his kiss - the image still made Mark's guts tighten in a very unpleasant way. Even though he loved Jinyoung's attitude towards him - the mellow tone of his voice when he speak to him, the warm smiles he sends his way whenever he looks in his direction, the care he treats him with - Mark was sure it was just because Jinyoung was a charming, nice guy who treats people like that and Mark _hated it_. He didn't want to think about him so much, _he hated to realize that instead of treating him only as a friend, Mark began to love him harder and deeper with the passing days._

    Jinyoung's sister surprised him with the proposition of the two of them sleeping together tonight. It would be really childish of him if he didn't agree, he couldn't let them sleep on the sofa, _besides two guys sharing a bed wasn't a big deal, right?_ He was _the hyung_ anyway, so he should act as one for once, even though he wasn't entirely okay with it. Mark thought at first that he'll just jump onto the bed and fall asleep instantly without much awkwardness - his fever was gone, but the headache and muscle pain remained, he thought it would make him sleepy. _It wasn't so easy though_ , as his heartbeat was running fast sensing the younger beside him, lying in his bed, under his covers.

    They were lying in silence for the past few minutes, while Mark's mind was buzzing loudly, as he bite his lips nervously, trying to compose himself in front of Jinyoung. _He wondered why Jinyoung doesn't ask about his scars? Isn't he curious as to what happened to him?_ Mark still wasn't sure what he would tell him, but the situation made him tense, he knew that Jinyoung will ask about it sooner or later and Mark wanted to get it over with already, because he felt like Jinyoung changed his opinion about him. He was afraid that the younger will think of him like as a weirdo; a sick stereotype of a mental patient with a strange fetish of scarring his body. He wasn't ready to tell him the whole story, but... _if he only asked, he could try_. He was tired of hiding it all, he wanted to feel comfortable around Jinyoung, he felt that he could trust him. _But wouldn't Jinyoung pity him afterwards?_ It would make everything worse. It was the worst that could ever happen. 

    Mark was also wondering about the thing Jinyoung wanted to tell him on Thursday. It seemed to be something important, Jinyoung looked troubled and the fact that he waited for him to come back made Mark's chest tighten, as the curiosity rise in his stomach. _Should he start a conversation? If it was about him and Jackson..._

    "What did you want to tell me?" Mark suddenly asked before the thought left his mind. He couldn't help but ask, as the dark room seemed to be inviting for that kind of conversations. Especially when Mark's face wasn't that visible, he felt comfortable like this.

    "What?" Jinyoung asked a bit dumbfounded, like he was snatched from his sleep. Mark felt bad, _did he wake him up?_

    "On Thursday, after work, you said you wanted to talk about something with me…" Mark explained, turning his head in Jinyoung's direction, the moonlight was illuminating his face as he looked at Mark. _He's beautiful_ , Mark thought, as he blushed uncontrollably.

    "Ah, right…" Jinyoung started. "Jackson… Jackson confessed to me." His voice was hesitant, but his eyes didn't leave Mark even for a moment. _So it was about Jackson, he should have known._ Mark was glad his face was turned from the source of moonlight, from the window, the disappointment on his face wasn't visible to the younger, as he stared back at him.

    "Really?"

    "Huh? You don't seem surprised." Jinyoung chuckled at Mark's flat tone.

    "It's just… I noticed that he might like you." The elder said, _Jackson was too obvious with showing his affection for the youger, it wasn't difficult to notice._ Even though Mark subconsciously knew that Jackson likes him, their kiss made him speechless and shocked anyway.

    "You did? Why didn't you say anything?"

    "It wasn't like I had the right to say anything. I thought, you know… since he's a man you wouldn't want to know, you'll feel uncomfortable with this or something." The silent and dark room made the atmosphere intimate and Mark's voice came out as a whisper before he realized. He turned his head to look at the ceiling again, but he sensed the younger's eyes on him.

    "I had no idea… It's not like I would feel uncomfortable, it's..." Jinyoung didn't finish his sentence, but Mark heard him swallow, before he spoke again. "Hyung... Do you like someone?"

    "Why do you ask... suddenly?" Mark felt his gust twist nervously as he heard his question. _What if Jinyoung's sister found out somehow about his feeling and told him about it?_ Mark's heartbeat quickened abruptly and the cold sweat covered his whole body.

    "Um, I must admit that I heard when Naeun confessed to you some time ago..."

    "You heard?" Mark remembers the situation and he was glad that he didn't blurt out who he is in love with. _But how was it possible for him to hear them?_

    "Yeah, I was around the corner talking through the phone," He whispered, "You said you have someone you like, but since we have never talked about this… I didn't know." Jinyoung stared at him expectantly and Mark's chest rose and fell with rapid breaths, as the nervousness was eating him alive from the inside. He actually had no intention of confessing, _because it was Jinyoung who he was in love with_ , he told himself that Jinyoung will never find out about this, he doesn't want the past to repeat itself, Jinyoung's friendship was more important to him than anything-

    "You know, you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable with this…" Jinyoung added, turning his gaze on the ceiling too, as the warmness of his gaze left Mark's face. _It was for the better._ Jinyoung was too precious to him to break their friendship so easily, confessing to him.

    "How about you?" Mark finally spoke, instead of confessing who he likes, he wanted to know what Jinyoung's answer was to Jackson's confession.

    "Me?"  
      
    "Do you like him? Did you... accept the confession?" The elder asked, as his voice wavered slightly, afraid of the answer. 

    "Of course not! I really like Jackson, he's funny and nice, but I don't like him like that." Jinyoung answered lightly and Mark couldn't believe how the simple sentence could brighten up his mood so much, the relief he felt was indescribable. Before he realized, the wide smile appeared on his face, as he quickly turned his eyes away from the younger, hiding it.

    "Oh, I see."

    "But we stayed on friendly terms." Jinyoung said, before the silence fell over them again. Mark felt a lot better now knowing that Jinyoung rejected Jackson in the end, he couldn't help but to smile at the thought, the butterflies in his stomach woke up and began to frantically flying around his stomach, as he turned his head in Jinyoung's direction. The younger lied on his back, his body covered with a quilt, as his hands lay on it stiffly. He looked really uncomfortable. "Hyung, are you really comfortable like this?" Jinyoung asked after a few minutes of silence and Mark wanted to laugh, _it was him who looks the most uncomfortable_ , he wanted to say.

    "Like what?"

    "Me talking to you in the middle of the night and lying so close to you so none of us could fell off the bed, for example?" 

    "No, I don't mind, it's... It's comfortable." He said and his face flushed, like he just confessed to him. It might have been uncomfortable at first, but now Mark found himself relaxing beside him, he felt at ease knowing that he doesn't like Jackson, that he didn't accept his confession. It actually didn't mean anything, Jinyoung may still be straight and Mark may have zero chances with him, but the relief he felt was like waking from a bad dream. 

    "Hyung..." Jinyoung's cheeks had a faint pink tint, when he turned on his side in Mark's direction, his face fully illuminated by the moonlight, as he gazed at Mark intensely. Mark couldn't look at him, as their faces were suddenly so much closer than before, and when he felt Jinyoung's hand on his forehead, he gasped slightly, as Jinyoung whispered "Have your fever disappeared?"

    "I guess." Mark mumbled, avoiding Jinyoung's eyes, but he smelled Jinyoung's scent instead, _it was all he needed for his heart to go crazy_.  

    "That's good, then." The younger smiled, his eyes still on Mark's face, tracing along Mark's profile and the elder couldn't help but to feel more embarrassed and nervous at his behavior. _Why is Jinyoung making it so hard for him?_

    "Jinyoung," He swallowed, and after he turned his head to Jinyoung, he regretted this action right away as their faces were a few centimeters away from each other, Mark could almost feel the faint sensation of Jinyoung's breath on his face. It was too late to turn around. Mark almost forgot what he wanted to say as he looked at the younger, drowning himself in Jinyoung's brown eyes. "Thanks for… taking care of me, I really appreciate that."

    "It's nothing, I'm glad you're better." Jinyoung's face expression was something Mark had never seen, he might think he looked smitten, but it was probably only his own weird perception of the reality, it was the middle of the night, _everything looked different at times like these._ "Sorry for my sister though… you probably wanted to rest..."

    "No, it's okay, it was fun!" Mark said, waving his hand in front of Jinyoung, he really had nothing against his sister and her daughter. _How Jinyoung could think that he didn't want them here?_ When he waved his hand, the sleeve of his shirt slipped, revealing his scars and before he could pull the sleeve on his hand again, _before he could hide the awful marks_ , Jinyoung grabbed his wrist gently, caressing his scarred skin with his thumb. To Mark the gesture was so intimate, as his breath hitched, the touch of his warm fingers against his skin made him feel the goosebumps all over his body.

    "You really like kids, don't you?" He asked, as the warm smile appeared on his face, breaking Mark out of his daze.

    "Yeah, I would like to have a child someday too..."

    "Really? Then what are you waiting for?" Jinyoung chuckled silently, as his hand was still wrapped around Mark's wrist, holding it delicately. Mark's heart couldn't hold it anymore, as it was thumping firmly against his chest; he wanted to cry at Jinyoung's gesture, it was so hard for Mark to stop loving him if he'll continue to behave so fondly towards him.

    "I'm...," Through Mark's mind the thought of telling him the truth flashed like a lightning bolt, he suddenly wanted to tell him the truth about why it was impossible for him to have a family in the future, _that he was gay_ , but he feared that the touch of his warm hand will disappear once he'll confess the truth to him. "...I'm too young."

    "Are you serious?" Jinyoung laughed at his response, his melodious laugh fell straight into Mark's ear. "People your age have their own families already, how can you say you're too young?"

    "You're talking like my parents." Mark pouted, turning his head in the opposite direction of Jinyoung, faking to take offense of his words and Jinyoung panicked, propping himself on his elbow.

    "Sorry, I didn't mean it in a rude way, it's just-"

    "I'm not angry," Mark looked at him again, chuckling slightly at the younger's reaction. "I like kids, they're so pure, happy and the feeling of showing them the world is so nice, like… they know nothing, they just depend on you, while loving you unconditionally." The darkness of the room, dimly lit just by a moonlight made Mark more open to Jinyoung, _the fact that the younger doesn't see his face clearly made Mark more confident._  

    "You would be a great dad." Jinyoung said simply, his hand squeezing Mark's wrist slightly, like making the impact of his words. Mark sighed, dropping his gaze on their hands.

    "I wouldn't... I can't even bring my life together." He said, the last part of his sentence was barely a whisper, that if Jinyoung wasn't so close to him, he wouldn't hear what he just said. Mark didn't know why he said that. _Maybe he wanted to get rid of those secrets and spill them out to Jinyoung? Maybe he wanted those bad thoughts come out of his head for once?_

    "Hyung, I know that I shouldn't butt in, but…" Jinyoung hesitated, "I genuinely want you to be happy, you know? Remember that I'm your friend, whatever you're struggling with I will try to help you and overcome it with you." He declared, the moonlight falling on Jinyoung's face made him look like an angel and Mark couldn't stop staring at him. His heart was still beating like a crazy and after he comprehended what Jinyoung just said, _that he wants him to be happy and wants to help him_ , his throat went dry, as the tears shimmered in his eyes. Jinyoung dropped his gaze on Mark's wrist, when the elder raised his arm and slid his sleeve down with the other hand, just to show him more of his scars. It was really pointless of doing that, because the darkness made the view a bit faded, but it was better like this, he could talk about it more comfortably when he didn't see them that clearly.

    "I know what you're referring to, but…" Mark swallowed the lump forming in his throat, "Those are old. I don't do it anymore." He said, holding back the tears, it all was in the past now, he shouldn't cry about it, he was a strong man now. _He was better than this._

    "Still, I want you to use me as you wish. If you need someone, I'm here. I'll always be." Jinyoung said, his sincere tone of voice made Mark feel the tingles in his stomach, the fact that Jinyoung was serious about him and told him that he could count on him whenever he need him, made him realize that Jinyoung was all he needed in his life for all this time. He suddenly didn't need anything or anyone, _just Jinyoung; how he is now_. Mark turned his gaze on Jinyoung once again, still feeling the younger's warm touch, as one single tear flowed from his eye, tracing down his cheek; he wasn't sad, on the contrary. 

    "You're so persistent. Just like your sister said." Mark teased, smiling at Jinyoung widely, showing him his canine teeth, not managing to suppress the easiness and bliss he felt. He suddenly noticed how all of his problems went away - or more like hiding themselves in the corners of his mind, they won't ever leave him alone.

    "Is it bad?" Jinyoung smiled, the corners of his mouth raised up hesitantly, while he lay back comfortably on his side, his face facing Mark's profile.

    "No, it's actually okay… I wouldn't be here if you wouldn't be like that."

    "Are you glad you're here, hyung?" Jinyoung asked, the seriousness evident in his voice again, and Mark chuckled.

    "Well, I have a bigger room, more comfortable bed, the TV screen is far bigger than in Jaebum's apartment-"

    "Yah, are these really the best things?" Jinyoung whined jokingly, _the pout on his lips looked really adorable on him,_ Mark thought, and he already felt the blush creeping on his cheeks at what he was about to say.

    "No, these aren't the only good things." He whispered as the embarrassment took over his body, making it all hot and shaking nervously. He wanted to say it directly, _that he was the only good thing that happened to him_ , but it wouldn't come out of his mouth, it was too embarrassing, too straightforward and _too real_. He cleared his throat, before he turned around on his side, his back facing Jinyoung, the gentle embrace of his hand around his wrist suddenly gone. "Good night, Jinyoung."

    "Good night, sleep well." Jinyoung whispered back, the warmth of his body made Mark feel relaxed and at ease, he hoped Jinyoung's sister will stay for a few days more, so Jinyoung would sleep with him again.

    Before Mark could think about the younger some more, the sound of his soft breathing lulled him to sleep; _the peaceful and pleasant sleep._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry the chapter is kind of short, but I promise to write another one sooner! :)
> 
> Thank you for your sweet comments, I love reading your reactions for the following chapters. You're lovely! :)  
> Also, thank you for leaving kudos. I really appreciate them! ;;


	14. Fourteen

 

      
    Mark woke up to the feeling of something poking his cheeks. Before he could open his eyes, he heard a girlish giggle.

    "Mark-oppa, me and mommy made a breakfast!" Heejin exclaimed, jumping in front of him with her hands waving around. Mark chuckled, _how is it possible to be that energetic early in the morning?_

    "Oh, really?" Mark asked, pulling himself up and sitting on the bed, before he noticed Jinyoung leaning on the door frame of his room, watching him with sparkling eyes.  

    "Hyung, come." He said lightly, before Heejin screamed something and flew out of the room, Jinyoung following the suit, but before he turned around and left to the kitchen, he smiled at him fondly, making Mark's face blush immediately. He unconsciously covered his face with his hands, at the memory of the last night, _how Jinyoung declared that if he needs someone, he'll be there for him_. Maybe it wasn't everything he wanted him to say, maybe it wasn't even a big deal for him to freak out so much, but it was good enough for him to trust him and feel safe around Jinyoung.

 

 

    After Mark refreshed himself in the shower at breakneck speed, he walked into the kitchen, as his stomach growled hungrily. He noticed Jisun unfolding plates on the table, while Heejin was singing some song, sitting on a chair and holding a fork in his hand, lifting it up rhythmically. Mark bowed slightly in greeting, then took a seat at the table next to Jinyoung, whose eyes immediately raised up to him, the smile on his face bright and genuine.

    "How are you feeling Mark-ssi? Did your fever go away?" Jisun asked suddenly, taking a seat across from them by the table. 

    "I'm okay, thank you" He answered, he actually still felt kind of weak, maybe because he didn't eat a lot for the past two days, but his headache was gone and after a night's sleep, sharing the bed with Jinyoung, he felt rested.

    "Jinyoung said that you eat practically everything, so I hope you don't mind pancakes?"

    "Of course I don't mind," Mark chuckled, turning his gaze casually to Jinyoung, whose eyes dropped on his plate the moment their eyes met. 

    "Then let's eat!"

 

  
    When they were finishing their meals, the sound of cutlery hitting the plates and Heejin's singing was heard, Jisun joinig her from time to time. The atmoshpere seemed really light and in comparison to yesterday's breakfast, the weird tension was gone. 

    "Noona, what happened? You seem happy" Jinyoung asked, smiling at her sister's behavior.

    "Actually, I talked through the phone with Hyunsoo all night and… We're coming back home today." Jisun beamed and the corners of Mark's lips turned upwards, despite the feeling of his stomach dropping a little hearing that; _sleeping with Jinyoung was an only one chance in his lifetime, yet he didn't use it as he should have been._ At least he knows now how much Jinyoung cares about him as his friend. "We were stressed with work and taking care of the house, but we love each other. The separation gave us for the understanding that it's not worth to give up on us."  

    "I'm glad." He heard Jinyoung say, he was genuinely happy for his sister. Jisun laughed, a teasing smirk appeared on her face before she spoke.

    "Why? I thought you liked sleeping with Mark-ssi-"

    "Noona, what are you talking about?" Mark's eyes widened at Jinyoung's response, he whined and his cheeks covered in a light pink blush, he seemed to be really embarrassed, as his eyes avoided Mark's. Mark found himself blushing too, as he dropped his gaze on the plate, b _ecause he was the one who enjoyed their night time conversations the most._

    "I'm just joking, I know you're happy for me, but I want you to be happy too, Jinyoungie." Jisun said simply, making Mark confused, _what does she mean by that?_ Before Jinyoung could say anything, Heejin's squeaky voice resounded in the kitchen.

    "Mommy, mommy, can I go play with Mark-oppa?" She pleaded, as her big eyes looked up at her mother, full with hope. Mark chuckled at that, finishing his pancake.

    "Darling, Mark-ssi is still eating his breakfast, besides you should ask him yourself if he wants to play with you," Jisun answered, eyeing her unfinished meal, while Heejin turned his gaze at Mark, her smile widened, and Mark couldn't say no to such an adorable view.

    "We can play when our plates will be empty, okay? We have to eat to have the strength to play."

    "Okay!" Heejin giggled, dipping her fork into the last piece of pancake on her plate, before Jinyoung sighed an exasperated sigh.

    "Heejin-ah, don't you want to play with uncle? I want to play too!" 

    "Uncle doesn't know how to play!" Heejin said, making Jinyoung pout and Mark couldn't manage to hold himself down from chuckling, he felt the warmth spreading in his chest, seeing the situation in front of him.

    "Ey, we played so many times before and you liked it!" 

    "I like Mark-oppa better!" The girl exclaimed, slipping from her seat and running to Mark's side, grabbing onto his arm. Mark patted her head slightly, sending her a bright smile, when Jinyoung gasped, clutching his chest dramatically.

    "My heart! I'm dying Heejin-ah, if you don't play with me, I'll die!" His face contorted with pain, his brows furrowed and nose crinkled in a fake discomfort, as Jisun laughed at him from across the kitchen, shaking her head at his behavior.

    "Uncle is silly!" Heejin screamed, running out of the kitchen, as Jinyoung sprung up from his seat, surprising Mark by grabbing his arm and dragging him to the living room, following after Heejin. 

 

    They played for some time already, the screams and laughs filled the whole apartment on the Sunday noon. Jisun didn't participate in their fun, she was just looking at them from the kitchen, smiling and giggling at their silliness.

    Mark didn't remember when was the last time he was laughing so much, especially not with people who wasn't his parents or Jaebum. He felt at ease, knowing that Jinyoung likes him despite his awful scars, made him feel relieved, but also kind of worried at the same time, because Jinyoung doesn't know the whole truth about his past and _it was the worst and the most important part of it all._ The elder tried to not think about it for now, if he had a chance to talk with Jinyoung so calmly and trustfully like last night he did, it was possible for Mark to reveal his secrets to Jinyoung soon. 

    "Ah! We have to run! The monster will eat us, quickly! On the sofa! Heejin-ah!" Jinyoung screamed, jumping from sofa to the armchair, as Heejin was running around the room, her screams mixed with the sound of her laugh as she hopped on the sofa - _the base, where the monster couldn't hurt them_. Mark was creeping up on his hands and knees on the carpet slowly in their direction, the girl screaming again, crawling onto Jinyoung's laps, wrapping her little hands around Jinyoung's neck.

    "I'll eat you! You better run!" Mark growled and, as much as he couldn't believe what he was actually doing, playing with Jinyoung and his niece, m _aking a fool of himself in front of them_ , he couldn't care less, he was feeling great, not worrying about being judged by other people. Heejin wriggled out of Jinyoung's grip and jumped on the armchair quickly and when Mark stood up on his feet abruptly, trying to catch his prey, his vision dimmed and his head got dizzy from the sudden movement, as he stumbled on his feet. Although Jinyoung noticed it and caught him gently by the shoulders, preventing him from falling, they both fell down on the sofa with a great impact anyway, Jinyoung's back falling on the sofa's seat and Mark on top of him, his head hitting Jinyoung's chest.

    "Are you okay?!" Jinyoung asked, his face contorted in worry as he lifted Mark's head by his cheeks slightly, his eyes travelling anxiously around his face searching for any damages. Mark felt intimidated, their bodies were so close to each other he could feel any movement of Jinyoung's muscles, his warm hands felt too soft against his skin, the touch of their groins suddenly burned him, making his guts twist in a very unexpected way. The sight of Jinyoung's face so close to him, _so close he could count his eyelashes_ (this time in a bare daylight, not like the last night where he couldn't see much anyway), the smell of his wooden scented cologne, the feel of his body against his, made him realize that Mark was in love with him too deep, he liked their close proximity too much for regarding Jinyoung as his friend, as he felt the arousal in his lower region grew.

    "I just got… a little dizzy." Mark finally said, before swallowing, trying to get rid of those dirty thoughts, as his cheeks flushed, _it wasn't a good time for thinking such things_ , he scolded himself in his mind, before the awkward silence was broken by Heejin's triumphant yell. 

    "The monster caught Jinyoung uncle! I won!" She screamed, pumping her fist in the air, while jumping around them a few times, before leaving them and run to Jisun, to boast about her achievement. Mark's eyes met Jinyoung's warm gaze and he was sure that the younger could feel his firm heartbeat against his body.

    "Yeah, Mark-hyung caught me." Jinyoung whispered, as his hands were still on Mark's cheeks, bringing him slightly closer and Mark froze in the spot, _what is he trying to do? Is he just teasing him-_

    "Hyunsoo will be here soon!" Jisun called from the kitchen and Mark panicked immediately, as he sprung up to his feet, clearing his throat, walking away from him and turning his face away from Jinyoung, suddenly something out of the window seemed extremely interesting that he couldn't spare a glance at the younger. He tried to calm himself down, but he couldn't help as the seed of hope planted in his heart, that _maybe not everything is so complicated? Maybe if Mark would be able to take a risk again, maybe this time it wouldn't end up as hopelessly as the last time, few years ago?_

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

  
    When Hyunsoo arrived to pick up his wife and daughter, Jinyoung was delighted to see their smiling faces. Even if they were separated for only two days, they looked like they were really missing each other. Heejin immediately wrapped her little hands around her father's neck, forgetting his uncle and beloved _Mark-oppa_ , whose she didn't hesitate to invite her home just before they left. She wanted them (she invited her _Jinyoung uncle_ too) to visit her as soon as possible so they can play together once again. Jinyoung couldn't hide his smile, hearing this, he felt proud that his sister and her daughter liked Mark and showed him their kindness and care.

    Jinyoung was close to reveal his feelings to Mark last night. Jinyoung, for the first time, felt that Mark really trusts him, even though he didn't say anything about his past, he at least was more open about his scars and it was a huge step forward in their friendship. It made his heart grow, their close proximity and the intimate atmosphere around them, convinced him to confess his feelings to Mark. But in the end, he realized that he should investigate the elder a bit more, he wanted to feel that he has a chance with him. And today, _he got another reason in his favor_. When Mark was lying on top of him after he stumbled on his feet, staring at him bashfully, Jinyoung couldn't hold the urge to kiss him. He knew that it wasn't a good moment, _it wasn't even a good idea to begin with_ , but he just wanted to take a chance, because he was too close to him, his parted lips were too inviting and the most important part of it was that _the elder didn't try to push him away_. He could've been in shock, that's why he didn't move, his head might be heavy or dizzy, but the look in his eyes and the feel of his beating heart was all he needed to proceed the act. That was until he reality hit him hard in the guts, as Jisun's voice resounded and Mark jumped off of him, ignoring his existence suddenly. Jinyoung felt really embarrassed and shy towards him, but he also wondered _what would happen if Jisun didn't say anything, would he be able to kiss him? Would Mark give him his permission and wouldn't push him away?_

    After Hyunsoo left with Jisun and Heejin, bidding their goodbyes, the apartment suddenly felt empty and quiet. Jinyoung wanted to laugh at how easy it was to use to their presence in the apartment; it was bright and loud, now the quietness was rather deafening.

    "Weird, I don't know if I could use to such a silence again," Jinyounh chuckled, following Mark to the kitchen, before he heard the knock on the front doors. Mark tilted his head in confusion, as Jinyoung turned around to see who it is. "Did they forget something?" He asked to no one in particular and after he opened the door, the three familiar people were standing in the doorway.

    "Hey, man, we're in Seoul for a few days, so we decided to visit you!" In front of his eyes appeared his three best friends from Busan - Hyunseung, Minwoo and Taehyun, which he met recently in a less exciting circumstances. But he was glad to see them, _he missed his friends_ , he hadn't seen them for a long time already and he beamed at the realization that they decided to visit him while being in the city. _Nice of them to think about him._

    "Why didn't you pick up your phone? We wanted to ask if you're free, but we decided to come anyway," Taehyun chuckled and Jinyoung suddenly pulled his phone out of the pocket, to confirm it and raised his eyebrows seeing the _4 unanswered calls_ on the phone screen. _It seems like he was too busy to notice his ringing phone._

    "Where is your girl?" Minwoo whispered, pushing his red hair back with his hand and looking around the apartment, searching for any girl in the place. Jinyoung's brows furrowed, he had no idea what he was talking about, _what girl?_

    "Girl?" 

    "Soojin said you live with your new girlfriend and we wanted to check her out!" Minwoo explained, smirking while the other two pulled off their shoes and gave Jinyoung a plastic bag full of beer.

    "Yah, why would you- I don't have a girlfriend!" Jinyoung exclaimed, "I live with Mark." He gestured in Mark's direction casually, who seemed to be busy with something in the kitchen, but he looked at them nevertheless and raised a hand in greeting, before continuing with his thing.

    "Oh, okay then, are you meeting the girl you were crushing on at least?" Taehyun asked, as they followed Jinyoung to the living room, he put down the beer and the snacks on the coffee table. Jinyoung felt uneasy, _it wasn't about him and Soojin getting together again, right? She didn't send them to him to persuade him to return to her, right?_

    "Are your conversations with Soojin only about me or what? Did she ask you to come here again?" Jinyoung sighed, he really wanted to spend an unexpected time with his childhood friends, without talking about Soojin, because it was a closed chapter in his life already. 

    "No, we just wanted to know if you're meeting someone better than her. It's still impossible, but you know." Taehyun answered with a weird smirk on his face. Jinyoung knew that he was in love with Soojin for some time already, he found out when he was still going out with her and he also knew that he confessed to her a long time ago, but she rejected him, saying that she treats him only as a friend. Taehyun told him about it one time when he was drunk; he still loves her, that's why he's so overprotective if it comes to Soojin.

    "Stop it already," Jinyoung sighed at his response and went to the kitchen, "Mark, would you like to sit with us?" He asked, but he was partially sure that Mark will decline, he knew that the elder didn't like meeting with new people, because it made him very uncomfortable. But Jinyoung wanted to try, judging from the last few days Mark seemed to change a bit and Jinyoung wanted him to feel at ease.

    "Hm?" Mark turned around, seeing Jinyoung's hopeful eyes and the stares of his friends from across the room.  

    "Come, we'll watch some baseball match which I'm not a fan of." Jinyoung chuckled and Mark unexpectedly nodded, following him into the living room. 

 

    Jinyoung tried to engage Mark in the conversations with his friends from time to time, but he didn't want to force him too much, _it was already a big achievement of him to sit with them anyway_. Mark was sipping on his beer slowly, while Jinyoung was drinking another one already, he didn't intend to get drunk, because he will have to wake up to work tomorrow, but the conversation with his friends wasn't flowing that well and Jinyoung was wondering _why?_ It wasn't that long since they saw each other, but it somehow seemed like they had nothing to talk about, like their conversation was kind of forced and Jinyoung began to wonder _was it him who changed or his friends?_  
   
    The baseball game was playing in the background and the conversation of Jinyoung's friends was resounding in the room, when Mark stood up and Jinyoung immediately caught his hand. It was so desperate that Jinyoung's red cheeks from alcohol deepened its color, feeling embarrassed about the movement. He wasn't tipsy. _He was drunk_. Mark looked at him with confusion and showed him lighted up phone screen with a  _"Jaebum's calling"_ statement and gestured to him that he'll get it in his room, Jinyoung smiled with relief; he was afraid that Mark won't come back to them and lock himself in his room. He was glad that Mark actually was willing to sit with people he didn't know, while being sober. _Yeah,_ he was sipping on his beer for about an hour now, while Jinyoung had drunk about four already. The younger followed him with his gaze and a fond smile formed on his lips, when Minwoo spoke in a hushed voice.

    "Is this guy... _gay_ or something? He looks at you weirdly!"

    "I noticed it too, man, you should watch your back!" Hyunseung said, leaning a bit forward to Jinyoung so their conversation won't be heard by Mark. Jinyoung couldn't believe what he just heard, as he turned his gaze at them, a fake smile appeared on his face, as his fists clenched on his laps.

    "Why would you care, though?" He snarled a bit colder as intended, but he couldn't understand what their problem was. He had no idea if Mark is gay or not, and _personally_ , he would like him to be, because he was in love with him, but _they? Why did they care about someone else's sexuality?_ Jinyoung's mind was buzzing as the alcohol was messing up with his mind.

    "What? I'm concerned about you! Aren't you afraid that he would come to your bed at night and-"

    "And _what_? Rape me?" Jinyoung snorted, "I'm not afraid, he's my best friend and you shouldn't talk about him like that, okay? I'm asking, when I'm still being nice." He was done with their bullshit, he still tried to make something out of this friendship, but if they act like that, _would it mean that they won't accept him if he confess that he's in love with a man?_

    "Yah, I'm just saying how I see it." Hyunseung said dismissively and shrugged his shoulders, before turning his head, looking in the direction of the corridor. 

    "Jinyoung, you're acting strange, too. You're so caring and nice towards him..." Taehyun narrowed his eyes at Jinyoung and he giggled. 

    "Of course I am, he deserves the world," He replied, as the alcohol made his head a little dizzy, he knew he shouldn't drink anymore, but the anger he felt now made him open another bottle of beer. He didn't want to argue with them, though he wanted them to accept him and still be his friends. Jinyoung didn't want to hide his true identify, the alcohol flowing in his veins made his mouth more wordy than ever, he hadn't even thought if Mark would hear him, _he didn't care honestly._

    "Jinyoung, you're so drunk, you don't know what are you saying!" Minwoo laughed hesitantly, more afraid than amused.

    "Maybe this guy is the girl, which Soojin talked to me about? Maybe there wasn't even any girl in the first place, huh? Jinyoung?" Taehyun's voice seemed dangerous and hearing the tone of it made Jinyoung grasp the reality, hitting him like a cold shower. He wasn't going to be accepted by his best friends. _If he could even still call them that._ Taehyun stood up and lean a bit forward to Jinyoung, he stared at him intensely, intending to appear intimidating, but before Jinyoung could do or say anything, Hyunseung grabbed him by the shoulders pulling him off of him.

    "Jinyoung's not gay, Taehyun, he was with Soojin for ages-"

    "What if I am?" Jinyoung spoke, raising his eyes confidently at them, waiting for their response. And if came immediately.

    "Don't joke around." Minwoo snorted, not quite believing in his words as his gaze darted from Jinyoung to Hyungseung and Taehyun. 

    "I'm not joking." Jinyoung stood up from his seat, his head was a dizzy from the alcohol, but he didn't care. He knew already, he was sure that he loves a man, _he loves Mark_ ; and he decided to tell them about it. Whatever happens will only show how much they care about him.

    "What?" Taehyun crinkled his nose and squinted his eyes in disgust.

    "You've changed man, I can't believe it." Minwoo frowned, taking a few steps back from him intuitively.

    "Why does it matter who I like? Do you really care so much?" Jinyoung asked, trying to understand what was wrong with it, i _t doesn't change him in any way, right? He was still the same person!_

    "Are you really expecting me to be friends with a faggot like you, who probably wants to fuck me whenever I turn around?" Taehyun scowled, as he gave a mirthless laugh. Jinyoung was hurt by his words, they were harsh and kind of unexpected. He knew they probably won't accept him, but _weren't they his friends? Best friends at that?_ He couldn't help but hoped that maybe their friendship was strong, but apparently it wasn't.

    "Don't flatter yourself, Taehyun, you're not even that attractive-" Jinyoung trailed off as Taehyun grabbed his shirt and pushed him to the wall harshly, his head hitting the wall, before Hyunseung and Minwoo pulled him off of Jinyoung. 

    "Guys, we're leaving before I'll break his pussy bones," Taehyun huffed angrily, his gaze cold and narrowed. "Aish, suddenly I feel like vomiting!" He said and when Mark walked into the living room, he measured him with his eyes and snorted derisively. Mark looked at them with confusion, while Jinyoung touched the back of his head, the impact of the hit felt like his skull broke and he was checking if there was any blood flowing from his head. _He wouldn't like that,_ he didn't want to tell Mark about all this and he _fortunately_ didn't see or _hopefully_ didn't hear their conversation. Before the three of them left the apartment, Minwoo spoke, the genuine hatred spilling from his mouth.

    "I'm disappointed in you, man. You make me sick." And he slammed the door behind them. Mark looked at Jinyoung with a worried expression, but Jinyoung just smiled. He missed him, he wanted to hug him, _he needed that in this situation_ , because he felt hopeless. He stood rooted in his place as the tears threatened to fall from his eyes, as he was continuously swallowing the lump in his throat; _he wasn't sad_ , it was just the alcohol making decisions instead of him, but somehow, having his childhood friends acting so rude towards him made him feel miserable.

     "What happened?" Mark asked softly, his eyes inspecting Jinyoung's drunken face, the weird expression fortunately didn't gave out what he was feeling right now, _he was trying so hard to not burst into tears in front of him._

    "They… they left. Assholes." He said simply, as the weird pressure in his chest grew, making him hard to breathe. 

    "Did you argue?" Mark asked, sensing his uneasiness, as he touched his shoulder hesitantly, trying to comfort him somehow. Jinyoung lowered his head, feeling as his heart speeds up its pace at the elder's gesture. He knew that Mark would accept him who he was. _He would, right?_

    "They just realized that they don't like the real me, I guess"

    "They don't deserve you, then" Mark said simply, without blinking, the gentle tone of his voice made it so genuine that Jinyoung stared at him, speechless. _He didn't expect him to say anything like that._ Jinyoung's eyes watered and he tried hard to suppress the sob coming out of his throat, before he made a step forward and wrapped his hands around Mark's neck, hiding his face in the crook of it. The elder seemed to stiffen in his place, but after a second Jinyoung felt his hands on his back, patting him slightly, _a bit awkwardly_ , but Jinyoung felt a lot better by this gesture. _What if Jinyoung would confess to him right now? Would he be okay with this?_ It would be better if he was sober, because now a large percentage of what he's doing right now was the alcohol, Mark would think he's lying or something. _But would he be able to be so confident being sober? He has lost his childhood friends already, would he survive if he lost Mark too?_

    "Do you want to watch something on TV?" Jinyoung mumbled against his neck, making Mark flinch a bit at the feeling of his warm breath on his skin. Jinyoung couldn't believe Mark didn't push him off and he wanted to tease him a bit more.

    "Aren't you tired? You drank a bit-"

    "No!" Jinyoung said, as he raised his head a bit to look at Mark's face - his cheeks were bright red and his eyes fell to the ground immediately after they met with Jinyoung's. "I want to watch something and laugh my ass off." Jinyoung said a bit incoherently, the alcohol still was making his head dizzy and tongue clumsy.

    "What do you want to watch?" Mark asked, his hands still on Jinyoung's waist, but his eyes avoiding his face like a fire, Jinyoung unfortunately couldn't tear his eyes away from him. _Was he being too persistent again?_

    "So, you'll watch with me?" The younger asked, leaving his personal space and making a step back to make him look at him just once. He wanted to drown in his eyes, he wanted to feel that there was still someone left who could like him who he was, without rude comments and disgusted looks.

    "Yeah, I will." Mark nodded and sat down on the sofa, Jinyoung following the suit. He stared at him in amazement, while Mark held the remote control and changed the channels on the TV, avoiding his gaze.

    "I can't believe how much you've been straining yourself… I didn't know you will actually sit with me and the people you didn't know at all." The younger began, shoving his hair back away from his face. Mark froze in his seat and swallowed nervously, being under Jinyoung's piercing gaze, unable to get away with the answer.

    "It's... I knew you, so it was okay." Mark answered calmly, but his hands were fidgeting with the remote he was holding. Jinyoung moved slightly towards him.

    "Just because I was there you felt at ease?" He asked, as his heart began to beat faster and louder, pounding firmly against his chest. He suddenly felt nauseous, as the alcohol and excitement weren't the best combination, he didn't want to vomit right on his feet, _I would be so embarrassing!_ He thought suddenly, as the intimate atmosphere seemed to drift apart from them.

    "Well, it's the different way to put it." Mark said and Jinyoung couldn't help but wrap his hands around Mark again, using the situation and the fact that he was drunk, _his confidence was high in these situations_. Just like their kiss at that time and now the warmth of his body was something what _the sober Jinyoung_ couldn't bring himself to do. He would easily confess to him right now, but he held himself down with the remnants of a strong will, he has to do this, when he's _sober_!

    "How about _Gag concert_?" He asked, still having Mark in his arms, as his eyes started to get heavier with every passing second. He liked how comfortable Mark's shoulder was, his cheek was touching the side of Mark's neck, as his grip around him lessened slowly. 

    " _Gag Concert_? Really?" He heard Mark's surprised voice through a haze and before Jinyoung could nod, his eyes finally closed, leaving the question without an answer, falling asleep in the most comfortable position he had ever slept in - _in Mark's embrace._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so so sorry for this chapter! I know you would like them to confess already, but please bear with me and my imagination! :)  
> Thank you for your sweet comments and for supporting this story, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon! :)


	15. Fifteen

   

 

    The first thing Jinyoung felt after waking up in the morning the next day was a sharp twinge in his head, he squeezed his eyes shut, as a silent hiss escaped through his lips, immediately regretting the alcohol he drank the evening before. _Jinyoung had no idea why did he even drink so much in the first place? Was it really necessary?_ The alcohol made him extremely brave; he remembers how he admitted that he likes a man to his friends, how he almost got beaten up for it, if not for Minwoo and Hynseung holding Taehyun back, he remembers how he couldn't keep himself away from Mark, how he was constantly hanging on his neck, trying not to release him from his arms until he fell asleep while his hands were still wrapped around Mark's neck and his head was lying comfortably on his shoulder. He wouldn't have done that in a normal state (well, their make out session was because of drunk Jinyoung too), he always tried to be very cautious towards Mark, but unfortunately his hidden desires were coming out when he was drunk, unable to control them. 

    Jinyoung looked at his clothes; he was still in his shirt and pants, only shoes were pulled off from his feet. _Mark had to bring him here, right?_ Jinyoung couldn't help but smile at the thought. 

    Yesterday evening only strengthened Jinyoung in the belief that his childhood best friends shouldn't be called his best friends anymore. He knew the topic of homosexuality is not easy and can be unacceptable by some people, but they were his best friends - _people who should care about him and support him in his ups and downs, right?_ Even though their bond was already really weak since they all entered adulthood, being busy with their lives, Jinyoung still had a small glimmer of hope that they would accept him and whoever he likes when he'll decide to tell them. He didn't plan to do it that fast, but it turned out that the faster they'll know - the better. Jinyoung didn't need people who called themselves friends just to turn their backs on him whenever they felt like it. Jinyoung spent a lot of time - _too much time_ \- trying to understand himself and his feelings, trying to suppress them and hide somewhere really deep in his heart, being afraid that it's not okay, that he's not normal, just to be ridiculed by Taehyun and the rest when he finally accepted himself. He had his sister on his side and it made him understand that the people who really love him, will accept him whoever he is. _They don't deserve him_ \- as Mark summed it up yesterday's evening. Jinyoung's heart speeds up its pace at the thought of his words; _Jinyoung didn't expect to hear anything like that from him!_ Mark has never been a talkative person, but when he says something, it messes Jinyoung's heart up really bad. He couldn't believe how a simple sentence could do so many things to him, even though he was drunk, he still remembers how his legs turned to jelly and the weird feeling in his stomach knotting up nervously, finally making his whole body crumpled and messy. The words were so sincere and sweet, Jinyoung had a hard time trying to hold himself down from hugging him and kissing him; _he couldn't resist a hug, though_. The seed of hope sowed in his heart, when the elder didn't push him off when his hands wrapped around him yesterday. Maybe he didn't want to fight with a drunken mess, maybe he didn't want to make a scene, maybe he felt bad about his friends leaving him, maybe he was just tired and couldn't care less... _or maybe not_. _Maybe Mark cares about Jinyoung the way he cares about him?_ The conversation he had with his sister was still in his mind accidentally and Jinyoung started to believe that it all can have a good ending. _Or not._ Despite the continuous uncertainty in his mind, Jinyoung had to gather the courage to do it - to finally confess to Mark. Jisun told him to try, because if he doesn't, he wouldn't know how Mark feels about him. He should try. _He needs to._ Despite Mark's scars, despite his unknown past, Jinyoung's feelings for the elder won't change, whether Mark accepts him or not. 

    They decided to go to work by foot, even though Jinyoung was sober, he didn't want to risk and take a walk all the way to work. The company's building wasn't far away and the weather was beautiful early in the morning, the sun casts a warm rays on their faces and the pleasant breeze of wind enlivened them, making them feel light and ready for the upcoming day. 

    They were walking slowly, drinking a cup of takeout coffee, which they bought at Starbucks on their way to work, enjoying the weather and their company. Even though it was Monday, the day everyone hated, Jinyoung couldn't feel more content having Mark by his side, smiling and talking with him so easily as never before. Jinyoung entrusted himself a mission; to make Mark smile like this every day, to make him happy and feel at ease. He wanted to give him everything if he only could, _if it would make Mark smiling like that forever._

  
    After they arrived at work it was visible to everyone that their relationship got better. Mark was smiling a lot while talking, making Jinyoung's stomach tighten nervously, knowing that he was he reason of the smile on the elder's face. Jinyoung was trying hard to entertain him, it looked a whole lot like flirting, but at some point Jinyoung stopped caring about it; he wanted to observe Mark and his reactions to his accidental skinship and flirty jokes. There were moments when Jinyoung only gazed at him, watching how he worked, how his brows furrow in concentration while his slim fingers tapped something on the laptop's keyboard or when he was away from him, copying some documents at the other end of the room, Jinyoung's eyes were following him unabashedly and he had to squelch the desire to approach him and hug him just like he did yesterday. Maybe if they weren't at work he could've succeeded, but _wouldn't it be awkward?_ He was drunk yesterday and it seemed like Mark simply tolerated his drunken behavior. Jinyoung wanted to feel Mark's warm body against his own, to squeeze his slim figure in his arms again. 

    Yugyeom and Bambam teased Jinyoung since early in the morning, in the hallways of the company or in the office, sending him a weird gestures and grins every time Jinyoung looked in their direction, they seemed to leave Mark alone today, after finding out what the elder went through for the whole weekend - his nasty fever evoked a compassion in them and the two have decided to give him a break for today with their teasing. While Jackson and Youngjae seemed to avoid them, Yugyeom and Bambam were making fun of Jinyoung being Mark's nurse (he left work on Friday like his house was on fire or something, so it wasn't really surprising), nursing him through his sickness for the whole weekend. It wasn't entirely like that, because his sister and her daughter had a large share in this too actually, but Jinyoung couldn't help and blush furiously at their remarks. 

  
    It was still some time before the lunch break, when the warmth spread in Jinyoung's chest, as he absent-mindedly stared at Mark's profile, unable to look away and get down to work. His head was flooded with thoughts of everything that happened during the weekend; Jinyoung finding out about Mark's scars, his sister's visit, causing him to spend the night in Mark's room, talking about different things so easily as the days of the weird awkwardness between them didn't even happen, and lastly the visit of his supposed friends yesterday... _it was only two days, yet it was a rollercoaster of feelings for Jinyoung._  

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

      
    Mark found himself smiling when he was copying the documents by the photocopier in the hallways of the office. People who had passed by him must think of him as a weirdo or something (they did anyway), being in deep thoughts, smiling so brightly to himself on a Monday morning. He couldn't help it, the lightness he felt was annoyingly pleasant, thinking about Jinyoung falling asleep on his shoulder, feeling the warmth of his body and the tickling of his breaths on his neck. Mark couldn't control his body when Jinyoung wrapped his arms around him, the goosebums took over him easily, sending the shivers down his spine, making it really hard for Mark to not to be too excited about their closeness. _He shouldn't feel like this in such a situation_ , Jinyoung was drunk and even though he looked like he didn't care about his friends leaving in a really bad manner, Mark saw the look in his eyes, the unshed tears were shimmering in them. Jinyoung's friends said some really bad things to him before they left and Mark was wondering _what did Jinyoung do to them, making them so angry? What was Jinyoung hiding from them making them so disappointed?_ Jinyoung was hurt, the expression of his face was something Mark has never seen on the younger's features before. It made his stomach clench, seeing him like this; he wanted him to understand that whatever Jinyoung's hiding Mark would be there for him, that he doesn't need anyone who brings him down. He would repeat the words of his therapist which she always said to Mark - _cut toxic people out of your life, stop bringing yourself down because of them, because of their words or actions. You don't have to fit their standards, if they have anything against you, cut them off. You deserve peace and happiness._ Mark didn't say any of these though, instead he just let him hug him as long as he wanted, having a whole lot of sick pleasure in this too, but it wasn't about him, Jinyoung needed someone to lean on and if Mark would be that person, he would do anything to make him feel better.

  
    Mark sensed the not-so-secretive looks Jinyoung was sending his way the whole time before the lunch break and it made him feel shy, as his face was flushing whenever their gazes met. Even though he was happy that Jinyoung seemed to feel better, his daring actions towards Mark was something he couldn't get used to just yet. _Why Jinyoung is like that to him anyway? Did the scars he saw changed the way he perceived Mark? Does he feel sorry for him and think that he's a pathetic, fragile man with mental health problems?_ Mark tried to push away the inner critic's voice in his head, trying really hard to not to be swallowed by it and not to misunderstand the younger's nice behavior towards him. _Maybe he likes Mark? Maybe he really cares about him, about his past, about his well being?_

    The moment the doubtful thoughts entered his head, his mind started to drown in unnecessary worries. He suddenly realized that Youngjae was looking at him with a weird expression on his face, making his guts twist nervously, especially when he realized that the younger was following Jackson around (or was it the opposite?), the only interaction he had with Youngjae was a swift wave of his hand in his direction when he entered the office in the morning. _It was weird_ , Youngjae was someone he would call a friend among their coworkers (besides Jinyoung); Mark thought they understood each other quite well, but now, seeing him with Jackson, who probably hated him made his stomach drop. _What if Youngjae ignores him because of Jackson's influence?_

    Just before the lunch the worries seemed to grow, making his anxious mind even more nervous. His hands started to sweat, when he noticed the other group of coworker's whispering among themselves, shooting a weird glances towards them. Yugyeom and Jinyoung were standing beside Mark's desk, waiting for him to hurry up so they could go to the cafeteria, talking about some things unrelated to work. It seemed like only Mark was feeling the change in the atmosphere, _maybe he was overthinking everything again?_ Even when he saw Jinyoung's bright smile, it wasn't enough to get rid of the thought that something is wrong. 

    "Guys, big news!" Bambam approached them, drawing their attention instantly, "You know how much the boss was bragging about this Edgard company? How easy it supposed to be getting them to advertise their products in our newspaper?" The group was listening to him intently, especially Mark, who was kind of responsible for the company's success in this matter, when the boss asked him to deliver the folder to the said company on Thursday. Yugyeom an Jinyoung nodded, this commission was such a big highlight that everyone in the department knew about it and even though it seemed like it was Mark who was the only one privy to the matter, the gossip spread quickly in the office. 

    "What about it?" Jinyoung asked, when Mark stood up slowly, the weird pressure in his chest was making his breath shallow, the nervousness was slowly taking over him without his consent. 

    "It seems we didn't make it, The Cho Publishing got it instead and now boss is angry-"

    "But why? It was reachable!" Yugyeom asked, bewildered, when the manager emerged from behind him, looking straight at Mark, his face gravely serious. 

    "Mark Tuan, come to my office." He heard his grim voice and Mark felt his heart stop at the sudden turn of events. Before he made a step forward, following the manager obediently, he felt the warm touch of Jinyoung's hand on his back, making him look up at the younger instantly. His face was contorted with worry when his eyes were travelling around Mark's face, Mark felt his hand massaging his back reassuringly and even though the elder would love the gesture in any other circumstances, this time the touch burned him. _He wanted to escape_.  

    Mark went into the office, swallowing constantly, while the boss was talking with someone in the hallway, before he came inside without closing the doors behind him. He took a seat by his desk, but he stood up after a second, the frustration and anger showed on his face. Mark had no idea what was the problem and his guts twisted, as a wave of nausea washed over him. 

    "Didn't you agree to deliver the documents on Thursday?" The manager asked through clenched jaw, his hands crossed on his chest and Mark had to swallow the lump in his throat once more to be able to answer properly.  

    "I did. I delivered it." He said with fake confidence, trying to hide his trembling hands behind his back.

    "No, you didn't, because when I wanted to get information about why our commission is not yet finalized, they said they didn't get the documents." The manager said, his squinted eyes pierced through him like a laser. Mark couldn't help but feel angry too, _why is he accusing him of lying? Why didn't the company get the documents?_

    "I really delivered it, I left the folder at the front desk just like I was told."

    "Then why didn't they get them?" The manager's voice raised, making Mark even more hopeless, his eyes were darting around the office just to calm himself down, trying to think that everything will be fine. _He did everything what he was told to do! Why didn't he believe him?_

    "I don't know, maybe the receptionist didn't pass it over-"

    "Stop lying!" Mark flinched when the manager's fist slammed on the desk, "I thought I can trust you with this! How could go wrong, huh? Tuan?!" The manager's voice was loud and clear and the fact that the doors of his office were opened, made Mark embarrassed and hopeless. _They all will know about this. They will know that he fucked up really bad, they will talk about him behind his back, they will laugh at him._

    "I really delivered it!" Mark said slightly louder, his voice wavered slightly, as he felt his eyes burn and the tears were collecting in the corners of them. His heart was beating so fast and he almost broke into tears at the realization that he was in such and situation before a few years ago. It made his legs weak as the voices in his head were like a mantra, repeating _how it's his fault again, that he's pathetic because whatever he will say, no one is going to believe him, so he just should stop trying and making a fool of himself._

    "Stop it already, Tuan! Maybe you wanted to destroy our department by leaving for The Cho's?!" 

    "Excuse me?" 

    "Someone saw the business card of the manager from The Cho Publishing on your desk. Maybe you wanted to ingratiate a bit, making them to get the client instead of us, to make them hire you?" Mark's breath hitched, _because it wasn't true! It was a total coincidence!_ Mark had a messy desk, he should tidy it up more frequently, to get rid of the things he didn't need. The Cho Publishing wanted to hire Mark on one point, but since he was familiar with people here, the pay wasn't that bad he saw no contraindications by working here some more. He hated to get accustomed to the new places and he hated to meet new people too, that's why he decided to stay here. "You have no idea how important it was, huh?" The manager said before Mark could utter a word to defend himself, "You just crushed down the company's future. And your future in our department."

    "What does-"

    "That means you have a few days to move out from here. I'll personally make a request to the CEO to fire you. You can go home for today." The manager said, his voice stern and serious before he took a seat on his armchair, ignoring Mark's presence. Mark's body doused with cold sweat at his words, he couldn't believe what just happened. _He just got fired_. Even though he did everything he was told to do, he still managed to get fired, he still made a fool of himself in front of the entire department. 

    When Mark left the office, feeling like his soul left his body, he didn't miss how his coworkers suddenly got back to their seats, pretending to be busy with their work when the manager was yelling at Mark. The doors of the office were opened the whole time, they heard everything, the mocking smiles and curious glances in his direction was all he needed to drown himself in his misery, realizing how his merciless past which he wanted so desperately to escape from, to do everything to prevent it from repeating itself, now came back to haunt him at the least expected moment. His legs were walking on its own, his hunched posture and empty look in his eyes must have looked really pitiful, as his supposed friends stared at him in disbelief as he passed by them. He couldn't hear a thing when Jinyoung was talking to him, his mind was buzzing with disturbing thoughts; _they are laughing at him again, it happened again, everyone will think he lied, there's no one he could trust, no one will believe him…_ His senses seemed to shut down as he was almost running out of the office, his vision was blurred and breathing became shallow, the familiar pressure in his chest made him feel like he's choking. When he was in the company's hallway, ready to run down the stairs instead of taking an elevator, he felt a strong grip on his arm, waking him abruptly from his daze. 

    "Hyung, wait, where are you going?!" He heard Jinyoung's voice faintly, as if he was far away from him, despite seeing his face close to his. "Hyung, are you okay?" The younger's eyes scrutinized him, the concern visible on his face, or _was it compassion?_

    "I'm," Mark swallowed, "Going home." He whispered, looking at his feet, he felt the burning sensation in his stomach, the unpleasant knotting and unknotting of his guts made him nauseous. The familiar urge to relieve the pressure out of his system returned, making his fist clench.

    "Hyung, it must be a misunderstanding!" Jinyoung said, but Mark didn't want to be here, he wanted to escape as fast as possible, before someone will hurt him again.

    "Let me go-"

    "Hyung, just wait, okay? I'll clarify it! I'll be right back! Everything's going to be okay!" Jinyoung said, rushing to the office, leaving Mark on the deserted hallway of the company. Mark already knew, _nothing will be okay_ , he didn't need Jinyoung to clarify anything instead of him, Mark will be the fool again, because he can't even defend himself. He was an adult, _how can he be so pathetic? How can he be so miserable?_

 

    Even though he heard Jinyoung, telling him to wait, he didn't, he ran home as soon as Jinyoung disappeared behind the department's doors. Mark felt horrible, as the burning feeling of anger mixed with coldness of his disappointment in his stomach. _Why is his life so fucked up? Why is everything so hard?_ He just tried to live and work peacefully, like a normal human being, yet he fucked up everything again. He knew he did everything he was told to do, _it wasn't hard to deliver the fucking folder to the company! Why didn't they get it?! It wasn't  his fault, it certainly wasn't!_ But no one will believe him, just like at that time, at school, when the teachers - who he looked up to, _his role models_ \-  mingled him with mud, suddenly forgetting what a good and polite student he always was. It was everything because he couldn't defend himself and because of his supposed friends… _friends who was nothing else than trouble._  

    He went to his room and called Jaebum, when the senses came back to him, hitting him hard with the overwhelming weight of the reality. Jaebum panicked hearing Mark's voice, as the lump in the latter's throat made his words incoherent when he was trying to explain everything what happened. He knew he shouldn't bother him, it was so long since he felt like this, but the urge to end his suffering was strong and he didn't want to do it again. He was supposed to be okay, he shouldn't consider that the view of blood will bring him any relief, _he promised himself._ He needs help, he needs some confirmation that he didn't do anything wrong, that it's not his fault and even though he knew it all, the weird sensation in his stomach returned, as he looked at his forearms. He hated himself for thinking about doing it again, as he touched the scarred skin with his cold fingers. _Would he feel better if he could cut through his pale skin, releasing the surging pressure that's causing him such a pain and anxiety? Would the sight of blood spilling out of his veins made him calm and relaxed again?_ He remembers this feeling; _the feeling he was craving for so much right now._ He almost felt the physical pain of not being able to do that, to cut himself, as he held his phone against his ear, listening to Jaebum's soft voice telling him that everything will be okay, reassuring him that he's better than this, that the voices in his head are nothing, because Mark is the strongest person he had ever met. Mark suddenly choked a sob, when the memories of his past washed over him, the images of his terrified parents, the images of crestfallen Jaebum when he was visiting him in the hospital after everything had happened. He was sitting on his bed, the phone left somewhere in the pillows, long forgotten. Mark was tracing the scars on his forearms with his finger, pressing it harder and harder, as the tears flow from his eyes finally, making him even more miserable. 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

    Jinyoung felt his stomach drop when he saw Mark in the hallway. He was calling for him the moment he dashed out of the manager's office, but the elder ignored him, _because it wasn't possible he didn't hear when he was only a few steps behind him._ He hated the way his uncle had treated Mark. He told him once that Mark is the most competent and reliable employee in their department and when the time comes for his retirement, he would recommend Mark on his position without hesitation. _So why was he acting like that now? Why he imposes the blame on Mark for something he wasn't responsible of at all?_ Jinyoung didn't doubt in Mark's innocence even for a moment, he knew that Mark delivered the documents. It pained him to no end that Mark didn't really defend himself when accusations were thrown at him and it made Jinyoung more worried; he couldn't help but have a bad feeling about it all, especially when he saw Mark's droopy posture and the hollow look in his eyes. Jinyoung went to his uncle's office without knocking and before the man could say anything Jinyoung spoke, as the anger was growing in his stomach.

    "Why do you blame Mark hyung? It's not his fault! He delivered the documents and-"

    "Did you see him doing so?! He obviously didn't, either way, why wouldn't they accept our offer and finalize our commission?!" The man immediately raised his head to look at him, the anger still visible on his features. Jinyoung groaned, because he had no idea why wouldn't they accept the company's offer even though it was supposed to be a piece of cake to make them working with them.

    "It must be a misunderstanding!" 

    "Jinyoung, stop! It was an important client!" His uncle said, his narrowed eyes tried to stare Jinyoung down, but he couldn't leave just yet, _he had to do something!_ He tried to be as calm as possible, _because it was his boss too anyway_ , but somehow Jinyoung couldn't care less about it now, when Mark was in a deep trouble and he was the only one who believed in him right now.

    "If it was so important, why didn't you deliver it yourself?! You can't blame him!"

    "You know I had an urgent meeting with the CEO!"  
   
    "Then blame the CEO! Why would you make Mark do something as important as this, while it's not even in his scope of responsibilities! It's unfair!" Jinyoung's words seemed to be more venomous every time he opened his mouth to speak, but he hated the situation, he was scared and worried about Mark. 

    "Jinyoung, stop it! I thought he was the smartest member of our team! What could go wrong? And if rumors are true, he sabotaged us for advantage of The Cho Publishing." His uncle said, his voice seemingly quieter and Jinyoung snorted. _Mark wouldn't do that!_

    "Why would he do that?! There weren't any signs that he did!"

    "Jinyoung are you still arguing with me on this? He made a mistake! He had their business card on his desk!"

    "Uncle! You know he wouldn't do that! If he wanted to hide it, do you think he would leave the evidence for everyone to see?!" Jinyoung growled, his face flushed with anger, as his hands tightened into fists, as the feeling of helplessness spread in his stomach. _Mark wasn't a schemer, he should know this by now!_

    "We can only guess what the truth is. It's not important, anyway, because we have to do what we should!" 

    "You can't fire him!"

    "I can! And when I tell the CEO, he will be with me on this!" The manager exclaimed, when the bell announcing the lunch break resounded in the hallway of the company. When the employees began to come out of the office walking in the direction of the cafeteria, they were passing the large glass wall of the manager's office, their curious stares directed at them. Jinyoung couldn't stand it, as he went over to the glass wall and covered the blinds without hesitation, not allowing them to look at him anymore. Jinyoung knew he would be the object of backbiting anyway, just like Mark, and he hated it, he wanted to clear the misunderstanding as soon as he can.

    "Uncle, please! Resolve it differently!" Jinyoung pleaded, his squeezed fists at his sides, as his stomach tightened helplessly. The manager sighed exasperatedly at his nephew's behavior.

    "How?! We just lost the opportunity of getting the commission from the most valuable client." 

    "But- Please investigate this case. I know he delivered it and he wouldn't lose it. The third party must be involved in this!" Jinyoung actually had no idea who and how anyone could be involved in this, all he knew was that Mark was innocent and it was unfair for him to take all the blame and get punished for it. 

    "There's no time for it." He said sternly intending to finish the conversation, as he started to gather his things and turned to leave the office, when Jinyoung rushed after him, catching his arm lightly, preventing him from grabbing the doorknob.

    "Uncle, please, give me some time and don't fire him. I'll try to find out who did it!" Jinyoung pleaded, making him stop from leaving the office successfully. His uncle turned around abruptly, looking at him with furrowed brows.

    "Jinyoung. Why are you like this? Why do you care so much?" His eyes scrutinized Jinyoung's faze and Jinyoung swallowed, as his heart seemed to skip a beat at the sudden question. He cleared his throat and answered as calmly as he could.

    "Because he's an important friend to me." But, apparently, his uncle didn't seem to buy it, as his eyes narrowed in suspicion, making Jinyoung swallow the lump in his throat nervously. 

    "There are rumors going around the office, that the two of you have a weird relationship." The manager observed Jinyoung's reaction and he probably saw everything he wanted on his face, seeing how the blush crept on Jinyoung's cheeks at the remark.

    "I don't care about rumors." Jinyoung stated, lowering his head instantly, trying to hide his true feelings, that's showed on his face. _He's not in any relationship with Mark_ , besides friendship, but the fact that he loves the elder made him acting like that. Jinyoung's hands started to sweat; he felt really small and defenseless being under his uncle's scowled gaze. He was well aware of the rumors going around the office, everyone was talking about it, but he never thought someone would actually take them seriously. 

    "So are those only rumors, you say?" His uncle asked, before he shook his head disapprovingly, as the suspicion turned into realization. "If your father will find out-"

    "Then what? Are you going to tell him?!" Jinyoung exclaimed, _how dare he bring his father up in this?_ Jinyoung was sure it would be a shock to his parents when they will find out about his newly found sexuality, and the last thing he wanted was them to know about this from other people than their own son. The manager stared at him, the grimace showed on his face, before Jinyoung continued, his voice quiet and softer, "Uncle, I'm asking you, give me some time, I'll try to find out what is going on. He's... he's really important to me."

    "So, it's true?" The elder pressed the matter, but Jinyoung was also a stubborn person when it comes to things he really wants.

    "Please, uncle." His lower lip quivered, trying to keep his emotions under control, he couldn't admit anything, he just wanted time for resolving the misunderstanding and provide Mark a peace of mind. He didn't know how dark Mark's past was, he had no idea what the elder went through, but the scars he saw on his arms was everything what made him want to protect Mark even more than in the beginning of their friendship, when everything was still so light and innocent.

    "Three days. But if you won't be able to find anything, you will leave the company with him. Understand?" The manager asked, his cold voice resounded in the office and Jinyoung nodded.

    "I understand." He replied and after his uncle left his office, Jinyoung shoved his hair back away from his sweaty forehead as he exhaled tiredly, his heart was still running fast. When he rushed out of the office, to come home with Mark, who was supposed to wait for him, he realized that the hallway was empty. He groaned, the anxious feeling was twisting his guts in an uncomfortable way, when he noticed Youngjae walking hurriedly towards him with an uneasy expression on his face.

    "Hyung, where's Mark-hyung?" The younger asked, but Jinyoung had no time for any conversations with him right now, _he must go home, he had to see that Mark is okay, that he's safe._

    "He went home." Jinyoung said dismissively, looking around the place, searching for Mark. Youngjae stood in front of him, shifting from one foot to the other nervously, as a worry clouded his features.

   "Hyung, I wanted... because, I wanted to, um-"

    "Youngjae, you'll tell me later, I have to go." He interrupted his sentence and even though he felt a little bad, because Youngjae might want to tell him something important, maybe he wanted some advice from Jinyoung as his hyung, as his friend, but Jinyoung couldn't concentrate on anything, his head was full of concern, where Mark is and what he's doing right now. Before Jinyoung went to talk to his uncle, Mark didn't look good and Jinyoung's worries were only fueled by this. Without thinking, he turned on his heel towards the exit of the company, ignoring Youngjae's voice calling after him. _He had no time to lose._

 

 

  
    When Jinyoung entered the apartment, his heart beating frantically against his chest, while he had difficulty with breathing, the running all the way from the company made him out of breath. Jinyoung was scared, he didn't know what to expect, he didn't know what Mark feels about it all, all he knew was he had to be embarrassed, leaving the company without waiting for Jinyoung. His worries evaporated from his system slightly, seeing Mark's shoes scattered on the floor along other familiar ones - _Jaebum's_. As soon as he realized that Mark wasn't alone, he heard Jaebum's pleading voice coming from Mark's room to which the doors were wide open.

    "Hyung, please, don't lock yourself again, let's talk it out, okay?"

    "Jaebum... I want to be alone, I told you to not to come here, I didn't want you to see me so miserable again!" Jinyoung heard Mark's wavering voice, he choked a sob from time to time and Jinyoung couldn't stop himself and went to his room, but froze when he was at the doorstep at the sight of Mark. He was standing in front of Jaebum, his eyes puffy and red, his body was trembling slightly, as Jaebum's hands were holding him in place by his shoulders.

    "I was worried, I had to come! I wouldn't be calm if I didn't see you!" Mark turned his eyes on Jaebum and then he noticed Jinyoung standing behind his friend, at the doorstep of his room, which made him lower his head in shame, as his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. Jinyoung's stomach fell when their gazes met and all he wanted was to approach him and hug him to his chest tightly, he wanted to see Mark smiling again, he wanted to help him somehow. 

    "I told you, stop treating me like a child!" Mark's anger caused Jaebum take a few steps back from him, suddenly standing in the corridors of the apartment. Jaebum sighed, as Mark touched the doors and pushed it strongly, slamming them in front of their faces.

 

    Jinyoung's felt the uncomfortable pressure in his chest, as the anxiety was eating him on the inside, when Jaebum sighed again, touching the bridge of his nose, walking to the kitchen, Jinyoung following him.

    "Are you sure he'll be fine?" He asked hesitantly, watching as Jaebum sitting on the chair by the kitchen table. His expression wasn't good, but he looked strangely calm, in comparison to Jinyoung, who leaned against a kitchen counter just to walk to the window a while after, pacing around the place.

    "Yeah… he wouldn't want to make people who love him suffer again." Jaebum said silently, running his hand through his hair and Jinyoung's ears perked at the sentence, as his head jerked toward him abruptly.

    "What do you mean?"

    "I'm worried he'll fall into another depressive episode," Jinyoung heard Jaebum say and his heart stopped. 

    "W-what?" He gasped, as his legs became weak suddenly, seemed to give out at any time.

    "It may not seem like it, but he suffers from depression for a long time now. All this not talking, locking himself in his room, not trusting people... It's not because of his character trait." Jaebum's shoulders sagged, his face was pale and blank, but he was worried, judging how he fiddled with his watch on his wrist nervously. Jinyoung couldn't comprehend the revelation. _Was he so blind that he didn't realize this? How could he not notice the person he loves is struggling with depression? How shallow his love has to be, focusing on the elder's bright smiles and laughter, when deep inside he was sad and bitter?_ Although he knew how wary Mark is, how quiet and pensive he appeared to be, even after seeing his scars Jinyoung was still well unaware of all the darkness what lay deep inside the heart of the person he loved. "He seemed to be better in the past few weeks, I think you could have something to do with this, Mark smiled more frequently and even if you annoyed me sometimes, I've been grateful to you for making him just a bit happier."

    "Really?" Jaebum nodded at his question, but still Jinyoung couldn't believe what Jaebum just said, he had no idea about anything, he was blind to see how badly Mark is suffering, _yet he was the one who made him smile? Were his scars connected to his condition?_ His mind was clouded with questions, when he sat on the chair by the kitchen table, across from Jaebum, "Jaebum... I noticed the scars on his arms… the scars… is it because..." Jinyoung tried to ask as gently as he could, but he ended up stuttering. He knew he shouldn't butt in like that in another person's personal life, but he couldn't help, he was worried to no end. 

    "He'll kill me if he will realize I told you…" Jaebum groaned silently, as he bit his nail uneasily.

    "Please tell me, I promise I won't do anything with this information."

    "Are you sure you want to know? I don't want to regret telling you this. I'm not that fond of you as him, you know?" Jaebum stated, his narrowed eyes were observing him suspiciously, there was a look of uncertainty and hesitance on his features.

    "I just want to understand him and help him, you probably already know that... he's important to me." Jinyoung whispered, as his stomach twisted nervously, awaiting Jaebum's reaction.  

    "You're not really hiding it, are you?" Jaebum smirked slightly and Jinyoung's face blushed at his remark, his eyes glowed with determination, watching him intently. Jaebum's expression became sullen suddenly, deciding to tell everything to Jinyoung.

    "Mark confessed to his hyung in high school." The first sentence he heard from Jaebum had been already a shock for Jinyoung. _Mark was gay_. His heart started to pound fast against his chest, as he swallowed, trying to focus on Jaebum again. "The group of his high school friends weren't the best company he had, but… he was in love, so he was dazed. They were bulling kids and Mark just stood there, passively watching what they were doing, without really participating in those fights." Jaebum sighed tiredly, like the memories were wearing him out. "Even though they were his friends, they began to bully him too after the confession." Jinyoung's breath hitched, realizing that Mark lost his friends like Jinyoung lost his, except he was younger, they were bullying him and he had no friends, that's the worst thing that could happen to a teenager. Mark couldn't even be himself, he had to hide, he was left alone without anyone who he could trust. Jinyoung stood up from his chair and started to wander around the kitchen, as he felt the pressure on his neck and his eyes started to burn, the tears were threatening to fall at any time. Apparently the story wasn't yet over, as Jaebum continued. "I found out that the entire school laughed at him, and believe me, I was cursing my rich parents for sending me to a different school. I would break their bones if I was there with him. I would protect him from those jerks," Jaebum said through his gritted teeth, "His _dear friends_ wanted to make him even more pitiful, they stole the teacher's notes, where were contained all the answers to upcoming tests, and make it look like Mark did that. Since Mark always had good grades, everyone thought that he was doing it frequently." Jaebum paused and swallowed before continuing. "That's when, he... That's when Mark tried to kill himself. If not for his mom coming home earlier from work, after his teacher's call about the whole situation, Mark wouldn't be alive to this day. Mark wouldn't be with us."

    Jinyoung clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the choking sobs tearing their way loose out of his throat, as the salty tears started to fall from his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, his shoulders hunched, while his body shook with sobs violently. He was lost, he never imagined what exactly Mark went through in his life, but now hearing it from Jaebum he felt awful for his own curiosity. The case was sensitive and Mark probably wouldn't want him to know about all this. He was selfish, he shouldn't press the matter to Jaebum, _how he supposed to look into Mark's eyes without bursting into tears, realizing that he might not be with him now, that he would never see his face, he would never meet him if not for his mother saving him?_  Jinyoung's breath became uneven, as he wrapped his hands around himself, trying to calm down. The tears were still falling from his eyes, when he felt Jaebum's hand on his shoulder, patting him comfortingly, but it didn't help him at all. All he wanted now was to run into Mark's room and lock him in a warm embrace, _tell him how he needs him, how important he is, how much he loves him._ Jinyoung hated how life is so fragile, he would lose Mark at any moment. 

    "I'm glad you had the courage to become his friend. He needs someone who would care about him, someone who's not me or his parents. I'm glad you were willing to get to know him, despite everything, you didn't give him up." Jaebum smiled at him slightly, as Jinyoung wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

    "I feel so bad. I feel terrible- If I knew… if… I was too careless-"

    "Don't think about it like that. All what matters now is that you're his friend. Show him that you care about him, be honest with him. Help him." Jaebum said calmly and Jinyoung's fist tightened, the sadness replaced with anger in his stomach suddenly, at the realization that if he won't do anything he would lose Mark for real. The determination glowed in his puffy eyes, as he looked at Jaebum, whose head tilted in confusion.

    "I'm going to find out who did this, I won't let them wronged him again."

    "How will you do this?" Jaebum wasn't convinced, and Jinyoung _honestly didn't know how he'll do this either_ , but he couldn't sit and watch as the love of his life is suffering from a misunderstanding.

    "I don't know how… but I'll find out." _I have to._

 

 

    After some time, Jaebum had to go back to work, _leaving Mark in good hands_ , as he said that himself. Jinyoung felt worn out, the day wasn't over yet, and he already felt tired of the sheer volume of the day's events. He couldn't believe how fast the life could change, he was so happy in the morning, just to feel sad a few hours later.

    He wanted to see Mark. He stayed in his room for the past few hours already and the worries in Jinyoung's stomach grew at the elder's behavior. Jinyoung was scared that he won't come out any soon, _what if his depressive episode came back? What Jinyoung could do to make him feel better?_ Jinyoung had never been in such situation, he had never dealt with anyone who was depressed, _what if he made feel Mark even worse?_ He was torn between leaving Mark alone in his room and the opposite - he didn't know if Mark would want to see him. Despite his uncertainty, he decided to try and check on Mark, as the impatience was giving the best out of him, making him pace around the living room, checking the clock from time to time, as his heart was racing unsteadily. _Mark can always tell him to back off, right?_

    He approached the doors of his room and knocked two times, then grabbed the doorknob and entered the room, without waiting for a sign. He swallowed, being afraid of what he will see, _what if Mark is crying? What if he cut himself again? What if he tried to-_ Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut at his thoughts, _he shouldn't think like that._ After he came in, he saw Mark curled up on his bed, his back facing the doorway. He approached him closely, to see if he's sleeping, if he's okay, but after he made a step towards his bed, Mark covered himself with quilt abruptly, visibly uncomfortable of Jinyoung's presence. His heart dropped at the gesture, but he shouldn't expect him to talk with him normally, like he used to a few hours ago, he shouldn't expect him to smile brightly; if he needs some time alone, Jinyoung must respect that. _Again, he felt like shit for coming in like this, why he has to be like that?_

    "Jinyoung?" He heard Mark's hoarse voice, and Jinyoung's body tensed immediately, as his heart skipped a beat.

    "Yeah... I didn't want to wake you up, I just wanted... I wanted to say that I know you're innocent. I know it must be a misunderstanding. I don't know what happened, or who was involved in this, but, hyung, I'll find out." Jinyoung whispered, trying to make him understand, that unlike the people in his high school, his friends, _he believes in him_. He didn't dare to come closer to him and hug him or even touch him, Mark could feel uncomfortable, but he could talk to him if it made him feel better. _Jinyoung wanted to help him somehow._

    "Don't bother, it doesn't matter." Mark responded, covering his face with his hands and Jinyoung gasped softly at the elder's defeated tone.

    "Hyung, I won't watch how they insult you when I know that you just did what you were told to do." He said sternly, but he made sure his voice is as soft as possible, while his eyes were piercing into Mark's back, as he continued, "Hyung I already told my uncle to try to give you a few days, everything will be okay, hyung, I promise."

    "How can you promise such things?" Mark's voice resounded, the voice full of doubt, what made Jinyoung even more eager to resolve the case, to show him that even though it seems impossible, his name will be cleared of allegations.

    "This is a misunderstanding, hyung. I won't sit still." Jinyoung stated, but even though he had no idea how to start, _he won't give up_ , _even if it would take him more than three days, even if his uncle will fire him too._ He wants Mark to smile again, sincerely and bright. "We can go through this together, remember that I'm here, okay? You can always lean on me, whenever you need me. You're much more important than you think, we need you. _I need you_." He confessed, his face flushed, as he stood in the middle of the room, Mark remained silent. Jinyoung felt embarrassed, before he left Mark's room, his heart was beating fast against his chest, making him out of breath.  

    Jinyoung stayed at home for the rest of the day. He was too scared to leave Mark alone, _he wants to be there for him whenever he needs him._

    After the emotions calmed down, Jinyoung noticed that he left his phone at work - a phone which kept ringing in the drawer of his desk at the office. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for such a long chapter (I don't know how it happened!)  
> I know I promised to post it earlier, but it was seriously really hard for me to write it, I'm sorry ;;
> 
> I appreciate all the comments and kudos! You're amazing!   
> Thank you for reading! See you soon!
> 
> P.s. Sorry for any mistakes!


	16. Sixteen

 

 

  
    The Tuesday's morning weather was great, the bright sun was shining through the windows of Jinyoung's car when he was driving to work. He couldn't enjoy the weather just as he did yesterday; the lonely ride and the thoughts of the past events made his mood gloomy. Just after he woke up this morning, the beautiful dream changed into the gray reality, as the thoughts of Mark and his past filled his mind.

    Jinyoung was still in awe knowing that Mark was gay, he couldn't help but smile slightly at the revelation, even though it didn't mean anything. Mark was single because he couldn't trust people, or _maybe he wouldn't want to be with anyone, anyway?_ Jinyoung still remembers how the elder said he has someone he likes to Naeun when she was confessing her feelings to him; he is now almost sure that it was just an excuse to get rid of the girl without breaking her heart too much. Mark himself didn't want to answer the question when Jinyoung asked about it, _maybe Mark was afraid to tell him that he's gay?_ Jinyoung knew Mark wouldn't accept his feelings when he'll finally confess to him, but he decided - _he'll do it, he has to tell Mark how much he means to him_ , assuring him that he'll be there whenever the elder will need him, despite of Mark's answer.

    Before leaving the apartment, he checked Mark's room; the elder was sleeping soundly, wrapped securely in the quilt, his face expression calm and beautiful. Jinyoung's gaze couldn't leave the elder, he wanted to stay with him here, _lay beside him and wrap his arms around his delicate frame, protecting him from the outside world,_ but he had to go to work - his uncle was probably angry at him for his disrespectful attitude towards him yesterday. _Why should he care, though?_ He just wanted him to understand that Mark did everything he was told to do, he wanted justice for him. The manager gave him three days to prove his point - _Mark's innocence,_ before Jinyoung and Mark's dismissal from the company. _Honestly,_ Jinyoung still didn't know how to investigate it _._ He planned to go to the Edgard company on the lunch break, to learn something about the lost documents at the source, but _would anyone want to tell him anything?_  

    When he arrived in the company, he still had some time before the work starts. He sighed, dragging his feet on the hallway's floor, not hurrying with getting to the advertisement department's office. He was sure his efficiency at work today will be extremely low, but he had to show up; his manager would fire him even before the case would be resolved, he had to be cautious. 

    The office was already full with employees when he reached his destination, a few coworkers passed by him, sending him robotic greetings; Jinyoung only hoped no one will ask him about Mark's case. 

    After reaching his cubicle, he sat on the armchair, as his gaze followed on the empty seat on Mark's cubicle, making his stomach drop, _he missed him so much._ He pulled his forgotten phone out of the drawer of his desk; the phone buzzed at the touch, as it's screen lighted up, showing him notifications of 8 missed calls from Youngjae. Jinyoung tilted his head with confusion, wondering _what would he want to talk about?_ When, as if on cue, Youngjae emerged from behind him, the uneasy expression showed on his face.

    "Hyung... Is Mark-hyung okay?" The younger asked, his voice calm and quiet, _so unlike_ of always loud and cheerful Youngjae. 

    "Not really. It's so unfair." Jinyoung mumbled, as he eyed him suspiciously. _He looked strangely anxious,_ Jinyoung thought, before continuing. "I see you wanted to contact me, what happened?" He asked, as he shoved his phone screen in front of the younger's face, making him suddenly even more nervous. 

    "It's- I didn't have Mark-hyung's number and I was worried about him… he didn't look good yesterday and... I have a guilty conscience-" 

    " _A guilty conscience_? Why would you? Youngjae, what is going on?" He asked, as his eyes narrowed at the younger, the confusion he felt by the younger's behavior started to overcome him more and more. 

    "I- I didn't want to be involved-! I know Mark-hyung is innocent too-"

    "You _know_?" Jinyoung's eyes widened suddenly, as his gaze was fixed on Youngjae's face, the younger seemed to be even more intimidated, as his words flew out of his mouth in short sentences, incoherently.

    "I was scared to say this-! I wanted to spill everything as soon as I found out! When- When I saw… someone taking the documents out of the folder-"

    "Who was it?" Jinyoung interrupted him, wanting to go to the heart of the case as soon as possible. _Youngjae knew everything Jinyoung needed to know!_ "Youngjae! I'm asking you who was it?!" Jinyoung's voice got slightly louder, but he couldn't control his nerves and the anticipation he felt on the bottom of his stomach began to burn him. Youngjae swallowed, looking around the office, as if he was afraid someone will see him, before he leaned a bit towards Jinyoung.

    "It was… Jackson-hyung."

 

 

  
    Jackson waved to him in a short greeting when Jinyoung walked towards his desk without thinking and before Jackson could say anything, Jinyoung grabbed the collar of his shirt and punched him right in the face without words; the impact of the hit caused Jackson to stumble back a little. Jackson gasped, touching his mouth with his hand, as the blood began to flow from its corner. Before Jinyoung could do anything more, he felt Yugyeom's hands on his shoulders, holding him in place as Bambam jumped in between of Jinyoung and Jackson to prevent them from killing each other. Jinyoung didn't know what he would do if they hadn't stepped in, he was seething with anger, he felt betrayed and out of control, it was a situation in which he didn't find himself in before. 

    "How dare you, I thought we're friends?!" Jinyoung asked, ignoring the attention they were getting from the employees, who were looking at them with interest. Jackson looked at him bewildered, as if he didn't know what Jinyoung is talking about, making Jinyoung even more angry. 

    "You have no idea what have you done to Mark!" He exclaimed and Jackson swallowed, looking around the place, being aware of the crowd around them. Jinyoung couldn't care less, he wanted answers, he treated Jackson as his friend, _why would he do this to another person? Why would he do this to Mark?_

    "Please, let's talk outside, I'll explain!"

    "What is there to explain, you fucking asshole!" Jinyoung started to wriggle out of Yugyeom's hold, but the younger was strong, apparently, holding him steadily in place. Bambam was looking at them with furrowed brows, his gaze jumping from Jinyoung to Jackson alternately, when Jackson spoke.

    "Please, Jinyoung! Hear me out-"

    The manager emerged from his office, looking at them disapprovingly, as Jinyoung grabbed Jackson's sleeve and dragged him out of the office, the daily meeting in the conference room will begin in less than 10 minutes, so Jinyoung didn't have too much time to find out what drove him to make such a dirty trick to Mark, making him guilty of everything. 

 

 

  
    After they stepped on the rooftop of the company, the morning sun blinded them for a second, making them scrunch up their faces by the brightness of it. Jinyoung sighed an exasperated breath, as he began to pace around the place trying to calm the burning anger he felt in his stomach, his hands were shaking, but the realization that the case is resolved didn't reach up to him just yet. Jackson bit his lip, before he spoke, breaking the tensed silence.

    "I don't know how you found out about it... I couldn't accept that you two are so close and I was jealous! I had to do something!" 

    "Jackson stop being childish! You knew I treat you like a friend, yet you still did that?!" Jinyoung asked, squinting his eyes on him, as his sweaty fists clenched at his sides. Jackson huffed, shoving his hair back away from his face.

    "I know and I regret it! But it's not that easy, you know I like you! When you rejected me, I felt so embarrassed, that-"

    "Jackson, do you know what have you done? Do you realize in what danger Mark was? All you do is making everything your way! You don't think about other people and the consequences of your actions!" Jinyoung couldn't calm his nerves at all, _the thought of Mark's past, of his condition, his depression_ ; it made his jaw clench and his teeth gnashing, realizing what a person Jackson was.

    "I didn't know that the documents were so important… I had no idea the boss will want to fire him! Since everyone were praising him so much whatever he does, I just wanted to make him look like a fool, that he makes mistakes too-" 

    "What? _Like a fool?!_ A person who works so hard, needs to be praised! Didn't you all treated him like a shit before I came here? Didn't you all laugh at him?!" Jinyoung still remembers his first day at the company, how they all laughed at Mark for _being quiet, weird and without friends_ ; he remembers his determination to make them realize that they shouldn't judge him, that they should give him a chance and get to know him - the first day at work, when he fell in love with Mark, even though he didn't know how to name this feeling at that time.

    "I hated to see how much you cared about him and always glorify him that he's so cool, so smart and everything! While you didn't care about me at all, I got any fucking praise from you!" Jackson's voice was low and sour, as he stared at Jinyoung without blinking. 

    "Then lash out at me, _hate me_ , without harming Mark! He doesn't deserve it!" 

    "I did it without much thinking... I was mad, Jinyoung. I wanted him to pay for making you like this, for making you so lovestruck, so soft towards him, while I was just your another coworker!" 

    "You were my friend! I was just being honest with you!"

    "I- I know. I'm not expecting you to forgive me, but… just know that I'm sorry. I really am."

    "It's not me who you should apologize to, Jackson. And even though I don't know if apologies are enough." Jinyoung said, his voice calmer, but the disappointment he felt was still making his guts tightening in a very unpleasant way. He looked at his watch, it was already 7 in the morning, the meeting is starting right now. Jinyoung shouldn't be late; he couldn't make his uncle even more angry at him than he already was. 

    "I know… I know I should apologize to Mark and I will, but it's-"

    "Do it soon and tell the manager that it was you who took the documents out the folder. That's all I want you to do." Jinyoung said sternly, his breath was still heavy and his hands were still shaking with the anger and nerves, but he was a lot calmer. _He knew everything would be okay now._  

    "I'll do it. I know I'll be fired and I know you'll hate me but… please forgive me someday. Don't think of me badly." Jackson responded, his eyes boring into Jinyoung's the hint of guilt flickered in them, but it was too soon to think about forgiving. Mark went through too much shit in his past, only to exprience the similar situation a few years later; _Jinyoung has to protect him somehow._

    "Let's go, we're late." Jinyoung said, after he turned around and leaving Jackson alone on the rooftop.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
    Mark was lying on his bed, hugging his pillow, after he kicked out the quilt from his bed; today's weather was too hot to lie under the covers. He reached for his phone from the nightstand, seeing the small flickering light, announcing an arrival of new notification.  
 

   _From Jaebum_

_I told him, Mark. I'm sorry, you could be mad at me all you want, but it's for the better, trust him, hyung. He's a really good guy._  
 

    Mark sighed tiredly, as his guts tightened nervously. He didn't know if _it was for the better_ just like Jaebum wrote, he didn't know how Jinyoung reacted to the revelations about his past, he didn't know how much Jaebum told him; he still couldn't bring himself to be mad at Jaebum for telling him. It was something new though, Mark knew Jaebum didn't like Jinyoung after Mark told him about their drunk kisses at that time and how Jinyoung went back to his girlfriend, asking Mark to forget about everything. _And now he tells him to trust Jinyoung?_ It was weird, but now, after Jinyoung knows he will be able to see if he really can trust him, he would see how he will act towards him now, knowing about his past. _Will he turn his back on him? Will he treat him like a child? Will he pity him?_ It was all Mark was afraid of. He hated when people treat him like that; he hated how his parents were treating him like a mental patient after he tried to kill himself, and even though he kind of was one, he hated how fragile and sick he looked like in their eyes. He could sense their forced smiles and fake cheerfulness, saying only nice things to him and trying so hard to not offend him in any way. Jaebum was like that too, but Mark couldn't help but snap at him one day and even though his words were harsh, Jaebum smiled, knowing that Mark was still the same person, he was still his best friend who he knew for a few years, even though his smile disappeared.

    Mark looked at the ceiling. _What will he do now?_ Jinyoung promised to him that he resolve the case for him, but, _honestly, what is there to resolve? How he'll manage to do this? That's impossible._ Even though Mark didn't expect him to find out where the documents go, he liked the determination in Jinyoung's voice yesterday, when he told him that he needs him… _all those nice things… Wasn't it because he feels bad for him?_ After seeing his scars, after knowing about his past… _Will Jinyoung change his attitude towards him? But if so, why would he bother with finding out what happened to those  documents? Why would he bother to clear his name for him? Maybe he's afraid Mark will try to kill himself again because of all those events?_ Even though Mark felt the urge to cut himself again yesterday, he managed to muffle those inner critic's voices in his head. Cutting his skin and seeing the blood flowing slowly from the wounds might calm him temporarily, _like they always did_ , but the feeling afterwards was even worse and Mark was aware of that. He promised himself that he won't do this ever again. Especially after his failed suicide, the feeling of numbness of his muscles was the most terrifying feeling he had ever experienced; this feeling is connected with a view of all of his loved ones, standing around his hospital bed and crying in despair, hearing everything when he was pretending to sleep - how they were blaming themselves for everything he was trying to do. He was ashamed to face them, but relieved at the same time that he somehow survived this, _that his suicide ended up unsuccessful._ Now again, he feels ashamed after Jaebum and Jinyoung saw him like this. Jaebum saw him being in such condition from time to time when he had relapses, but _Jinyoung?_  

    Mark sighed again, closing his eyes, curling into the foetal position, while hugging his pillow to his chest tightly. He would like to relax and think about something nice, something what makes him smile; thoughts of Jinyoung entered to his mind like a warm breeze, dispelling the anxiety and uneasiness immediately. 

 

 

 

    He woke up hearing Jinyoung's soft voice.

    "Hyung…" Mark opened his eyes lazily, looking at the doorway. He noticed that it was already quite late, as the sunset cast an orange light in the room through the open curtains. "Hyung?" He fixed his gaze on Jinyoung, he looked tired, his hair was slightly dishevelled and a few of his shirt's buttons were unbuttoned, showing his neck fully.

    "Jinyoung." He whispered, his voice hoarse from not using it for the whole day, as the younger nodded taking a step closer to his bed hesitantly.

    "Hyung… your case is resolved." Jinyoung said, his eyes smiling along with his lips and Mark just stared at him blankly, as his heart started to beat faster. _Is he dreaming?_

    "What?"

    "Youngjae told me, he apparently saw who did it…" Jinyoung replied, making another hesitant step towards Mark's bed. "It was… Jackson, he was jealous. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you," Jinyoung's voice was barely a whisper, as he lowered his head in defeat. Mark swallowed nervously, he didn't want to burst into tears in front of him, but _how did it happen? How Jinyoung managed to find out about this? Why is Jinyoung like that? Why is he talking like Mark is important to him?_

    "You're not my guardian, nor my bodyguard," Mark said, trying to stay on the ground as long as he could, but his feelings started to get out of his control. _Maybe he could trust Jinyoung, anyway?_ He knows almost everything about him, and he still here, he's nice to him, still showing him that he cares. 

    "But I want to be someone who can protect you and also someone who you can trust and lean onto." Jinyoung said, his eyes bored into Mark's, piercing through him, just as if he heard Mark's thoughts, his worries and concerns. 

    "Thank you," Mark whispered, without breaking their eye contact, his stomach tingled nervously hearing the younger's words. All he went through, all those times he tried to push Jinyoung away, he kept on coming back to his side, he was patient while trying to know him, trying to peel off the thick layers of his personality carefully, _didn't it mean something?_  

    "Are you hungry? Should I bring you something to eat? To drink?" Jinyoung asked suddenly, breaking Mark's train of thoughts. 

    "No, Jinyoung, it's fine," he answered because he wasn't hungry. He wasn't thirsty, either. Mark hugged the pillow in his arms tighter at the realization that all he wanted now was to have Jinyoung by his side. _He didn't want him to leave-_

    "Okay, rest well, then." Mark panicked, hearing Jinyoung's voice and when he almost turned around and go out of the room, Mark swallowed, finding a bit of courage to actually speak his thoughts for the first time.

    "Can you stay?" He blurted out, as he hid half of his flushed face in the pillow, "I- I mean, if you have time." He corrected, avoiding Jinyoung's gaze, but he didn't miss how Jinyoung's eyes widened slightly, following by a relieved smile on his lips. 

    "Of course, I can," Mark heard Jinyoung say, but he couldn't dare to look at him, not when he was so embarrassed by his shameless request, as his face was still flushed in a deep shade of red, burried in his pillow. He tensed when he felt the mattress moving under him, when Jinyoung lay himself beside him, his arms wrapping around his body without warning, hugging him to his chest tightly, only a pillow was between them now. Mark wanted to relax, _he wanted to hung his arms around Jinyoung too,_ but instead his grip around the pillow he had in his arms tightened, as his breath became heavier, his heart was thumping against his chest so firmly, that if not for the soft barrier between them, Jinyoung could feel it easily.

    The elder felt the lump forming in his throat, as the warm feeling of Jinyoung's arms was making him feel secure and safe, the tears were flunging into his eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment. They lay like this for a few moments with the silence leaning over them. Mark decided to trust Jinyoung, everything he wanted to say to him was now on his tongue, he just have to open his mouth to speak them out.

    "Jinyoung… I don't want you to pity me," Mark said finally, whispering against the pillow, after gathering the courage in himself to speak out about his worries.

    "Hyung, I don't pity you," Jinyoung said without hesitation, Mark felt the vibrations of his calm voice coming out of his throat. The younger's eyes were searching for Mark's, but he avoided him, burying his face into his pillow again.  

    "I know Jaebum told you about everything… about my past and my failed suicide," Mark said as his words were slightly muffled by the pillow, _it was so weird saying this out loud_ , his chest tightened at all the memories clouding his mind suddenly, "I know you probably think that my reason was stupid, but-"

    "I don't think the reason was stupid." Jinyoung pulled away slightly from Mark, taking a look at his face, which was still half covered. "I could only imagine how horrible you felt and… it makes me feel really bad for treating you so carelessly. If I knew earlier-"

    "What would you do? You wouldn't even want to associate with me- No one would want to have a friend like that, troublesome, depressed and-"

    "Stop, hyung, don't think of me that badly. I admit it was a great shock for me seeing your scars and that was the moment I realized that, even though I considered you my friend, I know nothing about you! I still feel like I must learn a lot and I want to have a chance to do so." Jinyoung said with slightly wavering voice, his parted lips exhaling a deep breaths, as his glassy eyes were fixed on Mark's, reflecting the late afternoon's sunlight. Mark couldn't tear his gaze away from him, as the warmth spread in his chest at the view in front of him.

    "Would you want to... Would you want to hear everything? The whole story?" He asked hesitantly, surprising Jinyoung's by this sudden question, as a soft gasp left his lips. Mark decided, _he will tell him everything_ , everything he went through, everything he felt, all this what's hidden deep inside him. 

    "Only if it's okay for you to say it." Jinyoung smiled at him reassuringly, raising his hand up to Mark's face and shoving a strand of hair from his eyes, staring at him affectionately. Mark breath hitched at the younger's gesture, his stomach filled with butterflies flying around restlessly, as the nervousness of the subject of the incoming conversation slowly killed them all, replacing them with a sinking feeling.

    "I have never talked about it out loud with anyone besides Jaebum… and my therapist." Mark whispered and the thought of opening his wounds in front of Jinyoung made his eyes burn, but he felt like he should trust him; even his parents don't know everything, he hid the most painful details from them, he didn't want them to be even more hurt than they already were. _He needed to get rid of his past, he needed to release those feelings, this pressure what was holding him down on the ground._

    "I will hear you out. I won't say anything till you're done." Jinyoung reassured, his hand still on the side of Mark's head, his thumb caressing his cheekbone. Mark wanted to feel Jinyoung's warmth against his body, just before he would say anything, he removed the pillow from his arms, tossing it somewhere behind him blindly, as Jinyoung's arms wrapped around him automatically again, this time the only barrier between them were their clothes. Mark felt the embrace around him tightening, as he inhaled Jinyoung's scent shamelessly, burying his face into Jinyoung's chest, the younger's heartbeat seemed to speed up its pace. Mark tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat, as the burning feeling in his eyes made them wet, as the tears began to gather up in the corners of his eyes. Even though Mark has to tell him everything to free himself from the tongs of his past, he felt nervous. He was scared, because Jinyoung was so caring towards him right now, _would it change after he'll know everything?_ Despite his uncertainty, he tried to calm his fast heartbeat; there's no time for lying, there's no time for hiding anything anymore, he told himself. _It was everything or nothing_. 

    "Okay…" Mark began, his face was still his in Jinyoung's chest, but it was better like that; Mark felt more comfortable like that. "I was in love with this guy. He was so cool in my eyes, so strong and everyone was afraid of him. He was a troublemaker, often rude to others, but to me... He treated me nicely, like I was important to him. I knew that I shouldn't like him that way and I started to cut to punish myself, that I shouldn't like my friend like that. No one noticed that I cried myself to sleep every night... I guess I had good grades, so no one thought I could have any problems. " He paused, inhaling a breath, as Jinyoung's grip around his shoulder tightened, showing him his support. "I really wanted to be with him, you know? I started to imagine silly things at some point, like, how would it be like to hold his hand? Or hug him…" Mark choked a sob uncontrollably, as the sinking feeling in his stomach started to make him nauseous, when the story was flowing out of his mouth. 

    "One day, he had a bad day. He was sad and I was the only one who he confided his secrets. He wasn't afraid to show his weakness only in front of me, I felt needed, I felt important to him and… seeing him so miserable I hugged him without thinking and he hugged me back so tightly, that I was shocked, but also... I felt like my heart spilled in that moment and I confessed my feelings to him, he didn't reject me, Jinyoung. He kissed me back- but- on the next day..." Mark couldn't control his tears anymore, he shut his eyes tightly to prevent them from coming out, but his body started to shake with sobs, as the memories hit him like a truck, quickly and painfully. 

    "Everyone knew. He, they all laughed at me. And they beat me up. Can you imagine how I felt? I was so scared, I couldn't trust anyone, my friends betrayed me like that… I was a teenager then, but… I wanted to die so badly." He started to choke on his words, his breath was uneven, as if overcome with emotion and Jinyoung pulled him away from him slightly to look at him, the worried expression on the younger's face, his knitted brows and eyes darting around his face in concern, as if they were searching for a place to hide. Mark couldn't control his sobs anymore, he felt even more miserable in front of Jinyoung now, but it was just the beginning.

    "Hyung, you don't have to-"

    "Then, to humiliate me even more, to implicate that people like me are nothing, they framed me into something I didn't do- Everyone at school pointed fingers at me, even the teachers... I knew that I should end it." Mark wrapped his hands around Jinyoung again, wanting to feel this comforting warmth again, as he nestled himself in the crook of his neck, as the tears flow from his eyes without any care, dampening the white collar of his shirt. "I went home and started to cut, deeper and deeper, the more blood the better. I couldn't think about anything else but to die. I… went into the bath and when I saw my blood mixing with warm water- that's when I felt it, I felt the end was closer and even though at some point I wanted to resign from doing that, when I realized I want to live I thought about my parents and Jaebum… it was too late, I had no strength to do anything. I was home alone- I couldn't even scream, no one would help me- I was so scared, Jinyoung. I was so scared that I won't see them anymore…"  Mark whimpered, his face contorted in grief, as the pressure in his chest made him choke, he tried to swallow the overwhelming emotions, when he felt Jinyoung's fingers in his hair, pulling his head into the crook of his neck securely. Mark noticed how the younger's chest rose and fell with deep breaths. 

    "Hyung," Jinyoung's voice resounded, weak and wavering, trying to suppress the sob leaving his throat, but he didn't manage, as the sharp breath left his lips. _He was crying._

    "I woke up in the hospital, I'll never forget their faces, how relieved they were that I'm alive, but also the pain… my mom was devastated- I will never forget it. Even now all they do is worry about me, they call often and… I can't forgive myself that I took all the joy they had in their lifes away from them. I can't forgive myself, Jinyoung-"

    "They love you and they are happy, that you're alive. Worrying about someone is a way of showing love, you can't forbid them this... Just accept it." Jinyoung whispered, the breathy voice flew right into Mark's ear, calming him slightly. "Hyung, I'm glad that you trust me enough to tell me all this. Thank you," He added and when Mark raised his head to look at his face, he bit his lip, trying to hold back the sob threatening to go out of his throat. Jinyoung's eyes were red and puffy, even his eyelashes were stuck together from tears. Mark couldn't tear his gaze away from him, his eyes were still wet from crying, and the tear fell every time the elder blinked.

    "Jinyoung... will you leave me now?" He asked, breathing heavily, as the sinking feeling in his stomach disappeared, along with the story of his past from his system. Jinyoung smiled at the elder's question, as his hands found its way to his cheeks, holding them tenderly.

    "I'm not going anywhere, I'll stay,"

    "But why? I don't know why are you so nice to me… Why are you always willing to put up with me, even though I'm such a mess… Even though you did all this, I'm still scared that you'll leave…" Mark spoke his thoughts out loud, the worries which were always only in his mind, making him uncertain of Jinyoung's friendship and good intentions. 

    "Hyung, I won't. You're amazing, I told you-"

    "But what if- What if I say that on top of everything- Everything you heard, there's another thing you don't know?" Mark stammered, his shaking hands lying on Jinyoung's waist were sweating, his heart was racing, but it was the only way to say this - _the only way for him to know everything._

    "Tell me then," He caressed his cheek with his thumb gently, his eyes locked with Mark's-

    "I love you." Mark's heart stopped, "Will you leave now?" 

    "I won't ever leave you." He breathed out and he leaned into Mark's face, closing any distance between them, as he placed a soft kiss on his lips. The feeling of Jinyoung's lips was totally different than when they kissed for the first time, while being drunk that night. The kiss was slow, warm and a little salty from the tears they cried, instead of the heated and needy ones they shared before, this kiss was everything Mark needed now to feel safe, to feel needed, _loved._

    "Jinyoung-" 

    "I love you, hyung." Jinyoung whispered, when Mark was drowning in the smitten look in his eyes, trying to comprehend the situation. "I'm so glad that you made it and you're here with me now, I'm glad I was able to meet you, thank you for trusting me, hyung."

    Before Mark could say anything, Jinyoung leaned slightly over his slim frame, locking his lips with Mark's again, pressing him slightly into the mattress, as his lips moved against the elder one's slowly and tenderly, taking his time to taste them. Mark felt the familiar tingling in his stomach, as he pulled him closer by his waist, while tilting his head to the side instinctively, deepening the kiss, as Jinyoung's fingers twined in Mark's hair, tugging on them slightly. 

 

    The remains of the tears flowed out of Mark's eyes when he closed them, along with the fear, pain and uncertainty he felt. _This is how it's supposed to be_ , Mark reassured himself as the warmth of Jinyoung's body against his and the feeling of his soft lips touching his own  made him feel safe from the harms of the outside world, _safe from the harms of his own mind._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? 
> 
> I was writing this chapter with my brother sitting next to me, so... I couldn't really focus ;; I hope you like it, though!  
> Thank you for every comment and kudos, you're making me so happy, thank you!


	17. Seventeen

 

 

 

    When Jinyoung's alarm clock on his phone rang the next morning, he reached for it from the nightstand beside Mark's bed clumsily, turning it off before Mark would wake up. He sighed with relief seeing the elder still fast asleep - Jinyoung rarely saw Mark sleeping, _maybe one, two times_ , and after yesterday's evening, full of confessions and tears he was surprised to see how relaxed he looked. The elder was lying still comfortably on the bed, his body frame was turned to Jinyoung's side, the eyelashes of his closed eyes were lying on his cheeks, and the soft breaths escaped through his pink parted lips, touching Jinyoung's skin like a warm breeze. Jinyoung smiled to himself at the view beside him; he peered at his face closer, holding the urge to kiss the elder's lips, trace his jaw line with his finger, or only touch Mark's cheeks, as the butterflies in his stomach made an appearance for the first time today and the warmth of the elder's body started to burn, when Jinyoung's face flushed in a deep shade of red at the thought of Mark's feelings towards him.

     _Mark loves him._  

    It was still something really unbelievable to Jinyoung, he couldn't even fall asleep yesterday, because of his thumping heart, while Mark got sleepy pretty quickly falling asleep with his head on Jinyoung's chest, when the opened wounds of his past and tears he cried made him exhausted. While Jinyoung was planing to confess to him someday, _waiting for a right moment_ , Mark's confession took him by surprise and also broke his heart a little, realizing that Mark was afraid Jinyoung will leave him after he tell him everything. It shouldn't be shocking to Jinyoung, knowing what Mark went through in his life, _but it did_ , making his stomach churn in anger and grief at the same time at the mere thought of it. _He should show him how much he loves him, he wants him to know Jinyoung won't ever betray him, because he loves him too._

 

 

    After he crawled out of bed finally, leaving Mark alone in bed, he began to prepare for another working day with a totally different attitude compared to yesterday. Now he couldn't help but smile looking in the mirror, as the thought of Mark's lips moving against his in a slow and tender kiss made him giggle; he wasn't sure if he'll be able to work today if he won't control his happiness.

    When he was eating breakfast, Jaebum surprised him with the early visit. Apparently, he was worried about Mark, who didn't answer his calls yesterday.

    Jinyoung tried to explain what was the reason of his friend ignoring his phone calls, he told him that he found out what happened at work; Mark was exonerated and it was their coworker who pulled out the documents from the folder. He didn't say anything about their tears-filled night confessions, though, but at the thought of it, Jinyoung had to lower his head, avoiding Jaebum's gaze, as the blush crept on his face abruptly. Jaebum seemed not to notice when he breathed a sigh of relief, as a huge smile appeared on his face.

    "I'm glad you resolved this case before it was too late. I'm glad you're taking care of him." He said, as Jinyoung's cheeks burned even more, hearing something like that from the person who was so important to Mark - _someone who was like a real brother to him_ \- made him feel embarrassed, but also pleasantly content, feeling as if he was just accepted by Mark's family.

    "I just... I feel bad, because it all happened because of me…" Jinyoung said, munching on his sandwich lazily, when Jaebum stood by the kitchen counter pouring himself a cup of coffee from the coffee machine.

    "You can't affect people's feelings. You did nothing wrong, you were just honest with this guy. It's not your fault."

    "I know, but…" 

    " _Really_ , don't bring yourself down because of it. Isn't it great that this Youngjae guy told you everything anyway?" Jaebum smiled, as he took a seat by the kitchen table across from Jinyoung.

    "Yeah, it's great. Honestly... I wouldn't know what to do if he wouldn't say anything. I would be fired along with Mark."

    "What? Your uncle wanted to fire you too?! And you still agreed?!" Jaebum gasped, his eyes bugged out in disbelief, when Jinyoung nodded without hesitation. When Jinyoung thinks about it now, it was kind of brave of him, knowing that he had no plan whatsoever to resolve this. _He was just a fool for Mark_. "Well, okay. You're over the heels in love with him, aren't you? When will you tell him? Or should I tell him on your behalf, what do you think?" Jaebum asked, the teasing smile showed on his face and Jinyoung's heart started to beat faster.

    "There's no need for you telling him, because I told him yesterday." Jinyoung answered with a quiet voice, as his fingers were fiddling with a watch on his wrist. Jaebum stared at him blankly, not believing his words at all.

    " _No way_." He said simply, when Jinyoung raised his hand and scratched the back of his neck. 

    "Well... To be honest Mark-hyung confessed to me first-"

    "Are you kidding me? Mark confessed to you?" Jaebum interjected, as his jaw dropped, the bewilderment visible on his features. "Are we even talking about the same Mark, my shy and innocent hyung?!"

    "Jaebum-ah, shouldn't you be at work?" Suddenly Mark's low voice resounded in the kitchen, making Jinyoung tense and even more nervous. Even though they confessed to each other yesterday it still felt like a dream.

    "Ah, hyung! I visited you because I was worried, but I guess I shouldn't, since you have someone who takes care of you so diligently." Jaebum teased, and Mark's face flushed immediately, as he poured himself a cup of coffee, avoiding his friend's gaze. "Am I right, Jinyoung-ah?" He reached his hand across the table to poke Jinyoung's shoulder with his finger, waggling his eyebrows. Jinyoung was embarrassed, he knew he shouldn't say anything to Jaebum about it, t _he teasing was unbearable to his nerves._

    "You have to go to work and earn money, not worry about me." Mark said calmly, but Jinyoung noticed the elder's jittery movements, as he knocked out the water bottle, trying to reach for the sugar from the kitchen counter. 

    "Don't say that. You're more important than any money I'll ever earn-"

    "Thank you, but- but I'm better." Mark stammered, a faint blush crept on his cheeks, while he was stirring the coffee with a spoon. Jaebum laughed.

    "Well, I can see that. I'm glad this idiot here managed to cheer you up a bit," He remarked and before Mark could answer Jinyoung cleared his throat and stood up abruptly from his seat, drawing the attention of the two of them.

    "Okay, I should go now, I'll be late." He said, although he hadn't finished his breakfast and the coffee in his mug was still hot, he had to go. He wished Jaebum wasn't here now, _he was making everything more awkward than it already was for the two of them!_

     "Okay..." Mark nodded slightly, looking at Jinyoung's face for the first time today, making Jinyoung's heart beat speed up, as their eyes met in the process. "Have a good day." He added and Jinyoung's breath hitched, _should he kiss him goodbye now, in front of Jaebum who was looking at them shamelessly with a grin on his face?_

    "You too, rest well..." Jinyoung said, swaying on his feet awkwardly, not really knowing what to do; he still felt Jaebum's eyes on him, watching his every move. But Mark's eyes were on him too, anticipating his next move and he just went _fuck this_ , as he inched forward and pecked Mark's lips quickly, before he turned on his heel and left the apartment with a legit blush on his face.

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

    "Oh my God, you two are so adorable!" Jaebum laughed, slapping his tights with amusement, just after Jinyoung left the apartment, slamming the doors behind him. Mark took another couple of days off, even though everyone knew he was innocent according to Jinyoung, he still wasn't ready to stand face to face with his coworkers.

    "Jaebum, please!" Mark whined, covering his face with his palms, when he felt the blush deepened on his face; he still felt Jinyoung's lips linger on his own, the feeling of his plump lips was making his heart flutter.

    "Tell me how it happened? I would never think that you'll confess to him after- after... _You know_." Jaebum cleared his throat, after realizing that he wanted to actually speak his thoughts about it aloud about his past, but Mark didn't care. He himself hadn't even thought that he will ever tell Jinyoung what he feels for him, he vowed to himself that he doesn't need anyone, _because no one will ever love him anyway_ , but it turns out that telling about his feelings was the best decision he had ever made. As abstract as it sounded, _Jinyoung loves him too._  

    "It's... I told him everything and then… I just went with the flow and... It just happened." Mark answered on his best friend's question, pulling his hands from his face slowly, before taking a seat in front of Jaebum, where Jinyoung previously sat.

    "Did you two slept with each other-"

    "Yah!" Mark yelled, gawking at him in disbelief, his face hasn't had a chance to cool down, as the blush deepened on his cheeks and his heart beat sped up in his chest dangerously.

    "I mean _in one bed_! God, hyung, you're a pervert!"

    "I am not! You're just asking weird questions!" Mark exclaimed and Jaebum laughed wholeheartedly at his friend's behavior.

    "You seem really okay, hyung," Jaebum commented, when his laughs died down, "I haven't seen you so happy for a long time. How are you feeling?" He asked, sending him a warm smile. Mark swallowed, rubbing his thumb on his other hand, trying to calm his racing heart.

    "I'm really better." He answered honestly, because it may sound cheesy, but Jinyoung really helped him overcome his dark thoughts, caring for him so much, trying so hard to make him feel better. _Jinyoung could be his refuge, at least for now._

    "That's a relief, but… you should check your phone more often," Jaebum remarked, "Your parents called me again-"

    "You didn't tell them what happened, right!?" Mark's breath hitched, _he wouldn't want his parents to worry over nothing again_. Well, it wasn't technically nothing, but he doesn't want to bother them with his problems anymore.

    "No, I didn't. They just wanted me to remind you of your promise or something?" Jaebum answered, sipping on his coffee, while the realization washed over Mark's features, remembering the promise.

    "Ah, right, I promised to visit them this weekend..."

    "Oh! So you're going with Jinyoung?" 

    "No! Why would I?" Mark gasped, finding the idea absolutely unreasonable, _it was too fast for him to take Jinyoung to his parents!_

    "Why? Your parents would be so happy when they'll know you managed to find a boyfriend-"

    "I can't go with him, I mean, it's not like we're together for a long time to meet my parents," Mark interjected, trying to knock out the idea of Jaebum's head, _it was a totally stupid idea, wasn't it?_ Mark's mind went fast just like the words spilling though his lips. "He probably won't want to go, anyway… I don't even know if we're together, it's-"

      "You love him, he loves you, that means you're together in most cases. I know you're new in this relationship stuff, but hyung, relax. It's up to you, you can always ask him if he would like to go, right? Just don't assume he wouldn't." Jaebum said softly, trying to console him in some way, seeing how flustered his friend was right now. 

    "Jaebum, I don't want him to think of me as clingy or something, I don't want to scare him off, you know." Mark sighed. He would like Jinyoung to meet his parents, they would stop worrying about him without a reason, knowing that he has someone who loves him, but Mark was still unconvinced, their relationship was too young to introduce his parents to him. Jinyoung would feel overwhelmed by the responsibility and won't feel at ease around Mark. _What if Jinyoung doesn't treat him that seriously as Mark treats him? What if Jinyoung won't like to be with a man after a few weeks or even days, and find himself a girlfriend again?_ Mark's mind started to darken with gray clouds, when Jaebum's pleading voice resounded, just as if he saw the tentative aura overcasting Mark's slim frame.

    "Hyung, give him a chance. If you didn't scare him off by now, he won't run away from you just because you want to go visit your parents with him. It's not like you're getting married or anything." His eyes were fixed on Mark, as he send him a close-lipped smile.

    "You think so?" Mark asked, his voice quiet and hesitant, when Jaebum stood up and approached his friend, placing a hand on Mark's shoulder.

    "Just don't over-think everything. Be honest and don't hide anything from him, because that's when the misunderstandings are born." He winked, trying to light up the atmosphere a bit, as his hand was still patting his shoulder comfortingly. Mark smiled at the gesture, before he asked a question which was flying around in his mid for some time already.  

    "Jaebum? I thought you didn't like Jinyoung?"

    "Well, yeah, he's an idiot and I still hold a grudge against him because of a lot of things, but, I guess I'll give him a chance. I see how happy he makes you and since you two are dating now I can't hate him. Though I'll watch him carefully." The last sentence was a barely audible murmur, but Mark heard it and chuckled uncontrollably, the sound of his laugh broke the ringtone of Jaebum's phone. "Oh, hyung, I should go now, I'll be late to work."

    "I thought you'll spend with me the entire day, but _oh, well,_ money are still important, huh?" Mark teased and Jaebum couldn't help but wrap his arms around his best friend, squeezing his body so tightly, that Mark felt like he'll suffocate if it last longer than a few seconds. Before Mark could wriggle out of his grasp, Jaebum's arms disappeared, as he spoke.

     "Hyung, I feel like you're coming back to us, finally. I'm so happy." Jaebum's face lighted up, as a wide grin appeared on his face, when his phone rang again, announcing an arrival of another message, "Oh, my God, I should go, really!" Jaebum gasped, and Mark snorted, shaking his head with amusement.

    "Yeah, go, go." He waved his hand dismissively, before adding a quick: "Jaebum, thanks." His friend nodded.

    "If you need me call, okay? And don't think too much." Jaebum said and left the apartment hurriedly, leaving Mark alone in the kitchen, as the morning sun peeked through the window, lighting up the entire place.

 

 

* * *

 

 

    At work, Jinyoung hadn't had time for thinking about Mark at all, _though he did anyway_ , successfully delaying his work and lowering his productivity, getting a warning from his boss, when he saw him slacking in front of the laptop screen. Their department has had a lot of work since a few of their coworkers were sick (includes Mark) and Jackson was absent, they had to catch up with the accumulating backlog. Jinyoung didn't know if Jackson left the company by himself, or if his uncle fired him, but he was sure that everyone knew already that Mark is innocent; _the gossiping of his coworkers was sometimes really helpful and educating in situations like these._

 

 

    When Jinyoung came home after work, relieved that he doesn't have to stay overtime (Youngjae agreed to replace him), the sight of Mark lying on the couch in the living room made him feel delighted, knowing Mark doesn't stay in his room anymore. Though Mark didn't leave the apartment for a few days already, Jinyoung came up with an idea of taking Mark somewhere, _to the cinema or to a cafe nearby_... But Mark declined without any hesitation when he asked, making Jinyoung a bit flustered and embarrassed at the same time. He shouldn't be surprised though, he should know Mark doesn't like to go to crowded places, especially after the relapse. _Why is he such a dumbass?_

    "How about a walk?" Jinyoung asked, partially knowing the answer already, he predicted that Mark won't want to go anyway, but he wanted to spend some time with him, he wanted to go with him for a date or something, he wanted the awkwardness to disappear between them. 

    "Okay, since the weather is nice." Mark suddenly answered, the corners of his mouth turned up suddenly and Jinyoung felt the familiar ticking in his stomach at the sight in front of him.

 

 

    Just after they left the apartment the sun was already setting behind the horizon, but the city looked even more beautiful like that. They were walking through the streets slowly, shoulder to shoulder, as the orange light illuminated their frames. Jinyoung, even though he really wanted to, didn't dare to hold Mark's hand; he knew he shouldn't because of the people who were passing by them from time to time, Jinyoung assumed that Mark would feel really uncomfortable holding hands with another man under their gazes. Besides, even though they confessed to each other yesterday, the situation wasn't that good between them to fully show how they feel. It was still kind of awkward, every touch and look made them flustered and shy, and Jinyoung wanted to be the one who could stop this and hug Mark whenever he wanted, but the elder made him feel like a kid, _like a lovestruck teenager who is afraid to ask his date to go to prom with him. Unbelievable._  

    They walked up a hill which was a narrow alley and stopped at the top of it, where were a few benches, surrounded by trees and banks of colorful flowers. The tiny park was fenced off by a railing made of stone, behind which a panorama of the city was visible, the picturesque view made Jinyoung's breath jump every time he came here. He was here, in fact, a few times before, because the place wasn't far from his apartment, but being here with Mark now the place took on a whole new meaning.

    Jinyoung noticed Mark's stunned expression as he approached the railing, the wind was stronger here, ruffling his brown hair, revealing Mark's forehead. The weather was nice, it was still summer, but the atmosphere was changing, the autumn was getting closer with every passing day. 

    "The view is great, even better than from the window of your living room," Mark said, breaking the silence, and Jinyoung laughed, taking a few steps towards him and leaning on the railing beside him.

    "Yeah, without a doubt, but it's your living room too," He smiled and took Mark's hand in his, entwining their fingers, as his heart began to race as the touch of his soft skin. Mark turned his head in his direction, his glinted eyes met with Jinyoung's before a warm smile appeared on his face.

    "How was your day?" The elder asked with a light voice. Jinyoung shrugged.

    "I guess it was okay, but we had a lot of work and... I missed you," He answered, his face started to burn him with embarrassment at the bold statement leaving his lips uncontrollably, but _he shouldn't stop himself from showing his feelings for Mark, right?_ The elder's eyes were still looking at him, travelling around his face as if he was searching for any lie, before Jinyoung cleared his throat and continued. "How are you feeling, hyung?" 

    "I'm okay," Mark answered, as the warm wind hit them again, dispelling their hair, covering Mark's eyes for a moment before he shoved them away with the other hand.

    "I thought that maybe you'll feel better outside than at home," Jinyoung said, watching as Mark was shoving the strands of his hair away from his eyes again, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips, making Jinyoung chuckle, when the elder's voice resounded again, the tone this time lower and a bit troubled.

    "I'm sorry you have to worry about me so much, but thank you, Jinyoung,"

    "Hyung, I can't help but care about you, you know my feelings already, you know I love you," Jinyoung declared, when his guts tightened nervously, as he realized that it's the first time saying it straight in Mark's face, seeing every detail on his face, as the setting sun illuminated his handsome features.

    "I can't believe you said that again…" Mark's eyes turned on the scenery of the town in front of them, Jinyoung saw him biting his lips uneasily and, suddenly, he wanted to find this guy who made Mark so distrustful and broken and made him pay for everything he did to him and his youth.

    "Why? You don't believe me?"

    "No, it's..." Mark gasped softly, trying to find the right words, "I'm sorry, but it's still a bit hard to comprehend for me." 

    "Why? You think anyone can't love you? That guy was an asshole, he didn't deserve you at all." Jinyoung spoke and he squeezed Mark's hand in his slightly, as the anger started to accumulate at the thought of everything his so-called friends did to him, causing Mark glance at him with astonishment, before he shook his head.

    "It's not about him... It's just- I have scars, I'm depressed, I wanted to kill myself. All those feelings... They're still somewhere deep inside me, they will never leave, Jinyoung," He sighed, lowering his head again, as Jinyoung stroked the back of Mark's hand with his thumb, trying to draw the elder's attention before he confess his true feelings to him again, _in hopes Mark will stop doubting in his feelings and his own value._

    "I love you for who you are, along with your scars and past. I just want you to remember that I'll always support you in your bad times, I want you to be honest with me, tell me your worries, your needs... I want you to be happy, hyung," Jinyoung said everything he wanted Mark to believe, the words from the bottom of his heart, which was now beating frantically against his chest, when Mark went silent for a few seconds, his cheeks turned pink and a genuine admiration flashed in his eyes, as his gaze was fixed on Jinyoung. 

    "Thank you, Jinyoung. I'm so happy you found me." He said finally and Jinyoung's stomach filled with warmth at the sincerity of Mark's words. 

    "I'm happy you allowed me to get closer to you, because, _you know_ , it wasn't easy to talk with you at all," He chuckled, trying to light up the atmosphere, as a few people passed behind their backs, laughing.

    "Wasn't it more interesting, though?" Mark asked innocently, as a huge grin appeared on his face, his canine teeth were showing. 

    "Hyung, were you teasing me for all this time?" Jinyoung pouted, nudging Mark's side with his shoulder, as their hands were still entwined, suddenly not caring if anyone would see them being affectionate with each other or not.

    "You were the one who was _teasing me_ actually, don't you remember?" Mark remarked, and Jinyoung blushed uncontrollably realizing what he was implying to - _their drunken kiss_ , when Jinyoung still wasn't sure who he was and what he truly feels for Mark. It seems so well-known to him now, _so right and normal_ in comparison to the times when he jumped on Mark that night. 

    "I was just an indecisive asshole back then," Jinyoung said, his sentence followed by a defeated sigh.

    "So, are you certain now?" Mark whispered almost inaudibly, the volume of his voice comparable to a rush of wind, which passed between them, as he looked at Jinyoung from under his eyelashes, anticipating the answer. Jinyoung smiled, as he reached his other hand to Mark's chin, touching it and lifting it slightly.

    "I am." He answered, before he leaned into Mark's face, placing a soft kiss on his plump lips for a few seconds and pulling away; the tingling in his stomach hasn't died down, especially when he saw Mark drawing his lower lip between his teeth, as his face turned crimson. 

 

 

    The two of them returned to the apartment with their hands entwined for the entire way; they didn't worry about people around them, because they went home when the sun was already sleeping and the moon replaced it, along with stars dotted around it on the sky.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter supposed to be longer, but I cut it into two chapters. I had to post a chapter today, because I wouldn't sleep calmly if I hadn't lmao
> 
> I hope you like it! And please stick with my story to the end!


	18. Eighteen

 

 

    When they arrived at their apartment, after a refreshing and relaxing walk around the neighborhood, the atmosphere between them was clearer as the two of them revealed their feelings towards each other again, their entwined hands the entire way back home sealed them.

    Jinyoung ordered a Korean takeout for dinner again and, even though Mark prefers Chinese food above Korean, he didn't whine about it at all, because he knew how much Jinyoung loved the distinctive taste of the traditional Korean cuisine. 

    They ate their meal in the kitchen, as the comfortable silence leaned over, the sound of the TV coming from the living room was the only sound that resounded in the apartment. Mark felt comfortable being in the warmth of Jinyoung's presence, the small smiles and gazes they exchanged were everything Mark dreamed of; he didn't feel the urge to fill the silence between them, and he knew that Jinyoung didn't mind at all. Mark felt constantly thankful to Jinyoung, for his patience and care he was offering him all the time, for being able to cheer Mark up with only a smile or with a fond touch of his fingertips. 

    Mark thought a lot about Jinyoung in quiet moments like these; he might be silent, but the thoughts in his mind were never sleeping, as they were swirling in a vortex analyzing everything around him. Sometimes staying silent like this wasn't a good thing for him, the dark thoughts tend to flow into his mind pretty quickly, making him worried about trivial things which doesn't necessarily had to happen. He tried to enjoy being in a company of a person who he was in love with, _who loved him_ , and he tried to push away the thoughts which threatened to cloud his common sense, but  they happened to be stronger, as Mark's doubts started to gather in his mind, making him scared that the comfort of Jinyoung's presence will fade away and disappear someday, leaving him alone again. Maybe it still was too early to get attached to Jinyoung so much, _so tightly and feverishly_ ; he got used to Jinyoung's warmth, his smiles and his care towards him that he wouldn't be able to live without it now. _Mark fell in love, deeply and recklessly,_ it was making him anxious, because, despite the fact that Jinyoung loves him too, he knew that love doesn't last forever, _nothing lasts forever._

    "What do you think about?" Jinyoung's small voice resounded, dispelling Mark's thoughts like in a snap of his fingers, as his eyes studied Mark's face, a hint of worry flashed in them. Mark swallowed the food he was chewing, before he shook his head and replied.

    "It's nothing," 

    "I don't expect you to open up to me so easily, but... Don't think that you'll bother me if you tell me what do you feel, okay?" Jinyoung spoke, the uneasy expression showed on his face, as his brows knitted together, "You seemed to be in deep thoughts, that's why I asked." He explained and Mark lowered his head, looking at the almost empty bowl of his dish. It's not enough that Jinyoung was stubborn; _he was also very perceptive, unfortunately_. Mark didn't want to say anything about his worries to him, though, Jinyoung has to put up with a lot of shit with Mark, _he didn't want to worry him even more_.

    "I was thinking about... things. Just the usual, nothing important." Mark answered and his mouth curved into a gentle smile, _how did he do to deserve a person like Jinyoung in his life?_

    "The usual?" Jinyoung asked with raised brows, as the suspicion crossed his face. Before Mark could find some good excuse, the cheerful ring tone of his phone in his pocket pierced through the fabric of his jeans, making him jump slightly in his seat. 

    "Finally!" He heard his mother's ringing voice, after answering the phone, as the smile plastered on his face automatically, "I thought you'll call me or something, are my worries funny to you, young man?"

    "No, I know you're worried, but there's nothing to be worried about, mom," Mark answered lightly, every dark thought seemed to evaporate from his head with hearing his mother's voice. His body relaxed in his seat, as he leaned back in his chair comfortably, when he raised his head in Jinyoung's direction, he saw him looking at him with a gentle smile on his face, the corners of his eyes crinkled.

    "It's nice to hear your voice, Mark, although I'm so angry at you right now!" Mark's mother exclaimed sulkily,

    "I'm sorry, I should call you right away when Jaebum told me you called him,"

    "You should! I hope you won't find another excuse to not visit us this weekend," His mother's attempted to sound threatening, but Mark couldn't help but chuckle at her tone of voice.

    "I'll visit you on Sunday, just like I promised," He declared, as his eyes fell on Jinyoung again, whose brows raised in surprise, hearing Mark's sentence. He wondered what his parents will say if he announce them that he's going out with someone. _If only he actually is_ \- Mark didn't know how to label his relationship with Jinyoung yet, to be honest. 

    "That's lovely. I'll make you something delicious to eat, then," His mom sighed with relief and her voice started to get wobbly, "We miss you so much, Mark-ah..." She whined suddenly and Mark could imagine how her face looked right now, she was probably close to tears by now judging by the sound of her voice. 

    "I miss you, too." Mark said softly, when he sensed Jinyoung's affectionate gaze on him, the embarrassment took over his face, as his cheeks covered in faint blush, causing him to hide them, lowering his gaze at his laps instantly. Mark's mother gasped and before she could burst into tears at her son's confession, she bid him a farewell and disconnected.

    "You're going to meet your parents finally?" Jinyoung asked, when he was finishing his meal, while Mark put down his phone on the table in front of him. He took a sip on the cup of water, swallowing down the embarrassment before he answered.

    "Yeah… I should've done that earlier, my mom is freaking out," 

    "I would freak out too, if I haven't seen you for some time," Jinyoung chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck with a pink tint covering his cheeks. Mark raised his head in his direction, as a warmth spread in his chest.

    "You're silly," Mark whispered almost inaudibly, as a huge smile plastered on his face, "How about your parents, do you meet them frequently?" He asked, slightly changing the subject. Actually, he was curious in Jinyoung's parents, the two of them haven't really talked about them a lot and Jinyoung rarely mentions them in their conversations.  
      
    "Not really, we call each other from time to time, but I visit them only on several occasions since they live in Busan. I tend to spend with them a few days on holidays every year," Jinyoung answered, shrugging his shoulders and Mark wondered _if Jinyoung had a bad relation with their  parents?_ He seemed to be kind of neutral talking about them, what made Mark's stomach tighten nervously, noticing that it could be a difficult subject for the younger. _Maybe he shouldn't ask about it?_ "They're cool and strict, they barely show any emotions, not to mention to say that they miss or love me like yours tell you, but I'm used to it, it was like that all my life." He explained, making Mark even more curious about his parents, knowing how caring and emotional Jinyoung sometimes was.

    "How come you and your sister differ from them so much, being caring towards other people?" _Towards me_ , he wanted to add.

    "I don't know, maybe because we spend a lot of times with each other while my parents were working, we were a bit lonely without them too, that's why we tried to be caring and show our feelings as much as  we could to them." Jinyoung said, tilting head as his lips were pressed together in a thoughtful manner. Mark nodded, when Jinyoung stood up from his seat and started to gather the dishes, as he continued, "I know my parents love me and my sister, they're just unable to show emotions. If you meet them, you would understand," He chuckled softly, and Mark's face lit up at this. _Would he want him to meet them someday? Will Jinyoung want to introduce him to his parents?_ "Your parents are probably really affectionate, right? Your relationship has to be adorable," He added, when Mark's heart started to beat faster and a blush crept on his features. _Maybe he should ask Jinyoung to come with him on Sunday?_

    "Yeah, they are," Mark said, standing up from his seat and help Jinyoung to tidy up the kitchen a bit, as he gave out a half-smile, his stomach tightened nervously. "Would you want to... meet them?" He asked, trying so hard to sound nonchalant about it, but he avoided his eyes anyway, as he busied himself with the empty packages of Korean takeout, throwing them into the trash can under the sink.

    "Yeah, of course, I would want to meet the people who saved you," Jinyoung answered, leaning on the kitchen counter after he put down the dirty plates into the sink, watching Mark and his jittery moves with amusement. Mark's guts tightened even more, _Jinyoung didn't understand his question at all!_

    "But... I mean, I was wondering if- if you would like to come with me… on Sunday?" Mark stammered, standing awkwardly in front of the sink, as his head turned at Jinyoung who was staring at him with widened eyes. Mark gulped.

    "On Sunday?" The younger gasped, and Mark felt the unpleasant feeling of anxiety in his stomach at the younger's uneasy expression. "Well, yeah, I'd love to go with you, but... I don't want to be a burden, your parents want to spend some time with you, I don't want to disturb," He explained with a small voice, his eyelids drooped, as he kneaded his shoulder. Mark inhaled sharply and shook his head a little bit too eagerly.

    "No, you won't disturb, my parents would be happy to see that we're… that you're my-"

    "Boyfriend?" Jinyoung interrupted, while a mysterious smile plastered on his face, as he took a step forward him and Mark's heart started to beat faster, making him out of breath at the younger's sudden interjection. 

    "I don't know..." He whispered, as his face flushed at Jinyoung's close proximity, when he grabbed his hand and entwined his fingers with Mark's.

    " _You don't know?_ " Jinyoung repeated, while a pout formed on his lips, "Hyung, I should be offended by this, but the view of your adorable face just melts my anger," He chuckled, raising their intertwined hands to his lips, "I'll visit your parents with you, if you want. Since we're together." He said, brushing his lips against Mark's palm tenderly, while looking into his eyes with affection, making Mark's body covered in goosebumps as the feeling of his lips seemed to work on him on a whole different level. It somehow seemed so intimate and sensual, that Mark had to swallow the lump forming in his throat, preventing his body from getting too excited at the sensation of the younger's moist lips on his skin.

    "Thanks, Jinyoung, it- it means a lot to me..." The words from Mark's slightly parted lips came out as a whisper and his heart was thumping against his chest with a great force, making his mind strangely hazy, when Jinyoung's lips were still pressed into the back of his hand. He felt the urge to kiss Jinyoung, _but he also wanted to escape_ , when he recognized the feeling pooling in his stomach; the desire to touch Jinyoung and being touched by him clouded his mind, and he couldn't help but to exit from the scene, as he wriggled from his grip and left the kitchen, announcing that he's going to shower first.  
  

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

    Jinyoung was changing the channels on the TV looking for something interesting to watch. He was rather desperate to find a fun reality show, anything what would make Mark spend more time with him before  going to sleep. Although they often spend their evenings in front of the TV before all this happened, watching " _How I Met Your Mother"_ or some other sitcom and relaxing in their company; now the atmosphere seemed strangely tense between them, when the two of them were sitting together, the air around them thick and hazy. _It felt like that for Jinyoung at least_ \- Mark sitting next to him and just breathing has been enough for his heart to speed up, making him breathless.

    Jinyoung realized that Mark was still unsure if Jinyoung is his boyfriend, while they were talking after the dinner (before Mark practically ran to the bathroom to take a shower). It was clear to Jinyoung that after confessions people get together, but again, _Mark was another case and wasn't an ordinary human being_ ; Jinyoung noticed that he has to reassure Mark about everything verbally. And it made him a bit embarrassed, even though he had no problems with talking about his feelings to other people, being under Mark's gaze while confessing was always a big deal to him, as his heart was running like crazy, even if his emotions didn't show on his face. Now it's official - _Mark is his boyfriend._

    Jinyoung was nervous at the possibility of meeting Mark's parents. He knew how much they love their son, _what if they won't like him?_ He felt anxious, but knowing that Mark wants him to meet them, he was able to overcome his fear; _he'll do this_. He wanted to meet his father who supposedly was a really bright and nice person, he wanted to meet his mother - the only person who saved his son from death that day. He should meet them and thank them, because if not for them, Mark wouldn't be here with him now.

    Jinyoung looked from time to time at the bathroom's door checking if Mark's done showering. He didn't want Mark to go to sleep after he'll finish. _That's why here he was now_ \- sitting on the sofa in the living room, clicking the buttons on the remote in a frustrated manner, trying so hard to find something what will interest Mark as much for him to stay with Jinyoung longer. It was already after 10 pm and he didn't want the day to end so badly, he had so much fun in Mark's company, knowing that the elder feels better, he smiles, laughs and even makes jokes. Jinyoung was afraid that with the arrival of a new day, his good mood will disappear like a dream and their relationship will be overcasted by the awkward clouds again.

    "You can go now, bathroom's free," Mark's voice resounded before he emerged from behind a partition wall of the apartment's corridor, the smell of his fruit scented shampoo filled the air. His skin was flushed  from the warm water, his hair was still wet, a small drop of water fell from its strands every time the elder  moved his head. Jinyoung couldn't look away from him and he swallowed, suddenly noticing that Mark was dressed in pajamas - _shorts and a T-shirt, revealing his wounds for Jinyoung to see._ He was stunned, _do Mark felt at ease in his company to flaunt the marks of his past so easily?_ "What are you watching?" Mark asked, snatching Jinyoung from his thoughts.

    "Nothing, actually, there are only commercials for now, unfortunately." Jinyoung answered, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily, when Mark approached the sofa and sat beside Jinyoung, the scent of his freshly washed body dashed into his nostrils, making his stomach tingle.

    "Is there really nothing?" He asked, visibly unhappy about it; the slight pout on Mark's flushed face made Jinyoung's stomach tight when his gaze fell on Mark's slightly parted lips, the desire to capture them became stronger with every passing second. The elder's voice resounded again, as he continued, "It's better, I guess, you have to wake up early anyway-"

    "No, I'm not going to sleep yet." Jinyoung declared, cutting Mark's sentence, as he turned off the TV nervously, when the darkness of the room engulfed them in the process, only the cold and luminous moonlight streamed into the room. He turned his face in Mark's direction and he felt stupid, seeing the elder's surprised face expression, _what is he trying to do?_ All he knew was that he wanted to be with Mark, get closer to him and kiss him so badly. But he couldn't just jump on him whenever he wanted, he shouldn't want to implement his desires, his dreams he has lately about the elder. _He should calm down as soon as possible_...

    "Then why did you turn the TV off..." Mark trailed off when Jinyoung's hands found their way to the back of Mark's neck, pulling him closer and closing the distance between their lips successfully, as the feeling of his warm skin and wet hair against his fingertips began to work on Jinyoung's body, sending shivers down his spine. Jinyoung was afraid that Mark will shy off from him at some point, but when their lips were still brushing against each other tenderly, Mark tilted his head slightly and slid his tongue into Jinyoung's parted mouth hesitantly, deepening the kiss. The gesture was enough to boost Jinyoung's adrenaline flowing in his veins, he couldn't calm down, _he couldn't stop now_ , noticing Mark's eagerness to kiss him made it even worse as the butterflies replaced with arousal in Jinyoung's stomach. Their kiss started to be  more heated up, as their tongues rolled over each other, the wet sound of their lips and quickened breaths wafted around the room. 

    "Jinyoung... " Mark breathed, pulling away slightly, their lips were just barely touching, as the two of them breathed each other’s air, panting from the kiss. Jinyoung panicked a little, as he loosened his hold on Mark's neck, because he actually didn't want to only kiss Mark. He wanted more than a kiss suddenly, he wanted to touch his body, _h_ _e wanted to do all the things to him which made him blush when he was thinking about them_. "You- You're not sleepy?" Mark asked innocently, stuttering a little, when his hand traveled onto Jinyoung's knee, making his face flush uncontrollably at the gesture. _The touch_ , even through the fabric of his jeans seemed to burn his skin.

    "I want to be with you now," Jinyoung answered, all shyness and awkwardness evaporated along with his common sense, as the excitement and arousal hazed his mind. Before Mark could say anything, Jinyoung pulled him up on his laps, causing him to gasp softly against his lips. Jinyoung's breath quickened nervously, as he felt the pressure of the elder's body on his his laps, the blood flowing under his skin seemed to gather in his lower region instantly.  

    Mark buried his hands in Jinyoung's hair, pulling him closer, after their lips collided again, their warm tongues massaging against each other eagerly, when Jinyoung felt Mark moved his hips slightly on top of him, making his breath jump at the sensitive touch. It might be accidental _or not at all_ , but he still broke the contact of their locked lips to look at Mark, who was biting his lower lip with embarrassment, his glassy eyes bored into Jinyoung's. Jinyoung wanted him so much, _wanted him in every single way possible_. He started to unbutton his shirt clumsily as he leaned forward, nuzzling his nose against the elder's neck and kissing the sensitive skin, the sensation made the elder whimper quietly. Jinyoung tried so hard to try to control his desires, but everything came so fast, his mind was dazed with lust when he felt Mark grinding their hips together again; he couldn't help himself but to hiss at the pleasure he started to feel by the friction, as his body reacted, quivering slightly. When Mark did it again, he had to hold his hips in place to steady him or even stop him from doing that because he felt the pleasure growing in his groin quickly and it would be embarrassing to come in his pants untouched.

    Before Jinyoung slipped Mark's shirt from his shoulders, exposing his naked torso, the elder captured his lips again, this time more hungrily, their teeth clicking clumsily, as the elder's hands reached over to the hem of Jinyoung's shirt and tugged it over his head, tossing it to the side.

    "Hyung, I love you," Jinyoung purred, while his hands caressed Mark sides, moving onto his lower back, as the moonlight illuminated their faces in dim and suddenly sultry room.

    "I love you, too," Mark answered, as he gazed into his eyes with affection, _Mark seemed to finally believe in his feelings for him_. He leaned into Jinyoung's jaw line, tracing his tongue along his jaw, sucking on the skin slightly; the feeling of Mark's tongue ghosting on his skin made Jinyoung swallow, as the heat rushed into his lower region, making him hard and embarrassed, Mark straddling him could probably feel the forming tent in his pants from beneath him.

    "Jinyoung, do you feel this too?" Mark asked, his low murmur went straight into his ear, making him tense and when the elder grind his hips against Jinyoung's again, this time more desperately, the friction of their bodies send a jolting pleasure, as Mark continued to brush his lips against his jaw line, going down to kiss his neck and Adam's apple. Jinyoung felt a rush of pleasure, as he bit back a moan when he grabbed Mark's hips and pulled them closer against him, making him even more light-headed with the sensation.

    "Yes," he whispered, when Mark pulled away from his neck and raised his gaze at Jinyoung; their eyes meet, _both flickering with desire_. "I want to show you how much you mean to me, hyung, how much I want you..."

    "Please, show me," Mark begged quietly and Jinyoung didn't wait any longer, as he slid Mark's pajama shorts down his hips slightly, revealing his hardened groin poking out. Jinyoung couldn't think about it too much, he embraced it with his hand, squeezing it slightly, as Mark's inhaled sharply at his bold move, his glassy eyes staring at him shamelessly and his lips parted, when he started to move his hand. He couldn't believe what he was doing, the feeling of Mark's length in his hands as he stroked it slowly, the reactions the elder was giving him, _Jinyoung had never thought it would happen someday_. He could feel the cotton of his own boxers dampen at the view of Mark's flushed face, his half opened eyes, his naked torso moving along with his quickened and uneven breaths. 

    "Hyung, you’re beautiful,” he breathed, as his eyes were observing Mark's reactions showing on his face. The elder swallowed, before he drew his lower lip between his teeth and reached his hand out, his fingers on Jinyoung's zipper, and before Jinyoung could do anything, his length was already in Mark's grip, the feeling of the elder's fingers around him made him whimper, as his hold on Mark loosened under his touch. Jinyoung's sensitive skin prickled in goose bumps, rolling his hips forward into the touch slightly to taste more pleasure, as he couldn't help but to spread his legs wide in the process, Mark falling between them, straddling him. After a second Jinyoung's hand was back on the elder's length, a needy whine escaped through his lips and Jinyoung captured them lustfully, as if he was dying to taste them again.

    Jinyoung was sure he won't last long; Mark was making him crazy, the sounds he was making, the heat of his body, the touch of the elder's fingers; everything was making him breathless, as blood was roaring in his ears. He broke the kiss to breathe out a moan, when Mark's grip became tighter, as he moved his hand up to the tip and slipping back down again in one fluid motion, causing Jinyoung’s to throw his head back against the back of the sofa, his eyes fluttered close uncontrollably. Mark took an advantage of the situation and leaned forward, grazing his lips just above his collarbone, licking the skin, as his thumb once again brushed Jinyoung's groin at the exact same moment. Jinyoung's hips jumped and his toes curled, as a bloom of warmth spread in his stomach, burning like a fire. After another stroke of Mark's fingers, Jinyoung struggled to hold back his moans of pleasure, but they left his throat anyway, when his body shook with pleasure as he came, his back arching and eyes shut close.

    Before he could calm down and steady his breath, Jinyoung gripped Marks length again, as the elder's hands wrapped around his neck loosely, leaning closer as his sharp breath ghosted over Jinyoung's cheek. Jinyoung dragged Mark's lip between his teeth, sucking on it slightly, before kissing him slowly, deeply, as his hand continued to move around Mark in a careful, long strokes. Mark released a shaking breath, when his hip started to move on their own, rising up to feel more friction, _more pressure_ against his lower region. 

    "Jinyoungie, don't stop," Mark whimpered, a look of intensity flashed in his eyes, Jinyoung couldn't stop watching him, the expression on his face was something he had never seen before, and he never would if Jinyoung didn't realize his feelings for the elder. It was still something unbelievable to him, falling in love with another man, but it happened and he was glad he met Mark, _he was glad the elder fell in love with him too_. 

    Their gazes were locked for a moment longer, before Mark looked back down at his erection, which was in Jinyoung's grasp, pumping it faster with every passing second, wanting to give as much pleasure to him as he could, making Mark's hands grip Jinyoung's shoulders to steady himself, "I'm going to- Jinyoung-" he stuttered, as he squeezed his eyes shut, a shaky moan leaving his lips, when he was closer to the climax. "Jinyoung-" He cried out loudly, finally reaching orgasm, as his body arched and he rocked his hips back and forth quickly, riding out his orgasm, before he leaned his head against Jinyoung's shoulder, breathing heavily. 

    After Mark calmed down a bit, he wrapped his hands around Jinyoung's neck without any hesitation, pulling him closer and Jinyoung smiled tiredly at the gesture, as the scent of Mark's body dashed into his nostrils, when he nuzzled his nose into the crook of the elder's neck. _He didn't want the intimate moment to end_ ; his hands hooking around Mark's slim waist tightly, refusing to let him go, as their moist from sweat bodies were pressed against each other. Their whispered confessions resounded in the dark living room, as the night deepened, the exhaustion fueled their drowsiness, evaporating their worries and doubts. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... All I wanted to say is I'm sorry, lmao   
> I hope you like it anyway... ;;
> 
> All of the comments and kudos are highly appreciated! :)  
> Thank you for reading!


	19. Nineteen

 

  
    Jinyoung bite his lip for the hundredth time today to hide his smile as the memories from yesterday's night came back to his mind like a boomerang every time he turns his head in the direction of Mark's empty seat beside his cubicle. He felt a blush creep on his cheeks again remembering how turned on he was, kissing Mark and touching him so shamelessly, while watching his every reaction. He knew it could be a little bit too early for things like that, he thought Mark would escape from his grasp as soon as possible, but it turned out that he was also eager to touch Jinyoung the same way, releasing the pressure collected in their guts by the intimate closeness of their bodies. To Jinyoung the act was very important, having Mark _so vulnerable and exposed_ _in front of him_ was something what made him reassured that Mark finally trusts him, willing to be with Jinyoung in such a sensual situation. 

    "Yah, hyung, will you actually help me with this or should I go to Yugyeom?" Bambam asked with a bit annoyed tone of his voice, snatching Jinyoung brutally from his thoughts filled with the heat of yesterday's night. He almost forgot to help him with the editing of his monthly report, which he promised before the lunch.

    "Ah, yeah, sorry I was lost in thoughts" He said nonchalantly, but his face was still red. Bambam smirked.

    "I see it all day, hyung, miss him much, huh?"

    "W-who?" Jinyoung asked dumbly, but he knew Bambam and the whole department knew about their relationship. Well, _the rumors were true_ , but no one knew about it yet. 

    " _Mark-hyung_ , duh!" Bambam snorted, leaning on Jinyoung's desk, watching him scribble something on his report.

     "I see him everyday at home, so..." Jinyoung trailed off, and when he raised his head to see Bambam's impatient gaze, he lost it. _He shouldn't do the entire work for him!_ "Yeah, I miss him here, I feel like I have the entire department on my shoulders, if he was here he would help you guys too, now I have to do it all alone because you guys are lazy!" He snapped sulkily, but Bambam didn't seem to be fazed by this, as he stroked his imaginary beard in a thoughtful manner.

    "Hm, so you two are like our parents? You're the bottom- I mean, _mom_ , right?" Bambam laughed and Jinyoung gasped, as he hit him on the shoulder.

    "Bam, really! I'm not doing it for you, do it yourself!" He threw the paper at his coworker who was now clutching at his stomach from amusement, while Jinyoung's embarrassment showed on his face again. 

    "Hyung! I need your help!" He pleaded, managing his laugh with difficulty, as a chuckle came in between his every spoken word. But Jinyoung was adamant, he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his gaze away from him, busying himself with his own work, looking through his e-mails on his laptop. He was too embarrassed with the younger's dirty sense of humor, even though it could be true, _partially_. He probably could be the passive one in his and Mark's relationship, he would like to receive the elder's love and desire, even though he never slept with a man. _It couldn't be too bad, right?_ Witnessing Mark's reactions to his touches and kisses, hearing the sound of his quickened breaths and moans made Jinyoung realize that he could do everything to give Mark as much pleasure as he could, even if it came to his virginity with being with a man. Bambam, seeing Jinyoung's pensive expression, grunted something under his nose, lifted his shoulder in a half shrug and left Jinyoung's space. 

    Jinyoung was still lost in his thoughts as a particular email flashed before his eyes, drawing his attention instantly. Seeing the sender of the message, _Song Publishing Inc._ , he opened it without hesitation as his heart started to pound firmly against his chest and the nerves were twisting his guts.

 

  
     _Mr Park Jinyoung:_

_With great pleasure we accept your offer to join Song Publishing, Inc. with headquarters in Busan, as a literary editor in literature departments. The goals we outlined for the position are well-matched to your abilities, especially after receiving a recommendation from our editor-in-chief Jang Youngsik._

_If the terms we discussed previously in the interview are acceptable to you, please come in at 9.30 a.m. on August 17._

_Sincerely,_  
    Kang Sanghun   
    Office Manager

 

  
    His eyes traveled around the laptop's screen frantically, reading the email through a few times. _He couldn't believe it_. The company where he wanted to get into just after he graduated from university finally answered him, accepting him for the position he always wanted to work at. He always wanted to be surrounded by books, reading them, editing them - _it was his dream_ ; he also wanted to come back to Busan after doing his degree, realizing that he didn't like Seoul at all. But he stayed anyway when they didn't want to hire him, he found himself a job in Seoul and applied there again when they fired him almost three months ago, but later, completely by accident, his uncle took him under his wing, giving him the opportunity to earn money and to meet the love of his life.

    The dream of becoming a literary editor was in the past now.

    He grew to like living in Seoul and he didn't want to leave. Even though the amount of the monthly payment in his current company wasn't that high he would be earning in Song Publishing on the position of the editor, he likes what he does now, he has friends here... and _he has Mark_. He loves him, that's why he won't leave him and move to Busan. He decided to not even mention about anything to him, because he was sure the elder wouldn't want to go with him anyway. Jinyoung knows how hard it was for Mark to accustom in the company; he wouldn't want to leave it now and find another job in Busan. _Leaving Mark in Seoul and move to Busan wasn't even an option to consider in Jinyoung's mind._

    One thing what puzzled him the most was _who is Jang Youngsik? And why would he recommend him?_

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

  
    As soon as Mark woke up in the morning, he felt his stomach tighten, as the memories about last night spend with Jinyoung flashed through his mind. He groaned and covered his reddened face with the quilt, hiding it from the reality of a new day. He wasn't sure how will he manage to look Jinyoung in the eyes after all they did, _after all those little teasing Mark tortured Jinyoung with shamelessly_ , without screaming in despair from embarrassment. The two of them went to sleep in Mark's room last night, covering themselves with quilt, they fell asleep quickly, as their arms wrapped around each other's bodies.

    The night spend with Jinyoung seemed like a dream, but the touches and kisses were real, as they still lingered on Mark's skin tickling his every nerve.

    When Mark finally crawled out of his bed, he noticed another proof that this night was real; their clothes were lying shamelessly on the living room's floor, crumpled and forgotten in the moment of rapture. As much as he was drowsy from his unusually good night's sleep, suddenly he sobered up, and started to pick up every evidence in case Jaebum come to visit him or something. _He wouldn't know how would he explain the situation if he asked_ ; Mark would die from embarrassment, _but it shouldn't be a big deal anyway, right?_ They practically didn't do anything, they were only cuddling and kissing and... fondling their private parts. _People his age do even more sexual things, yet he's still a virgin_.

    The day passed especially quickly before Jinyoung came home from work, _maybe because Mark wasn't ready to meet him?_ A part of him was telling him that Jinyoung is disgusted with everything they did, _Mark was afraid that he will be sorry again and tell him to forget_. But on the other hand, he knew it wasn't possible, Jinyoung loves him and if he didn't believe it before, now he has to; the sight of Jinyoung's face when they were touching each other last night, the kisses and sounds he was making... _Jinyoung couldn't fake it_. After reaching their bliss Jinyoung held him so tightly as if his life depended on it, murmuring sweet words into his neck and it was all what convinced him that he could trust in his feelings. 

    While Mark was washing the dishes, the result of his boredom _or more like he couldn't stay still because he was nervous_ , he heard the sound of opening the front doors and even though his heart speeded up at the thought of seeing Jinyoung again after all those hours, he didn't turn around to look at him. He was too embarrassed and he felt his legs was getting weaker as he stood by the sink, washing the same plate for far too long now. Jinyoung didn't say anything and after he pulled off his shoes by the doors in the corridor, he went straight to Mark and wrapped his hands around his waist from behind, making Mark's breath jump. 

    "Hello, hyung," Jinyoung whispered, the sound of his voice went straight to Mark's ear, prickling his skin in goosebumps in the process and before he could reply, Jinyoung nuzzled his nose in the crook of his neck, pecking the sensitive skin with his soft lips. Mark gasped at the ticklish sensation and tried to get away from him as the giggle escaped through his lips, but Jinyoung pulled him to his chest even more.   

    "How are you feeling?" Jinyoung asked, as he tightened his grip around Mark's waist, as the elder turned off the tap.

    "I'm fine, a little bored though..." He answered, leaning back into Jinyoung's embrace, as his hands touched Jinyoung's, which were resting on his stomach.  

    "I noticed, you must've been really bored if you started to do housework," Jinyoung chuckled into Mark's neck, making him pout at the remark, before he continued, his voice even softer, "I missed you all day, you should come back to work..."

    "I'll start from Monday, I can't sit at home forever, right?" Mark sighed, he must return to the society after his relapse; _he must live like a normal person, going to work and meet other people._ He was still a bit afraid of their judging stares and even though he wouldn't mind if he had to stay like that in Jinyoung's embrace forever, he still should live his life instead of only existing. He turned his head to look at Jinyoung properly for the first time today, the younger was smiling at him, as his eyes twinkled with relief and hope.

    "That's great to hear it from you, hyung. I'm glad you're feeling better, I'm so glad..." He trailed off as he released Mark from his grasp, just to place his palms on both of Mark's cheeks tenderly and placing a warm kiss on the elder's lips.

 

 

    The following few days weren't different; the days were filled with soft kisses and warm hugs and although they didn't do anything more intimate than cuddling on Mark's bed before drifting to a dreamland, Mark was willing to give Jinyoung everything he had, along with his virginity. He felt exceptionally safe in Jinyoung's company, he realized that he can't live without the younger's warmth anymore. He trusted him implicitly and even though the voices in his head were repeating itself like a mantra that he shouldn't be so naive, the sound of it was muffled by his beating heart whenever he was in Jinyoung's arms. 

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

    Sunday came by so fast, Jinyoung didn't even notice the passing time and now he was sitting behind the wheel of his car, driving to Mark's parents house. His facial expression was stoic, as he sent small smiles in Mark's way sitting next to him, but on the inside, he was a nervous mess, his stomach was twisting uncomfortably and his hands' gripped on the car's wheel started to sweat; Mark seemed not to notice, as his head was turned to the side, looking through the window at the landscapes they were passing.

    The ride was half an hour long, Mark's parents lived on the outskirts of Seoul and when they finally arrived at the small parking in front of their house, Jinyoung swallowed the lump in his throat, but he tried to smile and think positively. Mark called his parents before they came here, saying that he'll arrive with a _friend_. Jinyoung would lie if he said that he didn't feel the pang in his heart at the word, but before he could say anything about it, Mark, just after hanging up, explained to him that it's better to tell them later. Jinyoung nodded at this, he tried to be considerate and accept that Mark might be not ready to tell them about their relationship. Jinyoung understands it fully, _he's not sure when he would muster up the courage to tell about his sexuality to his parents either_. 

    Before Mark knocked on the door of his parent's house, he smiled in Jinyoung's direction reassuringly, brushing their palms slightly, when the doors opened, revealing a petite middle-age woman, smiling just as brightlyas Mark. She pulled his son automatically into a tight hug, as if she hadn't seen her son for a long time, while Mark's father was standing beside her smiling proudly, as he patted his son's shoulder a few times. Mark's father was tall and slightly stocky, but his facial expression was friendly and amiable. 

    Jinyoung stood at the scene, smiling awkwardly, trying so hard to relax in his new surroundings, _but he felt too much pressure to make a good impression of him to Mark's parents_. After Mark was released from his mother's loving embrace, his parents looked at Jinyoung with friendly smiles and just when Jinyoung wanted to introduce himself to them, Mark blurted out:

    "This is Park Jinyoung, my boyfriend." Jinyoung's heart stopped hearing this, especially when he noticed the confused expressions of Mark's parents, but he bowed nevertheless, a soft _"hello"_ escaping his quivering lips.

    "Ah, so this is your _boyfriend_ ," Mark's mother spoke, as she scrutinized Jinyoung with her eyes, making him feel uncomfortable, a wary look changed into a warm smile when she turned to her son again. "I'm so happy I finally see you my son, you had to be very busy with Jinyoung-ssi, I suppose, to ditch your parents like that,"

    "Mom, I was busy with work, I told you," Mark sighed, while he was pulling off his shoes, a faint blush showed on his face. Jinyoung couldn't help but to smile despite his mother's suspicious gaze. 

    "Okay, honey, stop teasing him, then you're surprised why he doesn't want to visit us," Mark's father chuckled, making his wife sulky, as she lifted her chin and turned on her heel, leaving to the kitchen. "Come to the dining room, everything almost ready to eat," He continued as he gestured to the room on the right, and Jinyoung noticed that Mark's father seemed to be more friendly and bright, he still resembled Mark more than his mother, despite the elder's condition.

 

 

    "I see Jinyoung-ssi must be good to you?" Mark's mother asked as the four of them were sitting in the spacious dinning room by the sumptuous table, breaking the silence. Mark couldn't say anything because his face was stuffed with his favorite meal his mother prepared especially for him, so he nodded, meeting his gaze with Jinyoung, a smile plastered on his face uncontrollably at the elder's reaffirmation. "How did you meet? Mark didn't mention anything about you," The woman turned to Jinyoung suddenly, her face went blank, as he almost started to choke. All those comforting words coming out of Mark's mouth on the way here, _that his parents are nice and Jinyoung shouldn't be afraid of anything_ , went into oblivion, as his mother's squinted eyes didn't leave Jinyoung even for a moment. _What if his mother won't accept him?_

    "Mom, do you expect me to confide things like that to you?" Mark spoke, probably noticing Jinyoung's troubled expression and he was glad, because he could swallow the piece of meat he was currently chewing without choking himself to death from nerves.

    "Well, why not? I know you're an adult, but it doesn't mean you can't tell me anything." She answered, "So? Jinyoung-ssi?"

    "I started to work at the company where Mark-hyung works and…" Jinyoung trailed off, his eyes travelling to Mark, who bite his lip, before lowering his head in embarrassment. Jinyoung couldn't do anything about it, he himself was embarrassed enough to feel the blush creeping on his cheeks speaking directly to Mark's parents about the love of his life who was his son.

    "Oh, really? How long you know each other? He is so shy and closed off for new people. How did you manage to make him talk? Did you force him or something?" Mark's mother showered Jinyoung with questions, when Mark interrupted again, gasping helplessly.

    "Mom, don't talk as if I wasn't here! Please, stop with this interrogation-" The doorbell resounded in the house, cutting Mark's sentence.

    "Can you get it, Mark-ah?" His mother asked sweetly, her honeyed voice was somewhat suspicious and Mark raised his brows at the request, but he obeyed, as a realization washed over his features. He sighed and before he left the room and leave Jinyoung and his parents alone in the dining room, he smiled an uneasy smile in Jinyoung's direction. Jinyoung noticed it was all planned, as the sight of Mark mother's content smile confirmed him in this belief. He gulped, _she wanted to question him and interrogate him in peace, she knew Mark wouldn't let her do it, he would constantly interrupt every attempt!_ Jinyoung was doomed.

    "Who could it be, on a Sunday afternoon?" Mark's father wondered, finishing his meal like nothing happened, when his wife's attention was back on their son's boyfriend. 

    "So? How was your relationship at the beginning?" She asked stubbornly, making Jinyoung tense in his chair. A part of Jinyoung understood his mother's worries and curiosity, _he shouldn't be surprised_ ; Mark was her only son, a son who was depressed for half of his life, _a son who wanted to kill himself._  

    "It's-" Jinyoung began, didn't really knowing how to explain everything they went through without being too graphic with details, but he couldn't finish his sentence as Mark voice wafted from the house's corridor.

    "Dad, it's Mr Kim-"

    "Ah, right! I'm coming!" Mark's father gasped and left the room, following his son's voice. Mark was still nowhere to be seen, when Mark's mother was still looking at Jinyoung expectantly, so he put down cutlery and bowed slightly thanking for the meal, before he continued.

    "I noticed Mark-hyung wasn't really talkative, but we worked beside each other and the conversation flowed somehow, I realized he's a really interesting person."

    "Aw, that's really sweet of you. I heard you two live together, right?"

    "Y-yeah, we do."

    "And I suppose you know about Mark's condition?" Mark mother asked, as he leaned closer to Jinyoung, her voice quiet and softer suddenly. Jinyoung nodded, a troubled expression appeared on his face, _the subject wasn't the best to start to get to know your son's boyfriend, wasn't it?_ "What do you think about it?" She continued, making Jinyoung confused with the question.

    "I don't understand,"

    "Do you think it's burdensome? Would like him to change, to stop being sad and depressed? You think you can change him?" Mark mother's questions flew out of her mouth and that's when Jinyoung realized that even though her son is an adult now, she still thinks about all those times Mark was feeling terrible. All those questions were probably her own wishes while she was nursing Mark back to his mental health. Jinyoung shook his head. 

    "I don't think it's burdensome. As much as I would like him to be happy, it's just how he is, it's it's a part of his life, of his person, even though I know it's hard for him at those times, I'm willing to support him and give him everything he needs." _Jinyoung can't change him_ , also he knows Mark won't change. He knew he could do nothing more than to be there for him whenever he needs him, without pressure and impatience.

    "Oh my-" Mark's mother covered her lips with a hand, as her eyes were glassy, "That's a good answer. You passed." She reached for Jinyoung's hands across the table and squeezed them slightly, offering him a warm smile for the first time since he came here with Mark. 

    "E-excuse me?" He stuttered, he was stunned by her reaction. _He passed? Does that mean it really was some kind of test?_

    "Mom, do you really want to make a c _inema kind of thing_ out of my room?" Mark suddenly showed up in the dining room, making Jinyoung smile uncontrollably at the sight of him. The elder raised an eyebrow at Jinyoung's and his mother's locked hands, before his mother spoke.

    "Yeah, honey, you don't use it anyway, you live with Jinyoung-ah, so why would we waste the free space?" She chuckled, as Mark and Jinyoung looked at each other with confusion. 

    " _Jinyoung-ah?_ " Mark repeated tilting his head, and all Jinyoung could think about was how nice his name sounds coming out of Mark's lips, making him lower his head, hiding his smile. 

    "My third son!" Mark's mother announced, and turned to Jinyoung again. "Tell me, your parents know you like men, right?" The sudden question surprised Jinyoung, and he didn't know what to say. _Should he tell the truth, that he doesn't have that good relations with his parents and they don't know he has a boyfriend?_ He even doesn't know if they will be okay with this information in the first place. Jinyoung's eyes darted from Mark's curious ones to Mark mother's hopeful ones, when he realized that he can't say the truth. Mark's parents seemed to accept him, he couldn't disappoint them now. 

    "It's- Yeah- of course, they know!" He answered, with a little bit too much enthusiasm, when Mark's mother nodded approvingly; he didn't miss Mark's piercing gaze on him, making his guts tighten, _he probably knows Jinyoung's lying._  

    "I thought so." She said, when Mark's father emerged from the corridor, supposedly hearing the conversation, as he joined. 

    "You seem like a really polite and reliable son, they must love you so much, supporting you!"

    "We should meet with them someday, right?" Mark's mother turned to her husband, sharing a bright smile with him, and Jinyoung's eyes dropped on the floor.

    "Honey, isn't it too soon to arrange a parents-in-law meeting?" Mark's father chuckled, scratching the back of his neck at his wife's question and Mark only shook his head, taking a seat beside Jinyoung again.

    "Of course it isn't! It's not like they'll get married or anything, we have to meet them on some different occasion!" She explained, "You two, wait here and relax. Come, help me with those dishes." She turned to her husband and after gathering the empty plates, they disappeared behind the kitchen doors, leaving Mark and Jinyoung alone in the spacious dining room.

    " _Marriage?_ What- That's embarrassing." Jinyoung heard Mark say, what made him chuckle as a blush crept on the elder's cheeks.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
    "I'm sorry for my mom, she's like that. I hope she didn't torture you with too much questions," Mark said, while his face still burned from embarrassment at his mother's behavior. He heard Jinyoung's chuckle from beside him, as he placed his hand on Mark's one resting on his knee.

    "No, it's okay. It's cute your parents cares about you so much, even though you're old."

    "I'm not old!" Mark pouted at the younger's teasing, but smiled anyway noticing that Jinyoung seems to be more comfortable in his family home than at the beginning. _Honestly_ , Mark had no idea his mother could be so intimidating, if he knew she would be so suspicious of Jinyoung, he would think twice before coming here with him today. Fortunately, she seemed to accept him after their short face-to-face conversation, after which she even claimed Jinyoung as her third son (she calls Jaebum her son, too). _Mark wondered about what they talked about?_

    "Hyung, can I see your room?" Jinyoung asked, while squeezing his hand around Mark's slightly, making Mark turn his head to the side, in his boyfriend's direction.

    "My room?" He asked, he wasn't sure if it's okay for him to go there. He was afraid the memories will come back to him like a storm, drowning him in dark thoughts again seeing the beige walls and the familiar furniture in his room, which held every little piece of Mark's past, witnessing the worst time of his life. He didn't enter his room whenever he visited his parents after everything, but he couldn't say no to Jinyoung. "Sure, it's on the first floor."

 

 

  
    Mark's room was tidy, his parents cleaned all the mess of his teenage days. The furniture was in the same place and even though the walls were emptied from all those pictures and posters of Mark's favorite musicians, a few pictures in the wooden frames were still standing on the shelf. Jinyoung immediately walked up to them, trailing his eyes around the picture of a small boy smiling brightly along with other kids, a big cake in front of them with the candle in the shape of the number 8. Jinyoung traced his finger on the kid's face, a bright smile appearing on his face without knowing.

    "You were always so cute, hyung," He said and Mark snorted, but his face covered in blush nevertheless, as he took a step forward, looking around reluctantly. Even though he came here after a long time, the worst memories of this place seemed to air out from here, _or was it just Mark who was over that already?_ "Is it Jaebum?" Jinyoung pointed a finger at the kid beside little Mark on the photo.

    "Yeah, it was my first birthday with him. The other kids were just our neighbor's kids," Mark explained, only with Jaebum he found a common language and he became his friend really quickly; he remained as his best friend almost twenty years later. Jinyoung continued to wander around the room and Mark rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, "There's really nothing else to see here, I removed all the things what triggered my dark thoughts. Some pictures, posters, books, even CDs."

    "It's really kind of empty here,"

    "Yeah… it was really messy and dirty before, but after... _everything_... I did absolutely nothing, my mom cleaned my room for me while I was lying on the bed, unconsciously staring at the ceiling all day…" Remembering it all, talking about it in his old room made his thoughts a little darker indeed. _He wouldn't come here if it's not for Jinyoung, but maybe it's a therapy for letting it all go?_ "I had a journal under my bed and a few pencils. My therapy of not wanting to cut myself was writing my feelings down and when it didn't help I drew lines on my arms with pens... Or pressed the rough end of a pencil eraser to my skin, too." Mark explained, as he felt a pressure in his chest, making his breath a bit troubled. He didn't have to dwell on this matter, _about his past_ , Jinyoung didn't ask about any of this, but he felt lighter saying this to a person who he trusts. Jinyoung walked up to him suddenly and entwined their hands with each other, making Mark smile, even though he felt his eyes burning, as if the tears were gathering in the corners of them.

    "It's still there?" Jinyoung asked quietly, as his thumbs were caressing the back of his hands.

    "No... I burned it all. It was really embarrassing to read it after I got better. I didn't want to see this, it triggered every memory I wanted to forget." Mark answered, trying to sound as casual about his past as possible, but he still had to swallow the lump forming in his throat, seeing Jinyoung's warm eyes, locking gazes with Mark's.

    "I see…" Jinyoung nodded, "That's good your father will rearrange it then, don't you think? The bad memories will wither as long as they will be replaced with good ones, the sad and empty room holding all of your bad memories will change into a joyful place, full of fun and laughter."

    "Yeah, I guess you're right." Mark couldn't help but smile at Jinyoung's words. He didn't think of this like that; e _very bad memory could be replaced by another one, cheerful and stronger, shared with someone he cares about, someone he loves_. It probably won't make the bad ones go away, but he could try to bury them with a large amount of nice and small memories. Mark smiled at the thought, as his mood brightened a little, "But what if you'll kick me out of your apartment? Where will I go? Jiyeon moved in with Jaebum for good and I-"

    "Silly hyung," Jinyoung chuckled as he leaned closer towards Mark, their noses barely touching, making Mark's eyes dropped at his lips immediately. "Do you really think I would kick you out? I'd rather be you who would flee away from me-"

    "He would be stupid if he did!" Suddenly Mark's mother peeked through the ajar doors, making the two of them jump away from each other in a second. "Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting, I just wanted to ask if you want something to drink?" His mother giggled, seeing the two of them flustered, their cheeks covered in a red tint, avoiding her gaze like a fire, but despite their embarrassment, their hands were still entwined with each other.

    "No, mom, thank you, but we'll go home now." Mark finally answered, making his mother pout, as her shoulder slouched slightly at the thought of her precious son's departure.

    "Already? I thought you'll sleep here-" 

    "We have to go to work tomorrow-"

    "You can go from here, though?" His mother was really stubborn, but Mark was too, he let go of Jinyoung's hand and approached his mother, hugging her suddenly, her arms automatically wrapping around Mark like a vine.

    "No, mom, we'll visit you again soon."

    "Yeah, right, I won't see you for the next month again, huh?" His mother teased, releasing him from her embrace, before pulling Jinyoung into a hug, making the younger gasp with surprise. Mark chuckled, seeing the view in front of him, as the warmth spread in his chest. It was really something unbelievable, Mark felt like his dreams are slowly becoming real. He watched as Jinyoung smiled awkwardly being in his mother's embrace, before she pulled away, her hands still on his shoulders, as she spoke with a sweet tone:

    "Jinyoung-ah, take care of yourself and take care of Mark-ah, too, okay?"

    "Yes, of course," Jinyoung answered, as a bright smile plastered on his face.

    "Let's meet with your parents next time!" She added cheerfully and Mark couldn't help but to notice Jinyoung's reaction going from jolly smile to uneasy one in a matter of seconds, what made him strangely suspicious.

    "Ah- Yes, why not!" Jinyoung answered quickly, as his eyes darted around the room, avoiding Mark mother's gaze. He flashed a smile nonetheless, and when the two of them went down the stairs, they said goodbye to Mark's father (their farewell wasn't that emotional as with Mark's mother, the firm handshake was enough), they left the house. 

    Mark couldn't stop wondering about Jinyoung's parents, d _o they really know about Jinyoung's relationship with him? With a man?_ Honestly, he couldn't reject the idea that Jinyoung lied, judging from his reactions. He didn't want to pry the matter on him or anything, but he just wanted to know the truth. 

 

 

  
    It started to get dark when the two of them were still sitting in the car, going back home. Their ride was calm, as the comfortable silence engulfed them, but Mark's eyes jumped in Jinyoung's direction from time to time anxiously, as he bite his lips, trying so hard to block the words that were caught in his throat from escaping. There was something important what bothered him for several hours now, _Jinyoung's parents_.

    "What's the matter, hyung? You keep looking at me," Jinyoung chuckled, a slightly shy tone of his voice wafted in the spacious car. Mark swallowed nervously, looking at him again, he felt his stomach tingle slightly.

    "You lied that your parents know, right?" _He finally said that._ Jinyoung's body visibly tensed at Mark's question.

    "Yeah..." He answered truthfully and even though Mark knew about it, even though he doesn't expect him to tell them so soon, it still made him a bit dejected.

    "Are you planning to... tell them?"

    "Hyung, It's making me so nervous and… I don't want to rush it, I... need time." Jinyoung answered, as he stopped at the red light. He looked at Mark,  as sadness clouded his features. 

    "Oh," Was everything Mark could say at Jinyoung's answer. He obviously knew how hard it is, _to be scared about his own sexuality,_ _to be scared to tell about it to the loved ones_. He didn't want to push the matter further, it was okay for Jinyoung to not be ready, _it won't change his feelings for him even though he won't tell their parents, right?_ However, Jinyoung misunderstood Mark's _"oh"_ , as he began to explain himself.

    "Hyung, it's not that I don't want them to know, I want to introduce you as my boyfriend, but it will be a great shock for my parents. I only dated girls and they liked Soojin a lot, so..." He said, his words followed by a tired sigh, "I told my friends when they visited..."

    "You told them when they were visiting back then?" Mark still remembers how angry his friends were that day, the thoughts suddenly made his stomach burn with anger at the realization that they just left Jinyoung because they found out he liked him. _Why is it always so hard for people to understand it?_

    "Yeah, I told them I like you… and they left, snapping at me and saying I'm disgusting... you know how hard it is the best, aren't you?" Jinyoung mumbled quietly, but gasped a second later, "No! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that! I mean-"

    "It's okay, Jinyoung, I didn't say anything. I just feel bad, it makes me angry knowing how difficult it is to be yourself sometimes..." Mark said with a sad smile, before he added, "I understand, you'll tell your parents whenever you'll be ready, I'm not forcing you or anything." He put his hand on top of Jinyoung's hand, which was lying on the handle of the clutch and squeezed it, trying to comfort him a bit by this simple gesture, _something he did for Jinyoung for the first time_.

    "I'm sorry for lying to your parents... I thought that if I say that my parents don't know they will think I'm playing with you and not treat you seriously or something, I thought they won't trust me-"

    "Jinyoung, isn't it enough if I trust you? My parents saw you for the first time today, do you think they would  throw you out of their house, knowing how much you mean to me?" The words spilled through Mark's lips uncontrollably, his heart quickened its pace at the sudden confession right into Jinyoung's face. He cleared his throat when he noticed Jinyoungs gaze on him flickering with affection, before he realized that the green light shone already, urging them to move forward.

    "I'm sorry… I'm still unfamiliar with everything… I'm really sorry," Jinyoung said, his voice weak and full of guilt. Mark shook his head, as his hand was still on Jinyoung's, brushing the back of his palm with his thumb.

    "It's okay, don't beat yourself up about this, don't worry, you have time, _we have time_ ," He said, and even though it was Jinyoung who always reassured him about everything, trying to comfort him in his bad times, _even though Jinyoung was a hero to Mark,_ he was still only human, who needs to lean on someone in moments of doubt.

    "I'm so helpless if it comes to this, I should be the one who's comforting you-" 

    "What? I might be new in this, but I think a relationship work by supporting each other, isn't it? I want you to trust me, because... I'll be there for you when you'll need me, too."

    "Hyung, you're amazing. After all you've gone trough, you still say those things. I love you so much, you know that?" Jinyoung whispered, looking straight into Mark's eyes and Mark wanted to kiss his parted lips so badly right now, to bury his fingers in Jinyoung's black silky hair, but he couldn't since Jinyoung was driving a car right now and... because he got flustered, as a blush covered his cheeks at the younger's confession. _He might hear it every day_ , but every time it gets him the same way, as his heart speeds up and stomach flickering with butterflies, still not quite believing in Jinyoung's words.

    "I know, Jinyoungie." He said lowering his head, trying to hide his red face away from Jinyoung, as his eyes bored into him shamelessly and his mouth curved into a smile. "Please, stop staring at me and look at the road..." He murmured quietly, before turning his gaze on the side, watching the city, when Jinyoung's gentle chuckle resounded in the car.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments and kudos!  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and... I hope I'm not boring you too much! lmao sorry! ;;


	20. Twenty

 

 

 Before Mark entered the office on Monday morning after all those days off, he felt his heart accelerated its pace; he was somewhat nervous to confront all of his coworkers and his boss. Even though the matter was resolved and they all knew that Mark wasn't the one because of whom the whole advertisement department missed the opportunity to acquire a job from an important client, Mark was worried that they won't treat him the same way as before the misunderstanding. He worried about how Bambam, Yugyeom and Youngjae will treat him the most, they were always quite nice to him, but they were also friends with Jackson, who gotten him in trouble. Being lost in thoughts as always, he almost forgot that Jinyoung was walking beside him. All of the worries seemed to evaporate when he felt a gentle squeeze of the younger's hand on his own, making him look at him instinctively. Mark's eyes locked with Jinyoung's bright ones, his warm gaze gave him a bit of courage to take a step further and enter the office of the small advertisement department, _side by side with his boyfriend._

    "Hi, Mark-hyung, I'm glad to see you here, we missed you!" Yugyeom approached them as soon as they entered the place, even though Jinyoung's grip on his hand disappeared the moment they passed the doorstep of the office, their hands were brushing together secretively anyway, their close proximity helped with Mark's anxiety.

    "Really?" Mark asked, not quite believing it and Yugyeom nodded before Bambam showed up from behind the younger's back, draping his arm over his shoulder.

    "Yeah, we missed our married couple! We had no one to talk about!" Bambam chuckled, Yugyeom mirroring the reaction, while Jinyoung rolled his eyes. Over a week ago Mark would drown in embarrassment hearing this kind of teasing from the younger, but now he wouldn't have to be embarrassed at all; Jinyoung was his boyfriend and even though it was still weird to him admitting that, it was the truth.

    "Why wouldn't you just get to work instead of gossiping, huh?" Jinyoung huffed a bit frustrated at the younger's joke, and when Mark noticed the faint blush on his cheeks, he couldn't help but smile along with them, even when after a second their teasing evolved into friend's bicker. 

    Mark shook his head with amusement and walked up to his cubicle, the place where he spend the entire three years in, he almost missed his messy desk and the plain wallpaper on his laptop's screen. There were a few minutes left before the daily meeting with the manager when Jinyoung, Bambam and Yugyeom were still talking with some coworkers at the other corner of the room. Mark noticed Youngjae walking towards his desk from the entrance, his steps quick and jittery. Jinyoung told Mark that Youngjae knew about everything from the beginning and he couldn't understand _why the younger didn't say anything the moment he witnessed everything?_ Judging from Youngjae's uneasy facial expression seemed to have a hard time approaching Mark.

    "Hyung, I'm sorry!" He said when he walked up to him instead of a greeting and lowered his head, being unable to look Mark in the eyes. _Honestly_ , he was glad Youngjae said everything what happened to Jinyoung and then to the manager anyway, clearing him of all accusations, but the mental pain he went through because of it made his stomach churn at the thought. 

    "I'm glad you decided to say it anyway," Mark said, he tried to not to be troubled by this matter anymore, the case was over anyway and he liked Youngjae, that's why he wished their relationship would be as good as it used to be. The younger shook his head, raising his head up, the guilt glowed in his eyes as they met with Mark's.

    "But, hyung… I felt so bad about it, I'm such an asshole for not saying it earlier, I shouldn't let the matter going for so long!" Youngjae exclaimed, his slumped shoulders made his posture look even smaller than Mark's. 

    "People make mistakes," Mark sighed, trying to assure the younger of the fact, that he's not angry at him, but the slight disappointed tone escaped his throat without his content. Youngjae shook his head again, this time in a more desperate manner.

    "But not you hyung!" His tone of voice was serious, along with his facial expression, and Mark would laugh at the younger's reaction, _because he makes mistakes too._ He was the one who almost made the worst mistake of his life, he tried to kill himself and even though the attempt wasn't successful, he took away his parents' joy in life. Also, he would've crossed out any chance to get to know Jinyoung and experience the love of my life if the attempt didn't fail. 

    "I make mistakes too, no one is perfect," He smiled, trying to not get swallowed by the dark thoughts starting to accumulate in his mind, when Jinyoung showed up between them just in time, offering the two of them a bright smile, suddenly dispelling the clouds in Mark's mind.

    "Guys, it's time, the boss is here." He said before he pivoted on his heel, after Mark nodded, his eyes lingered on his boyfriend's back for a few seconds, catching Jinyoung's eyes when he turned his head over his shoulder and winking at him. Mark snorted slightly at his behavior, but the blush covered his cheeks anyway, making Jinyoung even more amused as he laughed, covering his mouth before he joined the group consisting of Bambam, Yugyeom and other two coworkers.

    "I'm sorry, hyung..." Youngjae repeated again apologetically, Mark decided to give him a chance, _it's good that's he's regretting it, right? It's not even his fault, is it?_

    "Forget it, let's go," Mark smiled at him patting his shoulder and Youngjae nodded, mirroring the smile, before the two of them caught up with the rest of the coworkers and entered the conference room.

 

 

 

 

    "As you know, I made a wrong assumption last time and by my anger I threw it out at Mark-ssi, you all heard everything, but I want you to know that it was just a misunderstanding. And, again, if you know something, you should come to me and say it to avoid situations like this in the future, okay?" The manager said after he explained today's responsibilities to the employees. Mark noticed the guilty looks he was giving him when he looked his way from time to time as the meeting was passing, _actually all of the coworkers gathered in the room were stealing glances at him,_ but he tried to focus on the manager's words and Jinyoung's hand clutching his own, resting on his knee under the table. "Now, let's go to work, shall we?" The manager added at the end of the meeting and when the employees began to stand up from their seats soundly, Jinyoung brushed his thumb on Mark's palm one last time before their hold loosened and the warmth of his touch disappeared. 

    "Mark-ssi, come here for a moment, please." Jinyoung uncle's voice resounded suddenly, making Mark look up at the man immediately. He obeyed obediently, after receiving a reassured nod from Jinyoung, who stayed in his seat in the conference room, gathering his things lazily. "I'm really sorry about last time. I shouldn't just yell at you without hearing out what you had to say. I shouldn't make the anger speak my words, I'm really sorry."

    Mark nodded his head, lowering his gaze slightly avoiding the manager's eyes. He actually didn't know what to say, _should he admit to his face that he indeed was wrong?_ Saying _thank you_ was as ridiculous as saying _I'm sorry_ in this situation. A nod was always a good way out.

    "Jinyoung, come here," He called, before Jinyoung could exit the room, though he wasn't even standing in the doorway yet, Mark was thankful that he was taking so long to pick up his things and stay here with him. Jinyoung seemed surprised for a moment, his eyes darted from his uncle to Mark alternately, before he walked up to them, the manager's voice resounded again in the deserted room. "I've made my thinking and I should apologize to you too. I shouldn't throw out my frustrations on you… and I shouldn't invade your privacy like I did, if the two of you are going out or if it's just rumors, I don't care. You are a pair of really good employees and it's all what should matter the most."

    "Thank you, uncle. I, we really appreciate it." Jinyoung smiled brightly, while Mark stood frozen in place, stunned. D _id it really don't matter? Could they be themselves in the company?_

    "You two are going out, right? I'm asking as your uncle, as your family, not like your boss," Jinyoung's uncle asked, looking at the two of them waiting for a response, which seemed to not appear any time soon. The color drained out of Mark's face at the question, unable to say anything, as he met Jinyoung's soft gaze as if he was asking for a permission to tell the truth.

    "We are together, but I hope you won't say anything to my parents about it," Jinyoung said, his voice a bit quieter than a moment before and Mark's stomach tightened, _it couldn't be so easy, right? Something bad will happen, right?_ But Jinyoung's uncle didn't seem to be surprised at the revelation, despite Mark's predictions, when the man nodded and a realization dawned on his face.

    "No, I won't, of course. It's your personal matter and I won't interfere. Since we have a lot of work nowadays, I just wanted to ask you to focus on work and doing other stuff at home, okay?" Jinyoung's uncle remarked, when he was picking up the documents from the table, being unaware of Jinyoung and Mark's flushed faces.

    "Uncle! What's that supposed to mean-"

    "Okay, it's settled then, get back to work now, _kids._ " The manager smiled, as he gave them a dismissive wave of his hand, chasing them away out of the conference room. 

    Despite the great embarrassment and trembling hands, Mark felt relieved. His coworkers didn't seem to be too inconvenient, saving him questions and strange looks in his direction, Jinyoung's uncle didn't mind that they were together, if they only do their job properly and won't be showing their feelings to each other in working hours - _Mark couldn't ask for more_ , the warmth he felt in his chest seemed to spread to his stomach, making his mood brighten a few levels. He looked at Jinyoung, who was now fanning his face with his hands to extinguish the fire on his cheeks, before he stopped, noticing Mark's stare.

    "Stop it," Jinyoung whispered, making Mark tilt his head with confusion.

    "What?"

    "I'm going to kiss you if you won't stop staring at me like that," The younger added, as the blush on his cheeks eased. Mark shook his head, chuckling slightly and he would lie if he didn't want to actually make it happen, it's been almost two hours since he felt Jinyoung's lips on his own, and despite the butterflies in his stomach at the thought of it, he faked a nonchalant snort and left Jinyoung on the company's corridor, biting his lower lip.

 

 

 

  
    In the evening, after the crazy day at work filled with catching up a backlog and fresh tasks, Mark was standing in dimly lit living room with a cup of coffee in his hands, looking through the large window at a beautiful view, as the dusk fell over the city. He sipped on the coffee slowly, leaning his side on the glass, when he heard a quiet steps of Jinyoung, coming back from the kitchen. Without turning around, he noticed Jinyoung's closeness, just before he felt his hands wrapping around his waist from behind and placing his chin on Mark's shoulder comfortably with a quiet sigh. 

    "This is crazy," Mark whispered, realizing that he didn't feel so safe and happy in a long time; _if ever._ Feeling the warmth of Jinyoung's body against his back and the touch of his hands holding him close, securely, was making Mark's stomach tingle, a feeling that was so annoyingly pleasant, that he would spend his entire life like this not moving an inch, _unless to lock his lips with the younger's_.

    "What is?" Jinyoung asked quietly, his voice flow straight to Mark's ear, as his cheek was pressed against the side of his neck, tickling the sensitive area. 

    "Everything… I feel content, _strangely_ content. Should I start to worry that something will happen soon?" Mark confessed.

    "Hyung," Jinyoung pulled away from him just to turn Mark's slim frame around gently to look at him properly. "You can't live your life worrying that something bad will happen. Don't think of this, just enjoy it." 

    "I know, but.. I've never felt this way, I was never so happy with anyone..." Mark's whisper resounded in quiet apartment and Jinyoung smiled at him, as he took the cup of coffee from his hands and putting it down on the shelf beside them safely in case it'll spill over someone's clothes. Mark observed his actions in anticipation.

    "Then I'm glad you're happy because of me," His eyes bored into Mark's, the affection flickering in them, as his hands found its way to Mark's waist again, his thumbs caressing his sides. Mark felt his heartbeat quickening at the sensation of the touch and of the situation in general, he wanted to hug Jinyoung so badly, he wanted to do the things they did previously and _maybe more?_ The thought of being as close with Jinyoung as never before crossing his mind every night when he falls asleep in Jinyoung's embrace. _Would Jinyoung want it too?_ He couldn't believe how deep he managed to fall in love with Jinyoung.

    "Before I meet you everything was… so bland, you know? I lived my life just existing... then you suddenly showed up and forced me to talk, following me… I had no idea why were you like that? I didn't want to open myself to you that easily… but you made me feel so many things, feelings I forgot I have."  The words spilled out of Mark's mouth like water out of broken dam, he had never told him these things, now he has confessed them without any hesitation, full of trust to the younger and hope for the future with him. Jinyoung's seemed to be stunned, _frozen even_ , as his eyes traveled around Mark's face, the corners of his lips rising up slowly. Mark felt the blush creeping on his cheeks after his sudden embarrassing confession, especially when he noticed that the younger doesn't say anything, only staring at him. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" 

    "I could listen to your voice for hours. I love the sound of it." Jinyoung whispered, pulling Mark closer into his embrace, their noses touching in the process. Mark felt Jinyoung's warm breath on his cheeks and lips, the proximity of their bodies made him gulp.

    "Very funny," He pouted.

    "This is the truth. I loved your croaky voice the moment I heard it… it's precious to me." Jinyoung said, catching Mark's wrists, stroking the scars on them with his fingers without increasing the distance between them. "And _those_ … I love them too. Even though you hate them with all your heart, I love them because that's who you are. That's your past, something what made you stronger, what made you a person I was able to meet and fall in love with." His eyes didn't leave Mark even for a second, when he leaned into his face, making their lips lock in a slow and tender kiss. Mark melted into the kiss, tilting his head and moving his mouth against Jinyoung's, as the younger pushed him forward, making his back touch the glass window, before he pulled away just an inch.

    "Saying _I love you_... It's not enough to show you how much you mean to me," He whispered against Mark's lips, whose hands wrapped around Jinyoung's waist deliberately, pulling him closer and before he could close the distance between their lips and drown in a sweet kiss again, the doorbell echoed in the apartment, waking them up abruptly from the haze. Mark nibbled on his bottom lip, after Jinyoung pulled away from him, running a hand through his hair and sighing with resignation at whoever is disturbing their intimate moment. Mark smiled at Jinyoung, despite the disappointment he felt; _he got a bit too excited about kissing Jinyoung and feeling his body close to him in this moment._ Before Jinyoung went up to see who is it, he send Mark an apologetic look, as his lips drew in a thin line.

    "Hi, Jinyoung." Mark heard, when Jinyoung opened the door and he couldn't help but to follow the source of the voice. 

    "What are you doing here?" Jinyoung's voice was cold and unamused and when Mark peeked at the guest from behind Jinyoung's shoulder, he saw a familiar figure - _one of Jinyoung's childhood friends, Minwoo_ ; a friend who insulted Jinyoung while they were visiting some time ago. Mark couldn't help but to glare at the guy, as the burning feeling of anger began to fill up his stomach.

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

  
    Jinyoung was furious. He had no idea what Minwoo was thinking showing up at his apartment like that; after all he said to him, the insults and disgusting looks he (along with Taehyun and Hyunseung) send him that day, making Jinyoung feel betrayed. _He wanted to know what his apologetic face expression was for_ , that's why he invited him inside without any words, only with a cold stare.

    "Jinyoung I know you're mad at me, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything I said at our last meeting… I shouldn't be so rude to you just because you have different tastes than me." Minwoo said, sitting in the kitchen with his shoulder tensed visibly, being under Jinyoung and Mark's judging glares.

    "Well, I guess it was for the better. It was something that made me realize how terrible friends you are." Jinyoung's voice was serious and even though his face didn't show any emotions, he was clutching Mark's hand under the table, earning worried glances from the elder at the strength of the grip.

    "I'm really sorry, Jinyoung-"

    "Did you come here all the way from Busan just to say this or-?" Jinyoung asked impatiently, breaking his sentence. Minwoo was always pretty nice and calm guy, so _Jinyoung was wondering what was the real reason for him coming here at this time of the day without coating it in unnecessary nice words._  

    "Yes… actually, no. I had a business meeting here in Seoul and I wanted to see you and apologize for my behavior..." Minwoo said and despite the guilt flashing in his eyes, he was maintaining eye-contact with Jinyoung stubbornly, "I would like to fix our friendship and maybe go back to Busan with you?"

    "What? Why would I go to Busan with you?" Jinyoung snorted, totally unprepared for such request from his friend.

    " _Song Publishing_ accepted you, didn't they?" 

    "How did you know?" Jinyoung brows furrowed, as his face contorted in confusion. _Why the hell Minwoo would know about such a personal matter?_ Jinyoung's mind was buzzing with questions, highly unaware of Mark's eyes piercing through him, perplexed.

    "It's... I always knew how much you wanted to work there, Jinyoung. It's your dream, you wanted to go there ever since coming into the university, right? My cousin who works there recently got promoted to a higher position and hired me… That's why… I felt bad and I asked him to hire you, too." Minwoo explained and it was clear to Jinyoung why the company accepted him just now, _after all those years_. Jinyoung was stunned at the revelation.

    "Your cousin's name is Jang Youngsik?" He asked, and seeing Minwoo's nod, he couldn't help but snort, defeated. _The mysterious Jang Youngsik_ , who supposedly recommended him, was related to his childhood friend, who felt bad and got him a job in a company in which he always wanted to work at, to silence the his conscience. _Minwoo wanted to do something for Jinyoung which he would be grateful to him forever and make him forget the hurtful words he said to him, right?_  

    "Jinyoung?" Mark suddenly spoke, his gaze was narrowed slightly at Jinyoung, trying to comprehend the revelation he just heard. Honestly, Jinyoung didn't think it would be something Mark should know about, since he didn't plan to go to Busan and accept the offer of working there, but seeing Mark's crestfallen facial expression, made his stomach tight. _Maybe he should've told him about it anyway?_

    "Jinyoung, you're suppose to start tomorrow-"

    "If you thought I would forgive you for everything you said, for the humiliation I felt-"

    "No! It's not that. I just wanted to make the best out of my connections. I want you to be happy, to make your dreams come true, Jinyoung. I still treat you like a friend." Minwoo's voice got softer at the end of his sentence, but Jinyoung didn't want any of this bullshit.

    "That's great, but I don't care about this." He said categorically, turning his gaze at Mark, who was still looking at him with an unreadable expression, and when Jinyoung squeezed his hand, making an impact of his words, to show Mark that he shouldn't worry about anything, because he won't move to Busan, the elder wriggled out of his touch, lowering his head. 

    "Jinyoung, are you kidding me?" Minwoo gasped at the unexpected response of his friend, "This is the best publishing company in Korea! You will be assigned to be an editor of one of the best authors! You still love literature, right? The job is such a great opportunity for you, you always wanted a job like this!"

    "That's in the past now." Jinyoung replied and even though he felt the annoying warmth in his chest, hearing all those things from his friend, _that after all those years he still remembers a small detail of Jinyoung's hobbies and interest_ , he still didn't want to leave Seoul. "I'm not going to Busan. I don't want to get a job there only because you felt bad. I don't want anything from you and from anyone. Besides, I'm happy here, in Seoul." His eyes left Minwoo's to meet with Mark's, but to no avail, the elder just sat on a chair beside him avoiding his gaze, as he was fidgeting with his fingers on his laps. Jinyoung couldn't help but felt his heart sink at the sight, _is Mark angry at him for not telling about it? Or is he just overwhelmed with the presence of his friend?_

    "Jinyoung, I'm really sorry! But I couldn't think about anyone else when I found out that my cousin has the power to hire me, _you_! I thought I should do at least this for you. Besides the fact that it's your dream, the payment is great! Leave this crappy company you're working at now, Jinyoung!" Minwoo raised his eyebrows, leaning forward on the table slightly, not breaking their steady eye contact, as he tried to convince Jinyoung to change his mind. But Jinyoung was stubborn, as soon as he read the e-mail that day he instantly forget about the matter, it really didn't matter to him anymore. It could be his dreams come true, maybe a few months ago, but now, he doesn't care. _He truly doesn't care_. Before he could say anything, he heard a sound of the chair moving beside him, as Mark stood up and left the kitchen without saying anything.

    "You're not going to accept that?" Minwoo spoke again seeing Jinyoung's defeated face expression. "You won't forgive me?" he added, making Jinyoung look at him instantly. He sighed.

    "I'm too bitter about this all. You have no idea how I felt knowing my friends doesn't accept me for who I am. You have no idea how it feels." Jinyoung murmured, his voice got suddenly softer. Maybe he would like to be on good terms with Minwoo anyway, but _not now._ He needs time to get his priorities straight, he shouldn't be so naive as he always used to be.

    "I'm sorry... I really am. I'm not close with Taehyun and Hyunseung. We've met a few days a month, but honestly, they changed. We've grown apart from each other, but we still pretend we're friends. It happened with you too, kind of, but you were always a friend which I could trust. I really regret what I said back then, I needed time to let the information sink in to think about it seriously. I hope I could fix our friendship somehow anyway." Minwoo said, standing up from his chair and Jinyoung followed the suit. He may be still naive and stupid, but he always cherished his friendships, that's why hearing Minwoo's honest apologies made his chest fill with warmth, despite of his still twisted stomach thinking about Mark and his sudden leave out the kitchen.

    "I want to be friends with you, but forgiving you now is a bit..." Jinyoung trailed off hesitantly, what made Minwoo wave his hands in the air dismissively.

    "Okay, I get it. I hope our relationship will get better over the time. I just want you to know that that's okay whoever you're in love with. But... I'm disappointed that you want to abandon your dreams like that." 

    "I'm not abandoning them, I just found something better. I live my dream now." Jinyoung said softly, as the thoughts of Mark crossed his mind again. He was in love with him and he didn't plan to leave his side. _What's the point of moving to Busan to his supposed dream job, when he wouldn't be able to be with the love of his life?_ Minwoo grabbed the doorknob and smiled slightly, before he left the apartment with a promise of visiting him again soon.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

    Mark was disheartened. The visit of Jinyoung's childhood friend opened his eyes at how selfish he was, always caring about his own feelings and insecurities. He realized that _he knew nothing about Jinyoung's dreams_ , he didn't know anything about him wanting to work in the best publishing company in Korea as an editor. He actually didn't really talk about it with him before, _it was always about him_ , Jinyoung was always so caring towards him that he probably forgot about his own dreams, having such a problematic boyfriend Mark was, made him forget about his own dreams which he chased since the beginning of his university. Mark's stomach twisted unpleasantly at the fact that he found out about all this only from Minwoo. 

    After he left the kitchen and went to his room, he tried to suppress the disappointment he felt deep inside him. Jinyoung didn't mention to him anything about him being accepted in a company in Busan and even though he didn't have to, Mark would want to know about his plans for the future. Mark knew he has to accept the offer, _he has to follow his dreams._

    When he was sitting on his bed, his heart racing and hands slightly trembling, the sound of closing the doors resounded and Jinyoung showed in his room suddenly, emerging from the corridor. Mark stood up suddenly, as Jinyoung took a hesitant step toward him.

    "When did you want to tell me about it?" Mark asked, crossing his hands on his chest, as Jinyoung stopped in his tracks, tilting his head in confusion.

    "About what?"

    "About you moving out to Busan." Mark responded, as his fake confidence seemed not to intimidate Jinyoung at all, when he raised his hand and reached to touch Mark's shoulder gently, before he spoke in soft but serious tone.

    "I'm not moving out, I won't work there, hyung." 

    "Why? Isn't it your dream?" Mark couldn't help but to feel the irritation at Jinyoung's reply. _What is more important to live your life as you want? To make your dreams come true?_

    "It was, but I don't care about it anymore." Jinyoung answered honestly, without coating his words with unnecessary cheesiness, making Mark sigh anyway. Mark didn't have any big dreams like this, he just wanted to live his life without getting hurt, but knowing that Jinyoung's dream is at his fingertips, yet he refuses to accept it, made Mark's stomach churn with unexpected anger. _Was it because he didn't want to leave Mark alone? Wasn't it because he thinks Mark wouldn't be able to cope without him?_

    "I don't want you to limit yourself because of me. You have to accept that offer and go there, because you will regret that forever, Jinyoung." Mark said, as he went poker-faced, hiding his true emotions deep inside him. Jinyoung inched towards him, before he reached his hands up to hold him by his shoulders, his eyes boring into Mark's.

    "Don't say that! I don't want this anymore, my dream changed! I don't want this job, I want to be here, in Seoul, with you!"

    "What if your current dream change again in a few months? _Weeks?_ Will you refuse it like you do now? Will you refuse to stay here then? Be honest with yourself, Jinyoung. I want you to be happy." Mark's features softened slightly, he tried to not be angry at Jinyoung, _he shouldn't be angry_. It wasn't the younger's fault that he got used to Mark on a high emotional level to neglect his long time dream now.

    "I'm happy with you. I don't need anything and I won't change my mind about you. Before I met you I was searching for money, for success, power… now it doesn't matter to me anymore. I just want you. I love you and I don't want to leave your side." Jinyoung said, as he loosened his grip on Mark's shoulders, causing his hands to slip down along them, stopping on his hands, entwining their fingers together. Mark's breath got heavier as he closed his eyes for a second, trying to carry on with his indifferent facade.

    "Don't lower your ambitions because of your feelings. Jinyoung, I'm toxic to you, can't you see that? You lost your friends because of me and now you neglecting your long time dream of being an editor of some famous writer,  publishing books, reading manuscripts... Jinyoung it's not like we'll be together forever." The last sentence was a whisper, he didn't think he would say this out loud, he was worrying about this since he got together with Jinyoung and as much as Mark hated to admit that, it was the reality. _Nothing  lasts forever._

    "What are you saying!?" Jinyoung gasped, pulling away from Mark a few steps, releasing his hands from his grip in the process. Mark gulped at the sight of Jinyoung's reaction as a mix of bewilderment and sadness overtook his face.  

    "I'm not breaking up with you, I just want you to think about your future." Mark's eyes fell on the floor for a second, as Jinyoung raked his fingers through his hair frustratingly, a sight leaving his lips.

    "Do you even listening to me, hyung? People change, I don't care about it anymore-"

    "That's right, people change! You'll regret turning this offer down when you won't want to be with me! People change and you'll change, too!"

    "Hyung, do you think so low of me?" Jinyoung asked, narrowing his eyes at Mark, the disappointment showing on his features, as he was waiting for an answer.

    "That's the truth, Jinyoung, life's not a fairy tale." Mark said, but his eyes were still fixed on the wooden floor of his room.

    "Do you think I don't know that? Do you think it's only you who suffered in his life?! I'm a human, too, hyung!" Jinyoung exploded, making Mark raise his slightly widened eyes at him, "Why are you like that?! Do you even love me? Or is it just a habit for you to be with me?" The questions threw Mark off guard, as he felt a pang in his heart. He was the one who confessed to Jinyoung first, _how can he doubt it? How could he think Mark just is with him because he got used to his presence?_ Before Mark could say anything, Jinyoung asked another question, his face expression softened slightly, as his shimmering eyes met with Mark's. "Do you really want me to go?"

    "Yes." Mark answered without hesitation, what made Jinyoung's eyes widen for a moment, as he gritted his teeth and his lower lip trembled. Mark thought i _t wouldn't be a big deal to let him go_ , he thought it wouldn't be as hard as it is to hide his true feelings, he had to turn his glistened gaze to the side, as he bit his lip, trying to suppress the urge to cry, but his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths giving his overtaking emotions away nonetheless. 

    "Okay, then."

    After he said that, Jinyoung left Mark's room, slamming the doors behind him. Mark closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, _it's for his sake_ , he told himself, as he sat on his bed, feeling his legs going limp. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to suppress the uncomfortable feeling of guts twisting in his stomach, as the pressure in his chest tightened, trying to squeeze the tears out of his burning eyes, which started to gather behind his closed eyelids. _It will be better, Jinyoung won't regret it._ _This is his dream, which was only overshadowed by Mark's problems, nothing more._ As soon as Jinyoung will start to work in the company in Busan, he will remember how important it always was for him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter!  
> Thank you for reading and commenting! You're awesome! ♥
> 
>  
> 
> btw I'm still recovering from got7's trailer and infinite's new mv... I need a fresh air, lmao ;;


	21. Twenty-one

 

 

  
    Jinyoung had a really hard time trying to sleep for the entire night. After he argued with Mark, the two of them split up to their own respectable bedrooms avoiding each other for the rest of the evening. _Jinyoung didn't want to end the day like this_ ; everything between Mark and Jinyoung was going so well until Minwoo visited them and began the subject about Busan and the Song Publishing. Even though Jinyoung didn't hesitate to reject the offer of the job in Busan, he felt irritated at the fact that Mark seemed not to accept his decision. The elder wanted him to follow his supposed dreams, which they stopped being dreams the moment Jinyoung fell in love with him. Jinyoung wanted to make him understand that it's nothing than a foggy memory of a dream he had in the past, but Mark was stubborn and didn't listen to him at all. Jinyoung's stomach churned with disappointment realizing that the elder's condition, _his constant insecurity in Jinyoung's feelings_ , was still leading him through situations like these.

    At some point, lying in the dead silence of his cold room, missing the warmth of Mark's body entangled with his, he started to wonder _if the elder even loves him?_ _Would someone be able to just let go of the person who is supposedly in love with?_ Mark doesn't let him go, because Jinyoung doesn't want to leave in any means, but Mark just basically _throws him out_ of their own little world, claiming that they won't be together forever anyway. _What a relationship is that?_ Jinyoung knew he's his first real boyfriend, the first person whom he opened to and confessed to, despite the trauma from the past, despite the almost nonexistent trust he has in people, _Jinyoung started to wonder whatever the elder feels for him was love or simply a convenient attachment?_ Although he knew Mark's personality, he knew he wasn't a person who shows off his feelings to others, Jinyoung felt a strange burst of anxiety in his stomach at the realization that he was the only one who initiated any actions between them, displaying his own feelings to the elder.

    The leavings of anger after their argument seemed to evaporate out of Jinyoung's system, but was quickly replaced by the bitter feeling of insecurity. _What if Mark really wants him to go? What if their relationship will break because of the distance between them?_

 

 

    Jinyoung decided to wake up a bit earlier in the morning in hopes to catch Mark before leaving to work, to fix the situation between them, even though he informed his uncle that he wants a few days off, sending him a message last evening. Jinyoung wanted to see Mark, he wanted to talk with him casually about the matter, he wanted him to understand that he cares about him more than about some fancy job in Busan. _Maybe Mark would reconsider Jinyoung's choices and realize that he doesn't want him to go or something?_ It was pretty selfish of Jinyoung, to crave for some confirmation of Mark's feelings, but he was a human too, anyway. The hesitation in Mark's face when he asked if he loves him last evening made Jinyoung stunned, as his stomach fell, but he couldn't wait for the elders answer and followed the sentence with another question. Jinyoung was scared of Mark's answer; hearing a negative one would break his heart.

    But his heart nearly broke in the morning, seeing the empty apartment when he entered the kitchen; Mark's shoes were gone and the only sign he left after himself was an empty coffee cup in the sink. Jinyoung sighed, as he combed his hair with his fingers with disappointment, realizing that Mark didn't change his mind, now _he even avoids him._

    Although Jinyoung was still hesitating as to if he should go to Busan or not, he bought the train ticket online, booking it on 5 pm. He's supposed to show up at the Song Publishing company tomorrow at 7 am, so he has to leave today. Before he went to his room to start packing, he went to Mark's room, the distinctive scent of the elder's room made Jinyoung's heart clench; he will miss him so much if he'll leave this place. _Should he really leave? Would that make Mark happy and content that Jinyoung cares about his "dream" and about his future?_

    After Jinyoung packed some stuff in his travel case; a few sets of clothes and some books for the 4-hour ride, he planned to call his parents, announcing _that their loving son is going to visit them and spend a few nights at their place,_ but instead - he called Jaebum to make sure Mark will be left in good hands after he leaves.

 

 

  
* * *

 

 

 

    "Where's Jinyoung-hyung? Is he sick or something?" Mark heard Youngjae's voice the moment he stepped inside the office of the advertisement department. He arrived a lot earlier than usually, and seeing Youngjae in the place already made him a bit uneasy, _he didn't have time to think of the answer of the questions like these_ , which he will probably have to answer a few times today. He only nodded at the question, flashing the younger a tight-lipped smile, to which Youngjae's eyes narrowed suspiciously. It was rather strange that Mark didn't arrive with Jinyoung, everyone knew they live with each other and that they riding a car together every day, but he didn't want to say anything for now. He was anxious enough to talk about Jinyoung's departure. They were still together, _no one break up with anyone_ , but Mark couldn't help but to avoid Jinyoung. He woke up a lot earlier today and rushed out of the apartment before Jinyoung could wake up. He knew  the sight of the younger could make him change his mind and beg him to stay, but he also wanted his happiness. He couldn't be so selfish, Jinyoung has dreams he has to follow after. Jinyoung gave him enough already, he couldn't ask him to abandon his dreams and stay with him. He was selfish for his entire life, making his loved ones dropping their happiness in life in his favor, to make them leave everything and care about the depressed and problematic person he was.

  
    Mark was staring at the screen of his laptop absent-mindedly, reading the same document for the past twenty minutes, as his fingers hovered above the keyboard, unable to focus on work. His mind was occupied with Jinyoung, wondering _what is he doing now? Does he pack, or is he waiting for his train already?_ Mark's stomach tightened with regret at the fact that he didn't even know when his train is leaving. _What if he won't have a chance to say goodbye to him?_ Mark didn't intend to split up like this with the love of his life, but he knew he shouldn't stop Jinyoung from fulfilling his dreams; Mark's feelings were nothing compared to them. People are individuals, which should think about themselves; their own life and dreams.

    Being lost in his thoughts again, he looked to the side; the empty chair by Jinyoung's desk beside him. He misses Jinyoung's presence beside him, his affectionate gazes in his direction while working, the _not-so-accidental_ brushes of his palm when no one was looking; Mark knew it would be hard living without it. The fact that after Jinyoung will depart from the company for good, a new employee will be hired and take his place, made Mark sigh, defeated. _He doesn't want anyone else beside him than Jinyoung._

 

 

    After work, Mark left the office, ignoring his coworkers farewells, as he went home almost running; he hoped he would catch a glimpse of Jinyoung before his leave to Busan. He was torn apart about the matter, he hoped he could say goodbye to him, or even hug him, _anything_ , but on the other hand he prefers not to see him, to prevent himself from breaking out into tears in front of him, begging him to stay.

    When he entered the apartment, the seriousness of the situation hit him. The quietness of the place was  screaming at Mark _how stupid he was to let Jinyoung go_. He thought it wasn't a big deal to him, he thought he would be okay without Jinyoung, because he was _kind of_ okay without him all of his life, so he could endure it, but he was wrong. Now, when he got used to the warmth of the younger's body, the care  and the love he was showering him with, made his chest squeeze anxiously, shallowing his breath uncomfortably. 

    He sat on the chair in the kitchen, his shoulders slumped, as his mind clouded with unpleasant thoughts. Even though he was sure now that he won't be okay without Jinyoung by his side, he tried to convince himself that he did a right thing; the feeling of satisfaction of the fulfilled dream must be something amazing, Jinyoung will be finally content about his future. Mark would be happy too, but his eyes welled up nevertheless, at the realization, he might never see him again.

    He leaned out his arms on the table, pulling the sleeves of his white shirt, revealing his scars. He drew in a long breath, exhaling it after a second, trying to calm his beating heart. Seeing the pink lines on his forearms, he realized that he's left alone with them again. Jinyoung won't kiss them anymore, he won't assure him that he's a normal human being with them and that he loves him, despite the disgust Mark felt towards them, _the marks of his past_. He swallowed the lump in his throat and before he could drown in the misery of his disappointment and self- hatred, Jaebum visited him, flashing him a bright smile right at the entrance.

    "Hi, hyung!" He greeted, passing through Mark to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water. 

    "Hi, why are you here at this time?" Mark asked, visibly surprised, his tone of voice came out colder than intended. 

    "What? I can't even visit my best friend?" Jaebum looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Where's Jinyoung?" He asked, taking a seat in front of Mark, who sighed at the question.

    "He left."

    "Where to?"

    "Busan, he got accepted to a big company and... He went there," Mark answered and before he lowered his head, he noticed the hardened expression on Jaebum's face, following by a disbelieving gasp.

    "What? He just left you like that?" 

    "It's his dream, his friend was here yesterday and I learned that he always wanted to work there…" Mark trailed off, as the memory of yesterday's evening flashed in his mind.  

    "What an asshole! If I knew I wouldn't be so nice to him-"

    "No," Mark cut Jaebum's sentence, the younger's face flushed with anger, "He said he doesn't care about it, but, Jaebum, he had to go! I would hate the fact that he's neglecting his dreams for me, he went through a lot of shit being with me anyway..." Mark added, bitting his lip, trying to prevent himself from crying. He felt his chest tightening with uncomfortable pressure, _he should be okay without Jinyoung! He can't cry!_  

    "Wait, hyung." Jaebum said, tilting his head thoughtfully. "You just let him go, even though he didn't want to?" He asked, his eyes squinted at his best friend. Mark nodded hesitantly. The sentence sounded weird coming out of Jaebum's mouth, _it wasn't like he threw Jinyoung out, right? He was just doing what's right, isn't he?_

    "I couldn't ask him to stay even if I wanted to, I don't want him to regret it later."

    "Everything's clear now." Jaebum smirked, as recognition dawned on his face. He leaned a bit closer to Mark, as their eyes met, "Why are you so dramatic, hyung? Why are you making it all complicated? Don't you love him?" His friend's asked and Mark's heart clenched at that. _He loves him_ , that's why he does this. _What is more important of making someone you love happy? Does Jaebum even understands it?_

    "I do, I want him to be happy."

    "What if he's happy with you already? Didn't you think about that? What do you think he's feeling right now, knowing that even though you love him, you still let him go so easily?"

    "He doubts in my feelings already, anyway..." Mark mumbled under his breath, remembering the younger's question from yesterday, on which he hadn't chance to answer. His answer was clear to him, he would say that _yes, he loves him,_ it wasn't a secret!

    "No wonder! You just, basically, turned down his opinions and wants. When he said he doesn't want to go, you ignored it, so he can doubt, hyung. He could think you wanted to get rid of him or something."

    "But I was the one who confessed! I was the one who opened up to him-"

    "He's a human after all, even though it could seem like it sometimes, he can't read minds, hyung. The fact that you confessed first, doesn't mean it's over. If you won't show him your feelings on a daily basis, even a little thing, he can have some doubts, that's normal. Don't be passive, he knows that you love him, you're not opening in front of just any person, but you need to show him, too." Jaebum said, and Mark's mind cleared a bit, _he was right_. Mark wasn't a person who showers other with affection, even verbally, he didn't say it often he loves Jinyoung, while the younger did it all the time, feeding Mark with love, while Mark didn't give anything in return, he just was _there._ "Don't you want him to stay?"

    "I don't want him to go there... I want him to stay, but, _Jaebum_ , I can't be that selfish!"

    "You're selfish by throwing him out of your life, knowing he loves you, just to soothe your conscience, that you've done something right. Apparently, you've made it all worse, for you and for Jinyoung." 

    "Thank you for your honesty." Mark grunted, as he shoved his hair back away from his face. Jaebum reached his hand out to touch his shoulder, patting him slightly, trying to console him a bit.

    "Don't be scared to show your own feelings for him next time, hyung, just… relax and let it flow. Open yourself. Say what you really feel, without hiding anything. Trust him. He won't laugh at you, because he loves you, too, isn't he?"

    "He.." _He does, Jinyoung loves him_ and yet Mark threw him out like that. His breath hitched at the realization that he was blinded by his own perception of doing a good thing for Jinyoung, while he made it all worse. Jinyoung loves him, _right?_ Mark loves him too, _why did he send him off like that; without telling him everything how much he means to him, how he doesn't imagine life without him, how his smile manage to brighten up his day-_

    "Are you convinced now? Don't you want to clean up the mess you've done?" Jaebum asked, nudging his shoulder with his finger, waggling his eyebrows playfully. Mark would have smiled at his best friend's behavior, but he was too deep in his misery, realizing that the mess he made won't be fixed anytime soon, Jinyoung's probably on his way to Busan already and calling him now would be too awkward and hurtful.

    "It's too late, anyway…" 

    "No, it's not. There's still 30 minutes before the train departs. Want me to give you a ride to the station?" Jaebum said, a smug smile appearing on his face, as he tucked his chin slightly. Mark froze for a second before his heart started to beat quickly against his chest, after the information sank into his system. _Is there still a chance to meet Jinyoung and stop him from leaving?_

    " _What?_ How do you know?"

    "That dumbass called me today and asked me to take care of you, since he's leaving Seoul. He didn't want to tell me why, so I had to come to you to find out what's going on." Jaebum chuckled, seeing Mark's reaction, as he stood up from his chair, looking at Mark expectantly. 

    "He- He did?" Mark whispered, as his body was rooted to the chair, the shock overtake him, he tried to decide what he should do now.  

    "Yeah. He asked me not to say anything to you about his call, but did he really think I wouldn't tell my best friend about it? I had to. You two are too dumb for your own good, you should be grateful I'm your fairy godfather. So, are we going?" 

    "Jaebum…" Mark's voice was hesitant, but he felt the butterflies in his stomach at the possibility of meeting Jinyoung, nevertheless. "It's his dream... Do you think I can ask him to stay? Do you think it's okay?" He asked, as he started to fiddle with his fingers nervously. Jaebum sighed.

    "Hyung, you just have to consider his own decisions, too. If he says he doesn't care about this job, you have to respect that. If he says he's happy to the point of neglecting his dreams just to be with you, you have to believe him. People can love each other strongly like that, you know. Believe in yourself, too, hyung." Jaebum said, and Mark nodded, feeling the burning feeling of determination filling his stomach, as he stood up abruptly from the chair and rushed into the corridor, pulling his shoes on his feet without tying them. He should fix the relationship he had built with Jinyoung, _he should at least tell him honestly what he feels without hiding anything anymore._

    "Let's go, Jaebum," He ordered, dashing out of the apartment, hearing Jaebum's laugh behind him.

    "Sure!"

 

 

  
    The afternoon's rush hour traffic was terrible, Mark felt like they weren't moving at all. He heard Jaebum's frustrated sighs, hitting the steering wheel from time to time, cursing under his nose, as he beeped a car horn at the drivers in front of him. Mark wasn't the calmest himself, he felt his stomach churning with nerves, as his sweaty palms started to tremble, when he looked at the watch - _10 minutes left to Jinyoung's train departure_ and it was still some way to the station.

    "I'm sorry, hyung, but it doesn't seem like we'll move further anytime soon-"

    "I'll go there," Mark said, unbuckling his belt, as he reached his hand to open the car's doors. Jaebum looked at him with wide eyes, the bewilderment was heard even in his voice.

    "Hey, hyung! But there's still a long way!"

    "I can't wait anymore!" Mark exclaimed, when he was already outside the car, passing the cars standing still in a traffic jam, as he stepped on the sidewalk and run toward the train station without hesitation.

    "Hyung! You-" Jaebum screamed something, but Mark couldn't hear, he had no time to waste, he needed to stop Jinyoung from leaving. _He needed him, he loved him._

 

 

    Mark ran through the streets, trying so hard to dodge the passing people, but even if he tried he couldn't help but to bump into some of them accidentally. Mark couldn't believe in his actions right now, he was so desperate, _almost crazy_ to see Jinyoung again, maybe for the last time. He had no idea what he'll say when he sees Jinyoung, but all he wanted now was to see him, to hug him and kiss him and even if the younger would want to go to Busan anyway, Mark wants to assure him that the doubts of his love to him were baseless. He wants him to know that the answer to Jinyoung's question is and will always be a _yes_. 

    Mark spared a glance at his watch, seeing it was 2 minutes left to the departure of Jinyoung's train to Busan, when he ran into the large building of the train station. He was breathing hard from all the running he'd done in such a short amount of time, which was surprising, because Mark was never good at running with his sluggish movements. His legs started to give up, as he was on the 5th platform, but he couldn't stop now. He had to reach the 7th platform, which was visible from the place he was now. The adrenaline seemed to help him accelerating the speed, when he noticed that the crowd started to gather on the platform, realizing that the train to Busan probably arrived already. Mark swallowed, as he searched his jeans pockets for his phone, intending to call Jinyoung, _to do something to make him stay_ , but he realized that he didn't have it with him. He cursed at his clumsiness, _he had to left his phone in Jaebum's car!_ He ran, without looking at his feet, ignoring the narrowed stares of people at which he bumped into, as he prayed to God to make the train stay at the station for a minute longer...

    When he approached the 7th platform with the remnants of the strength in his legs, the voice resounded, announcing the departure of the train. Mark's heart stopped at the sight of train leaving the station, as his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. He stood rooted in place, the people passed by him hurriedly; Mark closed his eyes and bit the insides of his cheek, trying to stop the tears which were gathering behind his eyelids. He wanted to scream at his behavior, h _e shouldn't be angry at Jinyoung yesterday, he shouldn't treat him the way he did..._ He didn't know what he should do now, he felt drained, as if a piece of him, _his heart_ , left his body along with the leaving train. When he looked at the empty track one last time, his ears perked up, when he heard a familiar voice calling him, snatching him out of his thoughts abruptly.

    "Mark-hyung?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the weekly update is here! I hope you like it!
> 
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos!
> 
> Also, there's one thing left... the story is coming to an end soon! :)


	22. Twenty-two

 

 

  
    "Mark-hyung?" 

    Mark heard a familiar voice calling his name, as he stood rooted in place with his slumped shoulders, as the disappointment made his stomach sink, _because it wasn't a voice he craved so much to hear right now_. He turned around reluctantly, seeing the person who tried to turn his life upside down just a several days ago, throwing him into a swamp of remembering his past without any care in the world. Jackson approached him and even though his smile wasn't as bright and goofy as it used to be, his face lit up slightly, a mix of uneasiness and guilt beamed out of it, making Mark sigh with defeat. He couldn't help but grimace, he definitely wasn't in the mood to talking with Jackson, especially now when the love of his life just left without even saying goodbye; _all because of Mark and his faultily-working mind_.

    "It's been a while." Jackson said and Mark rolled his eyes at his calm and friendly tone. 

    "What are you doing here?" Mark asked, his voice cold and sharp, still trying to calm his breathing from running all the way to the station, as people were passing by them hurriedly. 

    "I was sending my friends off to Busan..." Mark's ears perked unknowingly at the mention of a familiar name of a place; the curiosity kicked in and before he could restrain himself, the question slipped out of his tongue. 

    "Did- did you see Jinyoung by any chance?" Mark asked, trying to be casual about the matter, as he shoved his hands in his pockets nonchalantly, but his eyes darted at Jackson anxiously, whose head tilted in confusion.

    "Jinyoung? Yes, I saw him," Jackson answered, nodding his head. Mark felt his heart sink at the revelation, as he swallowed nervously, beating himself up in his mind, _if he would be faster and came here just a minute earlier, he would see him too, he would apologize to him and say everything he wanted to._ "Why? Did something happen?"

    "Not anything what would concern you." Mark hissed and turned around on his heel, trying to walk away, just to be stopped half-way by a hand gripping his shoulder.

    "Wait, hyung," Jackson interrupted, as his hand immediately left Mark's shoulder when the elder's head turned in his direction, glaring at him, "You know, I wanted to visit you and apologize for the mess I've made, but I'm a coward..."

    "Apologize? Why?" Mark asked, a disbelieving snort leaving his nose, the weird confidence he felt now was something new to him, as the adrenaline was still flowing in his veins. After everything what happened, Mark tried not to think about the situation which occurred, he thought he wouldn't have to meet Jackson anymore and won't have to remember the humiliation he felt that day when everyone in the office were against him, accusing him of the department's failure in getting a commission from an important client. _Everyone besides Jinyoung._  

    "I felt like shit after removing those documents. I didn't know it was so important- I didn't know you will have so many troubles with it-"

    "Why did you do it, anyway? Did I do something to you?" Mark interjected, as the voice announcing another departure of a train muffled his voice slightly. Jackson's eyes widened slightly at the elders sudden questions, before he fixed them on the floor, as the embarrassment didn't allow him to look Mark in the eye. 

    "No, it's… I was just jealous of Jinyoung. He was looking at you like you were the world to him, when you weren't around, he would always talk about you… it gave me a headache and I couldn't help, but to dislike you without even having a chance to get to know you first…" Jackson confessed, as he rubbed his arm in self-comfort, raising his eyes on Mark's face, "I'm really sorry I acted so childish. Now, after all what happened, it made me realize that it was the worst thing I could do… When he found out I did this, when he approached me that day… he was furious. He almost dislocated my jaw, it hurt like a bitch." He said, touching his jaw absent-mindedly.

    "What? " Mark looked at him, his brows snapped together, as a familiar tingling feeling pooled in his stomach. _Jinyoung did what?_

    "I've never seen him being so angry. The punch in the face sobered me up instantly and got me thinking _what the fuck did I do?_ I want him to be happy, you know? And he wouldn't be happy with me as much as he would be with you. Though, I'm guessing you two argued, am I right?"

    "It's none of your business." Mark tried to keep up with his cold facade, but his tone was a lot softer this time, the annoying warmth spread in his chest, realizing that Jinyoung fought with Jackson because of him, because he was angry that Mark was in some kind of danger because of Jackson, made him even more disheartened at the current situation. Jinyoung left to Busan already, just when he learned another thing for which he shouldn't ever let him go.  

    "I know, sorry... But still, I don't know if it's important, but he was troubled, he was looking around the  whole time while I was talking to him. You know, he might be waiting for someone."

    "You talked with him?" Mark asked, his hands tightened into fists at his sides and a muscle in his jaw twitched, as a weird pang of jealousy shoot through his heart. _Why was it Jackson, of all people, who get to see and say goodbye to Jinyoung just before his departure?_

    "Yeah, he told me he's leaving to Busan for work, he didn't look like he was happy about it, though. Are you going to see him?" Jackson asked, making Mark even more anxious than he already was. _If Jackson was sending his friends off to Busan, he would know that the train left along with them and Jinyoung, right?_  

    "I won't see him. His train has left already." Mark retorted, before huffing a tired sigh, as he raked his fingers through his hair, defeated. _Was Jackson teasing him about a whole situation?_ But Jackson only tilted his head to the side, the confusion showed on his face, as his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed at the elder, just like he couldn't understand a thing what he just said. _Maybe Mark's sentence drowned in the hubbub of people's conversations and laughter on the train station, making it incomprehensible to him?_

    "Well, yeah, the train left, but he didn't. Jinyoung didn't get into the train." Jackson said straightforwardly, once again making Mark speechless.

    " _What?_ " He whispered, not realizing he was holding his breath. Jackson's mouth curved into a smile seeing the elder's reaction.

    "He told me he'll go the next one later, he's probably still sitting in the waiting room beside the cafe." 

    "He- _He is_?" Mark stammered, as his heart quickened up its pace and his hands started to sweat mercilessly. Jackson nodded and before he could say anything, Mark's legs moved on their own in the direction of the place where Jinyoung probably was hastily, powered by his beating heart and another dose of adrenaline in his veins.

    "I'm sorry again, hyung! Good luck!" Mark heard Jackson's voice shouting after him, and the hope that filled his heart at the moment made him realize that it wasn't that bad for meeting Jackson today anyway. Mark's steps were fast and jittery, but he still turned around to wave his hand swiftly to Jackson from a distance, some sort of thanks. 

 

 

  
    Mark rushed through the crowd, his senses more sharpened than usually, his piercing gaze traveled around the place in search of Jinyoung's slim figure, the mop of his black hair, his familiar clothes, _anything what could resemble him_. Mark had no time for doubting in Jackson's words, his mind had been already hazy with longing for Jinyoung and hope that he still had a chance to stop him before he can leave to Busan with the next train.

    When people split up and the place became less crowded, Mark was breathing hard - apparently the cafe wasn't that close to 7th platform and the worst thing was _there were no sign of Jinyoung._

    "You're here…" Mark jerked his head in the direction of the mellow voice he missed so much for the past hours just when he wanted to back off. Jinyoung came up to him quickly, dragging his suitcase on wheels along with him and wrapped his hands around Mark's neck without hesitation, nuzzling his nose in the crook of it, while Mark stood frozen, overwhelmed with emotions. "I was scared you won't come…" Jinyoung whispered against his skin and even though Mark had so much to say to him, now his mind went blank, the pressure in his chest and Jinyoung's warmth against him made him speechless, as he was fighting back tears. _He was half alive for a whole day, afraid that he won't be able to see him again, that he won't feel his scent again, he won't hear his voice..._ Mark raised his hands to Jinyoung's waist and pulled him into his embrace even closer, tighter, when Jinyoung added, "I was scared I won't see you, hyung..."

    "Did- did you wait for me?" Mark asked, raising his head slightly to look him in the eyes, pressing their foreheads together in the process.

    "I hoped you'll come to say goodbye, but when my train left I was scared, I... really, I don't know-"

    "I'm- I'm sorry I don't show you what I feel as much… but I really love you, I don't want you to go, so please… _please_ , _stay_..." Mark pleaded, the words came out easily out of his mouth, truthful and from the depths of his heart. Jinyoung's eyes sparkled, as if he loved nothing so much as he loved Mark. The elder's stomach filled with butterflies seeing his gaze, their noses were touching and Mark felt the strong urge to kiss him, he wanted to feel the sensation of the younger's lips against his again so badly, but he restrained himself the last second, suddenly fully aware of the people around them, probably judging them and their relationship. Jinyoung seemed to realize Mark's motives, his eyes were fixed on the younger's lips for a few seconds now, when Jinyoung pulled away from him slightly, as his stunned facial expression broke out into a smile, warm and affectionate. 

    "Let's go home."

    "Wait… s-so you're not leaving?" Mark asked quietly, a pink flush crept up his face, wondering i _f his words made Jinyoung change his decision of leaving? Did he want to leave for real, anyway?_

    "How can I leave when you love me?" Jinyoung chuckled, brushing his palm against Mark's secretly, "I'm so glad you came, I don't need a fancy job, I'm the happiest man alive with you already, hyung." He reassured him and without waiting for Mark's response, he grabbed his suitcase with one hand and Mark's wrist with the other, leading him out of the crowded train station.

 

 

  
    As soon as Jinyoung opened the door of their apartment, they finally kissed, the younger pushing Mark against a wall of their small corridor. The entire way to the apartment was filled with affectionate gazes and tender touches of their hands, as Jinyoung drove them home, that's why their longing spilled in the moment the doors of their apartment closed behind their backs. Mark, still being pinned to the wall by Jinyoung's body, wrapped his hands around his waist automatically, trying to feel the warmth he missed so much since yesterday's evening. Their tongues were swirling around each other impatiently, Mark felt like he hadn't kissed Jinyoung for _days, weeks, months_ , as he savored the younger's lips as if he would disappear at any moment. Jinyoung placed his hands on the back of Mark's head, burying his fingers in his hair, pulling his face closer, as they made their way to the elder's bedroom, without questioning anything; their knees brushing their lower parts clumsily, awakening their dormant desires in the process.

    Mark felt a rush of adrenaline flowing in his blood, when they entered the bedroom, their bodies entangled with each other securely, similarly to their lips, which hasn't pulled away from each other even for a second. Mark wanted to show Jinyoung what he really feels for him, as the unfamiliar sense of confidence filled his chest, making his heart beat frantically; h _e  wanted to show Jinyoung how much he means to him, how much he trusted him... that he was ready for another step in their relationship._ _Would it be a sufficient proof to show him that he's everything to him?_ Mark pulled away from Jinyoung for a second, breathing his hot air, his eyes boring into Jinyoung's, as his briefs getting tighter with each accidental press of Jinyoung's leg against his crotch. Mark wasn't sure what kind of situation it was, he wasn't the one to lead anything in their relationship, _he couldn't even make decisions in his daily life_ , but seeing Jinyoung kiss him so eagerly and lustfully, made his mind  more clear as to what he wanted now. With a slight push of his hand on Jinyoung's shoulder, the younger fell onto the bed, hitting his head on the wooden headrest of the bed, hissing in pain.

    "I'm sorry!" Mark gasped, as his face flushed immediately with embarrassment, making all of his confidence evaporate from his system. Jinyoung chuckled, as he massaged the back of his head, laughing between his quickened breaths.

    "It's nothing, don't worry," he said, smiling brightly, the whiskers around his eyes appeared and Mark caught himself staring at his boyfriend's face instead of kissing him again. Jinyoung's smile faltered slowly and his eyes fell on Mark's lips, as his hands rested on Mark's hips. "Kiss me," He asked softly and the elder didn't try to argue at all, as he leaned down to his lips, brushing them with his own gently this time, before Jinyoung rolled them over, that he was on top of Mark, hovering over his slim frame. His head lay on the fluffy pillow, as he raised his hands to touch the back of Jinyoung's head, the place where he hit himself.

    "Does it hurt?" His fingers buried in his hair, as they grazed delicately on his head, massaging the injured place. Jinyoung shook his head, a warm smile plastered on his face again.

    "I missed you" Jinyoung said suddenly, his eyes boring into Mark's.

    "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you yesterday... I hate that my insecurity has to mess up my mind every time..." Mark whispered, feeling like he has to say everything he wanted to, he felt like it was the best moment to do so, _to uncover his worries and hopes in front of Jinyoung,_ "I'm sorry… I thought you'll be happy, but I didn't want you to go..."

    "I was mad that you were so stubborn, but even though I was angry, I didn't want to leave you, I would never want to leave you," Jinyoung said, before he  leaned down and kissed Mark again, while Mark's hands were resting on the back of his neck. "I hope you would believe me when I say I'm happy with you and that I love you… please believe me when I say I don't need anything more than to be with you..." He whispered against Mark's lips after he pulled away just a bit. Mark felt his stomach tighten hearing Jinyoung's confessions, staring at him, as if he was hypnotized by the mellow tone of his voice.

    "I believe you, but sometimes, even when I do, it seems so unbelievable to me and I'm suspicious and… I hate it, I hate the way I am, I hate the way my mind works," Mark confided, as his hands slipped onto Jinyoung's cheeks, cupping them tenderly.

    "Don't hate yourself," The younger reached his hand to touch Mark's palm on his cheek, "I know my words doesn't change anything, I know it's not so easy, especially when I'm not in your position, but… I want you to work on this. We can go through it together. I'll support you and I want you to be here for me, too,"

    "I really love you and I'm sorry for everything I've done," Mark whispered, his heart clenched nervously, confessing his feelings again honestly, without hiding anything like he usually would. He tried to trust Jinyoung implicitly, without worrying about the future, _without worrying how would he live when Jinyoung will stop loving him and leave him one day._

    "You didn't do anything to be sorry for… but, please... you have to be honest with me, tell me  what you feel… _what you want._.." Jinyoung said between kisses he peppered Mark's face with without waiting for a response from him, but Mark held his face in place firmly after a moment, preventing him from any movement, making Jinyoung raise his brows at him slightly. Mark swallowed and his stomach started to tingle nervously at the sentence he was about to say.

    "I want you," Mark breathed out, when their eyes bored into each other's. Jinyoung froze, as his lips parted, stunned.

    "You…" 

    "I've thought about it and… I really want you." Mark confessed, as his face went crimson red, _it didn't sound that embarrassing in his mind when he was thinking about saying it for some time now_ , but  when the words left his lips, when he saw Jinyoung's awestruck expression, his heart stopped.

    "What- What do you mean by that..." Jinyoung leaned over him, completely bewildered, but a note of desire flashed in his eyes either way at the possibility of being so close together as never before. 

    "Everything, Jinyoungie..." Mark said, before he brought Jinyoung's head down again, kissing him slowly, as if he confirms his answer. Even though Jinyoung responded to the kiss right away, Mark was aware of his tensed muscles and hesitant touches and when they pulled away, he noticed the blush on the younger's face.

    Jinyoung swallowed, as he reached for the buttons on Mark's shirt and started to unbutton them one by one, his hands were trembling slightly; Mark watched his movements, as his heart was beating firmly against his chest, accelerating its speed with every passing second. The two of them were suddenly quiet, only their soft breaths and rustle of the clothes and bedsheets were heard. Mark's stomach tightened with anticipation and also  embarrassment, because they were going to do the things he hasn't done with anyone before, h _e will be as close to Jinyoung as he had never been,_ and even though the fear of what will happen almost paralyzed him, he was getting excited nevertheless.

    "Do you really want to…" Jinyoung trailed off, biting his lips, after he removed Mark's shirt, when his eyes traveling around Mark's face for a sign of confirmation. Mark lay on the bed, staring at the gorgeous man leaning above him; he had always thought that Jinyoung would be more confident to do things like that, knowing how eager he always was to kiss Mark and do the other intimate things, but Jinyoung seemed vulnerable and shy in front of him now, what made Mark more comfortable, because Mark wasn't the only one who was nervous, apparently.

    "I want it…" Mark finally answered, wincing a little at his words, which sounded kind of dirty even though he hadn't said anything wrong. "If you want… I mean, we don't have to-"

    "Hyung, of course I want to," Jinyoung smiled, breaking the serious and intimate atmosphere, "But… I don't want to hurt you... I don't know if I'll be able to control myself…" He whispered, gazing at Mark with a soft touch of lust in his eyes, as his chest moved at a quicker than normal pace. 

    "I trust you," Mark said, before he sighed with pleasure when Jinyoung leaned down, kissing Mark's lips hungrily; it appeared to be everything Jinyoung wanted to hear from him now - _the belief which was always really difficult for Mark to offer to other people, now was being offered to Jinyoung_. While Mark's hands were still grazing on Jinyoung's neck, Jinyoung's lips traveled lower to his jawline and his neck where he bit the sensitive skin gently, making the elder gasp in surprise. Mark slipped his hands under Jinyoung's t-shirt, his fingertips brushing the soft skin on his back, as the younger's lips were ghosting over Mark's neck. Mark felt the stimulation between his legs already, but the sensation of Jinyoung's tongue travelling even lower, tickling the sensitive skin on his torso was making it even harder to manage his arousal and before he could get used to the sensation and control his beating heart, he felt Jinyoung's wet tongue circling around his nipple, making his lower region react instantly, as the blood gathered there instantly, causing Mark's breath uneven, gasping under him. Jinyoung raised his eyes to look at Mark's face with astonishment, and before he could move his lips on the other nipple, the elder captured them hungrily, _feverishly_ , as he grasped the back of his neck and closed the distance between them, before his hand grabbed the hem of Jinyoung's shirt and took it off of his boyfriend's body a bit clumsily. 

    Without leaving Mark's lips, Jinyoung unzipped Mark's pants, causing him to inhale sharply into the kiss at the touch of his fingers brushing Mark's tent in his briefs, his face flushing in embarrassment at the sudden sound leaving his throat. He pulled away from Mark, taking off his own pants quickly, and before he could do anything, or go anywhere, Mark hooked his legs around Jinyoung's hips, bringing him closer. Jinyoung smiled unknowingly, it was rare when Mark acted like that, showing his needs, but when he did it was always making Jinyoung's mind crazy - just like right now, when Mark began to grind his hips against Jinyoung's shamelessly, as their arousal was stimulated by the friction of their groins, making their guts fill with a burning feeling of desire. 

    "Hyung… do you have… _the equipment_ here?" Jinyoung asked, as he leaned down, letting his breath tickle Mark's ear, making his skin prickle in goosebumps at the sensation. Mark shook his head shamefully, as the blush covered his face, _he was the one who suggested it, yet he wasn't really prepared for it to happen._ Jinyoung smiled, nodding his head. "O-ok, wait... Wait, okay?" He said, before he rushed out of Mark's room in only his boxers, leaving him alone in bed. 

    Mark was breathing hard already, even when nothing even happened yet, he noticed how cold and naked he felt without Jinyoung's body pressed against his. Mark bit his bottom lip, as his cheeks flushed when he looked down, realizing that he's already too far into it to back off, his guts twisted nervously at what will happen.

    Jinyoung came into the room with condoms and lube in his hands and Mark couldn't help but blush, as he averted his gaze from him. _It's really happening_ , he wasn't that confident anymore, and judging by Jinyoung's hesitant approach, he was nervous too. But their lower parts were a totally different story, the tents were pitched in their boxers, being ready for the next step without shame.

    "Hyung… do you want me to… lead?" Jinyoung asked quietly, before swallowing and placing himself between Mark's legs again.

    "Yes," Mark breathed out, looking at him from under his eyelashes, as his chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. Jinyoung grabbed Mark's hips gently and grind himself against his lower body, as he locked his lips with Mark's again, the elders embrace around his neck tightened, just as the embrace of his legs around Jinyoung. They were rutting their groins together desperately, while their warm tongues massaged against each other needily, the shaky moans and the wet sounds of their lips resounded in the quiet room.

    Jinyoung pulled away and slipped their boxers from their bodies, making them both completely naked, lying on the white sheets of Mark's bed. Blood was roaring in Mark's ears, when he reached his hand to grip Jinyoung's length, his fingers wrapped around it, when Jinyoung's took in a sharp breath.

    "Hyung-" His breath hitched again and his body shuddered slightly, when Mark's grip tightened and started to move his hand in a sliding movement, giving it a few strokes. Jinyoung hissed, shutting his eyes close for a moment, as his body leaned over the elder, before his fingers touched Mark's groin, attempting to wrap his hand around it, but he was stopped by Mark's wrist, before he could do the same.

    "No, Jinyoung, I'll... I'll come if you do this..." Mark mumbled, as the view of Jinyoung's body and his face expressions were making him already dangerously light-headed, _if Jinyoung touched him now, he wouldn't survive the teasing_. Jinyoung raised a brow, a bit astonished. 

    "R- really?"

    "Why are you surprised?" Mark averted his gaze away from Jinyoung's teasing gaze, as his flushed cheeks deepened its color and his mouth formed a pout. _It was so embarrassing!_

    "It's... Do you like it so much when I touch you like that?" Jinyoung asked, whispering, his lips brushing Mark's ears, when Mark nodded, his eyes still avoiding Jinyoung's. The younger chuckled nervously at Mark's behavior and moved his lips on his cheek, kissing it tenderly. "Then... We shouldn't wait any longer, right?"

    "Right..." Mark gulped, seeing Jinyoung coating his fingers with lube and started to prepare him after he inserted one of them in Mark, looking at him curiously, watching his reactions. The sensation was weird and very unfamiliar to him, and before he could wonder if Jinyoung watched some videos to know  how to do it properly, he flinched slightly, shutting his eyes instantly, feeling the sharp twinge of pain. Mark tried so hard to take it as calmly as he could, he tried not to yelp in pain when another finger went in, but he couldn't help it, as an unexpected hiss left his mouth without his consent. He knew that first times weren't pleasurable, but he had never thought that the pain was so intense, stinging and excruciating; even Jinyoung's gentle touch of his hand massaging his hip didn't help. Jinyoung looked at him with worried eyes, but Mark wasn't aware of it, as he covered his face with his forearms, biting his lip, trying to endure the pain.

    "Just a little more, hyung," Jinyoung reassured, and when he finally looked at him, Mark was surprised at the concentration on the younger's face. Mark's arousal hasn't died down by the pain and he was sure Jinyoung was ready to do this for some time now, that's why after a few moments of slow preparation, Mark decided _it's time_. He touched Jinyoung's cheek, drawing the younger's attention to him, breaking his concentration.

    "Jinyoungie, it's okay now," He murmured between his quickened breaths, when Jinyoung's hand rubbed the side of his waist.

    "Are you sure?"

    "Don't ask, just… _just_ …" Mark pleaded, placing his hands on either side of Jinyoung's shoulders, squeezing them slightly to spur his actions a little. Jinyoung nodded and positioned himself between Mark's legs more comfortably, lifting his hips a little bit to get a better angle, and then, after getting himself ready by putting on a condom and lubricate it with a reasonable amount of lube, he inserted himself into Mark, slowly and, unfortunately - _painfully_. Mark hadn't imagined such pain. _He should feel good, right?_ Just when he thought the worst has passed, he felt the pain again, making his breath quickened and the tears started to gather in the corners of his eyes, but when he looked at Jinyoung, when he noticed his pink parted lips breathing out a inaudible sigh of pleasure, his flushed cheeks, his half lidded eyes… _he knew he want to see more of it_ , _he wanted to hear more and feel the pleasure Jinyoung is feeling right now_. Seeing the younger's hesitant movements, he shoved his hips onto Jinyoung slightly,  yelping quietly when he felt the sharp pang of pain again, Jinyoung's hands were holding Mark's hips securely, as he leaned down to kiss Mark. Even though he wasn't feeling the pleasure he was expected, his stomach was burning with arousal anyway, making his length drip. Mark enjoyed watching Jinyoung above him, seeing his satisfied facial expressions, he was glad he can make Jinyoung feel good; after all he had done to him, he was glad Mark could give him something in return.

  "Jinyoungie... move, please- _ah!_ " He gasped, when the younger thrust into him a bit clumsily, as he leaned into Mark's neck, licking the soft skin, as Mark's hands wrapped around his torso, his nails digging slightly into Jinyoung's skin on his back, along with every next push.

    "I-I love you... H- hyung-" Jinyoung purred between his moans, when Mark captured his lips, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth, sucking on it, before Jinyoung pulled away. Mark was staring at Jinyoung's face as he tried to work out the pace of his thrusting, and even though the pain was intense, Mark found himself getting used to it slowly and when Jinyoung suddenly lifted Mark's hips a bit higher, changing the angle slightly, Mark shuddered and a low moan escaped through his lips at the unexpected jolt of pleasure piercing through him, tickling every nerve in his body. Jinyoung looked at him through his half-lidded eyes with surprise and even with a hint of relief on his face, when Mark arched his back shamelessly, trying to feel the sensation again and the younger didn't wait any second more, as he gladly gave it to him, striking in the same place without mistake, making Mark tremble at the abrupt explosion of pleasure in his lower region. Just when Mark tried to accept the fact that sex wasn't as pleasurable experience as everyone wanted him to believe, he realized he was wrong, because the feeling he felt right now was mind blowing; the burning pain he felt with every friction of their bodies dissolved into pleasure. 

    "Jinyoungie… it's- _Ah-_ " Mark couldn't finish his sentence as the pleasure filled his body again, making his mind dizzy, thinking only about Jinyoung. Mark nibbled on his lip, as his hands buried in Jinyoung's hair, brushing them with his fingers, tugging on a strands every time Jinyoung shoved  himself into him. He was stunned at Jinyoung's breathy moans above him and when their blazed gazes locked, Jinyoung's pace began to quicken.

    "H- hyung, I'm..." He trailed off, as he released a series of shaky breaths, shutting his eyes close, "H- hyung-" He attempted, but the relish, spreading in his body seemed to overtake him, as he couldn't finish his sentence once again. Mark felt his erection pulsing inside him, as the blood was rushing under his skin, gathering in between his legs;  Jinyoung's shameless moans and the burning sensation of his skin against his were taking him over the edge, the feeling of incoming bliss was dangerously close for him too and the urgency to experience it was unreal, he wanted to come as soon as possible. Mark pulled Jinyoung's head down, capturing his lips hungrily and the younger responded to it eagerly, but clumsily, as he couldn't concentrate on kissing while he was thrusting into him desperately, their teeth clicking in the process. 

    Their bodies were moist, the drops of sweat formed on their foreheads, dampening their hair, as the room suddenly became hot and foggy when Jinyoung's body shuddered sharply, the pleasure shattering in his stomach, as he came, letting out a harsh breath with the last few thrusts of his hips. Mark stared at him stunned an before he could think how beautiful and mesmerizing he looked the moment he reached his orgasm, Jinyoung grabbed Mark's length, attempting to stroke it a few times, but Mark was aroused to the point that a mere touch was enough to have him moan Jinyoung's name under him, his spine arched, as the shock waves spread in his whole body, making him tremble with ecstasy.

 

  
    After they cleaned themselves and managed to steady their breaths, they were pleasantly exhausted from their activities, as they lay on their sides in Mark's bed, facing each other and hiding their bodies under the covers, the comfortable silence hovered over them. Mark held Jinyoung's hands, fiddling with the younger's fingers, as his mind was surprisingly blank, free of unpleasant and dark thoughts. 

    "What are you thinking about?" Jinyoung whispered, as his eyes sparkled with affection, looking straight into Mark's, a tired smile plastering on his face. The corners of Mark's mouth turned up at the younger's question, thinking _if should he confess how he really feels, how his way of thinking changed since he met him?_ "Overthinking again, hyung?" He added, as he raised his free hand up to Mark's forehead, removing a strand of wet hair from his face.

    "No, I… I just can't believe I've been able to meet a person like you... You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me, Jinyoung." Mark confessed, still being under a spell of their adventure, as the sleepiness started to kick in and his senses were loose, making him careless with words he would always hide deep inside his heart. Jinyoung entangled his fingers with Mark's again, squeezing his hands fondly.

    "Hyung… you have no idea how happy it makes me hearing that," Jinyoung beamed, before his smile faltered slightly, "I'm happy you allowed me to get closer to you and let me be with you… and, even though you said yesterday that we won't be together forever, because life is not a fairy tale... I want to show you that you're wrong." Mark's heart skipped a beat at the mention of their yesterday's fight; sometimes Mark has no influence on what he's saying, in the heat of the moment he tends to say a lot of harsh words, beating himself up about it later, regretting everything. Even though he tries to work on this, preventing to hurt the loved ones from his depressed self, _there are times when it all outgrows him._

    "I'm sorry, I'm too pessimistic at times-"

    "No, just... let yourself be happy. Without any regrets, without overthinking anything, just… let it flow. You don't have to be scared, because I'll follow you everywhere, I'll take care of you." Jinyoung whispered, grazing his fingers on Mark's scars on his wrists, making Mark's skin prickle in goosebumps at the feather-like touch. Mark would like to be happy and live freely, without thinking too much about the simplest things, and e _ven though sometimes it seems possible, even though Mark was sure Jinyoung knows everything about it and he appreciates his attempts to help him_ \- it's still hard to silence the dark thoughts on the long run. Though he'll try to overcome them by holding onto Jinyoung's love and understanding.

    "I'm trying and… I'm thankful, you've done so much for me... I wish I could do at least half of it for you…"

    "You're doing enough to make me happy, even though you might not realize it. Even your smile makes my day better, hearing your voice… I would do everything for you."

    "Even beat people up?" Mark smiled, remembering the conversation with Jackson earlier that day. "I meet with Jackson today and he told me... "

    "Ah... I was so angry back then. Even now it makes my blood boil… he deserved it." Jinyoung said with the deadly serious tone of his voice, making Mark's stomach fill with butterflies, despite the fact that the situation with Jackson was awakening bad memories in his mind. 

    "Yeah, but, you can't be like that… though, it's nice knowing how protective you are of me." Mark whispered, as his face flushed again and his eyes were fixed on their entangled hands, avoiding Jinyoung's gaze.

    "Naturally, I won't let anyone hurt you, I'll protect you, because I love you."

    "Wow, that's-"

    "Sweet? Romantic?" Jinyoung teased, inching closer to his face, trying to peck on his lips, but Mark backed off a little, giggling.

    "I meant to say _cheesy,_ "

    "Not cheesy at all! It's just the truth, it's just my feelings, I can't control it." Jinyoung cupped Mark's cheeks, preventing him from backing off even more, as his teasing continued, "You like it, though, don't you?" 

    "Maybe a little," Mark chuckled and the blush deepened on his face, making Jinyoung stare at him, stunned, as he brought their faces together, their noses poking each other.  

    "I love the way you laugh, I'm happy to hear it more often…"

    "It's because of you." This time it was Jinyoung's turn to drown in embarrassment, as his cheeks flushed furiously, he didn't expect such a line from Mark. The elder was still chuckling, as he hid his uneasiness behind his laugh, feeling Jinyoung's hands wrapping around his neck, bringing him closer.

    "I love you so much, hyung," He mumbled against his cheek, his voice finding its way straight to Mark's ear.

    "I love you too." He answered, leaning into his embrace. 

 

 

  
    Mark used to live his life only _existing_ , spending his days at work or on the couch of Jaebum's apartment, watching some TV shows every evening. He was avoiding people at any cost, trying not to show his real emotions, in case his trust will be misused again. After all what happened to him a few years ago, the impact of his past was still heavy on his shoulders, while he was fighting with it by himself, hiding it from everyone besides his best friend, who was always ready to help him in bad times.

    When he met Jinyoung - _the day when everything changed_ ; his usual day at work, his behaviors, his heart - he felt nothing would be the same anymore. Even if, at first, it was a pure discomfort of having someone he didn't know beside him for days at work; having him talk to him, trying to get into his mind, destroying his usual daily schedule, even making him talk with his coworkers which he had never thought he would be talking with - Mark didn't regret meeting Jinyoung at all. Mark realized, that he needed a small push of someone genuinely curious about him to open himself and spill his true emotions out for the first time, making his distrust in people, _the trauma that plagued him_ , push to the back of his mind, seeing how diligently he was listening to his, _often hesitant_ , answers to asked questions. 

    Jinyoung came into his life like a warm breeze of new challenges for him.

    Mark was glad he met him; because of him Mark doesn't only exist, _he lives in a world, he lives through it, he experiences feelings he never had the chance before_. He started a new life - even though still full of worries about the future; even when the scares of his past were still there, mocking him - he decided to fight with the memories, exchanging them for a new ones, now with a person beside him who he fell in love with, a person who gave him more than just a hug or kiss - _a person who gave him hope for another day, making him realize that he needs to live, because he's important, needed and loved._

 

 

    " _Hyung?_ " Jinyoung asked, when the two of them were almost asleep, lying under the covers, Mark's back pressed to Jinyoung's chest.  

    "Hm?" Mark murmured, as he lay in Jinyoung's embrace with his eyes closed, not quite fully awake; on the border between dream and consciousness.

    "My parents want to meet you," Jinyoung stated calmly, making Mark turn around, immediately sobered up at hearing his sentence. Jinyoung chuckled, while Mark stared at him in disbelief, the dark room hindered the visibility of the younger's face. 

    "W- what?" He stammered while the weird excitement took over his body, the tingling in his stomach was making him nervous, as his hands started to sweat. _Does it mean they accepted Jinyoung? Deas that mean Jinyoung can live without any regrets being with a man, with Mark?_ The younger touched the side of Mark's neck, as his thumb stroked his jaw-line, before he spoke with a warm and quiet tone.

    "I called them today, I wanted to warn them that I'll visit them when I'll arrive in Busan, but instead I started to talk with them honestly, spilling everything what was bothering me... And, going with the flow, I told them about you." Jinyoung smiled, as his eyes twinkled, reflecting the moonlight coming through the window, making Mark's heart skipping a beat. "I had no idea their opinion would matter to me after all these years... But knowing that they accept me and love me for who I am gave me strength."

    "That's why you didn't leave?" Mark asked, his whispery voice resounded in the quiet room, as his eyes bored into Jinyoung's. 

    "At first I wanted to, because I was angry at you. I was selfish... I wanted you to miss me when I'm gone... But then, when I was waiting for a train I realized that it wouldn't be good for any of us, I wouldn't be happy in Busan if you weren't with me there, I wouldn't be able to protect you... So I was sitting there, waiting for you and watching as my train leaves the station..."

    "I wouldn't be happy if you weren't with me either, I shouldn't even let you go in the first place..." Mark sighed, _the pressure in his chest gave an impact of the mistake which he could've made if he hadn't stopped him._ He inched closer to Jinyoung, as he wrapped his hands around his waist under the covers, pulling him closer into his embrace, nuzzling his nose against his warm and slightly flushed cheek.

    "That's the past now. Our relationship got stronger because of this, isn't it?" Jinyoung reassured, taking advantage of the situation and snuggling into Mark's body. The elder smiled, before Jinyoung spoke again. "So... My mother's birthday is in two weeks, she wants us to come. How does that sound?" Jinyoung's voice was hopeful, and Mark felt how his body tensed while he waited for his answer. 

    It was something new to Mark, and as much as he would like to meet Jinyoung's parents, he felt his guts tighten at the thought of being under their scrutinized gaze and the hailstorm of questions just like his parents's interrogated Jinyoung when they meet him for the first time. H _e felt a great responsibility lying on his shoulders,_ he didn't want to embarrass himself and Jinyoung in any way in front of them, but at the same time the warmth spread in his chest knowing that Jinyoung thinks about their relationship seriously, wanting to acquaint him with his parents. Mark seemed to think about the question too much, when Jinyoung pulled his face away from him slightly, looking at him with the uneasy facial expression and Mark couldn't help, but smile.

    "What should I get her for her birthday?" He asked and Jinyoung sighed with relief, before he beamed, cupping his cheeks, squeezing them together playfully.

    "We'll think of it later." He chuckled, before leaning in and pecking his plump lips.

 

 

 

End.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling writing this chapter so much! I had a busy week and it was bugging me to finish this story for some time already (it wasn't supposed to be that long! it's almost 100k of words!! How it happened?!), and I'm satisfied how it turned out in the end. I hope you like it, though I decided that I won't write smut ever again, lmao (sorry for this ;;) 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed my story! Tell me what you think!  
> I'm really thankful to you all, for reading and commenting and for being with me on this journey (it's been almost 5 months, oh my god ;;) and I hope you'll look forward to my stories in the future :)


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